a-boiling-cup-of-tofu

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

"You're not exactly inventing something new because you're actually inventing something really, really old. You found your way to an open secret that you couldn't explain to anyone else if you tried, because you're speaking in cliche now. If you did it, they'd just hear noise. Romantic cryptography."

-Rayne Fisher-Quann, Speaking in Cliche.

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

rumination + perseveration

last night i thought i was going to start going blind. you asked me what was wrong and when i told you between shaking breaths, through the lump in my throat, you said, "that sounds a little ridiculous. if i were you, i'd be more concerned about brain-eating amoebas."

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

come here when i say go

i'm still trying to get you to understand this.

i can't guide you

all the way. then it's not real,

it doesn't count.

i can only try and help.

i want your words and your actions and your desire.

all of it.

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

and that's why i'm the woods-

because you are probably the sun

you love the birds in my room at home

i'm the woods

please call me back soon

i have a question for the sun

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

"At times I thought this was the worst misery I had experienced in my life, but it was also a very shallow misery, which at any time could have been relieved completely by a word from him and transformed into idiotic happiness." -Sally Rooney, Conversations with Friends

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

7.31.2023

the value in a relationship, what makes it special, is that you are choosing this person in their entirety, giving them the power to hurt you (and knowing you will both inevitably end up hurting each other) and accepting all the unknowns, but taking the responsibility to fix it. you never apologized on your own, no matter how badly you fucked up.

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

without a counterpart

more time with friends,

more time for school,

more time for writing,

fewer cries,

less confusion,

better self-esteem,

more certainty.

flirting with anyone,

more time to make art if i so choose,

more time by myself when i want it,

more variation in my thoughts,

more room in my brain,

less arguing,

less upset,

the feeling of having gotten through one phase and begun another.

music will sound different and the world will look different, for better or for worse.

much better sleep.

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

just a hypothetical.

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

november 2022

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

GET WELL SOON

i think passion takes different forms. i put a 

flower in your hair

but you are busy looking for the right violin 

sonata on Spotify. maybe

my passions are just fleeting

and that’s why i’m always crying and

never knowing why.

you can hold yours in place, 

name them

learn them

i’ve learned from you 

i guess i assumed

you learned something too.

[a-boiling-cup-of-tofu]

“Love, I think to myself, like the warmth in the cowshed of all those breathing cattle with a common goal — survival. A warm flank to rest my head against, like during the milking. All the love they can give consists of poking out their tongues now and again when you offer them a chunk of mangel.” -Marieke Lucas Rijneveld, The Discomfort of Evening