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Well that's interesting...

Well that’s interesting…

Think I messed something up. WordPress changed some stuff around, so here I go a’fixin things.

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Motabilem

So, I’ve had a bit going on… I haven’t posted anything since May of last year. I am moving my site since I can’t afford to maintain my WordPress.

https://www.hoccaelumest.com/lutum-aquarum

This is the new site… I’m hosted on Weebly, so we’ll see what that brings.

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Morbi Tata

I am not that dad… I come to watch him play soccer, to enjoy the game. He’s there with his friends having a good time and learning not only sportsmanship, but teamwork. I am not the dad who is yelling at his kid (even though we aren’t supposed to) when he does a bad play or loses the ball. I do mumble angrily when he gets shoved, but then watch him shove right back. He holds his own and I am…

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Infurmum

No works this time… just words. I haven’t worked on a project in months that wasn’t related to classwork. I want to blame that on the anxiety that has been eating away at me for the past few months… give or take a year, but a part of that is all me. I am… at the moment, depressed. My wife knows it and is wonderful enough to not call it out as it will raise my anxiety. I have gotten to the point…

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Adhæsit in Firmasti

Not sure if I ever mentioned it… I hate going to bed. If I could, I’d probably stay awake until I hit the end of sanity. This probably wouldn’t take too long, but you never know. I’ve got my little nighttime routine, as suggested by both my therapist and psychiatrist, which is to take an Ativan an hour before I go to bed, then another when I decide to jump into bed. The whole one Ativan thing…

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Operimentum Errata

I was initially going to rant about mistakes that we make in life and then sort of segue into a topic I haven’t talked about in a while, art and tattoos. I think I mentioned that I have 14 tattoos, the last being this nice blending of The Legend of Zelda and Final Fantasy 7.   That was… hold on while I check the create date on that one… mid 2015. I got the tattoo in the late summer of that year…

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Leviores Pardis Sordidum

-First I gotta apologize about my Latin… Google does a great job going from English to Latin but the other way around is a mess.  Anyways… I had a thought when I woke up this morning, probably from a dream I don’t remember any thing about. It’s concerning an old axiom that’s been around for… like… a long time? “A Leopard never changes it’s spots” This relates to saying that people don’t change……

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Discidium

So, this is probably the last post I’ll be connecting to Facebook. It’s not that I don’t want friends and families to see the stuff I write, It feels good to see people reading the stuff I write about the shit in my head. My whole disconnect from Facebook is more that I get replies on the Facebook post and not on my WordPress site. I prefer that if people want to interact with the stuff I write…

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To all of my friends who love playing games in their iphone/tablet give this one a look!

Hatch-it! is now free to play on both ios and android :)

Hey everyone! I did all the concept art, most of the texture work, and overall visual design for this app game. It’s a puzzle game that’s free to play and pretty cute and fun! It would be awesome if you could give it a try, thanks!

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Hatch-it! is now free to play on both ios and android :)

Hey everyone! I did all the concept art, most of the texture work, and overall visual design for this app game. It’s a puzzle game that’s free to play and pretty cute and fun! It would be awesome if you could give it a try, thanks!

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Pre-orders for this Lucina illustration printed with gold foil accents are now available here!

The prints are 10x14″ with a 1 inch border around the print, coming to a total of 12x16″.

I’m starting off with a batch of 20 prints at $20.00 each! If there is more demand, I will reopen orders once the first batch has been taken care of! Shipping for all orders is $4.50.

Important Notes!

I do not currently ship outside of the u.s!

I want to make sure to do my research properly before I provide international shipping. I want to provide the fairest shipping rate possible! It may appear that international shipping is an option in my storefront, but that is only because storenvy has no way of turning international shipping off. For now I have just raised the shipping price very high in order to deter potential sales. If there is demand for it, in the future I will open another batch of prints and provide international shipping! I hope you understand.

It may take awhile before your order is shipped!

