#marie swriting in english

[marie-swriting]

For The Very First Time - Emily Prentiss

Masterlist

Summary : Emily always thought she'd end up with a man, however it's a woman that makes her heart beat faster.

Warnings : set during season 16 (spoiler free), alcohol consumption (be careful with your alcohol consumption!), questioning sexuality, happy ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warning.

Word count : 3.1k

French version (will be published today at 6pm)

Song inspiration : 10x better by Marielle Kraft

Emily Prentiss is nose deep in her Sicarius files. She re-reads every piece of information, searching for a detail she and her team might have missed, in vain. She runs a hand through her grey hair, sighing; she looks once again at the first page when you interrupt her reading.

“Excuse-me, I’ve waited until the last minute but I’m closing now and I’m going to ask you to leave, please.”

“Oh my God, sorry !” Emily apologises while glancing at her watch. “I didn’t see the time. You could have told me earlier, I would have understood.”

“Don’t worry, I had to clean everything behind and I noticed you were busy.” you reassure her with a gentle smile.

“That’s an understatement though it’s not an excuse. I’ll be more careful next time.”

“Are you working on something important ?” you ask as she packs her things in her bag.

“You could say that, yes.” 

“Where are you working ? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I’m an FBI agent, more specifically I work with the Behavior Analysis Unit.” she informs, standing up.

“I get why you were tearing your hair out then” you joke.

“Stress comes with the job.”

“Not to the point of losing your beautiful hair I hope. I mean, I’ll probably be doing just the same at one point, this job is taking all my energy, though it’s clearly not the same. I’m not afraid of coffee beans.”

“You’ve been working here for a long time?” Emily questions.

“Since the opening, I’m the owner. I used to work in insurance and then, one day, I just decided to stop everything and open the café I had been dreaming of for years.”

“It was a good decision. I like this place a lot.” She sincerely compliments and it warms your heart.

“Thanks.”

“I’m gonna leave you alone. I wouldn’t want to make you work even later. Sorry again.”

“No worries.”

You start taking the coffee cup and the small plate when you hear the doorbell ring. You wait for the door to close when Emily’s voice resonates one last time in the café. 

“By the way, I’m Emily.”

“Y/N. Come back whenever you want.”

Emily gives you one last smile before leaving the café. You watch her leave through the window before closing the main door and finishing your cleaning. 

After that night, you don’t see Emily for weeks. You live your life as usual but you can’t deny you wish you could see her again. Emily has managed to get in your mind with one single conversation. Therefore, as soon as you end up seeing her again sitting at a table, you can’t help the smile on your face. Emily has at least three files spread in front of her and a pen in her right hand. Like last time, she goes through the different pages, a desperate expression on her face. You serve another client before coming to her.

“It looks like you need another coffee.” you say, making her raise her head.

“I need more than this.”

“Are you getting anywhere?”

“Slowly. Too slow for certain people.” Emily sighs, rubbing her neck.

“I’m sure you’ll find all the clues you need.” you softly tell her and you put your hand on her shoulder, making her heart beat faster. “I’m bringing you this coffee right away.”

Emily doesn’t move until you come back, still in shock because of your touch. Once you’re back, you give her her new cup of coffee and a small plate with a chocolate donut.

“I thought you’d need some sugar, too. It’s on the house.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I want to.”

Before you can add something else, you hear one of your employees calling for you. You smile at Emily then you go see your employee.

Just like last time, all the clients have left, except Emily. And just like last time, you leave her alone whilst you do almost all the cleaning. The second you come back to her, Emily hears your steps and raises her head up before you can talk. She looks at her watch and sighs.

“I didn’t pay attention to the time. Again. Sorry.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” you smile, taking her dishes.

“Do you need help?” Emily asks. “It’s the least I could do to thank you for your patience and the donut - it was really good, by the way.”

“Thank you and I only have to wash the floor and your table and I’m done so no need.”

“I insist. Besides, it’ll get my head out of this case.”

“As you wish.”

Emily takes the broom while you wipe the table.

 “Do you often work late?” you ask, interrupting Emily in her task.

“More than I’d want to but it’s for a good cause.”

“And isn’t it too complicated with your personal life? I mean, I guess you have a lot of work to do and you have to travel quite regularly.”

“It can be complicated. My ex was also an FBI agent and even if it was nice because he could understand how busy our life could get, we ended up breaking up because of this. He was kind, it just wasn't working. It’s a bit more complicated to have a lasting relationship when there is distance.”

As you understand Emily’s last relationship was with a man, you feel dumb for thinking you could have a chance with her. Though, you quickly remind yourself she could be just as attracted to men as she is to women. However, you have to keep in mind that you might have zero chance with her.

“I get it but for me, it used to work with my ex. We broke up because our relationship had run its course, not because of the distance. I think that with the right person and the right efforts, it can work.” you genuinely admit.

“What’s his job?”

“She is a stewardess.”

Hearing you correcting the pronoun, Emily is embarrassed and yet, a part of her is also… reassured? She’s not sure why.

“Oh, sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed-”

“It’s okay.” you promise.

“You haven’t found someone else since?”

“No, I’ve been single for a year now so you can make me work late, I don’t mind.” you laugh.

“I still feel a bit guilty.”

You keep cleaning up as you get to know each other. Rapidly, you start laughing together. Emily is fascinated by you, she hadn’t felt this kind of connection with someone so quickly. She can’t stop asking you questions, she wants to know as much as possible about you. Once the café is completely cleaned, Emily is disappointed. She wishes this moment would never end.

“It was nice talking. We should do this more often.”

“Yeah, we should.”

“Maybe somewhere outside this café. What do you think?”

At your sentence, Emily stops functioning normally. Are you flirting with her? She can’t tell if you are though, she is sure of one thing: she wouldn’t mind it if you do. You give her your phone number, bid her goodbye then you walk to your car while Emily watches you leave, a million emotions running through her body.

As the weeks go by, you meet each other several times. At first, in public, in a park, at the movies, at the restaurant, then, one night, you invited her to finish the evening at your place and you discussed until late in the night.

Emily yearns for those moments with you. She always wants to be with you, listening to your voice, making you laugh. She doesn’t understand what’s happening to her. At first, she just thought she found a rare friendship but the more she thinks about it, the more she wonders if her feelings are only platonics. However, because of her work, she doesn’t have the time to question herself so she just juggles between her professional and personal lives. 

You invited Emily over for dinner. Emily is nervous about it though, she’s excited to see you, especially after the stressful day she’s had. She wants to relax and she knows with you, she can.

As you finish making the sauce, Emily knocks on your door. You open it and let her in. Right away, Emily inhales the smell coming from the kitchen.

“Oh my God, it smells so good.” she compliments as her mouth waters.

“Thanks! It’s the last recipe I learned at my cooking class. I hope you’re hungry.”

“Now more than ever!”

You give Emily a big smile before dragging her to the kitchen. As a way to whet her appetite, you make her taste the sauce and Emily thinks she’s never tasted anything better. Your cooking might compete with Rossi’s, though she’d never tell him.

After eating your supper, Emily’s stomach is perfectly full. You finish the evening sitting on the couch, a glass of red wine in your hands. Emily talks about her work and her team. She tells you some anecdotes and it makes you want to meet them even more. They seem to be important for her, to be her family. Whilst Emily is talking, you tenderly admire her as your bodies get closer and closer without both of you noticing. 

As soon as she looks up, Emily realises how close your faces are. Despite her, her eyes look at your lips. You see it and smile before breaking the distance a bit more. Emily doesn’t back up. Quite the contrary, she lightly leans in, only leaving a few inches between your lips. You’re about to press your lips on hers when a ringtone breaks the tension. Emily takes a step back and takes her phone, finding a new message indicating that there will be a meeting first thing in the morning with Miss. Davis, the attorney general.

“Nothing bad?” you question, frowning.

“No, just some information for a meeting tomorrow.”

After her sentence, there is a heavy silence between you two. This sudden interruption brought you back to Earth and you don’t know if you should act like nothing happened or try to get closer again. Embarrassed, you clear your throat before replying:

“You should go, then. I feel like you don’t sleep a lot and I wouldn’t want to be the reason why you’ll sleep at work.”

“You’re right. I’m gonna go,” Emily accepts and she stands up from the couch. “I had a great time tonight. We should do this again, at my place. Although, I can’t promise you a diner as good as yours.”

“As long as it’s made with love.”

Upon hearing your last word, Emily doesn’t know what to add. She wonders if your sentence was innocent or if you were implying something. She is an outstanding profiler and yet, you manage to make her lose her composure. And so, she simply says goodbye to you before leaving your apartment. 

On the way to her home, Emily can’t help but think back to your evening together and the moment you almost kissed. If her phone hadn’t rang, she could have an even more delicious memory than your food in her head. Before that night, she hadn’t realised how much she wanted your lips. As she thinks more about you, she ends up imagining a future with you where you’d be together and for the first time in her life, she’s not reluctant to it. She’s even delighted about some domestic moments, the same moments she used to get bored of in her previous relationships. She knows with you she won’t get bored. It’s different. What she feels for you, in spite of the fact that she might not fully understand it, already feels easier, more pleasant.

You might be in Emily’s mind more than she’d like to, the fact is, she has a case to solve. Indeed, when Emily is in her office, she’s professional. Sometimes, you find your way to her thoughts however, Emily doesn’t let you distract her. Still, her thoughts become louder and louder and Emily feels like she’ll explode. She needs to talk to someone, even if it’s the last thing she wants to do.

At the end of the day, someone knocks on her office door, getting her out of her head. She invites the person in and Tara appears.

“I wanted to say bye before leaving.”

At her sentence, Emily looks at her watch and discovers it’s almost 8:00 P.M. She sighs before looking up to her colleague.

“Tara, I’d like to talk to you before you leave.”

“Sure. Is it about Sicarius?” Tara wants to know before sitting in front of Emily.

“No, it’s… personal. Rebecca is the first woman you date, right? Before, you only dated men.”

“Yes, I did. Why?”

Tara stares at Emily, confused as Emily searches for her words. Never had Tara seen her in this state.

“How did you understand you wanted to be with Rebecca when…”

“When I had never been attracted to women before?” she finishes with a smile, finally getting where this conversation is leading. “First, now thinking back, I know I’ve been attracted to more women than I thought. As for Rebecca, it was just… natural. We met at a meeting and we clicked instantly. I admit I didn’t understand what was happening to me at first. Suddenly, I found myself wanting with her what I wanted with my exes, the only difference is that this time I found the right person. Why this question?  Did you meet someone?”

“You could say that,” Emily admits, avoiding Tara’s gaze. “Nothing is done, but I never felt this before. You know, when I was younger, I did everything to fit with kids my age, even if it meant making stupid mistakes. My relationships never really worked at first so I drafted a list for the ‘perfect man’ and whenever the man I thought I loved didn’t fit those criterias, I’d break up with him. The rare times a man checked the boxes, I would always search for a flaw. I always felt like something wasn’t working. I never knew if it came from them or me but those relationships never worked and those men always seemed more attached to me than I was to them.” Emily confesses, sighing. “The fact is, there was always a problem then I met her. Just like for you and Rebecca, we clicked instantly and it seems natural. I don’t feel like I’m playing a role and the more I think about her, the more I realise she fits everything I want in a relationship, even things I never thought about before. But… I don’t know…,” she says with hesitation, “I never imagined myself with a woman and yet, with her, I wouldn’t mind it. For the first time, I see a relationship with someone and it seems… peaceful. It’s ten times better than I thought. You know what I mean?”

“I totally get it.” Tara confirms with a big smile. “She really caught your eyes, didn’t she?”

“You have no idea. But I don’t know what to do. I know she likes women and I think sometimes she flirts with me but I don’t know.”

“You should talk with her. Trust my experience and update me.”

Emily hasn’t stopped thinking about her conversation with Tara and she rapidly understands she’s right. Thinking back, Emily knows what was missing in every of her relationships: she never liked those men, no matter her efforts to like them. Emily also knows the feelings she has for you are more than real so, she decided to invite you over so you can talk. 

Yet, once you’re at her place, Emily can’t bring the topic up. She does everything to avoid it. Emily always struggles to talk about her emotions as she learned dealing with them after the fact. However, once she sees your face brightens while you speak about the new things you want to do at your café, she only wants one thing and it’s to act emotionally and kiss you right now. You keep explaining the last baking recipes you want to add when Emily mutters:

“I want to kiss you so much.”

“What?” you exclaim, furrowing your eyebrows and with an ounce of hope.

“Huh… sorry, that’s not what I meant.” Emily apologises, blushing.

“Oh… okay.” you say before marking a pause and getting closer to her. “If it can make you feel any better, I wouldn’t be against it. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for months.”

“What held you back?”

“I wasn’t sure you were attracted to women.”

“I wasn’t sure about it either then, I met you and everything became clearer.” Emily admits, looking deeply in your eyes. “Since I was a kid, I knew I was different, but still I never understood why. And the minute we met, I understood why. I’m a lesbian and… Oh my God, it feels so good to say it out loud!” She screams, joyful and you lovingly look at her. “ I never thought I could be so at peace with who I am.”

“I get it. Realising who you are is never easy, even less when you realise this at our age but it’s so liberating. I’m happy you accepted yourself,” you state, taking her hand in yours.

“I still have some questions, but I think I’ve done the hardest part.”

“Well, I’d be happy to accompany you on this journey, unless you’d rather do it alone, which I wouldn't mind.”

“Did you forget the part where I want to kiss you?”

“Oh no, I still have it in mind.” you chuckle, “though I also know sometimes we need to be alone to unpack all of this. So, I’d understand if you didn’t want a relationship right away.”

“Quite the contrary, for once, everything is easy and I want you. I’m 100% sure about this and I’m not afraid of committing with you.

Determined, Emily puts her hands on your cheeks and gets closer until her lips touch yours. You smile while kissing her and one of your hands finds its way to her grey hair and the other to her waist. Whilst you keep kissing, Emily’s heart is about to explode in her chest. This kiss is the best one she’s ever had. This kiss is soft and yet, ten times better than all the ones she’s shared before. She could kiss you until she can’t breathe anymore and for the very time in her life, Emily knows she’s found the right person for her. In the end, the idea of the perfect man didn’t exist, simply because it was a woman, because it could never be anyone else but you and you’re ten times better than she imagined.

Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

What If - Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Masterlist

Summary : After having an accident, Jake wants to live in the moment even more and take your relationship a step forward, but do you ?

Warnings : Bradshaw!Reader (Reader is Bradley's younger sister by two years), mention of plane accident, mention of deaths (parents and best friend), fear of losing loved ones, proposal, angst, sad ending, implied struggling with mental health, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.6k

French version

Song inspiration : Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift

You run in the hospital hallways, searching for room 322. Your anxiety increases with every step you take. Your destination seems unreachable. Your eyes are filled with tears but you hold them back. However, the second you walk through the door 322, they run free on your cheeks. Seeing Jake’s body laying down on the bed, hurt, doesn’t help to reduce your stress. Hearing you walking in the room, Jake gives you a big smile as if he didn’t almost die the day before. You get closer to him, examining him a bit more while wiping your cheeks. His left arm is in a sling, his head is bandaged and he has several cuts on his face.

“So, I heard you like bad boys,” Jake starts with a cocky smile, “is this good enough for you?”

“Jake, this is not the time to make jokes. You could have died!” you retort, sitting on the chair next to his bed.

“And I didn’t. I’m here and alive.”

“And hurt.”

“The fact is I’m alive. Thanks to your brother.” he specifies, showing Bradley with his chin.

“At least, we now know who is the best pilot.” your brother jokes.

“In your dreams, Rooster, I just wanted to test your ability to react quickly.”

“You’ll do your pissing contest later, tell me how you’re feeling.” you ask, still panicked.

“I’m fine. I almost don’t feel anything thanks to the meds. Y/N, I am fine, really.” Jake promises you, taking your hand with his right one.

“I’m gonna leave you alone.” Bradley informs you by pressing your shoulder. “Get some rest, Hangman.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you.” Jake says once you’re alone.

“Trust me, it’s not just worrying. I really thought… For a moment, I was sure…” you stutter, a tear rolling down your cheek again.

“I know, I’m sorry. Come here.” he invites you, moving in the best way so you can lie down.

“No, I might hurt you.”

“I don’t care.”

Reluctantly, you get closer to the bed. You think of the best way you could get in bed without hurting him. Jake rolls his eyes before dragging you towards him with his abled arm. You find yourself next to him and you put your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his natural scent and the hospital.

“Don’t ever do that again. I can’t lose you.” you mutter.

“You won’t lose me. I promise.” Jake affirms, forcing you to look at him. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, Jake.”

You give a small smile then you press your lips against Jake’s. Your kiss isn’t as passionate as it could be, yet it shares all the love you feel.

Once the night comes, you refuse to leave Jake. You literally beg the nurses to let you stay the night. At first, they insist on you leaving, nonetheless when you explain how scared you were to lose your boyfriend and how you can only stay in San Francisco for two days due to your job, they accept. Therefore, you’re currently on the chair in the corner of the room with a thin blanket. Jake wanted you to stay with him on the bed but you said you wouldn’t, you are afraid you might hurt him while sleeping. Your unimportant argument lasted thirty minutes but you stood your ground until the end.

Tired because of his medicines, Jake fell asleep in a few minutes. As for you, you stay awake, watching his chest rise and fall at the rhythm of his breaths. You don’t dare to look away, fearing that by doing so, he might stop respiring. 

Notwithstanding, with the hours passing by and with all the emotion you felt, Morpheus comes to embrace you in his arms. At first, your sleep is relaxing though as soon as you start dreaming, your breathing quickens. You see Jake lying on the ground unconscious, you hear your own heart-rending scream when Bradley tells you about an accident, you smell the rain while the coffin sinks in the ground, you touch the tears on your fingers whilst you’re wiping your cheeks and finally, you feel your own heart that seems like it stopped beating in your chest. 

You wake up jumping at that last sensation. You calm down your breathing while you stare at Jake, wanting to make sure he’s still alive in his hospital bed. You can’t see his chest moving, you panic then you stand up from the chair and run to him. Jake lightly opens the mouth before closing it several times and then changing position in the bed. Seeing him moving makes you sigh in relief. 

Jake is okay. Jake is alive. Jake is not dead. Jake will not die.

No matter how many times you repeat those sentences like a mantra, your anxiety still doesn’t leave your body. Tears threaten to really stream down your face so you discreetly leave the room. Thankfully, the corridor is empty, allowing you to cry your eyes out. You hold back sobs as much as you can. If you sobbed, you would wake Jake up for sure.

You need a moment to calm down your tears. Seeing Jake hurt because of his work in the Navy overwhelmed you so much for several reasons. The first one being because you love Jake and you don’t want to lose him. The second one is because of the buried memories. Your dad died when you were still a baby and Bradley was only two. You don’t have memories of him but you know how much his death affected your mom. The loss of your father isn’t the only one haunting you. You also lost your best friend Lucy. You had been friends with her since you were four years old. You were inseparable until she enlisted in the army and died at twenty. 

Receiving Bradley’s call about Jake gave you a glimpse of what your mother and Lucy’s mom went through, a trial you always hoped you’d never face.

Once you're sure you won’t fall apart, you go back in the room. By some miracle, Jake didn’t hear you leaving or entering, probably because of the medicine - normally, he’s a light sleeper. You walk back to the chair and stay awake the whole night, you don’t want to sit through another tragic scenario made by your brain.

The next day, you stay with Jake until the evening. You don’t want to leave him behind in the hospital, however, you have work so you don’t have a choice. Bradley promises you he’ll stay with Jake until his family comes during the week-end and he’ll keep you updated on Jake’s health. You only trust Bradley for this, you know Jake might not tell you everything to not worry you.

When you’re back home, you find your apartment dull. What is supposed to make you feel better can’t comfort you whilst in your mind, you get more lost in your deepest fears. The fact you’re in the process of moving out doesn’t help. 

Jake and you are supposed to get a small house together. You should have the keys in two weeks, his deployment was supposed to be over by then. A few days ago, you were still looking forward to leaving your apartment and living with the man you love and now, you don’t know anymore.

Your relationship has always been exceptional, not only because he’s a good man but also considering that, before him, you wouldn’t allow yourself to date an army man. You always knew your mother as a half empty shell so you always wanted to protect yourself from the same deadly fate and the loss of Lucy didn’t help either. You’re already worried about losing your brother and Maverick, whom you consider as your uncle, you don’t want to risk losing your partner, too. Therefore, you had always refused to fall in love with a man like this. Before, you could do it until Jake appeared in your life; just like his personality, his entrance in your life was loud. You tried to resist it but your heart didn’t give you a choice so, for the first time, you broke your own rule. Your relationship with Jake is the most beautiful one you’ve ever had and you have no regrets about it. You used to have no regrets about it. His accident was a good reminder of how dangerous his job is. 

Until you came home, you tried to shut down your fears and your doubts though, now, in your half-empty apartment, you can’t ignore it anymore. That night, you can’t sleep, your mind too busy to torture you.

Unfortunately for you, your mind doesn't give you one second of peace. The following days, you doubt your whole relationship with Jake, imagining the worst case scenarios in which he’d die during several milestones : your first house together, your wedding, pregnancies, anniversaries. The list never seems to end. You can’t be optimistic about it. You’re completely lost in your worries to the point where you end up living like a robot. You’re making yourself sick while anticipating the worst.

Your downward spiral is interrupted a week later by a knock on your door one morning. At first, you ignore the noise, comfortably staying in your discontent. However, when the person insists, you leave your bed and open them, not without sighing, annoyed. You’re about to tell the person to leave but the presence of Jake stops you. He wasn’t supposed to come back to San Diego right now and yet, here he is, in front of you, a big smile on his face and his left arm still in the sling and his wounds on his face starting to fade.

“Jake? What are you doing here? You still need to rest!”

“I know, I wanted to see you though and I couldn’t wait so I took the night train at the last minute. Can I come in?” Jake asks and  you let him in, still surprised.

“Why didn’t you call me? I could have come during the weekend.”

“I wanted to surprise you. You’re okay ? You look under the weather.” he observes, stroking your cheek.

“I should ask you this, you’re the one who almost died not even a week ago.” you answer, taking his hand in yours.

“I’m better, Y/N. Even Bradley told you so. The recovery is gonna be long but I’ll be okay.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“I love when you go all mother hen. It’s cute.” he says, kissing your cheek and you let go of a laugh.

“You’re an idiot. Let’s go to the living room.” you invite him, starting to walk. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No. I just want to talk to you.” Jake informs you.

“About what?”

You frown when he prevents you from sitting on your couch. He slowly strokes your hand before taking a deep breath.

“Look, you know I always try to enjoy the present and with this accident, it really made me realise how precious what we currently have is. I don’t want to waste any seconds, I want to enjoy every moment with you. There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a moment now but I would keep telling myself it might be too early so I always pushed it back then I talked about it with my mom and she convinced me to jump in with both feet.”

“Jake, what do you mean?” you question, stress twisting your stomach.

“Y/N,” Jake resumes, looking deeply in your eyes, “since the second I saw you, I knew you were the woman made for me. I knew you were worth the fight, even if, at first, you wouldn’t pay attention to me. You’re the most intelligent, funny, compassionate and beautiful woman I know. We will have our own house soon and I can’t wait to reach this milestone with you but I’d love for us to reach another one.” he confesses, putting one knee down and your eyes are wide open.

“Jake.”

“Y/N, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

“Wh-what ?” you stutter and Jake nervously laughs.

“Will you marry me?”

“Are you serious?” you question, dropping his hand.

“Huh, yes, I even have the ring.” he specifies, taking out the ring from his pocket, “Though I gotta admit, I think of saying it’s just a joke right now, you’re making me nervous.”

“I’m just surprised. I don’t know what to say.” you defend yourself.

Your eyes are set on Jake’s ring. You’ve seen it before. He’d shown it to you the day you first met his parents a year ago. It’s his great-grand-mother’s ring. It’s simple but you find it beautiful.

“It’s easy, say yes or no.” Jake replies with an anxious smile.

“Jake, we’ve only been together for two years.” you argue and Jake stands up.

“We don’t have to get married next year. We can be engaged for several years. We can wait before calling each other husband and wife, but I have to admit I’d love to, at least, call you my fiancée.”

“Jake, I can’t.” you end up saying.

“What, do you have a first husband in your attic or something?” Jake laughs and you see the panic in his eyes.

“No, I can’t marry you.”

