02roobahsue

[02roobahsue]

In love with my ex.

She has completely moved on and ripped the rear view mirror off.

I’m still a miserable pile of shit and I don’t see a happy life without her.

That’ll win her back... Being a depressed pile of shit all the time.

[02roobahsue]

Everything I love is too expensive, illegal, or doesn’t love me back.

[02roobahsue]

Should could hate fuck the shit out of you right about now.

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Forest | by Christopher Rusev

[02roobahsue]

I needed you more than you needed me.

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Hindsight

I think the biggest mistake I made was to ever let you think you’re average, like you’re just another girl. You’re 1 of 1. Incredibly special. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes and how beautiful and how close to perfect you are. Your only draw back is that you don’t communicate with the people you love but Shawnee I know how smart you are and how strong you are so it confuses me as to why you would care what I thought enough not to be honest with me. I can’t deny that I felt genuine compassion from you when we were making plans to get married, buying a house, and having kids so if you were willing to do all of those things at one point why would you ever feel like you couldn’t talk with me.

I’ve done everything I can think of to get over you but without closure I’m just pissed all the time. Mad at myself for trusting you so much and mad at you for being so selfish. I’ve never asked anything major of you if the year and half we spent together but if in fact we are over for good I need closure on this. How ever petty or selfish your reasons may be you owe it to me to be real and just get it out. I know you’d probably feel better about it too if you were honest about everything. I’ve realized the real gamble you worried about isn’t if we’ll ever be together again but if I’m going to hate you for doing this with no warning or communication. I can promise you if you were to swallow your pride and apologize for how you ended everything I couldn’t be mad at you. I’ve always had the upmost respect for you and that’s one of the biggest reasons my heart is broken.

If you ever read this and know in your heart that we will never be together again you owe it to me to be honest. I’m broken and the tools I need to fix me are the reasons you didn’t want to fight for us. A text, a letter, a voicemail, I don’t care but after 18 months of honesty that’s all I’m asking. Please give me a reason to be over you.

[02roobahsue]

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Autumn in Yosemite

Prints/Society6

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California Redwoods

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Walking through the Redwoods while a storm was hitting a giant part of the west coast. The smell and the sounds of the forest drew me further and further in until I had gotten lost on the trails. Eventually made it back to my car, soaked, a little ashamed, but a happy wanderer nonetheless.

[02roobahsue]

Shelter from the Storm

Prints/Soceity6

[02roobahsue]

Better man.

I’ve taken a lot of steps to move forward in the last couple of weeks, started counseling, found and signed a lease at a new apartment, and paid off my credit cards. Took out a loan for furniture and appliances. I’ve locked down a promotion at work and will be making 75k a year.

I have more money then I know what to do with and I’ve accomplished things and I am doing things that should make me extremely happy. I’m not.

Nothing feels like it’s enough when you have no one to share it with.