acacia-shade

[acacia-shade]

Been away from home and off tumblr for a while and honestly getting away from system social media stuff has been kinda nice. I’ve seen some stuff that I’m a little sad I missed but there’s other stuff, not all of it even bad, that puts me in a weirder brain space than I realised. Idk.

[acacia-shade]

Anglocentrism in alterhuman communities: ramblings of a Spanish-speaking dragon and a cat

[original in spanish here, though i have no doubt that this version will be disseminated more widely] • [original en español aquí, aunque tengo la certeza de que esta versión se difundirá más ampliamente]

this post was originally written as part of The Sol System's Alterhuman Writing Challenge. written by @talon-dragonbeast, with the help of my sibling @watcherwingedcat. we hope you like it!

word count: 2422

This writing, which is more of a rant with myself than a proper essay, is one I've been meaning to write for a long time; ever since I first joined an online community, to be more precise. Anglocentrism, according to Wikipedia (and yes, the irony of the article not being available in Spanish is not lost to me), is "the practice of viewing the world primarily through the lens of English or Anglo-American culture, language, and values, often marginalizing or disparaging non-English-speaking or non-Anglo perspectives."

If you are monolingual and your native language is English, chances are you have never stopped to think about the advantage this gives you over those of us who are not so fortunate as to be born with the lingua franca on our lips. Yes, you may have had to study some Spanish in school, but let's be honest, very few people remember what they learn in elementary school. As an English speaker, the whole world is built for you, and it's the rest of us who have to fit your mold. Culture, scientific articles, movies, books, video games, the internet, online communities, technical language, educational videos: even in the most international spaces, everything revolves around English. Which brings me to the subject of this writing: The Alterhuman community.

My name (as I am known on the internet, at least) is Talon. I've been a member of the alterhuman community, and more specifically, the otherkin community, for a little over a year now. Otherkin (a word that comes from other, in Spanish otros; and kin, shortened form of kind, in Spanish tipo) are people who identify as nonhuman in some way. For example, I identify as a dragon (among other things), and that's what I am, even if I look human on the outside and am perceived as such. There are many reasons why someone might believe they are not human, but I'm not here to discuss that, so let's get back to the topic at hand.

Since I've been in this community, I haven't written a single post in Spanish. And not for lack of desire, nor because I am intimidated to share something as personal as my mother tongue. No, the reason is simple: The community does not exist in any language other than English. By this I don't mean that there are no non-humans outside of England or the United States, because of course there are (even if they are on other platforms like TikTok or Instagram), and I'll talk about those later. But simply put, the reason you don't see many alterhuman communities in other languages is because all the resources, the introductions, the chronologies of the (English) alterhuman community, the definitions of the terms, the terms themselves, everything is in English.

I have always been bilingual. Well, trilingual actually, although my third language is not too relevant in my day to day life and I only use it in classes or when someone starts a conversation in the language. It's hard to explain how your brain works when you speak multiple languages fluently, but basically it's like running two parallel systems at the same time, but with thoughts. I don't usually think with words, but when I do it usually happens that some of my thoughts are in Spanish, and others in English, roughly in a 50/50 ratio. Or it can also happen that I start the thought in one language, but finish it in another. Or I may try to use a specific word in English that does not have an exact translation into Spanish, so that when translated literally the sentence does not make sense. Basically, everything I write or say out loud I have to run it through several filters first, one to remove the words from the other language, one to find the words to replace them with, and one to make the sentence make sense. Sounds exhausting, doesn't it? It is. Now imagine if in order to express yourself as you really are, in order to participate in a community with beings who understand and accept you like no other, you had to basically suppress half of who you are, all the time.

The problem is not only not being able to use my native language to express myself. As I have demonstrated in the last year and a half that I have been in this community, I am fluent enough in English not only to be understood when I speak, but also to express such complicated concepts as the self, human nature, the psychology of being, and all that comes with existing as nonhuman. The real problem comes when I try to express relatively common alterhuman concepts in my native language. I'm not just talking about labels like otherkin or therianthrope, which can be adapted to Spanish with relative ease. It's the little things, the simplest things.