Your sentence sounds like a fatal blow in Jake’s ears. He stays silent, staring at you without understanding what’s going on. He gets a grip on himself when his phone rings in his pocket. Jake knows it’s his mom. She knew he was going to propose today and she is impatient to call you her daughter-in-law. However, it looks like it won’t be the case. Jake opens his mouth several times before managing to utter something:

“What? Why?”

“I… I can’t.”

“But I love you, we love each other. You love me, right?” he asks, doubtful.

“Of course I love you, Jake, more than I ever loved before.” you promise him, making him frown.

“What’s the problem then?”

“I don’t want to marry you.”

If your first refusal already seemed awful to him, the sentence you just said is the final blow. The fact that you don’t want to marry him breaks his heart. He’s lost. It was supposed to be a joyful moment and yet, the ground is falling apart under him.

“What? Did something happen? Did I do something? I… I thought everything was fine between us.”

“It is.”

“Y/N, you have to stop being vague, I don’t understand anything.” he retorts with a strong tone. “What’s going on?”

“You should leave.”

“No, We have to talk about it. You can’t tell me you love me then tell me you don’t want to marry me. Talk to me, Y/N, you have to talk to me. Give me a reason, at least.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” you answer, avoiding his eyes.

“If you explained to me, maybe I’d understand. Are… Are you breaking up with me? Is that why you haven’t been calling me lately?” he questions, desperately searching for an explanation for your behaviour.

“I’ve just been thinking a lot and I think it’s best if we stop right now. I’m sorry, Jake, but I can’t keep being with you. You’ll find someone with whom you’ll share your life with and who will want to marry you.”

“I want it to be you.” he says with a weak tone, tearing up.

“Jake, please.”

“Very well then.” Jake accepts, hurt in his eyes.

Jake turns around and at the rhythm of his steps, your heart breaks whilst you’re looking at him walking to the door. You begged him to leave and yet, you only want to scream at him to come back to you and to hold you in his arms while you apologise. Yet, you stay silent. Jake doesn’t look back when he closes the door.

Once you’re alone, you fall down on your couch. In your head, you convince yourself it’s the best decision. After all, you should feel relieved, now, you don’t have to worry about losing Jake because of his job anymore. Nevertheless, your mind is not calm. You don’t know which way to turn but for different reasons. You wish it was different, it was easier, he had another job, you weren’t afraid. You spend the night crying while removing every trace of Jake in your apartment and unpack some boxes. You have to move on right now before you lose yourself a bit more.

You haven’t talked to Jake for three weeks. He tried to contact you but you ignored every one of his calls. He first wanted to fix your relationship before understanding it was too late, though he wants explanations, explanations you keep for yourself. You don’t want to tell him, you know it’s ridiculous. Why end a relationship given a potential “what if” when everything is fine? However, you also know if you had moved ahead with Jake, you would have ended up sabotaging your relationship. Technically, it’s what you did though at least, you didn’t have to call lawyers to leave his life.

Bradley tried to call you, too, and just like for Jake, you ignored him. Jake probably told him about your break up and Bradley, always being the honourable man, wants to fix the situation. Except the situation can’t be fixed. You don’t want to fix the situation.

When you come back from work that day, you’re surprised to discover your brother at your doorstep. Without thinking, you run in his arms. Sure, you’ve been ignoring him lately but you missed him. The last time you saw each other, you were too focused on Jake to pay attention to him. He holds you in his arms and strokes your back. As soon as you break your embrace, you let Bradley in. You go to your kitchen while talking about banality. Whilst walking, Bradley pays attention to your apartment and notices there isn’t a picture of Jake anymore. Once you’re sitting at the table, you stay silent, waiting for who will be the first to talk about the subject.

“We should talk about the elephant in the room, don’t you think?” Bradley says after a few minutes.

“There’s nothing to say.” you retort, tensed.

“Y/N, you threw away a two years relationship for no reason.”

“I have my reasons.”

“Which are? Jake is probably curious to know them.”

“If you came here to make things better, you’re wasting your time, Brad’.”

“You can’t act like that and expect to not justify yourself. You were happy with Jake, you love him and you broke up without giving a warning. I have to admit when he told me you refused his proposal, I was shocked. I thought you were gonna say yes without hesitating.”

“You knew?”

“He asked me before coming here. I confess, I laugh at him, I didn’t expect him to ask for your hand or give me a heads-up, like he said.” Bradley informs with a smile, thinking back to the memory. “Everything was good between you two, wasn’t it? So why?”

“It’s better like this. He’ll have a wife who knows how to stay and I won’t suffer.”

“Wait, is all of this because of the parents and Lucy?” he questions, understanding the reason. “You’re still with this stupid no-dating-army-guy rule? I thought we were over with it! Y/N, you can’t ruin your life just because you’re scared.”

“I don’t want to end up like mom! You can’t blame me! We were kids but you can’t deny there was a before and an after with mom. She wasn’t laughing like she used to, she wasn’t smiling like she used to. She was the shadow of her former self. I don’t want to go through this if Jake were to die.” you confess.

“It’s because of his accident, isn’t it?”

“It reminded me he could die at any given moment with his work.”

“Just like he could die off-duty. He can have an accident, have a heart attack, choke while eating. You don’t know what will happen in the future. You can’t condemn yourself ‘cause you’re too afraid he might die while flying. It’s ridiculous.” Bradley affirms, resolutely.

“I’m already afraid of losing you and Mav’ and I already lost Lucy and we lost dad, I don’t want Jake to join this list. Can’t you really blame me? I’d rather protect myself by not being afraid everytime my boyfriend goes to work.”

“Let’s imagine the worst were to happen, don’t you think it’d be better to think you spent every second with him? You’d rather live with regrets? You’d rather break your own heart?”

“At least, I know why I’m hurting.”

“Y/N, you have to think about it again.” he sighs. “You have to get out of your head that the worst will happen. You can’t prevent yourself from being happy because of what could happen. You deserve a beautiful life and to be with Jake. I never saw you this happy before and it kills me to see you throw it away because you’re scaring yourself.”

“The problem is I can’t help it,” you start with trembling lips. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it when we first got together then it got better. However, since his accident, it’s been worse. Since your call, I keep imagining what could have happened and what could happen and I’m tired of it, Bradley. I’ll never get rid of it and I hate it but that’s how it is. Believe me, if I could change, I’d do it right now, but I can’t.”

Bradley hugs you as soon as he sees you crying. He holds you against him until your tears stop a few hours later. His heart aches seeing you hurting this much. He knows you’ve always been more affected by your father’s death. Being the youngest, the emptiness you feel about your dad has always been stronger. It got worse with Lucy’s death. That day, Bradley really saw you get broken. He hated every second of this moment of your life. He hates seeing suffering like you currently are. Several times, Bradley tried to help you, he advised you to go see a professional but you’ve always refused. Until now, he had hoped your fears would ease with time, yet, your relationship with Jake just proved him it got worse and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s completely distraught whilst he keeps holding you against him, hoping to give you some kind of comfort. 

Two months have passed since your break up. You take it day by day to heal your broken heart. Bradley tries to stay with you as much as he can while Jake isn’t surrounded by anyone. He prefers to wear a mask and pretend your negative answer isn’t hurting him. Nevertheless, the second he’s home alone, his mask falls and he allows himself to feel all his pain. Jake, who has always done it, manages to fool everyone with his fake cocky smile. Almost everyone. Coyote sees right through him.

That night is no exception. Sitting at the counter in the Hard Deck, Jake is drinking his third alcoholic drink. Jake has isolated himself from the rest of the Dagger Squad, saying he’s tired and wanted to be alone. Though, Javy doesn’t let him be in the doldrums. He sits on the stool next to Jake and orders a beer from Penny. Coyote gives him some minutes of peace before speaking.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Coyote doesn’t even need to specify for Jake to understand. Your relationship has been a taboo subject for two months.

“Not really.” Jake says, taking a sip.

“You should.” he replies while Penny hands him his beer. “Do you at least know why she made this decision?”

Jake didn’t tell anyone the reason for your fallout. He feels humiliated enough by your harsh refusal to his proposal, he wants to bury the end of your relationship and never talk about it again. Though Javy is right, Jake knows he has to open up.

“Rooster talked to her. Turns out she doesn’t want to marry me because she’s scared I might die on-duty.”

“Did your accident scare her that much?” Javy questions, taken aback.

“It was the final straw but she’s always been scared apparently. I mean, I suspected it, you know, seeing what we do for a living, it makes sense. She also lost her dad and her best friend in similar circumstances. The problem is I didn’t know those deaths affected her that much. Anyway, there is nothing else to say.”

Coyote doesn't say anything for a moment, taking in the information and the way might have felt when he learned them.

“Well, she would have made such a lovely bride. What a shame she’s fucked in the head.” he says, ignoring what else to say.

“She suffered and she doesn’t want to go through this pain again, we can’t blame her. I’m not saying she should stay lost in her fear, it’s not healthy though, I get why she does.” Jake states before taking a deep breath and finishing his drink in one go. “I just wish she would trust our love more than her fears.”

Once he comes home, Jake sits down on his couch, sighing loudly. He runs a hand on his face, emotionally drained. As soon as his hand lands on his thigh, his eyes find a picture hung beside his TV that he didn’t have the strength to remove. It’s a photo he took at the beginning of your relationship, more precisely the day you told each other ‘I love you’ for the first time.

You had spent the day at the beach during summer. The sun was setting down whilst you were laughing at a stupid sentence Jake had said. He had stopped laughing before you, admiring you while you tried to calm your laughter. Then, Jake had looked deeply in your eyes and he had said those three words so simple and yet, so powerful. You had replied the following second with a big smile on your face. Before leaving the beach, Jake had asked to immortalise this moment. Thinking back on it, it was cliché and cheesy but Jake didn’t care. For you, he would have done the most cliché gestures if it could make you break a smile.

Jake keeps staring at the picture, your relationship running in his head. Without noticing it, he tears up before the tears stream down his face. It’s the third time he cries since your break up. The first time, it was the night of the proposal after he went home and the second time, when Bradley explained to him the reason behind your ‘no’.

Jake has never been good with his emotions. Between his education and his work in the army, he’s never learned to put words on his pain and to accept being vulnerable. With you, he had succeeded to understand himself better and to open up. It was still complicated despite two years together but he had improved. Now, he is back to square one. He’s back to his shell, running away from his emotions. Though, it doesn’t mean his mind isn’t haunted by 'what if's. What if he never had this accident? What if he had seen right through your fears sooner? What if he had managed to reassure you? What if he had managed to convince you to get the help you need? What if everything was different?

As for you, the questions are similar. Every night, you torture your own mind before crying yourself to sleep whilst looking at the spot where there once was the picture of your first ‘I love you’ before you ripped it off from your bedroom wall just like you ripped off both of your hearts from your chest.

Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

The Slut Of Hawkins - Steve Harrington [1/2]

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Stranger Things Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : You're paying for the consequences of dating Steve Harrington.

Warnings : italics are for flashbacks, Slutshaming, school bullying (reader getting bullied) (talk to someone if you're being bullied!), implied sex, Steve is a bit of a coward, bad relationship with parents, angst, sad ending, fighting.

Word count : 3.5k

Song inspiration : Because I Liked A Boy by Sabrina Carpenter

The laughs were filling the fresh air of the early night. Laying on your backyard trampoline, you were cuddling against Steve. You had been getting closer recently and you had to admit, it made you feel good to have someone to talk to, especially when your parents weren’t there - which was pretty often, that night was another proof.

Steve held you a bit tighter in his arms while you were talking about your favourite singers. You had said some names like Madonna, Bowie though, it was the mention of The Beatles that caught his attention.

“The album Help! is definitely my favourite.” Steve informed you.

“Same for me, I love all of the songs but You’re Going To Lose That Girl and It’s Only Love have a special place in my heart.” you said whilst Steve looked away. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just that It’s Only Love was our song, to me and Nancy.”

“You really loved her, didn’t you?”

“She was my first love. Unfortunately, it ended pretty badly. It became complicated after her best friend Barbara disappeared. Besides, I have to admit, I was at fault, too but I’m trying to be better.”

“I’m sure you will.” you affirmed hugging him a bit more against you. “You’re not the same Steve you used to be. We wouldn’t be here, otherwise. You’re a good person, Steve, don’t doubt it for a second.” 

“Thanks for what you just said.” Steve smiled at you.

“Anyway, what do you think of I Need You?”

“Not really my favourite.”

“Steve Harrington, I am appalled! How dare you say this kind of stuff?” you exclaim, faking shock.

“You asked for my opinion.”

“And you were supposed to agree with me.”

“I don’t like it, it’s not my fault.”

“You just don’t get this song. You’ll see, you’ll be a fan of it one day, I’ll make sure of it.” you stated looking at him right in the eyes.

“I’m dying to see that.”

Your lips were only a few inches away. You didn’t dare to make the first step, even if you were dying to, you were too afraid to have read too much in between the lines. You liked Steve a lot, but you weren’t sure he wanted the same thing. Steve looked at you with stars and tenderness in his eyes, yours were quite similar. You both were waiting to see which one would bend first. Steve was the one who ended up breaking the inches by pressing his lips against yours. Your lips were moving slowly, taking in this innocent moment of the beginning of your relationship.

Now, the innocence is gone. Once you close your locker door, the word “slut” is written in big letters, reminding you of the price you had to pay for this moment. Who knew cuddling on trampolines could be so reckless? 

Far away, Steve is watching you. However, the second you turn your head toward him, he looks down and goes in the opposite direction. It’s been the same thing for a month. You are called names and Steve turns a blind eye. You are accused of being a homewrecker and Steve receives sympathy for the pain you supposedly caused him.

During the day, you keep your head low, not wanting to draw more attention to you. Unfortunately, the insults just like the degrading pieces of paper keep coming your way. The only moment of peace you have is during lunchtime. 

At first, you hid in the bathroom then you ended up running into some girls who made you understand they weren’t on your side so you went to find a safe place in the janitor closet. At least, no one can bother you there. You don’t like the way you accepted the bullying however every time you tried to explain the situation, no one listened to you. So, now, you don’t say anything and you let people tell you who you are, hoping this story will end soon. 

In the afternoon, you have chemistry. As you got used to the past month, you sit at the end of the class, wanting to be far away from your classmates' judging look. You do your best to stay focused on the lesson but you have to admit since the beginning of the rumours, your grades have been falling. You keep your energy to survive the comments so you don’t have enough of it to keep your grades high.

While you finish writing what Mr. Kaminski just said, he announces you’ll work in pairs. Right away, your stomach twists and you want to throw up. You can’t work in pairs. You’ve never been a fan of group projects however now you hate it; it’s an open door to being called names nonstop for a whole hour. The teacher informs he’s already made the groups before saying them out loud. Like a convicted person, you wait for him to say your name. You’re part of the last group and you’re with Tucker Walker. At the mention of his name, you want to die. He’s part of the basketball team and he’s entitled. You don’t like him. You try to negotiate with your teacher to work alone but he insists.

“Come here, Y/L/N, I’m not gonna eat you.” Tucker laughs.

Reluctantly, you gather your stuff and go to his desk. You put as much distance as possible, wanting to avoid new rumours.

“I’m going to do the whole exercise and I’ll put your name on the sheet like this, you’ll have nothing to do.” you announce while starting to read what you have to do.

“Who said I didn’t want to work with you?”

“I don’t want to work with you.” you specify. “Now, do something else and let me work.”

“On the contrary, I’m sure I can be useful.” he contradicts, putting his hand on your knee.

“Take your hand off.” you say through gritting teeth.

“What?”

“Your hand. I don’t like you and if I’m not mistaken, you’re with someone.”

“It didn’t stop you with Harrington.” he says before leaning in. “You can meet me behind school later.”

“No.”

“You don’t have to play hard-to-get because we’re in class.”

“I’m not playing hard-to-get, I just don’t like you.” you repeat, trying to stay calm.

“That's what you say now.”

By some luck, Tucker takes his hand off and lets you work. You’re surprised to see him give up so easily. You know it’s hiding something else, from now on, you have to avoid him.

You finish the work sheet the same second the bell rings at the end of the class. You pack your stuff quickly and give the sheet to your teacher before leaving the room. Tucker doesn’t follow, allowing you to sigh in relief.

Walking by your locker, you discover the insult is gone. It’s one of the positive things with the janitor, he always erases the insults right away. Though, no matter how many times he erases them, he’s never reported it to the principal, leaving you on your own with the high schooler venom.

The moment you leave school, you walk to your car when you get stopped in your tracks. In front of you, there are four girls, Jessica - Tucker’s girlfriend - included. You try to not show anything, mentally preparing yourself for what she’s going to tell you.

“What makes you think you can hit on Tucker, my boyfriend?” she asks drily, “Being his chemistry partner and telling him to meet you behind school? That’s where you were going, weren’t you? He’s not coming. Unlike Steve, he won’t let the slut of Hawkins destroy our relationship.” Jessica affirms, you’re about to answer when she beats you to it. “Don’t even try to deny it, Tucker told me and Sarah heard you!”

“Well, she can’t hear correctly then and your boyfriend is lying. Tucker is the one who hit on me and I stopped him. He put his hand on my knee and told me to meet him behind school.” you retort, annoyed.

“You think I’m gonna believe you over my boyfriend and my best friend?”

“I know you’re not going to believe me. It’s so much easier to believe your boyfriend who tells you what you want to hear rather than the girl who shows you the true colour of your boyfriend. Don’t be too disappointed the day you’ll discover he’s cheated on you, if he hasn’t done it already.” you state with a fake smile.

“Take that back.”

“Why ? Everyone knows he’s a cheater.”

“He’s different with me.” Jessica insists and you shake your head.

“That's what he wants you to believe but the truth is, he’s sleeping around while keeping you under his hat.”

The sound of the slap resonates in the school parking lot. You look at Jessica with eyes wide open whilst you’re touching your cheek. For you, that’s your last straw, you answer to her attack by pulling at her hair. Jessica’s scream alerts the adults around while her friends try to separate you two. You keep giving her a piece of your mind when two arms wrap themselves around your body and gets you away from Jessica. Being separated doesn’t stop both of you from insulting one another and trying to go for the throat again until Mister Jenkins arrives.

“That’s enough! What is going on here?”

“She attacked me!” Jessica lies, pointing at you.

“What? You’re the one who slapped me first.”

“She’s lying, we saw her, sir!” a friend of Jessica adds.

“They’re lying, Jessica did hit her first.”

Looking behind you, you discover the one who is holding you back and who is defending you is none other than Eddie Munson. You didn’t even see he was around and you certainly didn’t expect him to defend you.

“Are you seriously going to believe what Munson is saying?” Jessica questions, faking tears. “He’s always against us! He’d say anything to get us in trouble. I’m the victim here-”

“You’re talking nonsense, you-” you cut her off before Jenkins gets your attention back.

“Enough! I have enough. Go to the principal, now!”

And that’s how you end up in Mister Higgins’ office for the first time. You can’t believe the situation got this bad. The worst part isn’t listening to the disapproving speech of the headmaster, it’s actually witnessing your mom’s disappointment beside you as he speaks.

While the principal is explaining to your mom and Jessica’s mom what happened, you look at your feet, holding back tears of anger. Once he’s done talking, Higgins catches your and Jessica’s attention.

“Do you have anything to add?”

“I didn’t attack her first.” you insist.

“Everybody saw you!” Jessica retorts.

“You’re the one who accused me of stealing your boyfriend. I did nothing wrong.”

“Yeah, just like you didn’t break Nancy and Steve’s relationship.”

“Sir,” you start, trying to keep a calm voice, “I’ve been receiving insults for more than a month now from everyone including Jessica. She called me a slut then she slapped me when I told her her boyfriend was cheating on her. Eddie Munson saw it, he told Mister Jenkins.”

“Munson,  the one leading a cult? What a reliable source!” Jessica’s mother states, rolling her eyes.

“Madam, please.” Mr. Higgins reprimands. “One witness against Jessica’s three friends doesn’t bring a lot to the table.”

“So you’re not even going to do something about the harassment I’ve been receiving?”

“Y/N.” your mom says drily.

“I’ve never heard anything about people being mean to you. However, your grades haven’t been going down for some reason.”

“If you cared a bit more about your student, maybe you’d know why.”

“Y/N, enough!” your mom orders you before turning to Mister Higgins. “I apologise. I guess Y/N will be punished?”

“Indeed, we can’t tolerate this kind of behaviour. Technically, this kind of situation can lead to expulsion though considering Y/N has always been a good student - until now -, we’ll just say she’s going through a bad phase. Y/N will have a month of detention and you will be doing an assignment on bullying.”

Before you can protest, your mom glares at you. You stay silent while your mom apologies once again for your behaviour. Your mom’s grip on your arm forces you to stand up and to leave the office. She doesn’t say anything until you arrive at your car where she orders you to get home right away.

Once you’re home, your mom informs you you’re not allowed to drive your car therefore, you have to take the bus to go to school before informing you to stay in your room until your father arrives.

The second you close the door, you finally let your tears of anger stream down your face. You’re frustrated by the whole situation and you have never felt this alone before. You lay down on your bed rolled up in a ball, searching for some comfort. As you search for that much-needed comfort, your mind takes you back to a time in your life when you had it without needing to make any effort.

At one point, you had this comfort with you. When everything was still going great, it wasn’t rare for Steve to come to your place and put on a smile on your face.

You had been a couple for three months and no one knew about your relationship. You preferred to not say anything, wanting to protect what you had. Thanks to your relationship, you both felt less alone, you finally felt like someone cared about you, that was why you felt so good with him. Therefore, you would see each other when your parents weren’t home. As you didn’t want to stay alone for another night, you had invited Steve to come. Knowing he was in the same situation, Steve had rang at your door thirty minutes later.

Laying on your bed, you were enjoying each other’s presence after your first intimate moment you had just shared. Steve had his arms wrapped around your hips, pressing your back against his torso.

“You know,” Steve started, whispering in your ear, “maybe you’re too late to be my first love, but you’ll always be my favourite. I like what we have.”

“Me too. I like you, Steve, a lot.” you told him, turning around to look at him.

“I like you a lot, too.” he replied, tenderly kissing you.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the harsh voice of your father ordering you to come downstairs. You fastly wipe the tears away from your cheeks and prepare yourself for what your parents are about to tell you. While you’re walking down the stairs, your father makes a sign to go to the kitchen. You sit whilst your parents stay on their feet on the other side of the table, a severe expression on their faces.

“Is it true what your mother told me? You’re getting into fights now?” your dad says, angry.

“I was only defending myself, Jessica attacked me first.”

“Why would she attack you? I know her dad, she’s a nice girl.”

“She called me a slut and she accused me of stealing her boyfriend when I didn’t do anything.”

“Why does she say you did then?” your mom questions, annoyed.

“Because she’s against me like everyone else in this school!”

“Lower your tone, young lady.” your father orders.

“It’s about what she said about Steve and Nancy, isn’t it?” your mother wants to know with accusing eyes.

“Yes, they accuse me of breaking their relationship when it’s not the truth.”

“Because you never did anything with Steve, didn’t you?”

“How do-” you start, shocked to discover she knows.

“It’s a small town and you really thought the neighbours wouldn’t see you sneaking in a boy in our own house?”

“You sneaked in a boy?” your father angers.

“And according to Miss Johnson, it went on for several months,” your mom specifies, “aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”

At this sentence, the tiny bit of hope you still had about your parents disappears. You can’t believe your own mother is against you. You’re getting used to the reputation people gave you but hearing your own mother implying you’re less than good because of your relationship is the final blow. You can’t understand how liking a boy could destroy everything.

“Steve and I got together after he broke up with Nancy, I almost wasn’t talking to him when he was still dating her. Steve was my boyfriend and we did nothing wrong!” you defend yourself, feeling the tears coming.

“Of course and you did nothing wrong when you attacked this poor Jessica.”

“Poor Jessica? She insulted me and hit me. I did nothing. Why don’t you want to believe me? I’m your own daughter and yet, you’d rather believe Jessica than me.”

“The facts are here!” Your father yells. “Besides, we should have reacted a long time ago, have you seen your grades? Do you really think you’re going to pass your year like this?”

“My grades are getting worse because I’m going through a living hell at school.”

“Stop playing the victim! We have enough of your behaviour. You have to do better and quickly. Go to your room right now! And don’t forget to apologise to Jessica.”

Tired of screaming in the void, you don’t answer your mother’s order and run to your room. Mad, you slam the door behind you. Normally, you’d be scared to hear more reproaches however at this moment, it’s the least of your concerns.

