#social etiquette

[theambitiouswoman]

100 Words You Can Incorporate Into Your Speech To Sound More Elegant ✨

(Common word - Alternate variation)

Beautiful - Exquisite

Happy - Ecstatic

Smart - Intelligent

Big - Enormous

Small - Petite

Good - Excellent

Bad - Deplorable

Nice - Gracious

Tired - Fatigued

Old - Ancient

Rich - Affluent

Poor - Impoverished

Happy - Joyful

Sad - Melancholic

Hot - Sweltering

Cold - Frigid

Busy - Prolific

Loud - Vociferous

Easy - Effortless

Difficult - Arduous

Fast - Swift

Slow - Languid

Brave - Valiant

Funny - Witty

Rich - Opulent

Poor - Indigent

Old - Vintage

New - Novel

Strong - Robust

Weak - Feeble

Pretty - Alluring

Ugly - Unattractive

Clean - Immaculate

Dirty - Sullied

Happy - Jubilant

Sad - Despondent

Young - Youthful

Old - Antiquated

Big - Colossal

Small - Minuscule

Fast - Rapid

Slow - Sluggish

Brave - Fearless

Funny - Hilarious

Clean - Pristine

Dirty - Filthy

Strong - Stalwart

Weak - Debilitated

Happy - Content

Sad - Poignant

Confusing - Perplexing

Typical - Quintessential

Many - Myriad

Everywhere - Ubiquitous

Contradictory - Paradoxical

Showy - Ostentatious

Insightful - Perspicacious

Arrogant - Supercilious

Obscure - Esoteric

Flatterer - Sycophant

Favorable - Auspicious

Joking - Facetious

Indescribable - Ineffable

Wordy - Verbose

Respected - Venerable

Worsen - Exacerbate

Short lived - Ephemeral

Help - Facilitate

Sneaky - Insidious

Confuse - Obfuscate

Begin - Commence

End - Terminate

Start - Inaugurate

Get - Obtain

Give - Bestow

Make - Fabricate

Break - Shatter

Fix - Rectify

Use - Utilize

Look - Gaze

Find - Discover

Tell - Narrate

Ask - Inquire

Leave - Depart

Buy - Procure

Show - Exhibit

Think - Contemplate

Put - Position

Need - Require

Stop - Halt

Talk - Communicate

Like - Adore

Help - Assist

Call - Summon

See - Perceive

Tell - Enunciate

Go - Traverse

Tell - Express

Have - Possess

Feel - Experience

[curiositysavesthecat]

Tap here for a follow-up poll about whether or not it's okay for someone with breasts to go braless when they're at their own home

*This poll was submitted to us and we simply posted it so people could vote and discuss their opinions on the matter. If you’d like for us to ask the internet a question for you, feel free to drop the poll of your choice in our inbox and we’ll post them anonymously (for more info, please check our pinned post).

[gamma-radio]

I hate when people play phone audio out loud in public spaces. The screechy quality of phone speakers, the disregard for literally anyone's auditory comfort, my poor autistic ears — I rage mode.

I know I'm not alone, so I am going to share my flawless embarrassment-free technique to get them to stop.

1) Carry a pair of earbuds on you. Not required, but it helps give you the confidence to actually confront them

2) walk up to them and be as nice as possible, no matter how mad you are. However, do not explain yourself or apologize, just make a simple request: "Hi, would you mind using earbuds for that?" (You're not asking them to stop, just change their method)

3a) 90% of the time they will shamefully put their phone away, and because you were so nice, they aren't even mad at you!! Then you can thank them for being so thoughtful, and maybe compliment their shirt or something! Everybody loves compliments.

3b) Alternatively, they might say, "I don't have earbuds." Normally, this would put you in an awkward situation, but You aren't normal. You are Prepared.

OFFER THE EARBUDS: "That's okay," you say, "you can borrow mine!" dazzling smile, you are so nice and thoughtful, what a great guy you are

Don't worry about losing your earbuds (or if you don't actually have earbuds), because they won't accept your offer. THEN they will put their phone away of their own free will. You never even had to ask.