For example, the term shift. The word itself is already difficult to translate; during my searches, I found a glossary of terms on the Otherkin Hispano website in which they call them "desplazamientos", which... is an accurate translation, I guess, but impossible to use comfortably in everyday life. There are also terms whose definitions use expressions that simply cannot be translated into other languages. For example, otherkin and otherhearted. In English, the difference between these two terms is that otherkin means "[to] identify as" while otherhearted is "[to] identify with". But this is a purely English expression. In other languages, the distinction does not exist, or it makes no sense to use it; therefore, these terms are totally inaccessible to any international user. Or compound words like "catkin", which are difficult to express in other languages. According to Otherkin Hispano, in Spanish it would be said as is without translation, Soy catkin. But that... is not grammatically correct, since it would be mixing two languages in the same sentence. The most appropriate would be to say Soy gatokin, which sounds wrong and doesn't make sense anyway, because kin is still an English word. Or "hearttype", which in Spanish could be roughly translated as "tipo del corazón" (kind of [the] heart). When saying that you have a specific hearttype, for example "corvidhearted", one way of expressing it could be a simple Soy corvidhearted, which carries the same problems as catkin. Or you could, as Wikipedia advises, say Soy corazón de córvido ("I am heart of corvid"). I don't dislike it, to be honest, but some might find it too metaphorical or poetic.

Finally, and before reaching the conclusion, I want to dedicate a few paragraphs to talk about the alterhuman community that exists in other languages. I mentioned before these communities; that although they do exist, they are very scattered through platforms such as TikTok or Instagram, with which I am not so familiar. But since I can't talk about Anglocentrism without at least talking about the Spanish-speaking alterhuman community, I asked my sibling Watcher @watcherwingedcat what it thought about the topic. This is what they wrote:

Hi guys, I'm Watcher, and I'm here to talk a bit about the Spanish-speaking therian community, which I think is the pristine example of the hate we receive both from people outside the community and from those inside, both Spanish and South American. While this post focused more on the language barriers, I want to focus on the real consequences of this barrier, how it divides us in the way we interact with each other: The social part of this whole thing (as I already said some other time or another and some of my followers know, I am studying Social Education, so from my point of view the social part is very relevant for everything we do). As my sister already said (hi Talon!), the English community is the majority in alterhuman spaces, but, what is the Spanish-speaking community really like?

Not very large, is the answer. The term itself is not very widespread, and the community is quite small. However, after a while of searching, I found it in a little corner of the internet. When I found a community in my own language, I was excited, but my curiosity and joy were soon extinguished... When I saw the reactions to their videos and posts on tiktok mainly. They were packed with hate messages. Packed. If you think hate in the English community is bad, you are not prepared for the hate received in other communities, especially the Spanish one. This is more a matter of culture, a little bit also due to the closed mindedness in countries like Spain, Argentina, or Colombia.

In general, the non-humans of the Spanish-speaking community mostly post about quadrobics and masks. At least, I haven't seen much beyond that, and the community is mostly in tiktok. And the reception of their expression of way of being? Disgusting. To give an example of how bad the hate is, in one of the videos I found (I think it was a therian making a mask or something), humans and non-humans were insulting the therian posting the video, discussions about how we are crazy and sick in the head and should be in mental institutions... It was horrible. The worst were the death threats, even, wishing the therian to die, or hang themselves, or worse (I've even seen rape threats). Comments that said things like, "If my sister told me she was a dog I would take her clothes off and force her to sleep outside and eat animal food, if she wants to be a dog I will treat her like one." Threats of abuse, both physical and sexual... Absolutely disgusting. And the worst thing is that the tiktok platform did not remove these hate accounts, the copy and paste messages of insults, the threats....

I am proud of the Hispanic community for being so open about their identity, don't get me wrong, but there are times when it is safer to just not share that part of who we are with others, especially if you are a minor and vulnerable. That's another issue that concerns me, as I've seen people coming out to parents, siblings, friends, and them just belittling them. That, coupled with misinformation, is a recipe for disaster.

I couldn't help but notice the deep root of misinformation in the non-human community itself. They confuse definitions, the different terms, which leads them to spread even more misinformation. This I don't think is entirely their fault, or that they are so young for the most part, as I have not seen Hispanic therians over the age of 18. I think this is largely due (as Talon already mentioned) to the language difference, and the lack of translation of certain terms. In general, when talking to friends with whom I am open about my non-humanity, I use English terms. It is a little weird to use those words in English while speaking in Spanish, but I am bilingual and for now there is no solution to that. I think the Spanish community would benefit from spreading correct information, and having a platform to express themselves with their own, like tumblr is for the English community. Something my sister expands on in dreir post. As for me here I finish my little comment, I'll leave you with Talon now. Watcher out.