You throw yourself on your bed and you hold back a scream of frustration. You can’t understand why your own parents don’t have your back. They didn’t even try to listen to you, they only blame you some more. You know it’s stupid yet a part of you was hoping they would understand. You were wrong, no one is on your side; you didn’t think it possible, yet, you feel even more alone.

If you thought you already were the public enemy, the second you get back to school the following day, you realise it’s worse. Everyone is staring at you, you’re called even more names just like the whisperings got worse. You’re being even more discreet than usual - if it’s possible - wanting to keep to yourself.

In hindsight, you tell yourself you wouldn’t recommend dating boys with exes, it’s not worth all the pain and all the bullying that comes with it, in particular if the boy in question ignores you.

When you go to your last class of the day, you wish you could say you’re finally about to breathe but you still have detention. You have to stay at school a few more hours.

Sitting at your usual seat in your history class, you put your notebook on your desk. Your eyes land on the last page you wrote until they fall on the inscription carved on the desk: “the slut of Hawkins = Y/N.” It’s not the first time you see those words, it’s actually on this very table you discovered your life was about to change before you could do something about it. Despite the time, those words still feel like a knife in your chest. You distinctly remember the moment where everything fell apart.

You were behind the school building with Steve. You had been together for four months but contrary to the first three, it wasn’t going on so well between you two. You didn’t get along anymore. No matter your effort to hold him close, it was always ending in an argument. The main reason for it was that you were more invested in this relationship than Steve. You had noticed this the moment you had tried to get closer to him at school.

“I’m not asking for a lot, Steve! I’m not asking to make out with you in front of everyone, I just want to, at least, be able to talk with you without you ignoring me. I’m your girlfriend and yet, it looks like you don’t know me.”  you pleaded, mad and desperate.

“You said you wanted to keep our relationship for us.” Steve retorted, avoiding your eyes.

“That was before it became more serious between us. I like you and I want to say you’re my boyfriend.”

“I know but you know that with Nancy-”

“What are you bringing her into this? She moved on, unlike you! She’s with Jonathan, I don’t think she cares if you’re dating again. Why are you searching for an excuse? I thought you liked me, too.”

“It’s true.”

“Really? It doesn’t look like it!” you said, outraged. “I feel like I’m alone in this relationship. Everytime I take a step towards you, you push me away. I’m getting tired of it. I don’t even know why I even try to save our relationship when it’s clear you don’t care.” you finished, going inside the building.

“Y/N, wait-” he tried to hold you back.

“No, we’re done, Steve!”

That day, you ended your relationship with Steve, signing at the same time the end of your peaceful life in high school. While you were arguing, someone had heard you and had twisted the whole story. Before you could react, the rumours had started to fly a few days later at school that you had ruined the relationship with Nancy and Steve by seducing him. There was nothing you could do to correct the rumours. Just because you liked a boy, you got judged as a homewrecked and you had to accept your sentence.

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Stranger Things Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

Falling - Katherine Pierce

Masterlist

Summary : The heartless Katherine Pierce is falling in love with you but she's scared of you.

Warnings : vampire!reader, The Vampire Diaries canon violence, mention of torture, angst, happy ending, implied sex (no actual smut), maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

A/N : I've finally had enough time to write another one shot! So sorry for taking this much time, it's still be complicated for a bit but I'm hoping everything will be coming back to normal very soon!

Word count : 3.4k

French version

Song inspiration : Labyrinth by Taylor Swift

Katherine’s eyes are set on your figure as you’re laying down on your stomach, the sheet covering half of your naked back. Katherine turns around in the bed and faces you, she admires every inch of your face that isn’t hidden by the pillow, from your closed eyelids to your lips, those lips she loves to kiss so much. Katherine gets lost in her contemplation and reminisces about the first time you met.

Chicago was plunged into the colours of the night while you were behind a bar which wasn’t very frequented. You were feeding when the sound of heels hitting the paved ground caught your attention.

“I wanted him to be my diner.” Katherine's voice resonated in the alley.

“Too late.”

You let go of your prey, letting the man fall before turning around and finding Katherine; your eyes were wide opened as your exclaimed:

“As I live and breathe, Katherine Pierce!”

“I see my reputation precedes me.”

“The only vampire who’s escaped from Klaus for more than 500 years, it’s something rare. Really impressive.”

“I know.” Katherine had smiled proudly.

“May I ask why the infamous Katherine is doing in Chicago?”

“I’m visiting. I’m enjoying the free time I have while Klaus is busy with the Salvatore brothers and my pathetic doppëlganger to have some fun. Do you know any interesting places to fill up?”

“You have in front of you the perfect tour guide. Three hundred years of experience under my belt.” you had told her, getting closer to her.

“Show me the way.”

You two had matched so well that Katherine had found her way into your bed the same night. 

Following your meeting, Katherine stayed one month in Chicago with you and she even ended up considering you as a friend, a friend with benefits but a friend nonetheless. In your presence, Katherine feels safe, protected, something she hadn’t known for half a millenium. Thanks to you, Katherine always has a smile on her face, you make it your personal mission to make her break a smile.

Of course, Katherine isn’t someone who stays put. She had ended up leaving town and promising you to come back. 

And that’s what she did that night. She came back to Chicago after five months away from you because she missed you - though she’d never admit out loud.

As you shift position in the bed, your arm makes its way to Katherine’s waist, bringing her closer to you and also snapping her out of her daydream; Katherine enjoys this touch more than she’d want to. She let herself go to your embrace while inhaling your body scent with her eyes closed; whilst she engraves it in her memory, Katherine feels her heart beating a bit faster, something that hadn’t happened in a while - she always makes sure it doesn’t happen. Katherine’s thoughts are all over the place, searching for an explanation nevertheless the conclusion is unanimous. With dread, Katherine thinks: 

“uh-oh, I’m falling in love.”

She can’t accept it. She has to avoid these feelings. Love never works when it knocks on her door and she doesn’t want to lose you. She cares too much about you to ruin what you have so Katherine does what she does best, she picks up her clothes and runs away, leaving you alone in your big bed. 

Three months have passed since Katherine ran away. You’ve tried calling her, she’s declined all your calls. Katherine does everything to forget about you whereas all of your thoughts are focused on her. You don’t understand what happened; sure, sometimes she can be busy with other things so she doesn’t pick up the phone but she always calls you back. She always called you back. You worry about her, fearing she might be in danger. You don’t have any other explanations in mind so you’ve started looking for her. You need to make sure she’s okay.

From one supernatural creature to the other, you slowly get information on Katherine’s whereabouts. Katherine quickly gets notice of your actions and she makes it harder for you by putting you on the wrong track. She still needs some time alone as a way to be sure her feelings for you are gone. She can’t let them take a bigger spot in her heart. Katherine is lost in the labyrinth of her mind as she wants to repress the feelings that only want to be expressed.

However, you’re stubborn and know how to get what you want, you manage to find her a month later. 

You wait for Katherine at her apartment. You don’t know when she’ll get back though, you know you won’t let her slip through your fingers, you have to talk to her.

Katherine ends up coming home in the middle of the night. As her guard is always up, she knew something was wrong before she opened the front door. Carefully, she comes in and she sees a figure laying on her bed, Katherine speeds up, ready to attack but stops the second she realises it’s you.

“You’re freaking dumb! I almost ripped your heart out!” she screams, running a hand down her face.

“Why are you ignoring me?” you blankly ask.

“You should leave.”

“No. Not until you answered me.”

“I have nothing to tell you.” Katherine affirms, crossing your arms on your chest.

“Katherine, why are you ignoring me?”

“Because you’re annoying.”

“Tell me the truth.” you order, irritating her even more.

“Oh my God! Why do you insist so much? I owe you nothing.”

“I was worried about you! I thought something happened to you! I thought maybe Klaus hurt you.”

“I’m doing fine, you can go now.” she tells you, showing you the door.

“I’m staying.”

“Leave me alone, Y/N.”

“Answer me, Katherine.” you say, mad.

“I want you to leave me in peace! We had fun, it was nice but I want to move on so stop being clingy.”

“That’s it? Without a real reason? Everything was great and you woke up last time and decided to leave and never look back?”

“Exactly.” she replies, her voice deprived of any emotion.

“I don’t buy it.”

“Believe whatever the hell you want, I don’t care.”

“I know you, you’re hiding the truth.”

“If it was possible, you’d be giving me a headache right now.” Katherine sighs, rubbing her temples. “Leave it, Y/N!” she snaps.

“No, I’m not gonna ‘leave it’. You left without saying a word, you ignored my calls and you gave false information so I wouldn’t find you.” you enumerate, your last information taking her aback. “I might have never been on the run, but I know how you work. I know you’re running, from what I don’t know but you’re running from something.”

“You’re talking non-”

“Am I?” you cut her off, desperate. “Because it’s exactly what you’re doing. As soon as something you can’t control happens, you run away, you isolate yourself from everyone. You might not be used to this, but you matter to me so I want to know the truth, I want to know what’s wrong so I can be here for you. Don’t shut me out, talk to me.” you beg, taking a step toward her. “I’m here for you.”

You catch your breath once you’re done talking. Your gaze is set on Katherine, waiting for her to react, she doesn’t. Katherine is too preoccupied with being shocked to do so. Never had someone ever cared that much about her. She doesn’t know how to react. Only her heart does. It beats a bit faster whilst the feelings she’s been shoving down explodes once more in her chest. 

“Oh no, I’m falling in love again,” she wonders. 

She thought she had the situation under control, that she’d be able to protect herself like she always has yet, you make it hard. Katherine wants to protect herself from love. Stefan, Elijah and other people, it always ended badly. No matter how much she tries to stay in control. She accepted she isn’t meant for love so Katherine can’t give in now, not even when you do everything to keep her close to you.

Katherine takes a deep breath then her face is emotionless as she drily replies.

“I don’t want you, here or anywhere else. I’m perfectly fine on my own. I don’t get how you could think for one second that you mattered to me. You’re nothing to me so go away.”

Katherine’s words are like a stab in the back. Your eyes stings and you try your hardest to not tear up. You look at her one last time before slamming the door of her apartment behind you.

When Katherine is alone, a sob almost inaudible escapes her lips. She looks up, hoping no tears will fall. She didn’t fight for five hundred years just to crack now for something so insignificant! She is Katherine Pierce. She survived to the cruellest original, she can’t let herself breakdown because she doesn't want to fall in love. Though, the pain in her heart doesn’t help. Katherine tries to ignore it by thinking it only hurts this much right now before the pain eventually softens. It has to. Katherine breathes in then breathes out. It’s only a hard time to pass, she will forget about it quickly. That’s what she tells herself but a part of her knows she’ll be getting over you her whole life. The bond you have is too rare to be forgotten that quickly.

You haven’t talked with Katherine in the past six months. You miss her. You wish you had never lost what you had. You had never felt this for no one before. You knew being close to Katherine wouldn’t be easy. A lot of people told you to stay away from her because she only brings pain nonetheless, you didn’t listen to them. At first, you were glad you formed your own opinion. The minute Katherine lets her guard down, everything becomes easy and you spend an unforgettable time. However, when she creates walls, everything becomes painful. You wish you could talk to her again, but she hasn’t shown a sign of life since you left. Furthermore, you are the one who always makes the effort, it’s her turn to prove she cares about you. 

As a consequence, you go back to your daily life like it used to be before you met her, even if your heart bleeds from her absence. Some things seem more insipid, like the nights you spend alone, the walks you do in town without having someone to tell your historical facts. You struggle, though it’s slowly getting easier. 

One night, while the streets are lightened up by the lampposts, you notice a woman from afar. You have to look at her for a few seconds to recognize Claudia, she had helped you to find Katherine. She nods before disappearing behind a car which drives past her. You follow her whilst you’re searching for the reason why she’s here. As soon as you enter a dead-end alley, Claudia stops and faces you.

“Why all this mystery?” you question, joking.

“I have information on Katherine Pierce.”

“I found her six months ago, you’re late.” you tell her, starting to leave.

“She’s been kidnapped two weeks ago.” Claudia informs, your stomach twists upon hearing that.

“It’s impossible. It’s Katherine Pierce we’re talking about.”

“That’s what I was told.”

“And is your informer reliable?” you ask, searching for any trace of lie.

“Quite reliable, yes.”

“Who kidnapped her? Klaus? One of the Salvatore brothers?”

“No, it’s Everett Ackland.” Claudia says, this name sounds familiar. “Katherine caused him some problems two hundred years ago. He wants revenge.”

“Why does he keep her alive, then?”

“Katherine caused him problems with Klaus. He hopes he’ll make amends by giving her to him.”

Following her sentence, you remember what Katherine had told you about Everett and you know he won’t sell her to Klaus without torturing her first. Worry leaves its place to anger, knowing he’s hurting the person who means the most to you.

“Where is she?”

“He’s holding her at Bloomington, Indiana. I’ll send you the address on your phone.”

You don’t add anything else and walk away. As soon as you come home, you grab a few things, including some blood bags, then you drive to Indiana. On the way, you receive a message from Claudia and you drive faster, wanting to arrive as soon as possible.

You’re near the woods when you stop the car, a few metres away from the abandoned house. You walk to a tree and break a branch as a way to have stake. With your vampire hearing, you listen and find out there are four vampires besides Everett and Katherine. Determined and angry, you walk to the house.

Silently, you open the door and start walking. The moment you’re in front of the enemies, you kill them quite easily. You guess there are young vampires Everett created for his revenge plan. By killing his minions you know he’s aware of your presence. You stay on the lookout for every noise while going to the cellar where Katherine is.

As you go down the last step, you only have enough time to see Katherine when Everett attacks you. He pins you against the wall, making you drop your stake. You answer his attack and you start fighting back. Your fight lasts several minutes until you rip his heart out, not without smiling at him. His body drops dead on the floor whilst you let go of his heart. You turn to Katherine and run to her.

“Kat’, you’re okay?”

Upon hearing your soft voice, Katherine looks up, a relieved expression on her face. You glance at her body and notice the chains tying her up on the chair but also the first signs of drying up. She needs to feed right now.

“I’m here, it’s gonna be okay.”

You keep reassuring her while breaking her chains. The second Katherine is finally free, her body falls on yours. You barely hold her whilst she holds onto you as if you were her safety net. Paying more attention to her, you realise she doesn’t have her necklace to protect her from the sun anymore.

“Where’s your necklace?” you ask and Katherine points the table in the corner.

Katherine still leaning on you, you get back her jewel and put it back on her neck then, you put her arm around your shoulders and you two walk to the car where you help her to sit on the passenger side. Before closing the door, you go  to your trunk and get two blood bags then you give her one. In less than a second, she drinks it until the very last drop. As soon as Katherine feels better, you give her the second one then you go behind the wheel. While Katherine is feeding again, you start the car.

You’ve been on the road for more than an hour.  You’re focused on the way you drive whilst Katherine still hasn’t said a word. Her eyes are lost on the landscape. You don’t start the conversation, guessing Katherine probably needs time to gather her thoughts so just like she does, you stay silent.

You’re about to enter the State of Illinois when Katherine’s hoarse voice breaks the silence.

“Stop the car.”

“What?” you ask, not sure you understood.

“I said stop the car.” Katherine repeats louder.

“We’re almost there.”

“I said stop the freaking car!”

Abruptly, you brake, surprised by her harsh tone. You don’t have the time to put the car at a standstill when Katherine has already opened the door. She quickly walks, determined. You know she can use her vampire speed at any given moment so you run to her and stop her by gripping her arm.

“Let me go.” she says, mad and taking her arm out of your grip.

“And where do you wanna go exactly?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll see along the way.”

“It’s stupid, let’s go home.” you stop her as she is ready to leave.

“It’s not my home. Leave me alone, I can take care of myself. I don’t need you.”

“Yeah, that’s what I saw!” you retort, sarcastic. “You totally had the situation under control when you got kidnapped and you were chained.”

“I would have found a solution, as always. I’m a survivor, I can save myself.”

“It’s true you managed to save yourself for centuries but it doesn’t mean it always has to be this way. You gotta accept that sometimes you need help like right now.”

“You freed me once, don’t make it such a big deal.” Katherine exclaims, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not making it a big deal! I just want to show you I’m here for you when you need it.”

“I don’t need you anymore so leave me alone.”

“Why do you try so hard to push me away?” you question. “I know you told me I’m no one for you but we both know it’s not true. What we had was real and genuine and for some reason you decided to ruin everything. No matter how many times you try to convince me, I know it’s not true.” you insist, getting closer to Katherine. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have wasted that much time on me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have stayed all these nights and days. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have confessed that much about your past. Otherwise, you would have never been that vulnerable. Otherwise, you would have never searched for comfort in my arms when I came for you. So why? Why do you-”

“Because I love you!” she cuts you off, screaming.

“What?”

“I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you and it scares me.” she admits, looking at you deeply in your eyes. “Every time I allowed myself to feel those emotions, it brought me my own downfall. Every time, I ended up losing this person and I didn’t want to lose you. I’m afraid of being in love with you and losing you because I know if it were bond to happen, I wouldn’t be okay again so I preferred to run away rather than facing you.”

“I love you, too.” you confess, trying to take her hand unsuccessfully.

“Don’t say it because I told you. I don’t need your pity.”

“I’m saying it because I mean it. I love you, too and that is why I can’t let you walk away. I love you too much to lose you, too. And I know it won’t be easy because you went through awful things so you don’t trust easily but I can be patient.” you affirm, succeeding in taking her hands.

“You’re saying this right now but you’ll end up hating me like everybody else.”

“I know you. I knew your reputation well before meeting you and it didn’t stop me from getting closer to you. I learned to get to know you, the real you and it didn’t stop me from falling in love with you. I want you and everything it involves, the good sides and the bad ones. You can try to push me away as much as you want but I’m not going anywhere. I will always be there for you because I love you.”

Your hands on both sides of Katherine’s face, your eyes looking deeply in hers, your determined tone, Katherine’s heart can’t handle and starts to beat wildly. She didn’t expect this reaction from you. She didn’t expect that much conviction from you for everything you had. 

As Katherine’s eyes search for proof, even a tiny one, that you’re lying, she can only see honesty, love and the fear you have of losing her. At this moment, only a thought crosses her mind: 

“Oh, I’m falling in love.” 

She thought she was going to face another lost cause, see another love fall down, you just proved to her that this time, it could be different. This time, she can allow herself to fully fall in love without being scared, you’ll always be there to catch her.

Katherine puts her hand on yours, softly stroking it before kissing you with passion. You answer her kiss while bringing her closer to you as possible. Katherine loses herself in your kiss which, for the first time, doesn’t taste like a future betrayal but pure love.

Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

I Cannot Afford To Lose You - Bucky Barnes

Marvel Masterlist

Summary : You get shot on a mission, resulting in you almost dying in Bucky's arms.

Warnings : gunshot, gunshot wound, reader almost dies, a tiny bit of angst, fluff, John Walker, Bucky being protective, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3k

French version

A/N : this one shot was based on this request made by @tieddown-withbattleshipchains hope you'll like it ! Personally, I enjoyed writing it, your idea was really inspirational :)

You enter a dark room, your senses on alert, lying in wait for a potential threat with your batons in hands. You look at every side of the place when you see a shadow coming towards you. Just in time, you block the punch of the Flag Smasher with your weapon. Then, follow a fight between you and the masked woman. Despite the Supersoldier serum running in her veins, you can get through it pretty easily. Thanks to your training with Bucky, you can easily adapt to a fight with someone who has super strength. You succeed to hit her but not enough to knock her out. Your hits only made her lose her mask, allowing you to see she’s a woman in her early twenties. You keep fighting when a gunshot can be heard. Lowering your gaze on your stomach, you see blood. The Flag Smasher pushes you before running away while you fall on the ground. You bring your hand to your wound and try to put pressure on it, despite the pain.

“Y/N ? What was that ? You’re okay ?” Bucky’s worried voice asks in your earpiece. “Y/N !” he screams as he doesn’t hear an answer from you.

“I lost the target.” you articulate after a few seconds.

“I’ll handle it.” Sam informs, “Everything is good for you ?”

You don’t have the strength to answer him, too focused to not bleed out. You sweep the area with your eyes, hoping to find the shooter yet you see no one. You keep looking around, searching for something to help you, in vain. Your breath quickens when Buckys appears. A worried expression takes its place on his face when he runs to you. Before reaching you, you can hear him ordering Sam to call paramedics. Bucky kneels next to you, takes your hands away and puts pressure on your wound. Gradually, your eyelids are getting heavier so Bucky shakes you with one hand to keep you awake.

“I forbid you to fall sleep, you hear me ? Stay focused, Sam called for help, they’ll get there soon.”

“I’m tired.” you stutter, looking at him with difficulty.

“I know but you can’t close your eyes, okay ? You’re gonna make it out alive so stay awake.”

“Bucky, I-” you start putting your hand on his.

“No, shh,” he cuts you off softly, “focus on not closing your eyes. You’ll tell me what you want to say later. Hold on, Y/N, you’re gonna make it out alive.” he repeats whilst his hands are getting dirty with your blood.

You try to listen to Buky and do everything to not fall asleep however the more the time passes, the harder it gets. You slowly start to give up when the paramedics come to you. Distantly, you can hear Bucky screaming your name while you sink into darkness.

When you open your eyes, you feel attacked by the lightness of the place. You close them for a second before opening them again slowlier. When you’re finally used to the brightness, you analyse your environment and realise you’re in a hospital room. Your eyes fall on Bucky who is sitting next to you, his hands holding your right one and he’s lost in his thoughts. You lightly move your fingers to catch his attention. Feeling you moving, Bucky’s head instantly turns on his left. When he sees you awake, he sighs in relief before getting closer to you. With his left hand, he strokes your cheeks. 

“Hey, how are you feeling ?” he whispers.

“Like I got shot.” you say, trying to smile.

“At least, we know for sure we haven’t lost her.” Sam intervenes, making Bucky roll his eyes.

“Are you hurting somewhere ? Do you want me to call a nurse ? I should call a nurse to let her know you’re awake.”

“No need. The IV is still working.”

“It’d be safer and maybe they need to check something as you’re awake now.” your boyfriend insists while pressing the button to call the nurse.

“Worse than a mother hen.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

“Don’t make me laugh.” you order as you feel a pain in your belly even though you only laugh a little at their bickering.

“Sorry.” Sam apologises.

Bucky keeps looking at you as if he was afraid that if he looks away you’ll disappear. You look at him lovingly, hoping it’ll reassure him, confirming to him he hasn’t lost you. Meanwhile, Sam feels a little bit left out yet he can’t help but look at the scene tenderly, knowing very well what you mean to Bucky. 

Indeed, since you met the former Winter Soldier, you’ve always made sure he never misses anything. You helped, and still help him sometimes, to get used to the modern world and you’re one of the few shoulders he can cry on without feeling ashamed. Your feelings for each other got stronger gently and your relationship evolved at the same pace. Your bond is strong and indescribable. All that you both know is you can’t live without the other. Bucky in particular cannot lose you, not only because he loves you but also because you’re one of the rare constants in his life since he got his memory back. 

Someone knocks on your door, breaking your bubble by doing so. You get ready to greet a nurse when you find John Walker in his Captain America outfit and his helmet in hands. You frown, not expecting to see him here.

“John, what a pleasure !” Bucky starts, sarcastically, “Are you here to give the Shield back ?”

“Buck !” you reprimand him and he fakes an innocent expression.

“I just wanted to know how you were feeling.” John asks you, avoiding your gaze for a second.

“I’ll get by, considering I almost died.”

“About that, I wanted to apologise.”

“What are you talking about ?” you question, frowning. 

Although if you didn’t see who shot you, you guessed it was a Flag Smasher as your wound allowed your enemy to escape, until Sam caught her, so you don’t understand John's apology.

“I… I was targeting the Flag Smasher,” explain John, playing with his helmet, “but while you were fighting, you moved and I shot you by accident.”

Upon hearing the end of John’s sentence, Bucky sees red and lets go of your hand before trying to get to John. Sam barely holds him, preventing Bucky from breaking his therapist’s rule number two. John moves back to the door in case Sam wouldn’t be able to hold Bucky back anymore. Your boyfriend forces himself to not use all of his strength against Sam, he knows he’d be able to get away from his grip if he really wants to but he also knows it’s not the thing to do. Bucky finally got his pardon, he can’t ruin everything now. However, it doesn’t mean John didn’t almost ruin the most precious relationship to his eyes. As if it’s enough that Bucky can’t for the life of him like the new Captain America, now he has only one urge : hurt him real bad or go back in time and force Sam to keep this damn Shield like this, you wouldn’t be in this hospital bed.

“It was an accident, I promise.” John states, “I really am sorry.”