If you want a detailed explanation of why this works (for the autistic besties, I see u):

People don't like it when you tell them what to do, especially if that request is to stop doing their activity in any shape or form. It pisses them off, and rightfully so! No one wants to be controlled.

That's why this method is so good: you never asked them to stop their activity, you asked them to make a small change to how they are doing the activity, which is far less obtrusive.

This works for lots of things, and lots of people. Imagine being a kid, goofing around, and someone says, "Stop doing that." Upsetting! Compared to: "Would you mind being quieter?" Because really, the issue is not that you are goofing around, the issue is that you are being loud and disruptive about it.

Same goes for the stranger on their phone in public. It's totally fine that they're watching a video, the problem is that they're being disruptive, and chances are they know that being disruptive is rude.

The second half of why this works is offering the earbuds.

When you ask them to change how they're doing their activity, you are placing a burden on them. If they have a pair already, it is a very tiny burden. If they don't have a pair, it is suddenly an insurmountable burden, and that's very uncomfortable. In fact, it's so uncomfortable that by making the request, you might become the bad guy in the situation (according to them) even if you're being nice, and even if they're in the wrong.

That's why you offer the earbuds. Now you are actively helping them by alleviating the burden. You are being kind and thoughtful instead of demanding!

Sure, they might think you're a little weird, because it's not part of the social script, but they've got no ground to be mad at you.

Which brings up the last point: offering to lend your earbuds isn't part of the social script. It's surprising, and so their default reaction is to avoid that path: they will decline your offer. So, you don't have to worry about a stranger wearing your earbuds with their gross stranger ears.

So that's the whole idea behind the method. Confrontation that is respectful and thoughtful of their autonomy and your comfort all at the same time. ~social engineering for good~

[warriorcatsofficialfacts]

hey i'm abusing my 'platform' to ask a completely unwarriorcats related question once again. as i do.

[victoriadallonfan]

I can’t believe I have to say this in the year of our forsaken 2024, but if you see someone wearing earbuds and minding their own business (like, say, typing away on an iPad or phone), then please:

A.) DON’T TAP THEIR DEVICE JUST TO ASK ABOUT THEIR DAY AND IF I’M INTERESTED IN BIBLE STUDY

B.) HOVER AROUND THEM FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG UNTIL THEY NOTICE YOU IN THEIR SPACE TO READ OVER THEIR SHOULDER

I am busy and I will bluntly tell you to go away or worse!

This has been etiquette since the invention of headphones! How hard is it to know???

[blackswaneuroparedux]

However grand our sacramental downsittings and updressings may be, they remain only and precisely sacraments: real presences, under particular signs, of the happier order that faith can discover under any and all signs. They're a bit like the church. As long as we see them as an earnest of the kingdom, they're all right; when we put on airs and act as if they were the kingdom itself, they look just silly.

- Robert Farrar Capon 

So I get asked about how to do a more formal dinner party by my followers. I don’t know what impression I’ve given to make people think that I am an expert but I shall endeavour to present some thoughts around my own beliefs and experiences. I’m sure there are some things I have left out or have temporarily escaped my mind, so do please bear with me.

It is sadly the case that the age of the formal dinner might be over for some but for others they bravely soldier on flying the flag for civilised discourse over dinner.

Yet the reality remains that for many, eating at home with friends or family, or even a volatile mix of the two, is still hugely popular and important. Even if one is throwing a casual dinner party with a laidback “I’m just doing a bit of food” nonchalance, it still needs to be navigated with careful sensitivity. 

My rough guide to a good dinner party:

Don’t become a victim of vaunting ambition. Assess your culinary skills and budget before tailoring your social dinner occasion to fit your capabilities. Under no circumstances attempt a maiden voyage. It might seem like a good idea to try a new recipe for your guests, but there are few things sadder than realising that the pork was supposed to have been butterflied by a butcher or rest for four hours...45 minutes before guests arrive.

Send invitations if you can. The more formal the dinner the better you should send an invitation. Make clear (on the invitation preferably) on the time of arrival so that guests are punctual. Except if you’re hosting a dinner party in France then expect French guests to arrive 15 minutes late. While in many countries this may be considered rude, in France this is a golden rule. It’s an unspoken agreement between the host and the guest because the host might be a little late preparing everything and the guest won’t want to embarrass the host by arriving early. Strangely this rule only applies to dinner parties and not for dinners at restaurants. Hmmm.