As a conclusion, I would like to talk about the consequences that Anglocentrism might have on non-English speaking alterhumans, and then propose some ideas on how we might begin to address (or at least mitigate) it as a community.

First of all it is the obvious; the vast majority of non-English speaking alterhumans simply never realize that they are alterhumans in the first place, on account of the language barrier. All of the resources for beings who are questioning their humanity or lack thereof are in English, so they are not accessible to people who don't understand the language; therefore, a non-English speaker would have a much harder time accessing them. Another consequence is not being able to express your alterhumanity fully, both internally and externally. Remember when I mentioned that my thoughts are evenly distributed between English and Spanish, always keeping a 50/50 ratio? Well, recently, I have noticed that when reflecting on my identity as a dragon, all my thoughts are automatically generated in English. I find this deeply shocking, as I feel that a fundamental part of my identity is being eroded. It is devastating to feel that you can only express half of who you are, suppressing what could otherwise be a complex and multifaceted identity. Not being able to express myself in my other language limits my ability to explore that part of myself.

Anglocentrism is a cycle that never ends; since all the resources are in English, no members in other languages can join, and since there are no members in other languages, all the resources that are created are in English. And while I wish I could say that I have a solution to end this Anglocentrism once and for all, unfortunately, I do not. I am only one person (dragon), and this is a problem that I alone cannot solve. True, there have been some commendable attempts by the international community (translations of writings, alterhuman blogs in languages other than English, the Eurokin server on Discord are some examples); however, these initiatives often don't often get very far because of the very nature of the community. As I have already said, most of the alterhumans are North American or English, therefore any attempt to globalize the community would be restricted by the fact that there are not many members who would be interested in this in the first place. So what can we do to change this? The answer lies in you, reader. If you have a second language, encourage yourself to create writings in it from time to time. If you come from a culture other than the mainstream, talk about how that affects your identity. If you have traditions specific to your country that you believe are alterhuman in nature, share them. And if you are part of the English-speaking majority, I invite you to contribute in a positive way through simple actions, such as listening to us when we express ourselves in other languages, recognizing that we do not all share the same culture, and keeping an open mind when discussing topics that may be unfamiliar to you. Our strength as a community lies in the diversity of our members; let's embrace it.

[acacia-shade]

Hello! I just read your reblog about your new headmate and we got kind of curious! So, we have a few questions, if you feel okay answering! In general, what differences in functioning have you observed between your endogenic headmate and traumagenic headmates that you used to be before fusion?

Do you think that these two experiences are in any way, shape or form comparable to each other? Or do you think they are fundamentally different and function on different bases?

What kind of things surprised you with your new headmate? You also mentioned looking into different plural subcommunities - what surprised you about them? Also, just wanted to say hi, Fennel :D Hope you're both doing swell!

(It's okay! No worries!)

Thank you for the ask! I'm very open to questions!

In general, what differences in functioning have you observed between your endogenic headmate and traumagenic headmates that you used to be prior to fusion?

I think the big ones are memory, communication, and switching. I noticed pretty early on that Fennel had access to all of my memories by default, and that really caught me off guard - with my DID system, none of my parts had memory access like that, especially not right away. Shared memory was something we had to actively work towards, so it was a surprise to me that Fennel didn't have this issue. Which, sure, from the start one of my goals was "no dissociative barriers" with creating her, but in practice seeing how easy things came to her was still something I've had to get used to.

That being said, it's really cool watching Fennel make use of whatever tools my brain has to offer to her. She's quickly taken to various methods of communicating with me internally, including through images, half-formed thoughts, words, emotions, wants, even physical sensations. With my DID parts, we had to communicate very purposefully and very directly, and even as fully fused I still need to make sure to check in with myself to make sure I'm listening to what every part of me is feeling. With Fennel, I still need to check in with her, but her communication style is very spontaneous and loose in comparison. She's always "present" in a way that my DID parts weren't. My DID parts were always off doing whatever they were up to in the innerworld, Fennel does not do this and in a way is always co-fronting.

