90sbutterfly3

[90sbutterfly3]

[90sbutterfly3]

No Contact

In November 2020, I chose to have no contact with my family (mom, sibling, etc.). My dad died in 2016 from cancer.

The reason behind this is a bunch of things, from the way they talk to me and treat me to even feeling like an only child.

Now, there have been a few times since then that my sister reached out and tried, but once my nephew, who is her son, passed away, I never really spoke to her again.

I tried relating to her since I lost a son, too, when she called with the news, but I should have kept quiet. She said that I didn't need to go through the trouble to go since I had my 2 kids and lived in another state. I felt it was in a tone I wasn't welcome, and with only one car that my husband needed for work he couldn't get out of, and no one offering help and me not comfortable asking, I didn't go. Perhaps I should have tried hard to get there. we shall never know.

I haven't talked to my two brothers since November 2020, after two different hurricanes around that time.

I was the youngest of 4, with my brother before me, 9 years older than me.

The following is the last I spoke with my mom through email after simply sharing pictures of my kids through Messenger and then being questioned why on Messenger.

(Reasons why. Wed, May 8 2024, 5:30 AM)

Reasons why.

You asked why.

Where should I start?

Honestly I feel like I shouldn’t need to explain myself but here we are.

Most of my life I was told sorry didn’t want to bother you since you have kids or sorry thought your sister called you whom also forgot about me.

Did you know throughout my life I have been jealous of Denise because she had a mom that checked on her every day and if she didn’t call mom, mom actually worried about her?

Oh sorry I had Adam so I was left alone.

I mean like what logic is that? Denise had kids along with pets,Tony had Jacob and Joe had his pets. Why am I different?

November 2020 is where I will start I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, career stressing me out had babysitting issues every time I turned around and an extended family that didn’t understand what I was going through.

We were homeless with two kids living on my brother n laws living room for the kids. Couldn’t go back to were we were living do to mold.

So yes I walked away from all of it with my kids. Adam got an job opportunity in Galveston with his company and we decided to take it.

From there we lived in a hotel then moved from there 3 times now settling here.

From gillis to ragely to lake Charles to Texas we have moved 5 times.

My extended not ever helping.

It was just the four of us most of the time. The two kids, Adam and I.

My extended?

Judging me that I didn’t help mom I am sure.

Joe calling me at one point fussing about mom and the kids when mom should have called me directly. I haven’t talked to Joe since because he is not my dad and I am not a kid.

Sorry my priority is my kids over mom.

Tony. He isn’t the brother I grew up with. Tony told me once after I graduated high school to not cause trouble with mom and dad they are to old. What a hypocrite. Most fights that I listened to growing up were from him starting it. I don’t feel safe around him and didn’t when I last saw him unwillingly and mom left me with him and my two kids. Yes I am sour about that.

I am a very logical and simple person that as a.d.d. and anxiety. I don’t play games with people.

I am not going to pretend that we are a happy normal family. 

Denise once told me that she no longer as a older brother then the next week it was expected to act like it never happened. I was always confused by this.

I don’t say one thing and do another.

I don’t know how mom found out I have been back on many occasions to lake Charles. Perhaps it was common sense. 

OR

You or my siblings seen me and couldn’t be bothered to come to me seeing I didn’t see you. Most hurtful I must say.

Someone reported back to you of such information.

Either way no matter the answer before yesterday and since Denise communicated with me before Michael Scott died anyone could have called me. My phone was open. No one did though.

I don’t respond well to random questions on messenger I would rather you call me. Talk to me but none of you have ever done that.

It’s a two way street and I gave up some years ago with me being the only one trying to communicate.

Last time I talked to Denise she told me to not go through any trouble going to Michael’s funeral. She told me this several times in a tone that I took as I wasn’t really welcome. At the time we had one car and Adam worked 7 days a week most of the time still does. No one called me offering a ride or called me asking why I wasn’t there. I haven’t ever talked to Denise since. 

I haven’t talked to my brothers since November 2020. 

I was mostly raised as a only child with siblings in and out only ever causing trouble and a dad that was gone two weeks.

I refuse to talk about dad I have made my peace with him years ago.

I will say this:

Did you know I asked dad once before he sick why won’t either of you call me why do I always have to call. He told me that mom is the way she is, in the tone of it’s just the way it is.

When it comes to Adam I find it insulting that he is judged upon his family and I am given the tone none of yall like him. Adam is not his family. No I don’t communicate with them they are his family and his problem not mine.

Reasons why. Why?

Perhaps it’s because I don’t want to bother. I don’t want to deal with the questions, fussing and undertone of y’all being mad. Which is why I stopped asking for help when yall couldn’t ever help. 

Before any of you try to say well you could have gone to Denise’s. Splitting my little family up wasn’t an option for me. 

Why after all these years do you want to bother now? Why do you now care? 

I think logically. And answering you in messenger would have been to much.

I will say this once. Yes I am bisexual. No I didn’t ever act on it and won’t ever. No reason to thus no point in explaining this or “coming out”. No good would come of it. Yes Adam knows.

I have tried to move on, put it in my past for the kids and keep the communication open for the kids. So any of you can still see them grow up. I tried talking to mom in video calls and it was like pulling out teeth. Why bother?

I have long ago accepted that I am the black sheep of the family.

After this I am done. Don’t bother calling I blocked everyone yesterday.

I have nothing more to say.

