abipolarlove - Tumblr blog

[abipolarlove]

92024

We go on a drive somewhere with the kids. You and the boy are joking and then you decide he has gone to far and yell at him and blame me. Then we run into someone I know. I look all over to introduce him. He is mad that I excluded him and mad that men talk to me...for the record the people I knew were a married couple...you sulk and are pissed off the rest of the time. After we get home I ask if you are feeling better and you tell me you were never feeling bad. Then you lose it because the neighbor came over to play with the girl and you wanted to go on a hike with her instead. The amount of anxiety that you caused is ridiculous.

[abipolarlove]

You listen as I talk about work. I mention a trip and you get upset. I assure you I'm not going. Later you over hear me talking about something that went wrong on a work call. You are only concerned that this doesn't mean I have to travel. Forget that it would be good for my career. Or that maybe I wanted to go.

[abipolarlove]

091424 afternoon

You are mad because I mention doing something with the kids. You want to take a walk with our daughter. You bully her into going and I am left feeling like a horrible mother for not protecting her. You use your hypomania as an excuse to be an asshole

[abipolarlove]

091324 evening

You don't want to come apple picking because my mother might be there. So you don't come. The kids say, don't worry mom, we will have a nice time without him. We did. We get home and your truck is gone and for a moment I think you have left for good and I feel so relieved. It's an thr answer to a riddle you have always known coming to the tip if your tongue.

[abipolarlove]

090324 night

You get mad at me because I don't want to be intimate. Anytime I am not just happy with you is a crisis. I leave to go to a planned event and when I get home you are angry that I am late angry that kids are awake and you yell at me and stomp around the house and I go to sleep with a lump in my chest not knowing what tomorrow will hold. It's just about logistics now.

[abipolarlove]

082524 evening

You are trying. I know. I am not. That's on me. But tonight when you throw a fit because I was talking about a family we all know and mention the husband's name and refuse to come to the dinner table and the kids are like what the f#%k. Then I ask the girl if she wants to try out for something and you get mad because you wanted to maybe do something with her and she feels terrible and it's like.. if we are all having to try this hard maybe it's not worth it. Like what's the point when we are all walking on eggshells like minute to minute. One minute you are a happy and supportive dad and husband and thr next you are taking off in your truck to do God knows what.

[abipolarlove]

081224 evening

We are in the car and you are furious at me over a simple thing. A stupid thing. A thing that someone normal...someone not mentally ill would not get mad about. You do it in front of thr kids. You rage and then expect all of us to just be better when you are. I think that I should no longer be angry at you. I think its time I started being angry at myself. For staying for so long. It's on me now.

[abipolarlove]

08042024 evening

You say you feel better and ask to have set. Two things wrong with this...1. You have been horrible to me and 2. The kids are home and awake and one has a friend over. You have no judgement and think only of yourself. You get mad at me when I say no and tell me I need to think about if I want this marriage to continue.

[abipolarlove]

080323

We are on vacation and you are out of control threatening to divorce me. Mad at me. Mad at everyone. So angry. I make you promise to call your doctor. Also. I hate you.

[abipolarlove]

07172024

Drinking up late, up early. You get annoyed when I ask why. Tell me you are toying when you take your meds bc you are tired of falling asleep early. I tell you that this happens 3-4 times a year. And you get annoyed. I wish I could record you. I wish you could remember. I wish that things were different. I wish that they had been different for a long time.

[abipolarlove]

050624 morning

You act like nothing happened. Like while I was gone everything was normal. Bc normal is getting home at 730pm and the house is cold and dark and you are asleep and one kid us locked in their room and no one knows where the other one is.no one has fed them. The dogs crate is full of shit. No one has changed the litter box or fed the cats. Or emptied the dishwasher or even picked up the empty take out containers.

[abipolarlove]

050524

Early

I had to go away for one night for work. I text you at 9pm to let you know I am still at dinner and you never respond. I assume you are asleep. I go to bed and am woken by you calling over and over. You have been up since midnight and my failure to respond to you means you have been up all night. You yell st mexand shame me for not doing what you need. You have no consideration of how your actions are impacting me. What they do to my day. You yell at me for 20 minutes. Because you assumed that bc I did not text you again I was out sleeping with another man. I promise you, if that was the case, I would have sent you another text to cover my ass.

[abipolarlove]

33024 night

I was away all day with the kids. I came home and asked a question and you got mad. It's been like this for weeks. Me on eggshells. Tomorrow we are suppose to see my family for lunch and I know you will find a reason not to go and I will have to make up an excuse again. I want so much to want to make this work. But I am so tired.

[abipolarlove]

011124 morning

I should have known. I had to be away in the evenings last week. The kids with me. You made yourself sick on Friday night and spent Saturday committing. You were miraculously cured Sunday when the weather forced the kids and I to stay home. Walking about like some Victor home from war. And now your mad. Mad the kids don't go to a certain school. Mad at me. You announce your taking a half day today because your head isn't right. I don't care that you are taking time off but if you would just work a job that paid anything close to what someone with your education and background shoukd make we would have no financial worries. Instead you want to save on the kids school but moving them. When I suggest you stop smoking weed you get mad. I am so tired and I don't know how to leave.

[abipolarlove]

12/4 am

Since you came up to yell at me about the imagined affair I'm having with my boss I have been locking my bedroom door. Sure enough this morning at 515 I am awoken to you trying to open it. You are screaming about how it snowed and no one stacked the wood. You have not stacked the wood. But you are mad that I am not helping. You don't want to do it and now you are mad yelling stomping. No one helps you. I should run off and tell my friends how much you suck. What friends? I don't have friends. Bc I can't leave you alone with the kids so when would I have time to have friends? I tell you to leave me alone and you follow me around pissed off until ui put in headphones. I can't do this.

[abipolarlove]

113023

You wake up and are agitated. Are mad that we went to my parents for Thanksgiving a week ago. Mad that I'm not wearing my wedding ring. You call in sick. I take thr kids to school. Come home. You are stomping around useless. You go to bed at 10am and sleep.until 530. I work a full day, get the kids which you were suppose to do and make dinner. You eat dinner and stomp around what a horrible day you say over snd over. You are back in bed at 630pm. Who knows if you will.be able to go to work tomorrow. I know I should be more empathetic but I don't have the energy.

[abipolarlove]

112123

You woke me up this morning to tell me you sent me a text at 2am snd you couldn't go to work until we talked about. You won't tell me what's wrong. Make me get up and come down stairs. You are obsessed that I am cheating on you. This time with my boss. You finally leave snd I read the text. It is abusive and manipulating and exhausting