I am going through a printing company in order to get these printed with gold foil. Once pre-orders have been settled, I will place my order for the prints. The company takes 5-10 days for the shipment to be delivered, and after that I have to pack and ship them myself! I will keep these orders updated here on my tumblr, so if you’re wondering where your order is, please check in with me!

If you have any questions about your order, please contact me!

I’m fairly inexperienced with making prints in this manor. If you are concerned about the time it’s taking, or anything else, please feel free to contact me! I’m trying my best to make sure everything goes smoothly, so please if something needs to be brought to my attention contact me.

Thank you so much for your time!

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Stare superbus ambules alta caeli atque oppugent

Stare superbus ambules alta caeli atque oppugent

Stand proud, walk tall, and storm the heavens. (Sorry I didn’t add a picture on this one… I promise one next time.)   I got that from a video game… Xenogears. It was by far one of the greatest (and long winded) video games ever made. It was full of religious references which was a tad stand-offish, and was so full of narrative that you read almost more than you played. It was an older game, back…

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Mine... I think I said this one

So here we are tic tic tic-ing away at time. The knowledge that I have a little over a month to get my art into something cohesive and working is just a little strain on the anxiety. I so don’t need that right now. My final works will be like the one you see here representing all 9 of the corps, their symbol, and maybe a little extra sprinkled in. I am a little nervous about my friend Larfreeze here though. Yea he looks ok, but he’s missing a little something. 

I have begun branching out, trying to sell myself and my talents by freelancing. There are sites out there that allow a person to find such jobs, but I have seen so many negative write-ups that I am scared that I may fail way before I succeed. I also started another website that will show off my artworks as I evolve as well as a site where I get to finally give my gaming opinion. Sprinkled in will be some coping skills that I have learned living with my depression and anxiety. Not sure if I will get any readers. Hell, I think I only have about 5 now. 

So this is where I stand at the moment. I am determined to see this through even though I am in the middle of a shit storm. 

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This... that... or the other

Quick warning to anyone reading. I may get a little deep. For those who do not believe that I had a nervous breakdown 5 years ago can just stop now... seriously.

THIS

So I’ve been a little absent and lax with my posting. I had a bit of an emotional rock bottom moment last week and it’s been a long time coming. It affected my schoolwork and kinda put me in an emotional hurricane. In other words I was sensitive as shit and would have bit the hell off of anyone coming near me. My anxiety has been at an all time high and once it gets to a certain point I just have little or no control of my moods. I have kept myself isolated from people, including my family, just to make sure that I don’t get set off by the tiniest thing. It gets hard when you don’t like yourself so you want to tell everyone to fuck off. 

Not having a job, not being able to get a job... it’s eating me alive at the moment. 

THAT

I think I posted some of the 15 Things you need to know about people with concealed anxiety... this was my state of mind last week:

They make situations worse by trying to suppress their feelings about them. They are extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing them in pain, and they don’t want to feel pitied or as though they are compromising anyone’s time. Yet, they make things worse for themselves by suppressing, as it actually funnels a ton of energy into making the problem larger and more present than it already was.

So in other words you keep everything inside because you don’t want people to see how you are feeling which burns you from the inside out. I have been exhausted for the last two weeks due to stress and anxiety. I got about 4 hours of sleep last week between Monday and Thursday due to not wanting to take my Xanax to help me sleep. I still take my antidepressant, just didn’t take the sleep aid. 

OR THE OTHER

This was supposed to just be a site that covers my independent study in college. It’s become a bit of an outlet for me, and I plan on going on after the class is done. So here’s hoping that I can keep up my weekly posting promise to myself. I had a show and tell the week before where I showed my peers in class how far I’ve gone and what my plans are for the next month we have left. The grandiose plans I had in the beginning have been cut down to realism. I’m bearing down on the 18 or so (down from 27) that will grace the walls of the classroom for a year. No pressure. 