Make the nature of the dinner event absolutely clear to your guests. They will feel understandably annoyed if they turn up to a formal dinner in jeans and sneakers.

Make sure your drinks cabinet is well stocked. Don’t ever rely on your guests to bring anything. Make sure you choose a different wine to go with each course you are serving. But don’t get too hung up on the food and wine pairing - one can always ask the wine merchant who is both helpful and is dying to show off his knowledge.

Work out your timings. Don’t let drinks go on too long and ensure that food is ready when you call everyone to the table. 

Always have a seating plan. Even if it’s an informal one in your head, explain to your guests where you would like them to sit. Chemistry between guests is everything. Choose wisely.

Don’t apologise for the food being served. You made it. You own it. 

Remember that your primary role is to be the host/hostess. Attend to your guests at all times and don’t allow yourself to be drawn into an intimate tête à tête with someone. It’s rude to give one guest all the attention at the expense of others feeling a little adrift in their seat.

Play the diplomat at dinner. Lively conversation will no doubt wander to the realm of politics, and whether it’s divisive or just plain dull, a good hostess can re-route a boring or inelegant conversation deftly and effortlessly. The best way to steer the conversation if it strays too deeply into politics, religion, or someone’s burgeoning sex life is to politely interject and offer, “Sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if I could get everyone’s opinion on X,” and people will be happy to oblige. You invite people into a topic that’s about you and it’s a clear note to the offenders to change course. Important to note also it is perhaps the only time you ever make yourself the subject of the conversation. The role of the hostess is to move the conversation along effortlessly without becoming the centre of attention.

Deploy subtle hints by asking if anyone would like: cups of coffee, offers of taxi service or spare beds, if the evening is going on too long.

Don’t let the guests do dishes - unless they're related to you or they're psychotically compulsive. If they are neither, you might be calling their bluff on an empty offer, and then you've made your guest use your ratty sponge, which is not a very gracious experience.

Most of all, breathe and relax. It will all go swimmingly. Just enjoy yourself.

Bon appétit!

[tirsynni]

I think it's funny, in a horrifying way, how so many people have the tendency of circling around from extreme leftism to extreme right. Like, it's less of a spectrum and more of a circle.

Terf nonsense is similar to this. They argued so fiercely for female empowerment and if you listen to their arguments, it's conservative bullshit in pretty language.

A lot of this so-called left bullshit is actually just extreme right ideology painted in leftist language. It's part of why I hate how intent matters less than language use in many left/liberal circles. They ignore meaning and tell you that you are a bigot and a monster and whatever based specifically on your language choice. Psyops pick up on this. Right-wing extremists take it to their pulpits. So much of the current transphobia is using leftist language to defend not only transphobia but racism.

A major component of the Extreme Right movement is using the emphasis on individualism to attack many minority communities. In the end, it's about billionaires protecting their billionaire communities by convincing poorer communities to attack each other by promoting individualism. It's highly effective. "Fuck people who require food stamps or disability. Oh, you need it? Well, your situation is different. You wouldn't be on it if you didn't need to be. You're an individual. Those people are lazy and just don't want to work." Dismiss how these programs assist communities by focusing on individualism.

We are actively seeing these things in left circles. The language is different but the intent is the same. The breakdown in social etiquette. The defense in not cooperating with and building communities. The right to attack and harm others. The current language is couched in mental health language or "fuck the boomers" language.

"I don't see why we have to follow their rules! That's stupid. It's a new generation and I'm not going to follow tradition for the sake of it. Okay, now what do I do in this situation which used to have an answer found in common social etiquette?"

"I can't assist with this community activity! I have social anxiety. If you try to force me to do it, you're the bad person!"

"I have this type of neurological disorder, so it's not my fault if I yell insults at the person! They just need to be accepting and realizing that some people have disorders which make them be assholes."