“They don’t teach you how to shoot in the army anymore or what ?” Bucky spits as Sam tightens his grip on him. “Come on, if you don’t have a clear view, you don’t shoot, that’s common sense ! Because of you, Y/N almost fucking lost her life and we almost didn’t catch the Flag Smasher. You can’t be that stupid !”

“Bucky, he didn’t do it on purpose.” you intervene, hoping it’ll ease the tension.

Even if you hate John as much as Bucky does, you can’t have your boyfriend rearranging his face. You can’t have Bucky being the US government’s number one enemy again.

“I don’t care about that,” Bucky retorts to you, “You almost died in my arms because of his incompetence.” he keeps saying as he points at John with his chin, “What a good Captain America ! Just for that reason alone, you should give the Shield back.”

“It was a mistake. Besides, I just got promoted as Captain America, I still have a lot to learn.” John tries to defend himself, irritating Bucky a bit more.

“Shooting innocents shouldn’t be a part of it ! You’re supposed to have learned this at the beginning of your training in the army. It was more than a mistake. You better leave now before I make you a permanent resident in this hospital.”

“You should go, John.” you confirm, knowing well Bucky’s anger won’t cool off now, “Thanks for telling me the truth.”

“It was the least I could do. Again, sorry, Y/N.”

When John finally leaves the room, Sam slowly lets Bucky go, though he stays at the ready to hold Bucky back just in case. Your boyfriend takes a deep breath before setting his attention on you. He might seem calmer, you can see in his eyes his anger is still there. He sits back down whilst Sam gets settled at the end of your bed.

“All of this could have been avoided if you hadn’t given up the Shield.” Bucky exclaims, making both yours and Sam’s eyes roll. 

“Still with that.”

“How can you not be mad at him when he almost killed you ?” he questions, confused.

“Look, you know my opinion on him as Captain America and today proves us a bit more, it shouldn’t be him, but the fact is, he didn’t hurt me intentionally.”

“Intentionally or not, I could have lost you.”

“And it’s not the case. I’m still here.” you assure him, stroking his cheek.

Bucky is about to add something when the nurse he called earlier enters your accommodation. She checks your vital signs, asks you some questions and informs you your doctor will come check on you later before letting you rest. Thanks to her appearance, Bucky finally gives up the ‘John’ subject, however he’s still fulminating. To lighten up the mood, Sam changes the subject by talking about his house in Louisiana. He speaks about the weather, his family boat and the several activities his hometown has to offer until your doctor cuts him off. She explains to you they saved you just in time and you’ll have a scar on your belly. Finally, she informs you you’ll have to spare yourself for a while, strictly forbidding you to get back on the field until further notice. You can’t help but let go of a frustrated sigh at her last information. The last thing you needed was to be confined in your bed when you’re someone who is active. When she leaves, Bucky tries to make you see the bright side as he knows you’re annoyed by your current situation. However, no matter what he says, it doesn’t seem to make your pout go away. Sam finally proposes to do your recovery at his house in Louisiana, away from the city. You weigh the pros and cons before accepting, not without making Bucky roll his eyes. 

When you’re finally cleared to leave the hospital, you discover the State where Sam lives. The latter gave you and Bucky the guest room. You thanked him countless times for his kindness whilst Bucky only gave him a small smile to show his gratitude.

During your recovery, the two men pamper you. Sam makes you taste the traditional dish from Louisiana as well as his family recipes. You have to admit Sam is a good cook, something you wouldn’t have thought at first. Sam also brought you several things to keep you busy from your bed like board games or some manual activities. You now consider yourself a pro in the making of bracelets with plastic pearls. You’ve made some for Sam, his sister Sarah and her sons AJ and Cass but also for Bucky. AJ and Cass aside, Bucky is the one who has most of them, with cute or ridiculous names going from ‘my lover’ to ‘grumpy’. Some of your bracelets are in perfect contrast with his Vibranium arm.

As for Bucky, he’s always by your side and worries even when you assure him you’re not in pain. He helps you clean your wound, change your bandage and always makes sure you’re in a good sleeping position. Finally, during the night, when you’re asleep, Bucky is glued to you - while being careful about your wound - and delicately rests his head on your chest to hear your regular heartbeats. By hearing them, Bucky can breathe and sleep peacefully whilst saying to himself again and again you’re still alive, you’re still by his side, he hasn’t lost you.

After several weeks laying down, you can walk a longer distance than the one from your room to your bathroom. Sitting on your bed, you’re putting your shoes on when Bucky with his eyes wide open comes to you.

“What do you think you’re doing ? You need to rest.” he reminds you, stopping you from tying completely your left shoelace.

“The doctor told me I needed to walk to help with the healing.” you explain playing with the pearls of his bracelet making the word ‘oldman’.

“What kind of stupid advice is that ? You need to stay in bed.”

“Bucky, if I stay one more second on that damn bed, I’m gonna burn it down.” you inform with a serious face. “Besides, I’m not gonna run a marathon, I’m just gonna walk very slowly around the house. Come with me if it can make you feel any better.”

“What if you hurt yourself while walking ?” he inquires and you stop yourself from rolling your eyes.

“Then, thank God my amazing and strong boyfriend will be next to me to help me. Bucky, I’m fine.” you comfort him, looking in his eyes. “I’m not in pain and I need to move. I can’t stand there and look good anymore in this house. I know every corner of this bedroom, I need to go out.”

Bucky seems to consider it for a second, mentally weighing his options before sighing and nodding.

“OK, but if you feel even the slightest pain, you better tell me and we go home.” he orders, untying your left shoelace to redo it, “and we’re not walking more than five minutes.” he adds.

“Fifteen.” you negotiate. 

“Ten.”

“Deal.” you accept with a childish look.

Bucky finishes tying your right shoelace before giving you his hand to help you get up from the bed and examine your face for any sign of hurt. To prove him you’re fine, you smile at him before pecking his lips. He takes your right arm and locks it with his to support you while you start leaving your temporary quarter. Upon - finally - leaving the house, you take your time to enjoy the sun’s heat on your face. You walk, sharing with Bucky all of your observations on the landscape in front of you. Since you arrived, you didn’t get the time to admire the outside beauty of Sam’s house so you look at every tree, flower and wave, enjoying the nature Brooklyn doesn’t have.

After a few minutes of walking, you ask Bucky to stop. Immediately, he questions you, worried you might pass out at any given time.

“I’m fine.” you reassure him though his worried expression doesn’t leave his face.

“Sorry I’m always on your back but I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I know.”

“Do you think I’m too much ?” he questions while touching the bracelet with the word ‘sweetheart’.

“No, I think it’s cute the way you’re always worried.” you say, lifting his head with your hand. “You’re a real mother hen but I like it.” you add, making him chuckle a little. 

“Can you hold it against me ? I really thought I’d lost you.” he says, reminiscing the moment where he got to you as you were bleeding out. “When you started closing your eyes, I was sure it was the end. And I cannot lose you.” Bucky affirms with a shaking voice, “I know I don’t tell you often but my therapist says I need to learn to communicate what I’m feeling so here I am saying it : you matter to me and I need you in order to keep moving on. I know it might sound selfish but I cannot afford to lose you and if it were ever to happen… i don't know what I’d become.” he keeps saying with teary eyes, “I need you close to me. I love you so much.”

As you see a tear rolling down his cheeks, you take him in your arms and stroke his back. He hides his face in the crook of your neck and breathes in your smell. A part of Bucky feels bad for being the one getting comforted when you’re the one who got wounded notwithstanding he needs it. Losing you is his worst fear and since John shot you, he became aware his fear could become real in a second. You keep hugging him, proving to him it doesn't bother you to comfort him because you understand him.

“I love you too, Bucky,” you murmur in his ear, “so much.”

You stay in each other’s arms for a few minutes until your anxiety vanishes away. When you break the embrace, one of your hands finds its way to Bucky’s cheek and the second one strokes the bracelet with the pearls ‘forever’ before taking his left hand.

“I can’t promise you I’ll always be safe considering what we do for a living but I can promise you one thing : I will always do in my power everything to stay by your side and I want you to promise me the same because I need you as much as you need me.”

“I promise.”

Like to seal your promise, you delicately kiss each other with the Sun as a witness. Bucky doesn’t put his hand on your waist, worried he’ll hurt you involuntarily, so his hands find their way to your cheeks while yours get lost in his hair.

Marvel Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[marie-swriting]

The Slut Of Hawkins | And The Freak - Eddie Munson [2/2]

Stranger Things Masterlist

Part one

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : After months of loneliness because of your reputation being destroyed, Eddie Munson is there for you.

Warning : slutshaming, mention of bullying (reader and Eddie getting bullied) (talk to someone if you're being bullied!), mention of bad relationship with parents, quick mention of drug, trust issues, angst, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.9k

Song inspiration : Bad Reputation by Shawn Mendes

Your detention is over, finally allowing you to run away from a prison to go to another. You bid goodbye to the teacher and leave the school building. The parking lot is empty save some cars.

You’re walking toward the exit when you hear a voice holding you back. Before you have the time to turn around the person is already in front of you, panting. Steve is in front of you, panting. You try to walk past him yet he holds you back.

“What do you want?” you ask, drily.

“I… I just wanted to know… How are you?”

“Because you care now? Leave me alone.” you retort, trying to leave again.

“Y/N, wait!”

“What?”

“I’m sorry for everything that happened.” Steve starts with guilty eyes. “I didn’t mean for things to go that bad.”

“And yet, you did nothing to stop it. And don’t you even dare say I’m wrong.”

“I went to the principal as soon as everything went down with Jessica. I tried to explain the situation, to defend you but he didn’t want to-”

“I stopped waiting for you to take my defence more than a month ago, Steve.” you cut him off, annoyed. “At first, I stupidly thought you’d be on my side, that you’d defend me and you know what you did the first time I was humiliated in front of everyone, including you? You turned around and left me alone. I stopped counting on you a long time ago, Steve.”

“I know I acted like a coward but I want to make amends. It’s been going on for too long.”

“You want some kind of medal for your sudden realisation? It’s too late, Steve! There’s nothing left to do.”

“Y/N, please. You meant a lot to me.”

“It doesn’t feel like it!” you scream, clenching your fists. “You know, one day you told me I’d always be your favourite love, well, I’m telling you, you will always be the one I regret. The beautiful three months we spent together aren’t worth all the pain and the bullying I’ve been receiving.” you say, angry tears in your eyes. “You made me feel more alone than I’ve ever been. You said you wanted to be someone better, you have a lot of work left to do. I sincerely hope you’ll be able to do better. Either way, I don’t want to see it. Now, leave me alone.”

“Please, give me a chance.” Steve begs, grabbing your arm.

You’re about to reply to Steve when a van stops next to you. You both don’t pay attention to it until Eddie Munson’s voice cuts off your conversation.

“Hey, everything alright here?”

“We’re just talking.” Steve informs Eddie.

“Very well. Y/N, I’m still bringing you home tonight, right?”

At Eddie’s question, your eyebrows furrowed. You never talked with Eddie about him bringing you home; actually you never talked with Eddie before. Looking at him more carefully, you understand he’s just offered you a way out from your conversation with Steve. You’re about to accept when Steve beats you to it.

“I can bring her home.”

“Y/N?” Eddie insists.

“I’m going home with Eddie. Stop talking to me, Steve.”

Before Steve can add something else, you get in Eddie’s van without looking back. Eddie starts driving as soon as you close the door. You stay silent for a few seconds while a tear runs down your cheek, Eddie leans toward the glove compartment and takes a tissue before giving it to you. You softly thank him and wipe your cheeks. Once Eddie considers he’s at a good distance from school, he stops and turns to you.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really, no. I’m gonna leave here, there’s a bus soon.” you say, taking your school bag at your feet. “I don’t want to cause you any problems, especially if you’re in a relationship.”

“Good thing I don’t have a girlfriend, then.” he smiles. “And even if I did, I don’t care what they say about you so I don’t mind bringing you home.”

“Thanks.” you say before giving him your address. “Can we wait for a bit before going home? I don’t want to go now.”

“Sure.”

Eddie gives you as much time as you need to get a grip on yourself when you tell him you feel better, he starts driving the car again. You both stay silent almost the whole way home, Eddie supposes you need it; however he wants to put on some music, he clears his throat to catch your attention.

“Do you mind if I put some music on, as a background sound?”

“Not at all, go ahead. It’s your car, you don’t have to ask me.”

“It’s just, you seem lost in your thoughts, I don’t want to interrupt you.” Eddie explains whilst putting on a tape and turning down the volume a little.

“Sorry, I’m not very good company tonight.”

“That’s not what I meant. I guess you had a long day.”

“Let’s not talk about it, let’s talk about you.” you cut him off, turning to him. “Why did you finish school this late? I’m not judging, it’s just I know you’re not a fan of school.”

“That’s the least you can say.” Eddie laughs. “We had a meeting with the Hellfire club, we finished late.”

“What is your club about?”

“According to people outside of Hellfire, we worship Satan. Officially, we play Dungeons and Dragons.”

“Is it some kind of board game?” you question, curious. Edide lightly laughs at your guess.

“It’s a roleplay game.”

“Oh okay. Tell me more.”

Eddie doesn’t need you to ask him twice to start rambling. Instantly, he becomes happy while explaining the universe, the different characters and some of his campaigns. Eddie is the one who does all the talking, your answers are shorts, yet you listen to him carefully.

When you’re finally at your home, he forces himself to stop talking. Eddie parks a bit before your house - to be sure he won’t get you in trouble with your parents as he says with a humorous tone. Your heart tightens at his comment, Eddie, just like you, is a victim of the spitefulness of teenagers your age. You glance at your house before grabbing your bag and turning to Eddie.

“Thank you.” you say before pausing. “For bringing me home and for defending me last time.”

“Well, it wasn’t very useful considering they didn’t listen to me.”

“Sure but you were the only one on my side so just know, I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” Eddie genuinely replies.

“I’m not gonna bother you any longer.”

You leave Eddie’s van though before you can walk away, Eddie leans toward the car window from the passenger side and opens it.

“Y/N, wait! I noticed you never eat at the cafeteria for lunch. If you want, you’re welcome at the Hellfire table.” he invites you, warming your heart.

“It’s very nice but I don’t like eating at the cafeteria with others.”

“Well, just so you know, in the woods behind school, there’s a picnic table almost no one knows about. I eat there sometimes. We can eat there tomorrow.”

“I… I’ll think about it.” you promise with a small smile. “Good evening, Eddie.”

Eddie smiles back at you while you slowly walk to your front door. When Eddie is sure you’re home safe, he leaves your street, going back to the trailer park.

From that night on, Eddie pays more attention to you. Of course, he’s heard all their rumours and all the variants. Yet, Eddie is known for not blindly following what he’s told about someone else. It’s been a long time since he’s wanted to talk to you; he knows all too well how isolating having this kind of reputation can be. Nevertheless, he didn’t know how to start a conversation with you, after all, you had never really talked before until he came to your rescue the last time you talked with Steve.

After a week of analysis, Eddie’s noticed some of your defence mechanisms. The first one he noticed before he even talked with you is that you never eat with someone else - he has some ideas on where you might go hiding to eat. He also knows you always take the long way home to avoid everyone; no matter if it’s to go to class or to go home. He knows this whole situation doesn’t stop at school, it also happens in your own home. Eddie wants to give you some support like he would have liked to have the first time he got bullied.

It’s actually the reason why he decides to wait after your detention again. He wants to talk with you without having someone interrupting you or making you run away. As soon as you leave school, Eddie gets out of his van and makes you a sign. You frown before walking toward him, slightly embarrassed.

“Were… were you waiting for me?”

“I wanted to see if you need a drive home.” Eddie proposes.

“I take the bus. Last time was an exception, not that I didn’t appreciate by the way.”

“I know but I thought that maybe I could bring you home every day.” he explains, pointing at his van. “As your detention always finishes late. And I can even make some detours so you don’t have to go home right away.”

“Why?” you ask, on the lookout.

“I noticed-”

“No, why are you proposing?” you specify, interrupting him. “You seem nice but we don’t know each other, I don’t know why you’d want to bring me home when you could leave school earlier.”

“I just want to.” he replies with a genuine tone. “Plus, last time, you said you’d eat with me and I waited the whole afternoon for you which isn’t very nice so you kinda owe me.” he jokes, making you smile.

“I said I’d think about it, I never confirmed anything.”

“True and maybe you didn’t come because you had some homework to do or just because we don’t know each other that’s why I thought that by being your driver, we could become friends and maybe you’d be less hesitant at the idea of eating with someone.” Eddie admits, yet, you stay sceptical. “Y/N, I swear I’m being honest here, I’m not trying to trap you.” he adds, taking a step towards you. “If you don’t want to, I leave you alone. If you agree but then you change your mind, I leave you alone, too. I’m just offering my service, nothing more.”

You stare at Eddie, trying to decipher him. You know Eddie’s reputation and no matter what people say about him, the fact is, he’s one of the rare people from school who never put you down and the only one who defended you in front of everyone. You feel like he means his words. You have no reason to doubt, but you can’t help it. Your mind shows you every worst case scenario, trying to prove you this situation could get worse. However, your guts tells you to trust him for some reasons. 

“Fine, I accept.” 

At your answer, a big smile takes place on Eddie’s face then he runs to dramatically open the door of the passenger side. You laugh at his antics before getting in his van.

This time, on the way home you’re more talkative. You ask him some questions about Dungeons And Dragons before the conversation goes to more basic topics. You enjoy Eddie’s eccentric personality. He makes you laugh out loud, something you hadn’t done the past two months. You’re even disappointed when you see Eddie stopping in your street,  you wish you could talk with him more. You thank him before leaving his van and going home with a genuine smile on your face.

During the following weeks, your friendship with Eddie is only composed of the conversations you two have when he brings you home. You know Eddie a bit better now and you have to admit, thanks to him, life at school is more enjoyable. You haven’t dared eating with him at the picnic table so far - that doesn’t mean you don’t want to, though.

Everytime he asks you, you want to accept, except you can’t help but think about what people could say about you if they saw you going to the woods with Eddie. A new rumour could start in a second. Things are finally calming down, you can’t risk going back to square one. Nevertheless, the more the time passes, the more you want to spend it with Eddie, therefore, on the day of your last detention, you finally decide to abandon the janitor's closet and walk to the woods. Eddie is already at the table, he’s started to eat his sandwich. The second he hears someone coming to him, he raises his head. Once he sees you, he gives up his sandwich and claps his hands.

“Ladies and gentlemen, she has come !” he says solemnly. “My God, I was afraid to eat all by myself once more.”

“Feels pathetic, right?” you laugh whilst Eddie invites you to sit down in front of him. “I thought that I refused your invitation too many times, I was afraid you’d refuse to bring me home in return.”

“Never.” Eddie affirms while you take out your lunch. “I like you too much to let you go.”

“So that’s your refuge when you don’t eat at the cafeteria?”

“Pretty cool, isn’t it?”

“More than the janitor’s closet.” you confirm.

“Is that where you usually eat?”

“At least, I run into no one.” you inform, starting to eat. “Eddie, can I ask you a question?” you ask after a pause.

“Tell me.”

“How do you do it? I mean, people have been saying awful things about you for years and I don’t feel like it’s hurting you. Maybe I’m wrong and you just hide it very well. Either way, I’d like to know.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, at first, it was hard.” he confesses, avoiding your gaze. “I couldn’t stop thinking I must be the problem, if I weren’t like this maybe people wouldn’t say that. If I didn’t dress a certain way maybe they’d like me more.” Eddie adds, playing with his sandwich. “I spent the whole elementary school trying to find a reason, trying to find a way to be accepted until I realised they weren’t worth it.” he affirms, looking up at you. “I understood their opinions didn’t matter because they weren’t important to me. I understood I’d rather live like I wanted to rather than change myself and lose myself. At first, I felt alone until I met other outcasts like me. When people invent stories about you, it isolates you from the others and it creates damage; however the important thing to do is to be surrounded by the right people.”

“Beside you, I have no one.” you admit, sadly.

“Hellfire would be happy to have you.”

“Your friends don’t know me.”

“And I’m sure they’d like you if they did.”

“Maybe later.”

“Claiming back the insults they give you can help, too, you know.” Eddie specifies. “You can’t let their words hurt you. You have to create strength out of it. Now I can say I’m a freak and I’m proud of it.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know, it’s an everyday work but you can do it.” Eddie encourages you, standing up to be next to you. “You have to take the strength away from these words. They hurt you because you think they’re negatives but if you make them something positive, they won’t have any more insults to tell you.”

“You’re not seriously suggesting that I say I’m slut and I’m proud of it?” you question, panicked. 

“I don’t want you to say, I want you to yell it.” he corrects.

“You’re stupid.”

“Come on, do it.” Eddie orders, forcing you to stand up.

“I’m not gonna do it.” you retort, crossing your arms on your chest. “I’ve spent months trying to get rid of this label, I’m not gonna put it on myself.”

“You should do it, it’ll free you.”

“I’m still not convinced.”

“Do you trust me or not?” Eddie asks, determined.

“Yeah but-”

“Then do it.” Eddie interrupts, uncrossing your arms.

“I’m a slut and I’m proud.” you say without much conviction.

“Louder!”

“I’m a slut and I’m proud.” you repeat a bit louder.

“Again!”

“I’m a slut and I’m proud!” you finally scream.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Eddie yells while you smile because of his silliness. “Your smile is pretty by the way, you should show it more.”

Eddie means his words. He adores seeing you smile just like he loves hearing you laugh. By observing you these past few weeks, he quickly realised you usually keep a neutral expression - except the day you can’t hide your pain. He makes it his personal mission to give you back your smile. He wishes someone would have done the same for him when the bullying started. Eddie likes to think he makes your days a bit more bearable as well as your evenings when he brings you home.

The minute you leave your last detention, you hand back your essay on bullying to Mr. Kaminski with a big smile on your face. After a whole month, you’re finally free. You bid your teacher goodbye before running away from the place. As you walk through the corridor, your smile gets bigger when you think of what you’re going to say to Eddie about your last detention. Your turn in a new hallway where your locker is when you notice someone around it. Your smile fades and you trot towards the person, thinking you’ll find the one who is tagging your locker. At your surprise, you don’t find anyone from the basketball team nor Jessica but Eddie as he tries to scrub with a towel the insult which was written the day before.

“What are you doing?” you question, startling Eddie.

“My God, you scared me! I’m cleaning your locker. What do you think I’m doing?” he answers as if it was obvious whilst showing the towel in his hand.

“It’s very nice, I just didn’t ask you to do it.”

“I know.”

“You can stop, the janitor will take care of it tomorrow, as he always does.”

“You’ll wait a long time.” Eddie laughs as he keeps washing off.

“What do you mean?”

“The janitor is not the one who cleans these horrors off your locker. I do. And sometimes, I can also get rid of some notes that stick out.” Eddie informs, surprising you.

“Wh- why?”

“You don’t deserve to have your locker tagged.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was doing this out of interest.”

Eddie looks into your eyes as he says his last sentence while your heart misses a beat. You didn’t know Eddie cared since the beginning. He’s always been kind to you and thanks to him, you’ve been feeling better. He’s one of the rare good things that’s happened to you; his friendship is precious to you. You don’t know what you would have become without him. You keep gazing at each other lovingly until Eddie clears his throat.

“I’m almost done. And no, you can’t help me.” he quickly adds as you were about to reply. “Wait for me in the van, I only need a few more minutes.”

Eddie’s keys in hands, you get closer to him and kiss his cheek before muttering ‘thank you’. Eddie’s heart jumps at this contact. He stupidly smiles while you leave the building.

After that day, you let your guard down, allowing yourself to fully trust Eddie. Besides your friendship going to the next level, you feel like this whole thing with Steve is behind you. You believe you can have some kind of normal life. At least, it’s the case at school, your parents aren’t over it, they keep talking about it and since they’ve discovered your friendship with Eddie - once again because of Miss. Johnson, your neighbour - it’s worse. Thankfully, Eddie’s support makes things easier.

As a consequence, you accept to do the one thing you’ve been avoiding the past three months: eating at the cafeteria. You feel ready to face the potential stare from the others - with Eddie’s support, obviously. Before walking through the cafeteria’s door, Eddie makes sure you’re okay before putting a hand on your back and inviting you to take the first step. At first, no one notices you which makes you sigh in relief. However, as soon as you arrive at the Hellfire table, some people start whispering whilst pointing at you. You ignore it while Eddie introduces you to his friend.

Lunch goes smoothly until Jessica and her friends walk by you.