With switching, it physically feels different from my DID switches in a way that's a bit difficult to describe. With DID, I felt very disoriented and a little like I got hit in the head when I switched. Often there would be a "waking up" sensation that I would get (even though I was awake the entire time). With Fennel, it feels more like a wave that comes over my body. It's not slower, but it's more gentle than what I've experienced with my DID - and I am aware of the switch the entire time. When Fennel switches, there is no sense of lost time or confusion, and both of us are still present.

Do you think that these two experiences are in any way, shape or form comparable to each other? Or do you think they are fundamentally different and function on different bases?

I think for others they might be comparable, and in some ways I can acknowledge there are similarities even in my own experiences. For me, in my system, they do come from different places and will naturally be different because of that, and that variance is completely expected and alright. A traumagenic system won't necessarily function the same way as an endogenic system; A mixed origin system won't necessarily function the same way as a non-mixed origin system; so on and so on.

In my specific case, as well, not many folks go down the "fully fused DID to endogenic plural" route (I don't think I even know of any), so I'm kind of figuring it out on my own here. I have no idea what to expect.

So far, even with some similarities, overall my experiences with traumagenic systemhood and endogenic systemhood have been pretty different from each other and I believe that for me they do function on different bases. (It might be different for others, this is just my own experience - I have heard from traumagenic friends that their created members often still function at least in part as traumagenic, for example)

That being said, there definitely is overlap between the experiences and I think it'd be a disservice to ignore that as well. It's also rather difficult for me to say where the difference lies between origins and DID - I wouldn't be able to say whether the differences I've experienced are mostly a "traumagenic vs. endogenic thing" or a "DID vs. DID resolution thing", because I can't really separate my original origins from my DID in that way. All I can really say is that there is some kind of difference and some kind of similarity.

What kind of things surprised you with your new headmate?

I had a moment a few weeks into creating her where I realized she was actually, genuinely sentient - sentience is one of those things where everyone says to believe in it from the very start of creating a headmate, and I did, but it's a different feeling seeing it actually become reality. All of a sudden everything with Fennel became much more vivid, she was aware of her surroundings and that she existed, she realized I was talking to her rather than simply talking at her. I'd never really had an experience like that until then. I was completely amazed by it.

Another thing that surprised me is how quickly her development has been going - As mentioned in my previous post, it's been a little over a month since I decided to create her and start working on developing her, and Fennel is already beginning to talk (I decided not to do parroting, for my own anxiety). She learns very quickly, and I have to remind myself that she learns from everything she sees, hears, etc. as well as everything I do and say. The first few weeks went by very quickly, then she seemed to take a rest for a little bit, now she's developing a little more gradually (though it still feels fast, to be honest).

You also mentioned looking into different plural subcommunities - What surprised you about them?

What comes to mind is mostly the amount of very old resources and guides that have survived after more than a decade and are still getting passed around in parogenic/Tulpa spaces - It's really cool that such old documents and posts are still so relevant in these communities today and still finding ways to help folks. It does mean the language and approach in these resources is often pretty outdated, but a lot of them still hold up well enough to be useful. I already knew resources and guides were a major thing in this community, and even knew a lot of them were older resources, but the amount of people I've come across who just so happen to have a very very old link or three on hand to casually throw out there surprised me.

I think that's it. I hope this answered your questions!

Also...

Fennel says hi back!

[acacia-shade]

Reblog if you wouldn't mind some curious anons

[acacia-shade]

Great thing about having plural followers is you never actually know how many folks follow you. you never know, this may be an insanely popular blog with hundreds if not thousands of followers, or maybe I’m followed by like,, three and a half guys. lol idk, it’s fun.

[acacia-shade]

i was really just ok with being an introvert and an extrovert, allo and ace, exclusively gay and exclusively straight, an adult and a child, i just kept paradoxes in my head 24/7

[acacia-shade]

always feel like I'm hiding something about myself. even here. obviously we don't talk that much here but idk. we can talk about all manner of things here, our plurality, the fact that we're queer, how those things intersect, who *we* are - each of us, our nonhumanity, other stuff, idk. maybe we should post more.

[acacia-shade]

the relationship you have with yourself deserves to be prioritized

[acacia-shade]

hello, system community!

i’m trying to find information/hear personal experiences of systemhood from others, if any of you would be so kind as to help me!

particularly, i would like to hear from those who identify as endogenic or otherwise non-trauma formed systems. of course, i would love to hear from trauma-formed systems as well! it’s just that i am one, and so that’s the community i have been most involved with & heard from already.

feel free to DM me anonymously if you don’t want to share publicly. i won’t post anything. my aim is to hear from others so that i can form my own opinions, figure out the right direction to go for independent research, and to simply understand others more.

thank you very much in advance, and i hope you all are having a wonderful day 💙

(please be mindful & respectful with what is said if you reply publicly. i am looking for open discussion, not arguments or hate.)