I kinda wanted to get my stress off of my chest. I have applied for over 100 jobs in the last 9 months... and have had about one tenth of that in interviews. It’s a little distressing to not be able to go to work and help support your family. I am trying to freelance by going online to the sites that bring businesses and freelancers together. It’s been about 4 days with no hits from any proposals I’ve let out. We’ll see how it goes. 

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Midway

Here we are at the midway of the semester. Where I thought I was and where I really am are separate things. 

I had some lofty goals at the onset of this class. Not knowing my limits is a good way of learning my limits.

If you see a recurring theme, it’s because the lofty goals I had led me to realizing a lot of my strengths. I’m not saying that my experiences has made me less, it’s actually made it a lot easier to do some of the things I can now do. The problem is that my depression and anxiety keep me from hitting that peak that I know I can hit. 

My wife posted an article on Facebook that was pretty on the nose. It’s called “15 things you need to know about people who have concealed anxiety.” It’s a good read, I’ll post the link at the end. Two of the ones that hit me the hardest are:

 14 “They are very driven (they care about the outcome of things). They are in equal proportions as in control of their lives as they feel out of control of their lives – this is because they so frequently try to compensate for fear of the unknown.

That’s a sad fact that I have to fight with every damn day. Not having a job, and not being able to find a job for these last 9 months has been pretty rough. I question every damn thing about why this is. I’ve had a number of interviews along with some flat out denials from organizations with no calls whatsoever. I am trying to work on some independent stuff, but my mind gets in my own way... 

15. They are very smart, but doubt it. A high intelligence is linked to increased anxiety (and being doubtful of one’s mental capacity are linked to both).

You can tell me I’m smart for days on end... I still won’t believe you. 

It’s rough as hell having this shit in my head that I can’t fight without the antidepressants. The whole joblessness is a real drain on me. 

I hope that my Showcase works out well. I’m feeling the anxiety of the show already and it’s about 6 weeks away. 

Almost forgot the link... 

http://neverignore.info/15-things-you-need-to-know-about-people-who-have-concealed-anxiety/

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I dunno what the title is...

Simple is so easy. Why didn’t I work on simple from the beginning? Not saying that the whole project is simple, I am just still looking at it in terms of being a Picasso when I should just worry at being myself. I have come across with a dilemma though. I cannot do hair. 

Could be because I am bald... that kinda gives one a unique perspective on the folically abundant. I can’t really see how I can do it, though I am working on seeing how as I go along. The lady above is Indigo-1 of the Indigo Tribe. I am still working on her a bit, I don’t have her hair yet. The Green Lantern is John Stewart. He’s been back and forth on the hair/bald train so I am not too worried at him. 

Arkillo here is my representative of the Yellow Lantern Corps. I am using him because not many outside of those who read the books know that he was the leader of that Corps for a bit when Sinestro was out Gallivanting. 

Though this one really looks ease (and if you work with Photoshop then it is) but it took me a little over an hour to get it right. Still working on the particulars though, like the fonts. 

I have come to one realization though. Illustrator and Photoshop are best used together. In a way I wish I learned that about 4 weeks ago, but better not too late than never. 

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More Dedication...

So’ I’d like to point backwards to the previous post where you can see these two pictures. I was working on this in class and asked my teacher if he had any input. He suggested the gear joints in the arms and leg. Please note that I said leg as there was one leg in the last image. Adobe Illustrator and I have had our differences, and we are working them out in therapy... To be honest, I am not sure which lantern to attach her to. Death would work well since Hawkgirl is one of the Black/White Lanterns. I am considering using her for the Star Sapphires, I just want to point out how much she has evolved over the last few weeks. I deny my skills in Illustrator, yet I keep evolving with the help of my peers and my very supportive instructor. This is coming out to be my centerpiece.  

Here is Deathstorm again. He has evolved the more I work on him. He is not as fleshed out as my possible Star Sapphire, but the more I see I feel that he’s supposed to be not as fleshed out as my centerpiece. I have had thoughts on how I am to work on a few other things. I hope that those who are following this small blog will notice the changes in my images. 

Feel free to give any criticism you’d like. Thanks for reading.