“Wow, the slut and the freak, they’re a good fit for each other! She’s probably with him out of interest, if you know what I mean.” she says whilst bringing an imaginary joint to her lips.

You don’t pay attention to it, knowing all too well it’d be a waste of your time to face them. Furthermore, you don’t want to go back to detention once more. You focus back on what Eddie is saying about his last campaign, listening in silence. During the whole time, you stay silent, not understanding half of their references. The few ones you get are thanks to Eddie who’s introduced you to Star Wars and some other universes he likes.

“Are you gonna be there for the next Hellfire session?” Josh asks you.

“Oh, huh, I don’t think so. I’ve never played DnD.”

“You should come.” another person from the club replies.

“See, I told you they would like you to come.” Eddie says with a satisfied smile.

“I’ll think about it then.”

“Let’s talk about you.” Nick starts. “Is it true what people say? I gotta admit I don’t know how you could have dated Harrington. This guy is superficial and according to what Eddie told us, you’re totally different from him so I don’t see why you’d want to steal him from Nancy. Besides, even about Nancy, I…”

You don’t let Nick finish his sentence before trotting out of the cafeteria. You’re tearing up as you go through different corridors, not knowing where you want to go. Eddie goes after you, not without glaring at his friend. Eddie screams your name while he runs behind you but you don’t listen to him. You get closer to the school exit when Eddit catches you. He puts his hands on your shoulder before standing in front of you.

“Let me go, Eddie.” you order, getting out of his grip.

Eddie raises his hands to show he doesn’t want to hurt you. He keeps a good distance from you before talking.

“Don’t listen to what he said. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“It’s not about what he said.” you specify. “He said nothing wrong technically. It just shows that even if the rumours aren’t spreading as much, everyone still thinks about it. Your friends talk about it, people point at me, even my parents still talk about it ! And now that we hang together, I’m afraid they’ll talk about you, too.”

“You know I don’t care what they say.” Eddie reassures you.

“I do! You had to face this for too long and I don’t want to be the reason you receive new insults. Besides, until everyone forgets all about it, they’ll always find a reason to call me a slut again. New rumours are probably already spreading thanks to Jessica.”

“Don’t listen to her. You remember what we talked about, you’re a slut and you’re proud of it so we don’t care about her.”

“I care.” you retort, firmly. “She almost ruined my school year and my relationship with my parents is at its lowest since our fight. And now, they know we’re friends and they start criticising me again. I felt like everything was going fine but now, it still seems so fragile, as if everything could go back to what it used to be in an instant.”

“It won’t be the case.” Eddie promises you, getting closer to you. “Plus, you’re not alone. You got me.”

“Why do you insist so much? We didn’t even know each other before all of this.”

“It’s true and at first, I wanted to talk to you to be sure you weren’t going through all of this alone but now, I care about you. I like you a lot and-”

“That’s what you say now until the day you’ll be fed up with all of this.” you interrupt him, having a flashback from your relationship with Steve.

“Y/N, I mean it when I say I don’t care what they say about you. I know they gave you a bad reputation because of your relationship. They don’t know what you’ve been through and Steve didn’t know how to be here for you but I’m not like him. You probably have some issue trusting me but have some faith in me when I say I’m not like them and that I like you a lot.” he affirms, putting his hand on your cheek. “You know I only follow my own rules and I’ll need more than a few rumours to make me run away.”

“I-”

“I know you’re scared to be hurt again and it’s okay.” he cuts you off, “but I promise you, I will always be by your side and trust me when I tell you I could be the one to treat you right, unlike the others, I know you’re an amazing girl and I don’t want to lose my chance. You mean a lot to me and I’m not gonna let you slip through my fingers because of some brainless teenagers.” Eddie says and you take a step back. “Don’t push me away because you’re scared. Don’t let go because of this reason. You can’t let them dictate your life anymore.”

“I thought I was ready but I’m not.” you inform, going backward. “Sorry, Eddie.”

And on those words, you leave school. You don’t care if you have some classes left, you need to get away. You need to take a step back from this whole situation. Eddie lets you go with a heavy heart, understanding your reasons.

The following day, you avoid Eddie like the plague, you know you got scared and the way you pushed Eddie away isn’t fair, considering everything he’s done for you but you can’t help it. Everything went downhill without a warning last time and you never want to go through this again so you preferred to run away before it could get worse. 

Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean you’re not hurting. You miss Eddie. You knew you cared about him though before avoiding him, you didn’t know just how much. You have to stop yourself from running to him; you just want to be in his protective arms like the time you brokedown the first time you came to his place. You need him more than you imagined. And this feeling of missing him doesn’t get better when you discover a note in your locker. At first, you think about throwing it away, fearing another insult except you recognise Eddie’s handwriting. Your heart tightening, you open it and read it:

“Y/N, 

I know why you pushed me away but please, think about it before isolating yourself once more. You know it’s not good. I’m here for you and I always will be, even if you only talk to me in thirty years. You mean a lot to me so I will always be by your side during the good and the hard times, especially during the hard ones.

I miss my friend. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I need my friend. All I need is you.

Please, don’t cut me out of your life because you’re scared of getting hurt or what people might say about me. I just want you, I don’t care about them. 

Eddie”

After ignoring him for more than a week, you can’t stay away from Eddie any longer, you miss your friend too much. Eddie’s little note worked on you, though you try to deny it at first.

While you’re leaving school, you see Eddie close to his van talking to a Hellfire member. You watch him from afar, searching for what you want to tell him. The second you think you know what to say, you start walking toward him as you keep your eyes on his figure. You’re only a few metres away when his friends leave, allowing Eddie to notice you; he smiles as soon as he sees you. Eddie is about to talk to you when you put your hands on his cheeks and press your lips on his. Eddie is stunned at first then he kisses you back, enjoying your touch. You can hear some people talking around you but you don’t pay attention, only deepening the kiss. Eddie feels his heart exploding as he realises that for the first time in a while, you do something you want without caring what people might say about you. Eddie hands go from your hips to your cheeks, bringing you closer to him. Once you’re out of breath, you regretfully break the kiss, you have an idiotic smile on your face as you take in the moment.

“I don’t care what they say either. I just want you and that’s all that matters.” you affirm. “They can talk all they want, as long as I have you, I don’t care.”

Part one

Stranger Things Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

Waste Of Time - Jake "Hangman" Seresin [1/2]

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : You can't stop reminiscing your relationship with Jake despite your break up.

Warnings : angst, sad ending, Jake being a dick, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 1.9k

Song inspiration : Things I Wish You Said by Sabrina Carpenter

Sitting on your bed, you’re holding your phone in front of you with Jake’s contact picture on the screen. You’re so excited to talk to him again that you have a big smile on your face. You’re currently on deployment so you haven’t been able to communicate properly with your boyfriend for the past few days. 

After a few seconds, Jake’s face appears and you see he’s sitting on his couch.

“Hey, I’m sorry for not calling earlier, it’s crazy out here.” you apologise.

“Don’t worry, I totally get how complicated it can be to call.”

“Anyway, what’s up?”

“Not much, it’s pretty calm.” Jake says before avoiding your gaze. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“I… Look,” he nervously starts and you stand up, fearing what’s about to come next, “I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m just gonna rip the bandage off; we should break up.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“It’s not you, I swear, it’s me.”

“What kind of bullshit is this?” you say, angry and confused. “Everything is fine between us. I don’t understand why you want to break up. Did I do something?”

“No, like I said, it’s not you. I just want to focus on my career and-”

“And what? I’m some kind of distraction? You can’t be in a relationship and work like a big boy?” you retort, annoyed.

“You’re mad and I understand it but it’s for the better.” Jake calmly replies which makes you even angrier.

“Clearly.”

“Y/N, you’re a good person, I don’t want you to doubt it for one second.”

Jake’s sentence should bring you some kind of comfort and yet, it just makes you turn on him even more. You don’t even look at your phone anymore, a million emotions going through your head. You don’t know if you’re more devastated or mad. Understanding it’s of no use to insist, Jake sighs before talking one last time:

“I’m gonna leave you alone now.”

You glance at your phone again, waiting for Jake to say something else and yet, nothing comes. Jake doesn’t even add a “I’m sorry” before hanging up, leaving you in your bedroom alone and in a heavy silence. You keep your eyes on your phone, still in shock by what just happened. You can’t grasp it. 

You met Jake four months ago and everything happened so quickly, but you both didn’t mind it. Some people tried to warn you by telling you about his reputation with women, nevertheless you ignored them. You and Jake clicked instantly and that’s what mattered. And also, you’re not going to lie, he knew how to get you hooked in one conversation. You felt like it was the same for him, that Jake was as attached to you as you were to him, now, you have some doubts. What bothers you the most is that your relationship was becoming more serious - until now. You were seeing each other whenever you could, you even talked about owning a house together. You had begun to imagine a future together and with just one phone call, Jake threw it all away.

That night, you don’t shed a tear. You tell yourself you made this phone call up. Though, the next morning, once you wake up without Jake’s usual morning text wishing you a good day, you realise it was, indeed, real and you break down the second you come home from work. Never had your heart known such heartbreak, it didn't see it coming.

Five months passed since this sinister call. Every night, your last conversation is stuck in your head, you think back to your relationship with Jake, searching for what you could have done wrong and the more you think about it, the more you realise you always put more energy in this relationship than Jake did. Now, you consider yourself stupid for hoping for something beautiful when you had been warned that Jake couldn’t commit to someone. You thought you were different. You are not. You find yourself even more pathetic because Jake is always in your head. Even when he’s not with you anymore, he still manages to make you waste your time. 

Tonight is another proof of it. You ran into Jake at a Navy event. Unfortunately for you, you saw Jake there and now, here you are, laying on your bed, thinking back to him and this event and more specifically the moment you saw him in the parking lot when you left the party, a moment that won’t leave your mind for the next several days.

You went to this event without much conviction. You were accompanied by your new friend Scott whom you had met during your last mission.

At first, you didn’t want to be here, then you saw Jake and the second you recognised his laugh from the other end of the room, you wanted to run far away from the get-together. Scott, always a good friend, stayed by your side and distracted you. He even managed to make you laugh, although internally, your heart was breaking all over again. You didn’t talk to Jake all night. In fact, you didn’t even get close to him, you avoided him like the plague. You did until it was socially acceptable to leave the party. The second the evening began to wind down, you wanted to bolt far away from this place. While you were walking to your car, you found yourself face to face with Jake. At first, you both stood there, looking into each other’s eyes without talking and then, as you weren’t ready to confront him, you started to walk away to your vehicle when Jake held you back.

“Can we talk, please?”

“I don’t have anything to say to you, Jake.” you had told, on your guard. 

“Yeah, I imagine talking to me is the last thing you want to do but I need to tell you something.”

“You said more than enough last time.” you had declared, turning on your heel to go in the opposite direction to him.

“Actually, I didn’t say enough. You deserve an apology.”

At his sentence, you turned to him, surprised. Getting an apology from Jake was the last thing you expected. You stood in front of him, your arms crossed over your chest as a way to show him you wouldn’t let him get under your skin so easily - when in reality, this felt like doing something impossible.

“I’m sorry I left you in the dark when I broke things off. I’m sorry I pulled the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. It wasn’t fair to you. And I’m…” Jake had sighed, “you deserve a real apology, better than this one, though I had to, at least, tell you this. Maybe I’m going too far but I’d be happy to make it up to you correctly by meeting each other someday soon.”

“Jake, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” you had refused, looking down for a second. “But thanks for what you just told me, it’s always nice to hear it.”

Following your sentence, you thought the conversation was over so you took out your car keys from your purse when Jake’s voice resonated in the parking lot once more:

“Is it because of the guy you were with tonight that you turned me down? Have you guys been together for a long time?”

“Scott? He’s just a friend.”

“The way he made you laugh…,” Jake had scoffed, “it didn’t feel like you were just being friends.”

“And yet, there is nothing between us.” you had replied, defensive. “And anyway, why does it bother you so much? We’re not together anymore, do I have to remind you this was your decision?”

“And it was a dumb decision. I miss you so damn much!” He had exclaimed with a guilty look on his face. “God, you have no idea. Everything reminds me of you. The second one of your favourite artists is on the radio, I can still picture you singing the lyrics with a huge smile on your face. What I wouldn’t do to see that smile again!” he had added more softly. “Even now, I always reach for your leg over there on your side of the car then I realise you’re not here anymore because I fucked up. I’m watching everything that you do, every achievement you make, I make sure to know them. I’ve always known you were a damn good pilot but you keep impressing me. I should’ve realised the chance I had when I was with you before ruining it. I can’t move on, I can’t even stomach loving somebody else beside you.” Jake had confessed, taking a step towards you.

As soon as you saw him getting closer, you couldn’t help but look at his lips, oh, how you’ve missed those lips so much! Looking at him more carefully, you also noticed he wanted to touch you, too. Several times, his hands had almost reached over for yours, nonetheless he held himself back, not wanting to ruin anything with you by acting impulsively. Listening to Jake’s confession almost made you fall for him again and forget about the pain he caused you. Though, you stayed silent, knowing that if you opened your mouth, you wouldn’t know how to resist him. With a desperate voice, Jake tried to go all in by stating one last time:

“I swear if you gave me one last chance, I would do better for you. I will be the man you deserve, I won’t break your heart. I learned from my mistakes, I promise.”

“Jake, you hurt me.” you had said with a weak voice.

“I get it but if you ever were to change your mind, I’d always be free. Again, I’m sorry.”

With this last apology, Jake left you alone and you got in your car with teary eyes. You hold them back until you left the parking lot.

Unfortunately, this is not what happened. 

You did run into Jake in the parking lot but he stayed silent. At one point, you thought he was about to say something nevertheless he just walked away, a guilty look on his face.

And here you are now, in your bed, fantasising about things you wish he said to you. Despite the break up five months ago, you’re still desperate for his love. Despite the pain he caused you, you yearn for his apologies, but especially you wish he’d still want you and even if in the scenario you made up, you refused to see Jake again, you know that once you would have gone home, you would have called him and said yes. You still love him and you wish you didn’t. He’s still playing with your feelings when he’s not even talking to you anymore. Your heart conspires against you by torturing you and making you long for a Jake who would know how to fix his mistakes and be the man you deserve. Yet, it’s of no use. Jake will never change and if he came back, it’d be just to play with your feelings before leaving you hanging again. You waste your time on idiotic things. It’s a waste of time to hope for him to change, it’s a waste of time to think of things he never said and things he’ll never say to you. Jake is a waste of time and you’re mad at yourself for dedicating so much time of your life for a man who stopped thinking about you a long time ago. You just hope one day you’ll be able to feel lighter, away from Jake and your feelings for him.

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

He'll Be Here | In My Life Again - Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw [2/2]

Masterlist

Part one

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : ten years later, Bradley wants to apologize for the way it ended between you and him.

Warnings : set after Top Gun Maverick, Mitchell!reader, angst, happy ending, maybe some grammatical as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.6k

Song inspiration : The Last Time (Feat. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol) (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

After spending several hours working on Pete’s P-51 Mustang, this latter and Bradley go to have a drink in Pete’s kitchen. Bradley sits down while Pete opens the fridge and looks for two beers ; Bradley’s eyes find a picture on the wall, he looks at his eighth birthday photo with nostalgia. His cake is in front of him and you by his side. Both of you have a huge smile on your face, ignorant of what the future would hold for you. Bradley’s heart tightens in his chest when Bradley remembers he’ll never have the opportunity of seeing your radiant smile on your face whilst he’s next to you again. 

Pete puts a beer in front of Bradley and snaps him out of his thoughts. He thanks him and takes a sip, his eyes finding their way back to the picture, in spite of him.

“You know,” Bradley starts, catching Pete’s attention, “that day, there was a moment where Y/N wasn’t next to me anymore so I went to look for her. I found her hiding in my closet with tears in her eyes. When I asked her what was the matter, she just told me to not pay attention to her, that I needed to stay with my other friends. I said to her I didn’t care about them, especially because she needed me at that moment. That’s when she confessed she was scared of losing me because I had met friends my age who would replace her. I couldn’t believe she thought that !” he exclaims, his eyes wide open. “In my head, it was obvious she could never be replaced, no matter how close I was to my other friends so I promised her she’d never lose me, that I’ll always be by her side. No matter what. I made her this promise and I’ve been breaking it for ten years now.” Bradley mutters, looking down.

“Have you tried talking to her ?” Pete asks, after a few seconds.

“Yes, several times over the years. The first time was a year after our breakup. I wasn’t far away from her Uni so I went to see her. Long story short, she told me to get lost. The last time was a week ago when she came back. I got the same reaction.”

“I’m sure she just needs a bit of time.” Pete reassures him, putting his hand on Bradley’s shoulder. “I never thought you’d talk to me again and look at us ! Things can get better. The bond you two shared was strong.” he affirms.

“I find that hard to believe, she hates me. And don’t even try to tell me otherwise.” Bradley adds, seeing Pete was about to talk. “She hates me and it’s understandable.” he admits, sadly. “She had nothing to do with all of this and yet I hold her accountable just the same. And the worst part is she warned me.” he specifies, taking another sip. “There were numerous times where she told me to get my shit together and stop ruining our relationship because of my anger toward you but I didn’t listen to her. I took her for granted so I kept messing up until she got tired of it and I’ve been paying the price ever since.” Bradley exclaims, bitterly. “You know, I’ve accepted the fact she’d never forgive me, however I’d still like to apologise properly. I just want her to know how much I regret how things ended between us, no matter if she answers me or just insults me. It might be too late but she deserves me to fix my mistakes, no matter if she forgives me.”

“I can talk to her if you want to. I can convince her to listen to you.”

“No, don’t say anything.” Bradley refuses after drinking. “If she listens to me I want it to be because she wants to, not because you asked her to.”

“As you wish.” he concedes with a heavy heart.

The two men stay silent for a moment, enjoying their drink. Bradley is finally able to detach his gaze from the photo, staring into the void.

“You still love her, don’t you ?” Pete asks, bringing Bradley’s eyes on him.

“And I always will. She was my first friend and my first love. She’ll always have a place in my heart even if I don’t have one in hers anymore. I miss her so much, Mav’, if you knew.” Bradley confesses, tearing up.

“She’ll never say it out loud but she misses you too. Bradley, I promise you things will get better between the two of you.”

Bradley takes the last sip of his beer, hoping it’ll help him with his tears and the knot in his throat. At the same time he puts the bottle down, the main door opens. He knows it’s you so he quickly stands up. He doesn’t want to give you another reason to hate him therefore he tries not to run into you, though his heart only wants that. You walk in the kitchen, talking about your afternoon with Penny and Amelia to your father until you find Bradley. Instantly, you tense up and glare at your former best friend. Bradley bids goodbye to you and Pete before leaving. Pete rolls his eyes at your attitude.

“What ? I didn’t tell him anything.” you defend yourself, searching for something in the fridge.

“You might as well have.”

“Look, it’s not because you forgave him that I have to be nice to him.” you retort, closing the fridge without finding anything interesting. “Unlike you, I haven’t forgotten the way he treated us, the way he cut us out of his life.”

“I haven’t forgotten either.”

“Really ? Because it sure seems like it. It seems you’ve forgotten the pain he caused us, caused me, all the nights I spent crying because of him, all the nights where you had to hold me in your arms while I was sobbing.”

“I remember very well.” Pete admits, trying to stay calm, “But Y/N, he’s changed, okay ? Besides, he was grieving, he was hurt, angry and young-”

“Young ?” you cut him, furious. “He was twenty-five ! He was a grown ass adult, he knew very well what he was doing.”

“Okay, he has his faults as well, but he really feels bad about the way he treated you. You could at least listen to him.” he suggests and you roll your eyes.

“And did he listen to you when you tried to explain yourself ? He sent you packing. I don’t get why I should be the one making an effort. And as my father, shouldn’t you be telling me to stay away from him ?”

“Not when I know what you mean to each other.”

“He doesn’t mean anything to me. And for a long time now.” you state.

“It’s not true and you know it.”

“I don’t understand why you insist so much.”

“I’m responsible for your fallout.”

“He messed up himself.” you correct, tearing up. “He’s the one who let his anger destroy what we had. He’s the one who distanced himself from me. He ruined everything himself.”

“It’s true, nonetheless you can’t deny if I hadn’t pulled his papers, you’d still be together. Hell, you’d probably even be married with a kid now !”

“Wow, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” you say, shocked. “If he hadn’t fucked up, we’d probably still be together, yeah but the fact is you’re not responsible for it. Look, I’m glad you two put your differences aside, it just won’t be the case for me. Anyway, we should stop here.” you order, crossing your arms on your chest. “I don’t want to argue with you, I only have two weeks left with you before I go home.”

“You can be stubborn at times !” he sighs.

“I got that from my dad.” you smile at him.

“Sometimes,  I wish you hadn’t.”

You roll your eyes and laugh a little before starting to leave the room.

“He came back for me.” Pete confesses, stopping you in your tracks.

“What are you talking about ?”

“During my last mission.”

“I thought it was Hangman.” you say, frowning. 

“Hangman came to save us when we were on our way home. Bradley had strict orders to leave me behind when I sacrificed myself for him. But he came back. He didn’t listen and he came back. Without him, I probably wouldn’t have been able to leave the enemy territory.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before ?” you ask softly.

“Bradley told me not to. He didn’t want you to think he did that out of interest.”

You stay silent for a few moments, taking in this new piece of information. You can’t help but feel grateful for Bradley, though your anger is still there.

“It’s good to know that, at least, in the air, he has your back.” you state, leaving.

Pete sighs, seeing you walk away. He knows he promised Bradley to not get in the middle of this - even Penny told him to stay out of it, yet he can’t help it. You and Bradley were childhood best friends. He never would have imagined you’d stop talking to each other, in particular because of him. That’s why he can’t stay silent. He might have been the cause of your conflit but he wants to be the reason for your reconciliation. Furthermore, he knows he can reason you and with this last information, he was hoping it’d make you change your mind. Pete can’t help but feel a heartache, understanding it’s not the case.

However, what Pete doesn’t know is that your conversation has affected you. That night, you can’t seem to fall asleep. Your father’s words and your story with Bradley are echoing in your head. You keep tossing and turning in your bed, desperately hoping to put your brain on hold.

Once you can’t take it anymore, you turn on your bedside lamp and stand up. You walk to your closet and open it. You take a deep breath before pushing some clothes to the side in the corner of your closet until you find a box, you haven’t opened it for years. When you had started to grieve your romance with Bradley, you had put every picture, letter and object reminding you of him in that box. You were still too attached to him to throw everything away but too hurt to keep everything next to you.

The box in your hand, you sit down and open it. Tears make their way to your eyes in an instant as soon as you find your prom photo - if your heart wasn’t hurting that much, you’d laugh at your dress. In the picture, you’re looking at each other lovingly. You wish you could go back to this moment where everything was easier.  You put the picture next to you and keep finding others from birthday parties, outings, travels you did at different ages. You hold back your tears until you read the letter he wrote for your eighteenth birthday. At that moment, it becomes too much so you quickly put everything back at its place and go back to bed.

Of course, you’re still hurting from your breakup. Bradley was the most important person to you though you can’t forget the way it ended. With what your father told you, Bradley seems to be the Bradley you used to love once more but you can’t risk another heartbreak. 

For the first time in ten years, your heart seems torn between staying mad at Bradley or hearing him out. You try to reason yourself, remembering why you’re angry at him in the first place, though it’s complicated now.

Sitting at the restaurant near Top Gun, you finish telling your order to the waiter. Once he leaves, you grab your phone and send a text to your father to inform him you’ve already ordered. You’re supposed to eat with Pete who is more than thirty minutes late and quite frankly, you’re starving. You don’t worry when you get no response, knowing he probably hasn’t finished working yet. 

While waiting for your food, you keep checking your phone until the hostess comes to you. Expecting to see your dad, you put your phone down, smiling. Your smile disappears as soon as you see Bradley. The woman wishes you a nice meal before leaving you two alone. Bradley is uncomfortable because of the look you’re giving.

“What are you doing here ?” you question, drily.

“Huh, I’m supposed to eat with Mav’.”

“No, I am supposed to eat with him and…”, you start before understanding the conversation, “I can’t believe he did that.” you sigh, making Bradley frown. “He’s set it up to be sure we’d see each other. Look, I’ve already ordered and I’m sure you don’t have a lot of time left before you have to get back to work so we can eat together.”

“You don't mind ?”

“It’s just for a meal.” you say as he sits down. “I see you’re still punctual.” you comment, sarcastically, Bradley looks at you confused. “I was supposed to meet my dad at noon. You’re thirty minutes late.” you inform, checking your notifications on your phone.