[acacia-shade]

I don't know that anyone will see this but I actually have a few recommendations here, not as many as I'd like, but there are definitely some endo-friendly (and non CDD-focused) spots I've found on youtube. Here's a bit of a list:

(Disclaimer that I don't necessarily agree with all the views expressed by these folks etc etc) https://www.youtube.com/@bodyetal

Channel run by two side systems, pretty focussed on plural topics but they also talk about other topics like disability and autism.

https://www.youtube.com/@StormyTalks

Channel that mostly talks about gender related stuff but if you scroll back a while (or search) ey have made some videos about plurality with reference to both personal experiences and general information.

https://www.youtube.com/@TheCrisses

I'd actually been unaware of this channel but in trying to hunt down all the relevant creators we knew of we found them and they seem cool from our brief glance through their stuff. Mostly content about plurality (that sometimes but does not always focus on trauma-related subtopics).

https://www.youtube.com/@pluralevents

This is a pretty cool channel that contains a whole bunch of videos on topics surrounding plurality, not all of which are in english. The most common languages are english and french but there are also couple videos in german and one in spanish.

https://www.youtube.com/@otherkon

This channel isn't focused on plurality but the topic certainly comes up pretty often, and it's absolutely a plural friendly space. (The videos mostly centre on alterhumanity and nonhumanity.)

https://www.youtube.com/@GenderMeowster

This is the final notable mention to be added to our list. The videos on this channel are archives of various (typically gender-related) interviews between the person who runs the channel and a bunch of other people. There have been numerous non-traumagenic and traumagenic systems interviewed and we find if pretty cool.

If anyone has any other recommendations (or your own channels!), please do share.

endogenic plural culture is wanting to watch system vids on youtube but they're either anti endo or traumagenic related

.

[acacia-shade]

[acacia-shade]

So often when we think we've got something worked out or decided about our system it just makes us feel bad for a while, and then falls through. I think it happens because one or two parts feel like they've worked out or decided that thing, but it's just them who think that or like it, then we switch and now the fronter just knows about this discovery or decision but doesn't really understand it. They know that we were thinking this thing but don't really understand or agree with how we came to that idea. But maybe they don't realise that that's what is bothering them, or they don't want to upset the part that decided that thing so they just sit with it and feel bad for far too long.

idk, it's kind of defeating sometimes. feels like every time we feel like we know something, it just falls apart so quickly. we do make progress, i know, but it's hard to see sometimes.

[acacia-shade]

To the fear of "am I making my headmates up":

Well, you can't be. Why does that alter over there love sunflowers when you don't really care about them? She even has a dress with sunflowers and daisies on it.

Why and how do you know that, hmm?

[acacia-shade]

idea, a median system god is the god of something but each member of the system represents a certain aspect of that something.

Submitted Prompt #168

[acacia-shade]

people dont talk about how liberating syscovery can be. we didnt see ourselves as a person, we were a loose conglomerate of traits shifting and changing like the tectonic plates. no sexuality because it would change too often, my gender could only be described as vaguely male because it would change too often, couldnt have a music taste either which led us to stick to the same 2 or 3 artists since, even if we didnt like them, we knew them. and because it would change too often. my friends would tell me that i need to get a style and an aesthetic and a way to dress but i couldnt because my clothing preferences would change so often. i would think i had it all figured out one week and then hate it the next. eventually i stopped trying.

its been nice to get to know myself. who i am now even if that might be a different person tomorrow. i like old music from the 60s and 70s. i like dark clothes and long sleeves. im bisexual! i like minecraft. i feel so real. i feel so much better. my friends still all think im weird and inconsistent. but at least now im weird and inconsistent with a purpose.

[acacia-shade]

It’s okay if you don’t know who you are. It’s okay if you don’t have clear profiles on every system member. It’s okay if you struggle to make sense of yourself and your alters.

You can take as much time as you need to figure it out, but it’s also okay if you never figure it out.

You are allowed to simply exist as you are. Even if you don’t know who that is. Even if it changes by the hour.