This isn't to say that these issues don't exist. Social anxiety is a thing! Neurological disorders which impair certain social skills and create impulsivity issues are a thing! The problem becomes when the emphasis is on the individual rights over recognizing individual responsibilities and recognizing that the individual is still a part of the community.

We go from "I, as an individual, paid off my student loans, so no one should have student loan forgiveness" and how that attitude harms our community to "I refuse to help and support my communities in any way because I have a neurological disorder, and due to my rights as an individual, people need to adjust for me 100% with me not needing to provide anything in return." In leftist circles, we are taught to hate the former and promote the latter, dissolving individual responsibility to the community.

Communities need to recognize individual needs. Yes. Absolutely. Survival of the fittest for humankind means those who work well within our communities survive. That is what it means for humans, not how well an individual can live alone. There's a quote about how civilization first formed when humans within a community helped an individual survive who otherwise would not have survived without their care and support. In turn, individuals need to recognize that they are parts of a community, and they need to do what they can to support that community, too. That differs from person to person, day by day. That means voting. That means recognizing the need for social etiquette. That means if your disorder causes you to lose your temper and lash out that you own up to it, apologize for it, and work on getting a handle on it. Maybe you succeed, maybe you don't. The point is recognizing your role in the community and how to assist how you can.

Those in power have learned that turning communities against each other is effective. Look how the feminism movement has been divided! Look how the LGBT+ community has been divided! How many elections have been lost to people like Trump because people decided that the main Democratic nominee wasn't pure enough and voted for a third party? It works.

Sometimes, being a part of a community is going "I know I have social anxiety, but I'm at least going to smile and greet this stranger before bolting away." Sometimes it's working to manage your mental health instead of shrugging and saying that everyone will just have to put up with it. It's voting even when you don't particularly like the candidate but you know that the other guy is WORSE. There are many components to it, and it's figuring out what works and what doesn't.

Being involved in a community involves work, and you can't expect other people in a community to support you when you have the means to support them back and refuse to do so.

[haru-desune]

Debate question for the masses:

You're in a group setting in either a classroom or office (think study group or collab space) and by mutual agreement someone is playing music out loud from their laptop. This person was either requested or voted on ahead of time. Music is at an appropriate volume, and non-offensive in terms of subject matter and lyrics due to the semi professional environment, and the DJ will take requests. Most of the group is either vibing or ambivalent to the music, but one person in the group is just not having it and has requested multiple song changes in a row, even when others seem to be particularly enjoying the music. This person has the ability to leave the space or plug in their headphones if they'd like, and there is precedence for this with no offence taken on either side.

[bisexualseraphim]

Calling all autistic people: I want to ask you all a question.

So when I was growing up I was constantly drilled into with the typical Christian lessons of “treat people how you want to be treated” and “if you wouldn’t like it said/done, to you, don’t say/do it at all.”

This turned out to not be very helpful to me.

BECAUSE… I have always been an extremely relaxed person. There’s not much you could say or do to me that would offend me or make me uncomfortable.

So until I hit my twenties (yes that’s a very embarrassing age I know and trust me I’m deeply ashamed of it), because of these teachings my mindset would always be, “Well I wouldn’t mind if someone started talking about their theories on how Hitler managed to rise to power and have so much support when the Nazis’ beliefs are so objectively horrible to most of us today while we’re all trying to do our biology homework together, so following the logic I’ve been taught this means other people must feel the same way.”

They did not. (Of course, people generally wouldn’t TELL me this until months later when I eventually asked why everyone kept disappearing at playtime when we were meant to be in study group.)

Thankfully I went to therapy and received a lot of support on brushing up on social etiquette during the pandemic (which was such a fucking struggle because once again, everything I was taught my entire life turned out to be wrong actually and the rules kept changing), but I’m just wondering — did anyone else experience this phenomenon of assuming other people’s feelings are the same as your own, or something similar? Is this a common thing for autistic people to experience? If so, is there a name for it or any research on why it happens and methods to prevent it?