“He told me he reserved for half past twelve.”

“He really thought about everything.”

The waiter gives you your meal then, he takes Bradley’s order before going back to the kitchen.

You start eating silently. Bradley doesn’t stop moving on his seat, not knowing how to act around you. You don’t like the palpable tension either, you’re in the same situation as him. Before, your conversations didn’t have an end, a subject would always appear naturally. Now, you think twice before speaking, not wanting to create an awkward moment.

You stay in this heavy silence until the waiter gives Bradley his plate. Bradley sighs in relief, finally having something to do instead of being uncomfortable. When you’re done eating, you take a sip of your glass of water before talking.

“My father told me what you did for him on your last mission. Thank you for coming back for him.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I could have never left Mav’ behind.” Bradley genuinely states.

You smile at him quickly and Bradley takes this start of conversation as a small victory. He’s grateful for Pete’s help, even if he didn’t listen to him. Bradley tells himself that this moment is his only chance to fix his wrongs with you so he finishes eating the piece of meat he has in his mouth and clears his throat to catch your attention.

“Y/N, can I talk to you ? You don’t have to say anything. I’d be happy if you only listened to me.”

“Go ahead.”

Bradley take a deep breath before looking deeply in your eyes and starting to speak : 

“Look, I know I messed up with you. I’ll forever feel bad for the way we broke up. I should have come at your birthday and-”

“Are you seriously talking about that ?” you question, in disbelief. “Bradley, it’s not the thing-”

“I know I did worse.” he interrupts you, knowing what you were going to say. “I know your birthday isn’t what hurt you the most, the fact is, it was your breaking point. Had I come, we might have found a solution, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation. I’m sorry for that night, I know I hurt you by not coming. I also know I broke your heart by ignoring you and your dad after we broke up or with what I said. I know it’s not an excuse but I was in this awful period of my life and I had to exteriorize what I was feeling and when Pete pulled my paper, it was on him then on you. I never should have lashed out on you because our relationship got damaged and that affacted our friendship, too, and for this, I’d forever be mad at myself. I should have prioritised you. I hate knowing I made you cry. I never would have thought I’d be the cause of your pain. I’m sincerely sorry for everything, above all I’m sorry for breaking my promise. If I could, I’d go back in time, I’d do everything to not lose you, to not break my promise. And maybe I’m pushing my luck right now but you’ve listened to me this far so I might as well say it ;  if you agreed to give me another chance, I’d love to be a part of your life again. You still mean a lot to me.”

Bradley finally breathes once he’s done talking. He’s sick in his stomach, fearing your reaction. Before, he could predict what you were gonna say or do with just one look. He doesn’t like the way you’ve become strangers. You need a few seconds to take in what he told you before replying.

“Thank you for everything you said. I appreciate your apologies but I need time.” you confess before looking at the time on your phone. “I have to go. I’m gonna pay.”

“I can totally-”

“I insist. Take this as a thank you for my father. Goodbye Bradley.”

Contrary to ten years ago, your goodbye is full of nostalgia and not of bitterness. Bradley stays static for a few moments, eyes on the restaurant’s door you’ve just walked through. Sure, nothing is done yet. You didn’t say you wanted him in your life again however you listened to him and that’s all that matters. He can only hope this victory is big enough to bring you back to him.

The next few days and nights, you’re lost in your thoughts which have Bradley as a main character. You think back to his words and specifically of the way you two used to be before everything bad happened. You were fine, close and in love. The months after your breakup, you wanted to have this once more, before your hurt turned into anger. If Bradley had tried apologising at that moment and not a year later, you would have forgiven him in a heartbeat. 

Now, you’re hesitating. You’re scared there’s going to be another conflict and Bradley decides to cut you out of his life once more. You wouldn’t handle it if it were to happen. Though, you wish to have Bradley in your life one more time. 

While you’re thinking, you see Bradley occasionally as he comes to your place. You don’t talk but you observe him and a part of you wants to have him close. Pete keeps speaking up for Bradley, more or less discreetly. All of this is making you change your mind and breaking the walls you had built around your heart.

After another night of staying awake, you tell yourself it’s time to speak with Bradley. You can’t stay like this anymore. Therefore, when the sun is up, you muster up your courage and call Bradley. You tell him to meet you at your place at a certain hour at the end of the afternoon, knowing Pete will be with Penny so you’ll be alone.

Your anxiety at its highest, you’re sitting on your couch and playing with a loose strand of a pillow. Despite the TV on, your eyes go from the door then to the time on your phone. There’s a knot in your stomach as you have a feeling of déjà vu.

You feel like you’re twenty-three once again, in your old house with your party dress and your red lipstick, waiting desperately for Bradley, only this time, he arrives on time, like he promised. Indeed, five minutes later, you hear a car parking in your driveway before someone knocks on your door. With one movement, you stand up after turning off the TV then, you open the door, finding Bradley, putting his Hawaiian shirt back in place. You let him in and you go to your living room.

When you’re sitting next to each other, your stress grows stronger. Was this a good idea ? What if now it was too late for him ? What if he got tired of waiting for so long ? As for Bradley, his mind is not at ease either : ‘maybe she just wants to tell me face to face she doesn’t want to see me anymore ? Or maybe in addition to her life, she doesn’t want me in Mav’s life either ?’. Finally, you’re the one cutting the tension.

“I’ve been thinking,” you begin, avoiding his gaze, “about what you told me and about us.” you state, setting your eyes on him. “Although I appreciate your apology, a part of me can’t help but think back to all the times where you apologised just to hurt me every chance you got.” you keep saying and Bradley’s heart tightens in his chest. “Though, I want to believe this time will be different. After all, if it worked out between you and my dad, why not us ? I want to forgive you, have you in my life again, however it’s the last time I forgive you, I won’t have the strength to do this one more time. I don’t know if we’ll ever have what we used to have and maybe our friendship will never be as strong as it used to be but I miss you so much. I miss my best friend.” you confess, tears in your eyes.

“I miss you so much, too, Y/N.”

“If it’s not too late for you, I still want you in my life as well.” you whisper, avoiding his gaze.

“You’ve always been the one I want, it’s never been too late for me.” Bradley affirms with a determined voice, putting his hand on your cheek. “I promise you it’s the last time, I won’t hurt you anymore and you will not lose me either and I will really keep these promises.”

Without thinking, you throw yourself in Bradley’s arms and hold against you the person you missed the most the past ten years.

Masterlist

Part one

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[marie-swriting]

A Part Of The Family - Dean Winchester

Masterlist

Summary : You go on your first hunt with your father John and your half-brother Dean, hoping you'll finally be able to prove you're a true Winchester to your father.

Warnings : half-sister!reader, Y/N is 15, John is a shitty father, angst, feeling like you don't belong in the family, killing vampires, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language so tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.1k

French version

Prompt : PL n°1, n°10 "We could have prevented this"

“What are the rules ?” John asks you with a harsh voice.

“Always be on alert and ready to attack, kill first and ask questions later.” you answer, determined.

“Good, don’t forget you have to cut their head or they’ll still be able to attack. As it’s your first time on the field, you stay close to me or Dean, right ?”

“Yes, sir.”

John hands you a machete before closing the trunk of the Impala. You feel a knot in your stomach as you realise you’re only a few minutes away from the most dangerous moment of your life. Your hands start shaking, you tighten your grip on your weapon, hoping it’ll give you more courage. Rapidly, you look up and see Dean’s eyes on you. He puts a hand on your shoulder to reassure you. You give him a quick smile but the fear can still be read on your face. When you’re finally ready, you start entering the vampire nest.

You’ve been on their trails for a few days now and thanks to your personal researches, you found where they’re hiding. Now, you hope you’ll be able to kill these monsters without making a mistake, you want to show John he did a good thing by taking you out of the foster system after Sam left for University. Indeed, when the younger Winchester decided to leave the family business, John didn’t like being one hunter short so he came to get you, knowing he’ll have your custody easily because your mom died at your birth. Until he’d come to your foster family, you didn’t know your father’s identity, let alone that you had two big brothers. When you met them, an immense amount of joy had filed you, you thought you’d finally belong to a real family. John had said to your foster parents he came to have your custody because he just discovered your existence. He made a beautiful speech to them on the importance of having his daughter in his life. When he had pronounced those words, your heart had burst with love, but reality caught you up quickly when he immediately put an emotional distance between you before starting your hunter training. You knew it wouldn’t be easy but you want to prove to him he can count on you during hunts so you make sure to always give your best. However, John is demanding, you feel like you’ll never meet his expectations and because of the pressure you can make some mistakes. Fortunately, Dean knows to be patient with you, he protects you from John's reprimands.

When you’re in the old building, you’re faced with a heavy silence. It doesn’t feel like there’s any threat on the horizon while you’re getting deeper into the nest. You keep walking discreetly and glancing in every corner until you find some kind of cage with a prisoner inside. With a glance, you recognise Jake, a teenager your age who’s been helping you to find the vampires. He had started searching for them before you arrived ; his sister was one of their victims. Together, you had put your skill to good use, you with your supernatural knowledge and him with his knowledge of the city and its residents. When you see him, you lower your machete and run toward the cage.

“Jake ! My God, you’re okay ? Did they do anything to you ?” you question, examining his body quickly with your eyes.

“You know him, Y/N ?” John interrogates.

“He helped me to find the nest.” you inform before turning back to your friend. “You’re okay, Jake ?”

“I’m fine.”

“We’re getting you out of here, don’t worry.” Dean states while starting to force the lock.

“Kid, do you know where the vampires are ?” John questions with a dry tone.

“No, I just regained consciousness, actually. Thanks.” Jake says when Dean finally frees him.

Jake gets out of his small prison stumbling. You catch him when he’s losing his balance. You’re about to ask him if everything is fine when you see pointy teeth coming out of his gum. Surprised, you don’t have the reflex to lift your machete up. Dean and John are about to intervene when other vampires leave their hiding place. You finally push back Jake, scared but he comes back to you again. You try to fight him with your weapon but Jake breaks your arm, forcing you to drop it. Dean hears your cry of pain and turns his head to you. He sees Jake about to bite you in the neck when Dean runs to you and cuts Jake’s head without a second thought. You’re too stunned from what’s just happened to move.

“Everything okay ?” Dean questions, preoccupied.

“Yes, don’t worry.”

John growls angrily, making yours and Dean’s head turn to him. Dean leaves you to help John. You pick your machete up from the ground and try to at least hurt some vampires. Not able to use your dominant hand, you have even less strength to cut heads. By some miracles, probably due to adrenaline, you cut the head of one blood-drinker. In spite of yourself, you stare at the body and their head, not believing you’re the cause of it. Snapping out of it, you look up and see that most of the vampires are dead. John is handling the Alpha vampire while Dean seems to lose his fight with another monster as he’s struggling to get their fangs away from his neck. You run to him and cut the vampire’s head with all the strength you have. When Dean understands he’s not in danger anymore, he sets his gaze on you, proud to see you were able to save him. You can’t help but smile lightly as you realise that, for a first hunt, you did pretty well. With your valid hand, you help him to stand up while John finally kills the Alpha vampire. You look at John, hoping to see he’s happy or at least relieved to know you and Dean are alive and almost not hurt, beside your broken arm, but it’s an angry John who comes your way.

“What the hell was that ? We got ourselves in an ambush because of your stupidity ! How could you not understand Jake was a vampire when he was helping you ? Don’t tell me you didn’t even think about checking him before telling him everything !”

“He… I…” you stutter, making John even more mad.

“Answer !”

“He told me he was looking for the vampires, too but he didn’t know how to attack them.” you explain, feeling ashamed.

“And you didn’t think it was weird he knew that much ?”

“He said he’d been researching for two months so it seemed normal to me.” you defend yourself and John sighs to contain his anger.

“Damn it, Y/N, that’s unbelievable ! We could have prevented this if you had some common sense !”

“Dad, she’s still learning. It’s okay.” Dean intervenes with a calm voice.

“Not when she puts us in danger ! We could have died and she has a broken arm. She should have done better !”

While listening to John’s reproach, you lower down your head. On second thought, the hunt went worse than you thought. You put your loved ones in danger and you disappointed John. it’s going to be even harder for you to find your place in your little family and you hate yourself for that. John is right, you should have done better.

“We’re all alive and they are all dead. It’s a win.” your brother insists.

“I don’t care if we did well ! She should have thought like a hunter.”, John retorts before taking you by your shoulder with strength, forcing you to look at him with a wince, “You better not do that again, next time, use your head.”

“Yes, sir.”

John sighs, letting go of your shoulder. Dean has a quick peek at you to make sure you’re okay, you give him a quick nod to reassure him, but your glistening eyes don’t convince him.

“Come on,” John starts, “we have to go to the hospital for your arm, we can’t fix it. Another waste of time because of your stupidity.”

“I’m sorry.” you breathe, ready to cry in any second.

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t change anything. And get those tears out of your eyes, half Winchester or not, Winchesters don’t cry.”

“Yes, sir.”

Your shoulders drop when you follow John while Dean looks at you with compassion. He knows what it’s like to fight for John’s approval, it’s very rare to gain it, even for him it’s complicated while he does everything John tells him.

In the Impala, John doesn’t say a word, too angry he doesn’t even take a quick glance at you, as for Dean, he wishes he could reassure you, but he doesn’t want to get John more mad. You hold your arm to minimise the pain on the way while you think back to John’s words. Among every thing he reproached you about, his last sentence hurt you the most. Since he came to get you, you know John treats you differently than Dean, he doesn’t see you as a part of the family. Yet, it doesn’t stop you from feeling your heart burst out in pain every time he reminds you of it when he specifies your only Dean’s half-sister or when he refuses you calling him ‘dad’, that one hurts the most.

When you arrive at the hospital, there aren't a lot of people, surprisingly so you just have to wait an hour and a half to be taken in charge of. When your cast is on your arm, you go back to the motel still in silence. You bite your lips, stressed while you’re searching for something to say to rectify your mistakes but you don’t really know John, you ignore what you should say. When you walk through the door of your motel’s bedroom, John points the small kitchen table to you. Reluctant, you walk toward it without a word and sit. Dean starts following you but John orders him to get cleaned up. Knowing it’s not the time to challenge him, Dean obeys. John stays on his feet in front of you, towering you with his height. Instinctively, you look down on your fingers, fidgeting with them until John starts talking.

“I hope you realise what you did was dangerous.”

“Yes, I won’t do it again, promise.”

“You better ! You could have died and so could have your half-brother. At least, you did kill some vampires but apart from that, you ruined this whole hunt ! If you don’t want to go back to your foster family, you better be more useful next time. I don’t need a deadweight but a hunter.” he rumbles.

“I’ll do better next time.” you assure him, determined.

“We’ll see in a few months because with your bullshit, you got yourself a broken arm. You’ll be in charge of the research and when you’ll be able to train again, we’ll get back to it and this time, I’ll be more strict. You need to learn correctly, I can’t have a kid who doesn’t know what she’s doing.” John spats, emphasising on the word ‘kid’, hurting you once more. “Don’t make me regret my decision to get you. And get that sad look out of your face, I can’t waste my time with weak people either.”, he orders and you try to get a grip on yourself, “I’m going to the bar.” he finishes, walking away from you. 

Without a glance, John leaves the room. When you hear the door slam shut, you jump. Tears filling your eyes in an instant. You try to hold them back but the more you blink, the harder it is to prevent them from falling. In spite of yourself, a tear rolls down your cheek. You wipe it away quickly, hoping Dean didn’t see anything because he just got out of the bathroom. You take deep breaths, trying to cool down your emotions. Dean delicately puts a hand on your shoulder and kneels down in front of you. 

“Hey, kid, you’re okay ?”

Contrary to John, the word ‘kid’ in Dean’s mouth seems affectionate. You see in his eyes he’s genuine, but you refuse to show you’re weak for another second. You clear your throat before looking him in the eyes.

“Yeah, just tired of the day. John went to a bar.”

“Just you and me, then ? What do you say about going to the Burger in front of the motel ?” he proposes with a smile.

“I’m not really hungry and I wouldn’t like John to get even more mad because he won’t find us when he’ll get back.”

“He’ll be in that bar for some time, don’t worry, besides, you need to recharge your battery, you did your first hunt !” he states, hoping it’ll cheer you up.

“What a victory it was !” you scoff, rolling your eyes.

“You got through it with only a broken arm and it was a vampire nest, I call that a victory. C’mon.”

Dean helps you to stand up from your chair. He puts back on his jacket and takes his wallet before inviting you to leave the motel.

At the Burger place, you almost don’t eat anything. You swallow only some French fries but don’t touch your hamburger while Dean devours everything in a heartbeat. Dean doesn’t start a conversation, guessing you need some silence after everything John told you. Dean knows he wasn’t kind with you the second time he reprimanded you with the small part he was able to hear through the bathroom walls. Furthermore, Dean and you have been knowing each other only for a few months now, he ignores if in this kind of situation, you’d rather talk or stay on your own. Just to be safe, he prefers to stay close to you without being oppressive so that's what he’s currently doing. When he’s finally done with his meal, he asks for a doggy bag for yours and goes to pay. On the way back, you don’t see the Impala, which reassures you because you know you still have some time off before John’s return. Entering the room, you take your stuff and close yourself in the bathroom. When you’re ready to go to sleep, you lay on your bed, your back facing Dean who’s on his own bed watching TV. You try to sleep but John’s words keep haunting your mind. The more you think back about the hunt, the more you realise how naive you were. Mentally, you’re calling yourself names, telling yourself that because of your mistakes you lost what little esteem John had for you. Feeling your tears again, you try to breathe slowly. You can’t cry, especially with Dean next to you. He can’t see how weak you are or you'll go down in his estimation as well and it’s the last thing you want. Despite your tries to be discreet, you sniff, drawing Dean’s attention to you. At first, he doesn’t think too much about it, but when he hears your heavy breath and your sniffing several times, he gets up from his bed and comes to you. He sits down next to you and puts a comforting hand on your shoulder. Feeling his presence, you don’t dare to move, waiting for him to scold you.

“Wanna talk about it ?” he questions softly.

“There’s nothing to say.” you state.

“Y/N, I know how his words can affect someone.”

“He’s right, I’ve been stupid, I should have been a better hunter.”

“You’re fifteen and you’re still learning.” Dean retorts, “You were naive, it’s true, but a few months ago, you still thought vampires were some kind of legend from Transylvania, not the reality. You can’t be perfect from the start. You were bound to make mistakes on your first hunt, you can’t be mad at yourself for that. Believe me, I made worse mistakes on my first hunts”, he tries to reassure you but you’re still silent, “Y/N, could you look at me ?”

“No, I don’t want you to think I’m weak.” you refuse, ashamed.

“Why would I think that ?”

“Winchesters don’t cry. Even if I’m not a real one.” you say, repeating John's words.

Dean sighs, trying to find something to say. He hates the way John’s words already got into  your head. He wishes he could reassure you like a big brother should but he’s still facing your back, not wanting to confront him. He knows he shouldn't take it personally but knowing you think he could act like John tightens his heart.

“I know I’m not well placed to say this,” he starts, hesitating, “but you can cry. Before being hunters, we’re humans.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you like I disappointed John.” you whisper, sniffing.

“You’re not gonna disappoint me and as for John, he’ll get over it, you can trust me. When you’ll be fully trained, he’ll see how excellent of a hunter you are.” Dean affirms.

“If he didn’t send me back to my foster family by then.” you add.

“I won’t let that happen.”, your big brother states, determined, “Now that I know I have a little sister, I can assure you you’re stuck with me as long as you decide otherwise.”

“Half-sister.” you correct, John’s voice still echoing in your head.

“In other words, my sister. You’re a part of the family.” Dean insists and you feel a new tear rolling down your cheek.

“Why are you so nice to me ? You didn’t even know I existed six months ago, you have  every right to ignore me.” you question with a trembling voice.

“I just told you, we’re family, I care about you.”

Without responding, you turn around before throwing yourself in his arms. All the tears you’ve been holding back for the past few months finally roll down your cheeks. Feeling your shoulders shaking, Dean holds you closer against him. He strokes your back, inviting you to let all your emotion leave your body. His heart breaks a bit more when he realises how much you’ve been holding back to at least satisfy John a bit. He knows the pain all too well so that night, he makes sure you know he’ll always be there to support you. Your head still hiding in the crook of his neck, you stay in his arms, accepting for the first time the comfort of your big brother.

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{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[marie-swriting]

Everything Will Be Okay | Let's Go Home - Emily Prentiss [2/2]

Masterlist

Part one

Part one - two (french version)

Summary : You've been grieving Emily's death for months when Hotch and JJ tells you what truly happen the day of her death.

Warnings : spoiler 7x01, angst, grief, mention of Doyle, happy ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 2.2k

Song inspiration : Where's My Love by SYML

Everyday is the same thing. Waking up, pain, work, pain.

The piercing sound of your alarm clock screams in your ears. Grumbling lightly, you open your eyes with difficulty. Everytime you feel the cold sheets next to you, you wonder where Emily is before reality hits you. Emily is not, and will never be, by your side anymore. You sigh then look at the ceiling as if you were expecting for the energy to appear. Every morning, the second you wake up, you’re more tired than the day before. Since Emily’s death, the idea of a relaxing sleep has become an utopia. Emily never leaves your mind. Every second is a painful reminder you’ll never see her again.

You turn on your side, Emily’s picture on your nightstand is smiling at you while you struggle to take a deep breath. Everyone keeps saying it becomes easier with time, yet it seems to be the contrary.

After several long minutes, you finally manage to get out of bed. You do your morning routine whilst ignoring the pain in your chest. When you’re drinking your coffee in the kitchen, your eyes are set on the chair in front of you, the chair where Emily used to sit.

After her death, you didn’t have the courage to sell your shared apartment, even if the memories this place holds were like a stab in your chest. Besides, you couldn’t feel at home in the apartment you had taken after your break up so coming back to your old home seemed to be the best choice.

You drink every sip of your coffee slowly, your mind lost in your thoughts. As soon as you realise it’s time to go, you put your mug in the sink, grab your bag and go to work.

At work, you are totally isolated from your colleagues. At first, they left you on your own, judging that was what you needed. After a while, they tried to include you more in the conversations, to invite you for a drink but you always declined. You do what you have to do then you go home where Emily isn’t waiting for you even if you only dream of one thing, for her to come back home to you. Every day, you hold back your tears as best as you can without succeeding. 

Everyday is the same thing. Waking up, pain, work, pain.

As for Emily, the routine is the same. Every day, she does everything to survive whilst looking for clues to arrest Doyle. She is losing herself in her quest and in loneliness. She doesn’t know if one day there’ll be an end to it, she hopes there is one. Emily also thinks back to her old life; she often thinks back about the team; she often thinks back about you. She wonders if you understood the reason behind her sudden breakup now that you know Doyle was after her; she wonders if you know she bled just the same as you did the second she said those hurtful words. No matter how many times she tells herself she did the right thing by breaking your heart, she hates herself for the pain she caused you. She doesn’t dare to imagine your reaction when you learned about her “death”.

However, Emily holds on to the hopes of coming back to you. She wants to believe it. She wants to believe she will leave all of this behind her and she will be in your arms again.

Emily keeps a low profile, staying hidden from everyone, even those she loves, even the one she considers as the woman of her life. Every day, her heart bleeds while reminiscing about everything Doyle stole from her.

Everyday is the same thing. Waking up, pain, work, pain.

A September night, you leave work, exhausted. You’re slowly trying to make efforts to have a normal life back so you’re a bit more social though, doing this tires you out even more. Emily is still on your mind however you don’t want the pain of her loss to dictate your life anymore. You have to move on. It’s not healthy to isolate yourself that much and you know it.

Whilst you’re in your car on your way to your apartment, your phone rings and JJ’s number appears. You frown as soon as you see her name, she hasn’t called you in months. 

At first, she tried to stay in touch with you but you pushed away everyone so much that she eventually stopped, judging you’d come back to her when you’d be ready. Penelope acted differently, even if you ignored her, she kept sending you messages to make you smile - and it worked sometimes. Rossi was also there for you, helping you with your grief as much as he can. Him and Penelope are part of the few ones who stuck by your side. You never had the courage to fully push them away.

After some seconds of hesitation, you end up answering to JJ - a horrible sensation of déjà vu in your mind except this time, she can’t give you news worse than Emily’s death.

“Hey, JJ, everything alright?”

“I’m fine, thanks. I just wanted to know if you could come to the BAU.”

“Why?” you question, anxiety taking over your body.

