0kittycat07

[0kittycat07]

INFP + INTJ - Is there a sulotion? Because I'm desperate!

I would like to start off with the fact that I know that people can not be categorized by 16 personalities only. I am aware of that every person has their own charasteristhic and personality to them, but after learning about the MBTI personality types I felt that they can be a pretty good indicator when someone tries to do some self-search or understanding others. This is why I look for help here.

My situation is rather difficult (and pretty fucked up) to say the least.

I am an INFP-T girl, and I'm in love with an INTJ-T boy.

The thing is that I've been in love with this person for almost 4 years now. And by love...I mean that unconditional love where you see the other person's faults and flaws as well as their strengths but you still accept and love them the way they are. You love them on their bad days just as strongly as on their goods. You love them when they're kind, and thoughtful and happy and please you on a certain way. But you also love them when they're grumpy, or harsh, or tired. And even when they hurt you.

And you can't stop loving them. It's just impossible to stop the feeling.

It's funny because I'm pretty young. Yet, here I am, feeling like I would be able to spend the rest of my life by this person's side.

I know it sounds crazy. (Perhaps it is) But I'm hoping for the understanding of those who have been there.

My problem is that my feelings aren't mutual. I KNOW this because roughly one and a half year ago I told him that "I like him more than a friend". But I didn't go into details, and after a few months everything got back to normal. We continued to be friends and it became better than it was before.

But in fact, sometimes I feel like I either don't matter to him. Or I annoy him and he's basically fed up with me. Interesting thing is that other times I feel the opposite.

He used to be my classmate for 3 years (we were really young, around 11-14) now he's in the same school, and in the same year but in another class.

And we are friends. Well...kind of...

Even as friends...we're not as close as I want us to be. Maybe it's because we're no longer in the same class, and don't see each other as often as we used to (we still see each other, and usually talk every day though).

But he has some other friends (some of them are my very close friends as well) who he talks more to, or spends more time with them. I usually feel like a sidekick or something.

My approach to him is very gentle and careful. Even though I (would) love to spend time with him, and I'm really curious about everything he is and does, I try not to force him into anything. So for the example, I offer him a program to go to with our friends (those who are the same) but if he says he won't come (which usually means he doesn't want to) I accept it and leave it. (Even though it hurts me.)

I also put him and his needs and wants before mines (I naturally do this with all of my loved ones), I usually don't confront him if he does or says something that hurts me and I try to always put my feelings aside (being an INFP and being overpowered by my emotions most of the time doesn't really help though) and to understand his perspective.

I also care about his interests (he is a real genius, no joke) although I feel like he doesn't really believe that I truly care.

He is very VERY an INTJ and this shows in plenty of ways. I think the two/three biggest problems we have are that

1. He can't and doesn't really communicate (at least not with me). I mean, we talk, but it feels like we do it through a wall or something.

While I'm too scared to communicate, and to be fully open, and straight forward, because I feel like our friendship is already pretty fragile and I don't want to ruin it.

2. I think with my heart and he feels with his brain. His IQ is in the skies but his EQ...it's almost nonexistent. He understands how emotions chemically work but he doesn't understand them, I think he thinks pretty low on them as well.

Meanwhile for me emotions are essential. I'm pretty good at explaining them as well, I'm rather empathic, I wear my heart on my sleeves and all that stuff. And this makes everything much harder for us, for me, because my logic and way of thinking are based on my emotions 98% of the time, while his is much more objective, and rational, and "stonecold".

3. While I'm willing to do and sacrifice almost anything to spend time with him, to make him happy and to see him smile, and I devote a LOT of time and energy on our friendship, he doesn't...?

He's just like...when I'm there I'm there, when I'm not I'm not, he doesn't really seem to be bothered by my presence or absence.

And while I'm aware what problems we have in our friendship and I'm open to and want to work on them, he just doesn't do anything. And things won't get better if it's only me who tries.

The interesting part is that with everything I've said before, he doesn't seem like he's completely cold towards me, overall.

I'm in extra class of chemistry (it's like a faculty in univeristy just in high school) and he's a genius when it comes to science and he seems to be willing to help me with either the calculations or with other stuff, and he's pretty patient, he explains everything to me, answers my questions and he doesn't seem annoyed.

When I ask how he's doing with his competitions or other science tasks he goes into details (even if only shortly but he does).

Last year he showed up in a few programs and sleepovers I'd invited him to. (It was always five of us. Him, I, and three of our friends) And he seemed to REALLY enjoy the time we spent together. He looked much more relaxed than he does in school. We laughed a lot, and joked around a lot, we played table games, and sang songs, and cooked ( I almost stabbed him by accident lol) and we made a lot of memories.

I was really shocked when this year he canceled all of the programs we invited him to. Even though it was with the same people. I didn't and I still don't know why he's done that, because he really did seem to enjoy them last year. I also feel like he's more distant with me this year than last year and I have no clues why.

I don't know if this counts, but he usually looks at me in the eyes for a very long time (it's like he tries to read me or something, but I don't look away).

He lets me to hug him (even though I do it VERY rarely because I feel like he doesn't really like to be hugged), and we get into tickle fights from time to time.

Two years ago when we met in a metro stop and I was in tears (family issues) he came with me and accompanied me almost all the way back to my house even though he had to go out of his own way for that.

And when I had troubles with eating and with my mother, he seemed to care for me then as well.

So as you see it's long and complicated because he sometimes acts like he doesn't give a flying fuck about me, or even as if he hates me.

But other times he's sweet and funny and caring.

And I really do want to build a better friendship with him (of course I would love to get into a relationship with him as well, since I'm head over heels in love, but if I can become his close friend only...honestly it would be more I've ever hoped for) but I don't really know how to do it, and I don't really understand him either.

I would like to ask for some advices and thoughts! If you are an INTJ as well I would love to hear what you think about him and his behavior (and its meaning), but I'm really interested in the opinions of other types as well.

Thank you, so very much, and I love you for reading this novel-long post!!!❤️❤️