(her response May 8, 2024, 7:22 AM)

I am sorry you still have all this  angry in you for me and your sister and brothers. You need to get help. Don’t you realize we reacted to you because of your attitude towards us. 

 As for not helping you, you didn’t ask. I was going through a lot getting over losing Don. I still struggle some days. And now Michael is gone. He finally got himself clean when the accident happened. .

  Hurricane Laura did a lot of damage to the house. I stayed 6 months at Dee’s. But I am home. The house is so much better but I still struggle. I have had knee surgery twice. But get along on my own fine. 

  Please get over your problems Anne, life is too short. Please believe me, I love you and the kids so much. I miss you. Thanks for the pictures, they look happy and well. When you come into Lake Charles, please call. That’s all I ask. 

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Since then, I haven't spoken to any of them because I finally gave up. I haven't gotten any messages, emails, texts, or calls, although, for a while, they were blocked; I am positive I could have found a way around it.

Now, though no one is blocked, I don't care anymore. I just want peace and to move on. I wish I could call them and talk about my kids, but I know I can't without being questioned and talked to like I was a teenager.

Most of the time, it plagues my mind if no contact was the right decision. If everything is my fault and it is all in my head.

I would like to think it was what I thought was best for my kids and to live happily with my husband.

It feels good to journal this here. I stay to myself and help take care of my family besides writing, FNaF graphic novels and diamond painting now.

Thank you,

Until next time, Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

[90sbutterfly3]

Fan Fiction

Dissolution Detachment Chapter 16 ~ Illusory posted on Wattpad and A03

[90sbutterfly3]

Please click thank you

[90sbutterfly3]

Today I have decided to become a full Stay for stray kids.

I love stray kids and my kids do too.

I still listen to others from time to time but nothing like stray kids.

I also write fan fiction for stray kids too. I tried writing fan fiction for bts and do have a few old novels but I always had to end it early because I lost interest.

It’s different with stray kids.

I also love their new song “Giant”.

Until next time Later Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

Deleted Game

No fault to anyone but myself. I have deleted WOS from my phone. I have gotten back into working out and church, and I also need to focus on writing.

It's just too much of a distraction from those three things, then keeping up with kids, a husband, and a house.

I am a stay-at-home mom who is trying to be more active for my kids. I am trying to do better, and I am not in a lazy place or mind frame anymore to play.

This will now turn in my thoughts like a journal.

[90sbutterfly3]

Back in 1296

I am back 100% in 1296. I just couldn't connect to enough people in 1663 and it would have been to difficult to transfer.

Why do they have to make transfering so difficult i won't ever understand. I don't mind getting the transfer papers at 150k and applying to the president for it but to force it to be within a state range and both state match is to much i think.

so what one might have more or less I am sure that the president could adjust things for the transfer since the president is leader.

I just think theres a easier way then transferring being nearly impossible, rare and very hard to trasnfer.

anyway until next time, Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

W.O S. - New Plan

I have a new plan. I finally worked things out with the alliance I left and once I have my farm in their farm alliance.

Once I have the one i have in 1663 back where I need it and it comes transfer time i will transfer in to 1296 main alliance.

we shall see though how it all goes.

Until later, Bye Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

W.O Survival Moving on

I now have two characters. One in 1663 and one in 1296.

I wasn't going back to 1296, but an online friend convinced me. I did miss everyone, and it was lonely in 1663.

I still go back and keep up 1663 thought.

I genuinely feel like a different player than before. My loyalty has changed.

I have fun now, joke around, and enjoy rebuilding in a farm alliance. Although I may never be ready to go back to a main, I am sure eventually I will.

Until Later, Bye Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

It’s hard to start over when you still need to reach back and apologize for your mistakes.

When’s there a few online friends you miss and deeply regret hurting. There’s nothing I could do but make the same decision if I could back. The only thing I would have done is slow done think a little more clear.

So I took myself out before they could. I rather destroy myself destroying my own work at my own hands before anyone else can.

At state/server 1296 I made tons of mistakes. Made a lot of enemies that would still love to destroy me. So I say goodbye. I pressed that delete button on that character and I can’t ever undo that.

It was my decision. State/server 1663 is my second chance to not make those same mistakes.

Until next time later Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

WO. Survival Starting Over

I have started over. It is so refreshing but weird. The stress level in the game is gone.

The new server I picked is new, so not much will happen for another month, which I find interesting.

I have knowledge now that I can use to help others.

I am also writing in my fan fiction novels again too which feels good.

Until next time, later Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

Whiteout Game

So I deleted both my accounts and made a new one. The stress on my main old one became to much so I am starting over.

I dont think I am playing this game very well but I enjoy it. I will start over with telling the new ones that fact perhaps things will go better.

until next time bye Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

10 posts!

[90sbutterfly3]

FF - Dissolution Detachment Update

Chapter 13 ~ Phuwins Mission for Dissolution Detachment as been posted.

[90sbutterfly3]

Playlists

I have different music playlists on apple and youtube music. I love all kinds of music. Of course I have favorites.

Anyone want me to share some of them? I listen to a lot of music when I write.

Until Later Bye Ann

[90sbutterfly3]

Whiteout Survival SVS

I decided to keep playing but give it a break since there's nothing to do in it right now, as we are preparing for SVS.

It's really boring right now, so I will write in my stories more.

But I am taking this as a restart on my gameplay.

until next time bye, Ann