“We have to talk to you.”

“About what? Nothing serious, I hope?”

“No, everything is fine, don’t worry.” JJ assures you with a calm voice. “So, can you come?”

“Yes, I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

You quickly turn around and drive to the BAU whilst you search for the reason why JJ absolutely wanted to see you.

Arriving at the BAU, JJ greets you and invites you to follow her in Hotch’s office. You’re completely confused. Hotch has his normal grave face but so does JJ and that worries you. No matter what they’re about to say, it’s probably more serious than what JJ suggested. You’re sitting in front of Hotch, JJ standing next to him, then he takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Y/N, we asked you to come because we have something important to tell you. As you know, Emily went after Doyle when he targeted her. In order to arrest him, we had to make a complicated decision.”

“What decision?”

“After her fight with Doyle, Emily was actually stabilised at the hospital.”

“What do you mean?” you question, confused.

“Emily didn’t die.” Hotch informs you, taking you aback. “She survived and-”

“Stop,” you drily interrupt, standing up. “It’s not true. It cannot be true. She is dead. You said it yourself, she never made it off the table.” you retort to JJ.

“We had to fake her death in order to protect her.”

“You’re lying.” you scream, pacing at the opposite of the room. “Emily died six months ago. We buried her. I literally saw her coffin getting under the ground just like you did. You can’t tell me that since the beginning, she was alive.”

Your breath quickens as you try to make sense of what they just told you. You can’t understand how all of this is possible. You’re betrayed, hurt, sad, angry but also relieved. Emily might be alive.

“Y/N, we understand it might be hard to come to terms with this information-” JJ tries to say.

“No! Learning she was the target of a terrorist was hard to come to terms with, what you’re telling me, it’s just madness! If it’s true, why didn’t you tell me before?” you ask with a shaky voice.

“Her death had to be believable.” Hotch answers, stoic. “Emily was in Paris with new identities we knew nothing about for her safety.”

“Doyle had to think she was dead for her own protection.” JJ adds with a calm but firm voice. “Everything we did was to protect her and the people she loves, including you.”

“And you waited six months to tell me?” you reply, angry. “You let me cry her death for six months for nothing? Everyone knew except me?” you mutter with teary eyes and pointing at yourself. 

“No, JJ and I were the only ones who knew. The team only learned about it recently. If you want to be mad at someone, it has to be us two, not the others.”

“Why tell me now then? Emily is probably still in danger because of Doyle.” you question, confused.

“No, not anymore. Doyle is dead, Emily came back to DC.”

After hearing Hotch’s last sentence, every negative emotion disappears from your body, relief and impatience being the only ones sticking by you. If it’s true, if Emily is indeed alive, you have to see her now.

“She came back?” you repeat, shocked. “Where is she? Is she here? I need to see her right now!” you order, getting closer to Hotch and JJ.

“I’m going to get her.” Hotch informs before leaving his office. 

“Y/N, we’re really sorry for lying to you.” JJ admits, getting closer to you. “Trust me when I say we didn’t like to lie to all of you. It was hard, especially for Emily. She had to be alone for several months. It would have been too dangerous for her to communicate with us.”

As soon as JJ finishes talking, the door opens on Hotch and Emily appears behind him. You put your hands on your mouth when you see Emily. You can’t believe she’s in front of you. You tell yourself you must be dreaming. You've dreamt too many times about this moment so many times, maybe your distress is now making you have hallucinations?

“We’ll leave you alone.” Hotch says before leaving and JJ follows him.

“Hey, Y/N.”

As soon as you hear Emily’s voice for the first time since the split up, you realise it’s really her. Emily is really in front of you, alive. Tears stream down your face and in a second, you’re in her arms. You hug her while you’re sobbing. Emily holds you tighter, tears on her face as well. She strokes your back to calm you whilst you enjoy the feeling of her body against yours, while you smell her scent for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. Emily is really here and nothing else matters.

You stay in each other’s arms for a moment then, you break the embrace though you keep your hands on her arms. You’re afraid she might disappear if you let go of her.

“I thought you were dead. I was sure I lost you.” you sob, looking at her face.

“I know and I’m sorry. I caused you so much pain and I’m sorry. I wish things had gone differently.” Emily apologises, putting her hand on your cheek and wiping some tears.

“You’re here now, that's all that matters. You’re here and you’re not going anywhere, right?”

“Never again.” she confirms, smiling. “I will always stay here. I’m sorry for the way I pushed you away. I was just so scared Doyle would go after you. I don’t know what I would have done if he had attacked you.”

“You don’t have to explain anything. I know why you did it, it’s okay.” you affirm, stroking her hair.

“Still, I’m sorry for everything I told you. I shouldn’t have said I didn’t love you because it’s not true, I loved you and I still do.”

At her last sentence, you feel your heart exploding because of all the joy you're feeling. In the span of a few minutes, you’ve lived everything you thought was lost forever. You thought you’d never see Emily again, never hear a voice again, never touch her again, she’d never say ‘I love you’ again.

“I still love you, too.” you smile, a new tear running down your cheek. “Despite everything that happened, I couldn’t forget you.”

“I don’t deserve it,” Emily begins, nervous, “ but I’m dying to kiss you right now, can I-”

Before she can finish her question, you press your lips against hers. Your kiss is full of passion and love. You need each other right now. You move your lips against hers while Emily gets you closer to her. Nothing else exists around you. It’s only you, Emily and your lips moving together. You both know you should deal with everything you’ve been through first before acting as if everything was normal but you can’t help it. You missed Emily just like she missed you and your love never stopped existing. You can always deal with everything later, right now, you just want Emily close to you. When you need air, you stop kissing, a loving smile on both of your faces.

“I thought I’d never kiss you again.” you say softly.

“I was afraid of this, too. We have a lot of kisses to catch up on.” Emily affirms with a grin.

“Oh, I agree, so we should keep doing it. Let’s go home and we’ll be able to resume peacefully.”

You look into each other’s eyes, a big smile on your lips. Emily takes your hand in hers and at this touch, all the pain you had this past six months is now behind you.

Of course, you know all this story will leave a mark both for Emily and you. The path to find a normal life again won’t be easy but after everything you’ve been through, you can do it. Together, you can, no matter the obstacles.

“You’re right, let’s go home.”

Part one

Masterlist

Tag-list : @emilxprentiss

[marie-swriting]

Everything Will Be Okay - Emily Prentiss [1/2]

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : When Emily hears Ian Doyle escaped, she knows she has to do whatever she can to protect you from getting hurt, even if it means breaking you heart.

Warnings : start during 6x13 and finishes during 6x18, character death (not reader), angst, break up, sad ending, funeral, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.7k

Song Inspiration : Last Kiss (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

“Ian Doyle vanished from prison. Interpol can’t find him”

Sean’s sentence resonates in Emily’s ears. She can’t believe it. Ian Doyle was supposed to be a part of her past. His name was supposed to only be a memory.

“What are you saying?”

“He’s off the grid, Emily.”

“Do you think he’s heading here ?” Emily asks before marking a pause. “Am I in danger?”

“We all are.”

Worry makes its way onto Emily’s face as she understands the gravity of the situation. It’s only a matter of time before everything goes down, she’s aware of it. She has to think of what she has to do to protect herself.

Her thoughts are cut off by the ringing of her phone. She takes her eyes off of Sean and takes out her phone. As soon as she sees your name and your picture on the screen, she softens before reality hits her. She has to protect you, too. Ian Doyle could go after you to get her back. She clears her throat then answers, taking a natural tone.

“Hey, Y/N, everything okay?”

“Hey, Em’, I’m calling to know if I should wait for you tonight or if you come home late.” you explain. Emily can hear you’re getting in your car.

“I have some paperwork to do. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping at home. I have some stuff to handle with the team.”

“Oh, okay.” you say, trying to hide your disappointment. “Keep me updated. I miss you.”

“Miss you too.”

On these words, you hang up. Emily looks at her screen for a few seconds before talking with Sean about the information Interpol has on Ian’s escape. While listening to him, her brain is working at speed light, searching for every plan to stop Doyle and to protect her loved ones. 

After she leaves her former colleague, Emily spends the night at a hotel. She has to be alone to think. She has to think of a solution so you can be safe and sound. The problem is, she can’t tell you about Doyle. She has to get you far away without you knowing the truth. Emily comes to the sad conclusion she has to break your heart - and by extent, her own. She’d rather leave with a broken heart and see you breathing than keeping you close to her and seeing you die by Doyle’s hands. She can’t take the risk. She has to break up with you. 

The next day, Emily wakes up with difficulty. Her sleep wasn’t relaxing, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she could tell you. 

She goes to your shared apartment when she knows you left for work, wanting to avoid you until you come back home in the evening. Whilst waiting for you, Emily packs some bags. 

Once you walk through the door, Emily’s face becomes neutral. She has to show no emotion. She absolutely can’t let her emotions speak. She knows what she has to do. With a big smile on your face, you walk toward Emily, ready to take her in your arms. Nonetheless, once you see her emotionless face, your eyebrows furrow. 

“Em’, is everything okay?” you question, putting down your purse.

“We have to talk, Y/N.”

“About what?”

“I think we should stop.” Emily bluntly announces and you need a few seconds to answer.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s no use to stay together. Lately, I’ve been pretty busy with my job. Besides, I’ll never be able to give you the life you deserve. It’s better for everyone.”

“W-what? You can’t be serious! Emily, where is all of this coming from?”

“I’m just stating a fact. I’m almost always away, we’re wasting our time.”

“Okay, you’re often away but we are not wasting our time. Our relationship is working just fine. We have a balance. Why do you want to throw everything away now?” you ask, confused and with teary eyes.

“I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now.”

“But everything was fine between us. I mean, that’s what I thought at least. Did I do something?”

“It’s no one’s fault, it’s just what’s best to do.” she affirms looking you right in your eyes.

“According to who?”

“Y/N, we knew very well this relationship was doomed. It wasn’t meant to last. Not when I have this job.”

“JJ makes it work.”

“It’s not the same. My decision is made anyway.”

“So you’re not even gonna try to talk about it? To fix the problem? You’re giving up this quickly?”

Emily knows you’re not going to give up. She can see on your face that you’re determined in spite of the tears in your eyes. Emily takes a deep breath before saying the most difficult sentence she’s ever had to say.

“I don’t love you anymore, Y/N. You’re a good person, I just don’t have feelings for you any longer.”

“It sure as hell didn’t feel like that this past few weeks.” you contradict, in disbelief.

“I tried to have feelings for you again but it’s impossible.”

Your eyes analyse Emily, searching for proof that the words coming out of her mouth aren’t the truth. However, Emily did everything to be convincing ; you have to believe her harsh words. Once you understand you correctly heard what Emily told you, your tears start running down your face. You don’t pay attention to it, trying to find a solution to keep Emily near you. As Emily sees your heart breaking in front of her, because of her, she wants to admit the truth. Yet, she tells herself it’s the right thing to do.

“I… I’ll go to a hotel for the next few days. I’ll probably have a case during that time, it’ll give you enough time to pack your things.” Emily softly informs while taking her two bags.

Your eyes are wide open at her last sentence. Sure, you couldn’t expect to still live with her if you’re not together anymore yet you thought you’d talk about it to know if you were going to sell the apartment or who was going to keep it. 

Emily feels bad about kicking you out but she knows she can’t let you have it. Doyle could find it with a simple research about Emily and she can’t take the risk of having him coming to your place while you still live here. She has to keep you as far away from her and your apartment as possible.

“Em’, please.”

Emily fights with herself when she hears you begging her. She doesn’t answer before walking past you and leaving your apartment. She holds back a sob until she gets in her car.

As for you, you stay on your feet, still in shock, your eyes staring at the door. You can’t believe your relationship with Emily is really over after five years. You never thought you’d ever hear those words. You never planned on her changing her mind. For you, she is - she was the love of your life. It looks like that's not the case for her.

One month has passed by since your break up. In a desperate attempt, you tried to contact her during the first couple of weeks without having an answer. It seems like she doesn’t miss you as much as you do. And you don’t know how to be something she misses. Therefore, reluctantly, you give up. You still can’t move on, you keep thinking about your relationship, searching for what you could have done differently to avoid this outcome.

You never imagined you’d end like this. You never imagined you wouldn’t know her routine anymore, where she is, what case she’s working on. You never thought you wouldn’t be holding her against you anymore. You never thought you’d have a last kiss. 

You try to look happy even if deep down, you’re in this state of numbness. But it has to change, you have to learn to move on. For this, nothing is better than to hang out with friends.

You meet Penelope at a cafe not too far away from your place of work. Beside Rossi, Penelope is the one you’re the closest to from the team, you consider each other as sisters. Penelope was shocked once she heard about your break up and she tried to make Emily change her mind without any success. 

As soon as you arrive at the cafe, Penelope takes you in her arms. You sigh in relief when you hold her against you. Her hugs have power, you’re sure of it. You sit down at a table after ordering. At first, your conversation is about random things - you hadn’t seen each other in a while so you’re making up for lost time. Then comes a moment when Penelope tells a fun story about the team which includes Emily; at the mention of your ex’s name, you look down, ignoring the pinch in your heart. Penelope stops laughing as soon as she sees your reaction.

“Oh, my God! I… I didn’t think… I shouldn’t have… I’m so sorry.” Penelope exclaims, embarrassed.

“It’s okay. It’s been a month, after all.” you reassure her with a fake smile. 

“But still. You were together for a long time. It’s okay if it’s still painful.”

“I know. How is she?”

You can’t help it, you needed to ask this question, it was on your lips for a month. You need to know if what you think is true. Penelope takes a deep breath before replying.

“She doesn’t show anything yet I know she’s suffering as much as you. Sometimes, she keeps to herself a bit more. She seems more lost in her thoughts which is understandable considering the situation.”

“She’s the one who told me she didn’t love me anymore.” you drily retort. “Sorry, I didn’t say that for you to pick a side.” you correct with a guilty face. “I’m just still surprised by the way everything went down overnight.”

“You’ll find each other again. I’m sure of it.” she affirms, squeezing your hand.

“I don’t think so. She seems determined to stay away from me.”

“Y/N, the love you two shared can’t be lost. When the right moment comes, you’ll be together again and everything will be okay.”

You see on Penelope’s face, she’s firmly convinced by her words. She’s not saying them just to make you feel better, she’s sure she’s right. Yes, Penelope tends to see everything through rose-coloured glasses, but you need this bit of hope.

As soon as you come home, you put your purse down, next to the door then sit on your couch. You look at your apartment, indifferent. Despite all your efforts, you can’t feel at home. Home was your apartment with Emily. Home was Emily. But you don’t have Emily anymore and you never will.

You stand up from your couch and walk to the closet of your bedroom. You open it and take a box. You go sit on the floor then you search at the bottom of it for something specific. Once you find the frame, you turn it around to look at the picture.

This picture was taken two years ago, it was the beginning of July, you’re kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower.

You had gone on a trip in Paris - by some miracles, Emily had had two weeks off. You had a wonderful time in France. The highlight of this trip, according to you, was Emily speaking in French. You know she speaks numerous languages and you melt every single time you hear speaking in one of them. Yet, it’s not always so when you had the opportunity to hear her speaking in French for two whole weeks, you were over the moon. 

One night, towards the end of your vacation, you stayed in your hotel room. Normally, you’d enjoy your evening by visiting Paris a bit more nevertheless that night, you were too tired to walk ten more steps.

You were sitting on your balcony, enjoying the Eiffel Tower being illuminated in the distance, and you were talking about your future. You were making different plans, thinking about what your life would look like in one year, five, ten, even thirty.

“I can’t wait to grow old with you.” Emily stated with a smile.

“Me too. You’d be beautiful with grey hair.” you said, stroking her hair.

“I don’t know.”

“Trust me, you will be.”

“And you’d look beautiful in a white dress.” she affirmed, looking deeply in your eyes.

“What?”

“We never really talked about it but I’d love for us to get married. Not now, don’t worry!” Emily specified as soon as she saw your eyes wide open. “I don’t have a ring and this is surely not my proposal but I can see us saying our vows and kissing in front of our loved ones.”

“I can see it, too. I’d love to marry you one day.” you admited, taking her hand in yours.

“Good, like this, I’ll be sure you won’t get rid of me.”

“Trust me, you’ll get sick of me before.” you laughed and Emily shook her head.

“Never. I love you too much to get tired of you.”

And on these words, you shared a languorous kiss full of love. You had never been more sure of your relationship than during that night. You knew it was made to last and you were looking forward to creating new moments as romantic as that one. Unfortunately, just like you had a last kiss, you had one last romantic moment. These instants are now only memories in a picture frame.

A few weeks later, while you have your nose in your work you get a call. You take your phone, wondering who could call you this late. Upon seeing JJ’s name, your stomach drops. She almost never calls you. If she does, something terrible must have happened. With apprehension, you pick up the call.

“JJ, what’s going on? Is Emily okay?”

“You have to come to the hospital right now. Emily is in surgery.” JJ informs with a shaky voice.

“What happened?” you ask, standing up.

“I’ll tell you at the hospital, it’s too long to do it through the phone. I’ll call you back if I have updates from the Doctors before you arrive.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes at most.”

You hang up and quickly get dressed before running to your car. On the way to the hospital, you’re controlled by anxiety. You’ve never driven this fast in your life. In your head, every scenario is happening, making you tear up. The lack of information from JJ doesn’t help to calm you down.

You run through the hospital, looking for Emily’s team. You find them sitting in a waiting room, a worried expression on their face. Hotch sees you arriving first and comes to meet you, JJ on his heels. Hotch keeps a cold head even if he can feel your stress in his soul. He invites you to go to a quieter place in the hospital while JJ grabs you a cup of water. When she gives it to you, Hotch is telling you about Doyle’s escape. As you listen to him, everything seems to make sense in your head.

You finally understand why Emily wanted to be away from you so suddenly, why she used such harsh words. She thought she was protecting you from Doyle by staying far away from you but in doing so, she didn’t think of protecting herself. Emily is in critical condition and you don’t know if you’ll ever have the opportunity of talking to her again, to hold her against you again.

As soon as you know the whole story, you go back to the team. Rossi informs you they haven’t received any updates yet. You sit down next to him and start biting your nails. You wait in agony for the Doctor who is probably going to tell you bad news. 

You wish you were anywhere but here. You wish everything was a bad dream. You wish you were in your shared apartment with Emily, cuddling in your bed whilst the sun is rising in the sky like you used to do.

One morning, about a year after your trip to Paris, Emily had a day off, allowing you to sleep in. You had woken up first - something rare - and you were staring at her. Her face was completely relaxed whilst her right hand was on your hips. You don’t know how long you had stayed like this, you just wanted to enjoy Emily’s presence. At one point, Emily started to wake up and she smiled, noticing you had spent your time watching her.

“Have you been staring at me for a long time?”

“I don’t know.”

“Not creepy at all.” she joked, getting closer to you.

“It’s not a crime to admire my girlfriend!”

“We’ve arrested stalkers for less.”

“You’re gonna sleep on the couch.” you retorted with a fake angry face.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I missed you.” Emily suddenly stated

“I missed you too.”

“I hope we’ll always be able to wake up like this.”

“I’ll personally make sure that we do.” you affirmed before snuggling.

You raised your head toward Emily before kissing her. She kissed you back with passion and you spent most of the day in bed. 

Now, you spend most of the evening in an uncomfortable hospital chair. You’re vacantly staring at the floor while thinking at several happy moments with Emily and telling yourself you’ll probably never have others.

JJ comes into the room, a serious expression on her face and red eyes. You don’t need for her to utter a word to understand what she’s about to say. However, you don’t want to believe it. Sure, you weren’t optimistic about Emily’s condition yet a part of you was hoping, praying for everything to be okay and to leave all of this behind you. Penelope whispers a desperate ‘no’ while you keep your gaze on JJ. She avoids your eyes when she pronounces the sentences you fear. 

“She never made it off the table.”

Immediately, tears are streaming down your face. You loudly sob, shocked while Rossi leans in to hug you. You accept his embrace, shedding all your pain. You hear Spencer standing up but you don’t pay attention to him, trying to understand what just happened. 

You thought your heart had broken when Emily broke up with you but you were wrong. This time, the pain in your chest is worse. You don’t even feel like your heart is breaking. Your heart stopped beating and it won’t beat ever again. How could it? You’ll never see Emily’s smile again, hear her laugh, touch her hand. She is dead and your heart left with her.

Emily’s funeral is a few days later. For the first time since the announcement of her death, you get ready. Unlike when you broke up where you felt numb to everything you were doing, you’re feeling every gesture you make. The pain isn’t only emotional, every one of your members is heavy and is hurting you.

Rossi is the one to pick you up. Since Emily’s death, he has been taking care of you. Rossi always considered Emily like his daughter and he immediately liked you when you and Emily got together. He hates seeing you so miserable, he wishes he could take away your pain and add it to his.

Watching the team carrying Emily’s coffin, your pain heightens. You can’t believe the woman you love is locked in this box. You can’t understand how your story ended like this.

You don’t listen to the priest, you keep your eyes on the white flowers that are on the coffin. If Emily could have seen this, she would have said it’s too solemn for her, you smile at that thought. Penelope holds your hand until you’re the first to put a red rose on the coffin, your cheeks wet with tears. You stay next to Emily whilst the team does just like you. Rossi puts a hand on your back to comfort you and you do everything to not break down in his arms. By some miracles, you stay on your feet whilst Emily's casket is going down.

When you come back home, you don’t have the strength to go to bed. You sit on the floor of your bedroom after you put on one of Emily’s tee shirts. You had accidentally put it in your boxes and as Emily never asked for it, you kept it. You bring the fabric to your nose, hoping to smell Emily’s scent but it’s already gone. New tears roll down your cheeks as you realise that soon, every trace of Emily will be gone forever. She will only be a part of your past.

During the whole day, your mind is plagued by memories with Emily. You mainly think about the end of your relationship. You think of every last moment you shared without knowing there will never be a new one. Had you known what was going to happen, you would have enjoyed them more and if you could, you’d change some of them like your last kiss.

It was during a morning, it was early - too early for you -, you had woken up after Emily. Your eyes were closing by themselves whilst you were going to the kitchen. You were making your coffee when Emily appeared in the room. You quickly smiled at her whilst she was telling you she quickly had to leave for work. She pecked your lips and you didn’t even take your time to properly kiss her back, still too asleep. She said ‘I love you’ before taking her bag and leaving your apartment. You had only mumbled an ‘I love you’ back, needing your coffee to talk properly.

You wish your last kiss was different. You wish you had kissed her with passion, enjoying the movement of her lips against yours and you wish you had distinctly said ‘I love you’. Unfortunately, you can’t change the past and you will never have a new opportunity. This kiss is doomed to be your last just like you’re doomed to live without Emily for the remainder of your days. And you’re doomed to have her name forever on your lips just like your last kiss. In the end, Penelope was wrong, it will not be okay.

Part two

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

Trust You - Stiles Stilinski

Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Summary : Your trust issues are getting worse as they start ruining your relationship with Stiles.

Warnings : hurt/comfort, angst, trust issues, mention of cheating parent, bad relationship with parents, self-sabotage, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.5k

French Version

Song inspiration : Emails I Can't Send by Sabrina Carpenter

‘Sorry, I’ll have to cancel tonight, I’m so tired because of lacrosse.’

You reread Stiles’ message at least three times before answering him with a simple ‘don’t worry, get some rest’. Even if your message seems insignificant, but your insecurities hide behind it.

Everytime Stiles can’t hang out with you because something comes up, a small voice comes talking to you just to scare you : ‘He doesn’t love you. He’s still in love with Lydia. He went to meet her. Or maybe he’s with Malia. Either way, he’s not with you. He cancelled to see another girl and spend the night with her because you’re not good enough.’. And lately, Stiles has cancelled a lot of dates, giving that small voice more strength. You’re struggling to not listen to it, but it can be convincing. You think Stiles would never hurt you, he’s loyal, but your fear is bigger than your trust.

That night, instead of being in your boyfriend’s reassuring embrace, you don’t sleep. You lay in your bed, hugging a pillow and letting tears wetting your cheeks. When your alarm rings, the idea of lying to your parents about being sick is really tempting for about a second, but you don’t want to stay in this house that hasn’t been a home for a week now. You need to leave, so you get out of bed and get ready for school.