(I’m not excusing any of my poor behaviours by the way but surprise surprise, the ‘Misses Social Cues and Speaks Inappropriately Disorder’ sometimes causes people to miss social cues and speak inappropriately lol)

[theambitiouswoman]

How To Improve Your Social Skills 💬🥂📱✨

Pay close attention when others are speaking. Show that you're engaged in what they are saying, maintain eye contact, and providing verbal cues like "I see" or "interesting." Ask questions.

Good eye contact shows interest in the conversation. But avoid staring excessively in a frozen state, as it can make others uncomfortable.

A warm smile and open body language can make others feel more comfortable around you.

Work on your conversational skills, including starting and ending conversations, asking open ended questions, and finding common topics of interest.

Try to understand and empathize with the feelings and perspectives of others. This helps create trust.

Small talk is essential for building rapport. Practice starting conversations with light, non controversial topics and gradually steer them toward more meaningful subjects.

Confidence is key to effective social interaction. Work on building your self esteem and self confidence through self affirmations and positive self talk.

If you experience social anxiety, try deep breathing exercises or, visualization. Try to focus your attention on something. I used to have a lot of social anxiety so I would hold a drink in my hand to keep me centered and focused.

Familiarize yourself with cultural and social norms to ensure you're behaving appropriately in different situations so you don't look out of place or rude.

Social skills are like any other skills; they improve with practice. Start with friends or in less intimidating social settings to build your confidence.

Pay attention to nonverbal cues such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These signals often convey more than words.

Avoid dominating conversations. Give others the chance to speak and actively listen when it's their turn.

Show respect for others by using polite language, saying "please" and "thank you," and being considerate of their feelings and opinions.

Having a broad range of interests and knowledge can give you more to talk about and connect with others over. Learn, learn, learn.

Ask friends for feedback on your social skills. They can help pin point areas you can improve upon.

Join clubs, groups, or activities that relate to your interests. This helps you meet new people and practice social skills in a comfortable setting.

Observe individuals with strong social skills and learn from their interactions. Note how they engage with others and start to incorporate some of their techniques.

[curiositysavesthecat]

*This poll was submitted to us and we simply posted it so people could vote and discuss their opinions on the matter. If you’d like for us to ask the internet a question for you, feel free to drop the poll of your choice in our inbox and we’ll post them anonymously (for more info, please check our pinned post).

[sister-hawk]

i had an awkward interaction earlier that prompted me to wonder about this, so here’s a question about social etiquette:

to me, it feels more polite to quietly wait for them to acknowledge me so that i do not interrupt their work (again, under the assumption that you know that they know you are standing there). but i am beginning to wonder if some people possibly think it’s better to let a customer ask for attention first, and so they intentionally don’t say anything even though they know you are standing there until it becomes awkward.

[girly-wirly]

[shadycomputerpolice]

The Problem with Individual Therapy

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A post shared by JULIA CHA | Business & Leadership (@juliajcha)

This video specifically highlights one of the main issues I have with individual therapy as a concept. The issue is that it relies solely on just one person's retelling of events and ignores the fact that very few people are actually going to tell the truth if the truth makes them look bad. Some people lie by omission/minimisation/exaggeration while others straight up come up with scenarios that didn't happen.

Unless you can observe your actual clients' behaviour, you don't know what the truth is and if they are in fact the person in the wrong. Lundy Bancroft highlighted this problem with therapy in "Why Does He Do That?" with abusive men but it applies to all types of clients. Is your client objectively the problematic one and all the tips you gave them is making them more of an asshole (Giving them "therapy speak" to justify their bad sometimes abusive behaviour)?

In conclusion, therapy ignores just how much people lie.

[Sidenote: the comment section is full of people who don't see anything wrong with the client's behaviour in the event and still believe people were just jealous of her. These are the people that will come to social media to make "Friendship these days" posts where they recount how even though they were friendly and helpful to their friends, they got discarded.

I think a lot of social etiquette rules are archaic bullishit and sometimes harmful, however, we do need to bring back sensible social etiquette rules because some people really do need a lesson in consideration and social tact.

[justheretoread-ao3]

Reason: I want to make stickers to put up on public transit etc because I'm a non-confrontational bean but I'm losing my mind. (I can't currently wear headphones to drown out this nonsense due to a concussion so I gotta listen to everyone else -_-)