When you arrive at Beacon Hills High, Stiles comes to you in an instant. He apologises again before taking you in his arms. You try to not show anything even if this small voice comes back in your head : ‘He’s probably not really sorry for looking elsewhere. He’s going to leave you for Lydia soon.’. You shake your head to chase it away unsuccessfully. During the morning, you stay silent and Stiles starts to worry. He noticed since the second you arrived something was wrong, but he is sure something’s up when lunch break comes. Indeed, you eat quickly and leave right after, pretending you have an assignment to do ; Stiles understands something's wrong with you even though he doesn't know what or why. In fact, you left when Lydia talked about what happened when she was at Stiles’, the day before. You felt a lump in your throat and you needed to be away from Lydia and Stiles. You ran away to the bathroom to cry freely. Your mind keeps torturing you, the voice was right : he wants to leave you for Lydia. He lied to you. You cry until the bell rings.

For the remainder of the day, Stiles tries to talk to you, in vain. You avoid him while your sadness slowly turns into anger. Though, Stiles is stubborn so he proposes to drive you home. For a moment, you want to refuse, but you need to confront him so you accept. You quickly send a message to your mom, telling her she doesn’t need to come pick you up. On the way home, you’re lost in your thoughts, trying to find the best way to talk to Stiles. As for him, Stiles drives nervously. When he parks in front of your home, you finally decide to not talk to him, wanting to avoid a new argument. You’re about to leave the Jeep when he holds you back. You look at him, fearing what he might say. Maybe the voice was right : you’re not good enough, he wants someone else, he’s already found someone else.

“Y/N, what’s the matter ?” He genuinely asks.

“Nothing.” You lie, making his eyes roll.

“I know you, there’s something wrong.”

You look at him for a second, weighing pros and cons before choosing to confront him.

“Why did you cancel last night ?”

“I told you, I was tired because of lacrosse.”

“You could have come to my place anyway. It’s not like we were gonna party. You know, if you wanted to be somewhere else or hang out with someone else, you could just have told me.”

“What are you talking about ? After school, I went home and slept.” He wants to know, frowning.

“Really ? So why didn’t you tell me you saw Lydia ?” You retort, crossing your arms on your chest.

“She just came for a few minutes, she needed to pick up something.”

“What thing ?”

“A book for school.”

“You couldn’t have given it to her today ?”

“She needed it to do her homework for today.”

“You could’ve told me.”

“Y/N, she stayed five minutes. I don’t need to tell you everything I’m doing.” He defends himself and you laugh humorlessly.

“You cancelled our night and Lydia came to your place, I think I have the right to know.”

“Why are you making such a big deal out of it ? It was for school.”

“I’m not making a big deal, but you lied to me.” You insist, pointing at him with your finger.

“I didn’t lie to you, when she left I went straight to bed because I was tired.”

“And when were you gonna tell me she came to your place ?”

“I didn’t think it was that important. Honestly, Y/N, why are you always so tense whenever Lydia comes up ?” He questions and you try to keep a neutral face.

“I just don’t like the way she’s glued to you.”

“She’s not glued to me.”

“Yes, she is, but how could you notice ? You’re too busy admiring her to notice it.”

“What are you even talking about ?”

“I’m just saying you’re really close to Lydia and almost every time you’ve cancelled it has been to see her.” You explain and Stiles runs his hand over his face, frustrated.

“She’s a friend.”

“Before you wanted more.”

“Yeah ‘before’, like you said. Why do you always mention the feelings I had for her ? Nothing ever happened and nothing will ever happen with her.” Stiles affirms.

“You should keep that in mind and tell her as well.”

“Y/N, honestly, I don’t see the problem.”

“I’m just stating a fact : Lydia is always glued to you so admit it.”

“Admit what ?” He demands, annoyed.

“You know what.”

“No, really I don’t.”

“Don’t take me for a fool, Stiles.” You order, dryly.

“What are you accusing me of ?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything.”

“Yet it feels like it. And it’s not the first time you do that. Everytime we argue, you mention Lydia, or even Malia, even when they don’t have anything to do with it.”

“What are you insinuating ? I’m annoying ? I’m overreacting ?” You snap, on the defensive.

“I’m just saying I feel like you’re accusing me of being too close to Lydia even though I didn’t do anything.”

“But you’d want to.”

“Honestly, at that point, yeah, like that I’d know what you’re accusing me of.”

As soon as Stiles says his sentence, his eyes open wide as he realises what he just said. Your eyes get teary but you’re holding them back.

“Y/N, I-” He tries to say but you cut him off.

“Fuck you.”

You take your bag and leave the Jeep before slamming the car door and running to your home. Stiles hesitates for a second to follow you but decides to not do anything, knowing you won’t listen to him. You go to your room and lock yourself in. Angry tears run down your cheeks while you’re trying not to scream. You’ve already argued with Stiles before. Several times. Too many times, even. But he never went that far. All of this because you pushed him over the edge, but he did admit that if he could, he’d go to Lydia. You throw yourself on your bed, take your pillow and you yell in it. You let all your rage leave your body while your sobs become stronger and stronger. You keep telling yourself you’ve ruined everything because of your insecurities, you let them talk so much that you’ve ended up pushing Stiles in Lydia’s arms. You ruined everything because you have trust issues. It seems like you haven’t been able to give your trust for the past two years. After crying for an hour, you start breathing slowly to calm down. When you finally have a normal heart rate again, your bedroom’s door opens, letting you see your dad.

“We need to talk, Y/N”, your dad starts but you don’t answer, “You can’t keep ignoring me, Y/N, please.”

“Not today, I don’t have the strength.” You sigh standing up from your bed.

“No, it can’t wait anymore, we need to talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to say. Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you.” You try to push him away, but he doesn’t move.

“Too bad, because we’re gonna talk.”

Understanding he’s not going to let go, you pass by him and leave your room.

“Come back here.” Your dad orders behind you.

“No.”

“For how long are you going to stay mad at me ?”

“‘Til the day you’ll be able to change the past.” You scream while walking to the living room.

“God, Y/N, even your mom forgave me.”

“And she shouldn’t have”, you explode, looking your dad in the eyes, “If it were me, I would have never forgiven you as quickly. Or at all.”

“Please, I don’t like to see my little girl angry at me.”

Your dad tries to softly put his hand on your cheek but you step back. You see the hurt in his eyes but you don’t care.

“Maybe you should’ve thought about it before destroying our family in one selfish night and I forbid you from calling me ‘your little girl’.”

“That night was a mistake. I regret it.”

“Is that the truth or a lie, like the time you pretended you were sleeping so you missed our family night ?” You interrogate, pretending to be clueless.

“Y/N, I’m sincerely sorry for the way I lied.”

“Don’t say sorry now, it’s too late.”

“Please, I’m trying to take a step towards you.” He begs, making you angrier.

“I don’t care. The fact is you let us down for some woman ! Because of what you did, mom was in the depth of despair. You made her suffer and you hurt me too. I don’t trust you anymore.”

“I know and I’ll spend the rest of my life resenting myself for it.”

“So you can understand why I don’t want to forgive you. You don’t know what it feels like to see the person you looked up to destroy the confidence you had. Now I can’t even look at you !” You retort, feeling the tears coming back and your dad looks down, ashamed.

“At least, tell me what I can do to fix this.”

“There’s nothing to do. I wish there was but you can’t do anything. You tore our family apart and I hate you for it. You talked about respect, fidelity and it didn’t stop you from betraying mom.”

You’re panting because of your anger. You take a second to try and calm yourself down before adding with a harsh tone “You disgust me. You’re such a dipshit.”

“You can be angry but I forbid you from talking to me like that !”

At the same time your dad reprimands you, you hear someone knocking on the door. You’re breathing quickly while you’re walking to the entrance. You turn back to your dad one last time “I don’t give a fuck.”

As you open the door, you find Stiles. You look at him and suddenly your tears roll down your cheeks. He smiles at you awkwardly, not knowing what to do because of what he just heard.

“Can we leave, please ?”

He hears your broken voice, Stiles doesn’t waste a second before taking your hand and walking you to his Jeep. Your dad follows you, ordering you to come back. As a response, you flip him the bird while Stiles starts his car.

You drive in silence. Your anger towards your genitor cools down, but you still feel a pain in your chest because of your discussion. You never would have thought you’d say those kind of awful things to your dad, but you also never would have thought he’d hurt you, both you and your mom. You try to wipe your cheeks but they become wet again a second later.

After driving for thirty minutes, Stiles pulls over next to a park. He looks at you with sympathy, trying to find a way to start the conversation. You take several breaths before looking at him.

“Wanna talk about it ?” Stiles questions with a soft voice.

“There’s not a lot to say”, you sniff, “I guess you heard everything.”

“Just when you insulted him.” He confirms while he offers you a tissue.

“He deserved it.”

You take the tissue and wipe away your tears before blowing your nose.

“Why did you come to my place ?” You start again.

“I… I wanted to apologise. I shouldn’t have said I wanted to be with Lydia. First of all because it’s not true, but also because I hurt you. I feel bad because I caused you pain.”

“You don’t have to apologise, Stiles.” You state with a small voice.

“Of course I do ! I was being mean when I said that.” he retorts, mad at himself.

“I pushed you over the edge. I’m always trying to find you flaws to turn them against you, even though you did nothing wrong. I hurt you because I can’t trust. It’s my fault if you said that.”

“You didn’t force me to say it.”

“I made you mad to force you to admit something that isn’t true. I’m sorry for always blaming you of cheating on me with Lydia. I know you’re honest, but I can’t help but be afraid.” You admit, ashamed.

“You feel threatened by Lydia ?” He asks, trying to understand.

“If it wasn’t her, it’d be Malia and if it wasn’t her, it’d be another one. I… I’m just so afraid you’re going to look elsewhere.”

“Does it have something to do with what I heard ?”

As a response, you nod. You stay silent for a second, wondering if you should talk to him about it. Finally, you tell yourself you’ve probably already ruined everything so it’s better to admit it.

“My dad cheated on my mom two years ago. She discovered it a few months after that and then, she broke up with my dad. When I learned the truth, I had so much hatred towards him.”, you inform and you feel the tears coming back, “I never would have thought he’d do something like that. But I think the worst part was watching my mom when she learned about it. She didn’t leave her bed for a week, she was almost eating nothing. I tried to take care of her as much as I could. Never I’d thought I’d see my mom like that. When she started feeling better, we moved here. She wanted to be as far away from my dad as she could and honestly, I wanted the same.”

“Your dad came back to see you ?”

“No, my mom forgave him”, you explain, rolling your eyes, “They got back together four months ago. When she told me, I got so mad. How could she act as if nothing happened when he hurt her that much ? When he hurt us that much ? He came back home a week ago and since then, it’s been tense. I try to avoid him as much as I can, but he absolutely wants to talk to me and you saw how it generally ends up.”, you say with a fake laugh, “Anyway, that’s why I’m always afraid. Since his betrayal… I can’t have faith in people anymore.”, you admit while looking at your hands, “At least, until I met you. And even if I do, it’s not 100%. I’m always afraid you’ll hurt me, like he did. My parents were so in love and my dad was so respectful towards my mom, I never would have imagined he could cheat on her and now, I’m scared the same thing will happen to me.” You unveil looking at him, hoping he’ll understand. “And I know you gave me zero reason to doubt you, but my dad also gave my mom zero reason to doubt him and it didn’t stop him. I know I’m villainising you, trying to make up love affairs, but I can’t help it. Because of my dad, I can’t help but imagine the worst. I know I’ve always been the cause of our fights and because of that, I hurt you a lot but I swear to you, I don’t want to hurt you and even less ruin our relationship, but I can’t do it differently. I feel like I can’t love right and I hate that.” You cry.

Stiles cups your face, trying to wipe away your new tears. You close your eyes when you feel his touch, liking your closeness.

“Y/N, it’s okay.” He mutters and you break the embrace.

“No, it’s not.”, you affirm, “I’m ruining our relationship because of my stupid fears, my relationship with my dad isn’t going to be fixed soon and even my relationship with my mom is not for the better now and I have so much anger in me.”

“It’s normal, you’re hurt. You have the right to be angry.” Stiles assures you and you shake your head.

“But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life angry, especially if I end up hurting you because of it. And also, I’m not only mad at my dad, but also at myself.”

“Why ?”

“Even if my dad fucked up, I still love him. Earlier I told him I hated him to hurt him, but I didn’t mean it. I wish I could, but I can’t and at the same time, I can’t forgive him.” You sob.

“We’re talking about your dad, it’s okay to be mad at him and still love him.”

“Do you think I should pardon him ? After all, my mom did it and he asked for forgiveness several times.”

“I can’t make that decision for you. Do it only if you feel the need. Your dad betrayed you, he has no right to force you if you don’t want to do it. Your mom made that choice, it doesn’t mean you have to do the same.”

“But what if it was the solution to move on and finally be able to fully trust you ?”

“I think you should work on yourself first to know if you need to forgive him or if you can trust again without it.”

“But what about us ?” You whisper, fearing his response.

“We’ll do what you want. I… I’d understand if you want to break up with me to focus on your family problems.” He states, even if the idea of being away from you scares him.

“I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you, Stiles. Right now, you’re the person I trust the most, even if it doesn’t look like it. I don’t want to do it alone, I need you next to me.”

“Alright, I’ll stay then.” Stiles smiles, wiping a tear from your cheek. “But from now on, I want you to talk with me. I don’t want you to stay alone, torturing yourself by imagining the worst. When you feel like it’s becoming too much, come talk to me, okay ?”

“Okay. Thank you Stiles. Not only for listening to me, but also for not giving up on me, despite everything I put you through.”

“You’re worth it.” He affirms and you look at him with tenderness in his eyes.

“And I’m really sorry for everything I said.”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.”

You throw yourself in Stiles’ arms, needing his comfort. When he holds you tighter, you finally let go of a sigh and your shoulders relax a bit, as if every tension from your body were gone. Stiles strokes your back, hoping to calm you down a little bit more. You hide your head in the crook of his neck, wanting to feel his presence. Even if it was nerve wracking, you know now you needed to talk to him about your dad and your fears. Talking to him about it allowed you to realise your trust in him has become a little bit stronger. Now, you’re sure Stiles would never hurt you. He knew how to be patient and didn’t give up on you, even if you gave him every reason to. You’re grateful for having him next to you. You know, one day, you’ll trust him entirely.

Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[marie-swriting]

Stranger Things Masterlist [EN]

❤️Romantic/💜Friendship/💙Siblings/💚Parents

Robin Buckley

❤️I Fucking Love You

Before Robin, you never had a crush on a girl so you try to figure things out while you still want Robin with you. You two agree to see each other without being official but your feelings gets bigger everyday.

❤️You Really Are That Oblivious

You have a crush on Robin and you want to let her know. Unfortunately, she doesn't get the hint easily.

❤️A New Lesson

You move back to Hawkins after several years away from your first best friend and first kiss, Robin Buckley.

❤️All Your Life

Since you started dating Robin, you've been more and more distant with your friends and everyone feels like you're changing so much, even Robin who starts fearing she might be ruining your life.

❤️Romantic Feelings, For Me?

You have a crush on Robin and so does she but neither of you feels ready to make the first move, too scared to lose the other. Thankfully for the both of you, your best friends, Steve and Chrissy, want to help you out.

❤️To Kiss Her

Three times you wanted to kiss Robin but didn't and one time you did.

❤️More Time With You

You meet Robin at a party.

Chrissy Cunningham

❤️Be My Boyfriend

You're Chrissy's best friend so you help her through her relationship problems with Jason, even though you have a crush on her.

❤️No Matter The Hurt

You have a crush on Chrissy but she has a date with Jason Carver.

❤️Forever [1/2]

You're enjoying your relationship with Chrissy during the summer but as you get closer to September, it gets harder and harder to see Chrissy when all you want to do is say 'I love you' for the first time.

❤️Forever | Never [2/2]

After six years, you finally meet again Chrissy at Lover's Lake.

❤️Always Stay Together

Your former best friend Chrissy helps you to get in the cheerleaders.

Eddie Munson

❤️A Bad Influence

You're a cheerleader and dating Eddie Munson. When you started dating, you wanted to keep it to yourself as you didn't want to listen to everyone's comment, but now you're ready to show the guy you love, no matter what they say.

❤️Find Each Other

You're back to Hawkins after you've spent several months away from your boyfriend Eddie because of University.

❤️Chosen You

You come back to Hawkins and run into Eddie Munson, the boy you loved.

❤️The Slut Of Hawkins | And The Freak [2/2]

After months of loneliness because of your reputation being destroyed, Eddie Munson is there for you.

Steve Harrington

💙It Is Not Your Job

You're feeling worse and worse everyday, hoping your parents will finally notice you, but only your brother, Steve, seems to worry about you, as always.

❤️The Slut Of Hawkins [1/2]

You're paying for the consequences of dating Steve Harrington.

Stranger Things Masterlist [FR]

Main Masterlist

FR Masterlist

Album One Shot Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

Confession Of Love - Jake "Hangman" Seresin [1/2]

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : You've been seeing Jake for four months but you're still not officially dating. It's going to happen soon, though, right ?

Warnings : Jake is an asshole (it's not against him, I love him, I swear), angst, cheating, alcohol consumption (be careful with your alcohol consumption), maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.7k

Song inspiration : Foolish One (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault) by Taylor Swift

you take the new arrival of books in the box next to you and put them in the correct shelves. You pay attention to place them in alphabetical order and sometimes, you take a look at the back cover, adding then a new book to your - long - to be read list. You set the last book of a saga in its place when a masculine voice comes behind you.

“Sorry, would you have a book on how to apologise after cancelling a date last minute ?”

“Jake !” you exclaim, taking him in your arms. “What are you doing here ?”

“I felt bad about yesterday. Those are for you.” he says, breaking the embrace and handing you a big bunch of red roses.

“Oh, thank you ! They’re beautiful.” you smile, pecking his lips, “But I already told you it was okay. You were tired because of your day at work, I get it. We can always plan something another time, like tonight for example. My shift ends at 6:30 P.M, you can come pick me up at seven.”

Hope can be heard in your voice on top of nervosity. Jake and you can’t see each other frequently because of his job as a naval aviator and he’s also often hanging out with his friends. You’re aware it’s normal for Jake and you to not spend every single day together though, two or three times a week would be a good start you think.

You look at him, waiting for his answer impatiently but as soon as you hear him sigh, you guess his answer. Even if you expected it, you can’t help but feel disappointed. 

“The problem is I already told my colleague I would spend the night with them.”

“It’s okay. You can send me a text when you’re free.” you affirm, forcing a little smile.

“Perfect. I’m not gonna bother you much longer. See you.” he says and kisses you.

You lovingly watch Jake leaving. Once he’s not in your line of sight anymore, you smell the roses and your disappointment leaves your body to let affection take over. It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t able to have some free time for you that night, he always makes sure to make it up to you like today. You stay in your bubble and walk in the direction of the backshop to put the flowers down. You find a container to put your roses in when your colleague Cora blows your bubble.

“Who gifted you those roses ?”

“Jake. They’re pretty, aren’t they ?”

“Wow, he must feel ashamed about a lot of things.” she comments, gazing at the flowers while you put them in the makeshift vase. 

“Not at all. Why do you say that ?”

“Like they always say, the bigger the bouquet, the bigger the guilt.”

“No one says that.” you state, frowning. 

“He cancelled again, didn’t he ?” she says, her question sounding more like an affirmation.

“He has a good reason.”

“I bet he does ! I don’t understand how you can still be with him. If my boyfriend was always cancelling dates, I-”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” you interrupt her, avoiding her gaze.

“What do you mean ?”

“We’re not really dating.” you inform and she gives you a look so you quickly add : “We’re taking things slow. Jake can be on a deployment any day so we don’t want too many strings attached.”

“Wait, you’re telling me you’ve been with a guy for more than four months, you go on dates, you kiss, you sleep at each other’s house but you’re not official ? He’s worse than I thought. I mean, Y/N, don’t forget about his reputation ! Jake doesn’t do serious relationship. And just to prove it to you, has he finally presented you to his friends ?” Cora asks and you stay silent. “That’s what I thought. Why are you still with him ? He’s going to break your heart just like Logan.”

“He’s different !” you say, angry by her words and the mention of your ex. “Look, you don’t know him and you know nothing about my relationship with Jake so stop giving me unsolicited advice. I’ve learned from my mistakes, I know what I’m doing.”

On that note, you pass by your colleague and go back to your work. While you keep reorganising the books, you can’t prevent yourself from thinking back to your conversation with Cora. You know she didn’t mean any harm but you’re annoyed by the way she thinks you’re too foolish to know how to handle your love life on your own. You’ve known men… stupid ones, to stay politically correct, however you know better now and Jake has proven to you he’s different from your exes. It’s not because he cancels a lot of dates that he’s a bad guy. He is a nice guy. You’re sure of it.

At the end of the day, you take back your roses and bid Cora goodbye without adding anything else, still pissed off by her words. Upon arriving at your place, you put the roses in a real vase and set it on your dinner table.

That night, you spend it alone eating, watching Pride And Prejudice. As you’re watching it, you can’t help but melt because of Mr.Darcy’s confession of love to Elizabeth. You’re waiting for the day where it’ll be your turn, the day where, like those cheesy romances you read, you will get your confession full of love by the love of your life. You know you look like a hopeless romantic but you grew up with this idea of great love stories where the man is perfect and you’ve been searching for him since your teenage years. Maybe Jake will be this man and he’ll confess his feelings to you soon. You like him a lot and you wish you could share the future you have in mind with him.

Once your movie is over, you take your phone and check your notifications. You haven’t received anything. Not a call, nor a message. You thought that maybe Jake would send you a text to tell you about his day or at least say some nice words but nothing. Radio silence. It should be a good sign he’s having fun with his friends and yet, you can’t stop yourself from thinking this silence sounds like some bad signs ; he doesn’t seem to miss you. Sure he’s with his friends, you know he’s not spending his night on his phone though, a text wouldn’t be too much ! With mixed feelings, you put down your phone and start watching another romantic movie.  

During the whole night, you keep checking your phone without any change. When you go to bed around midnight, you keep on sighing and your mind starts thinking back to your relationship with Jake and to doubt it. 

Once you’re laying down on your bed, you glance one last time at your phone and when you see nothing new, you groan and aggressively put your cellphone on your nightstand. You change position in your bed and try to fall asleep, in vain. You toss and turn and yet, you don’t seem to be comfortable enough and your mind who is currently overthinking doesn’t make things better. This lack of message from Jake hurts you more than you care to admit. One thing is certain, you won’t get your love confession tonight. Maybe you shouldn't have gotten ahead of yourself so much ? Maybe your relationship with Jake won’t last ? Maybe there was a little bit of truth in Cora’s words ? You shake your head, hoping to get rid of these voices who start to make you more puzzled. If you discuss it with Jake, surely the situation will get better. Right ?

At least, you feel like the situation gets better the following week. You haven’t really talked with Jake but you’ve been able to see each other more often. 

Today, you spend the afternoon together. You don’t do anything special. Jake just came to your apartment and you stay on the couch watching movies and talking about random things. 

Your head on his shoulder, you think you were right to trust Jake. When he has the time, he’s the perfect… boyfriend ? Partner ? Friend ? Whatever the word may be, he is perfect. You never argue and your conversation knows no awkward silence ; everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds. You even feel like you’re getting closer and closer to the moment where you’ll finally be official. You’ll finally be able to call him yours and you’ll be able to share more than some hours here and there with Jake. You can imagine a whole future with him, that’s why you want to believe so hard that what you have is something good, despite the particular circumstances. 

As soon as it’s getting late, Jake gets ready to go back to his house. From time to time, he stays to sleep at yours however when he has to wake up early the next day, he prefers to go home, his apartment being closer to his workplace. Once he’s set to go, Jake walks to the door while you follow him, tiredness visible on your face.

“Send me a message when you’ve arrived.” you say, yawning and Jake tenderly looks at you.

“I will.”

“Can we see each other next Saturday ?”

“I’ve already got something planned with my squad at the Hard Deck.”

“And do you think it’d bother them a lot if I came with you ?” you ask with a small voice before embarrassment catches you. “Sorry, it was rude. I shouldn’t have invited myself like that. It was stupid. I… Tell me when you get home. Good night.” you exclaim, ready to close the door but Jake stops you.

“It wasn’t stupid. Actually, I’ve been thinking of introducing you to them for a long time now.”

“Really ?”

“Sure. We’ve known each other for four months, it’s normal for you to meet them. I’ll pick you up and we’ll spend the whole evening together.” he states, putting his hands on your cheeks.

“Perfect.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Jake gives you a smile before pressing his lips on yours. Your kiss only lasts a few seconds and you enjoy it as much as possible, celebrating this new milestone in your relationship. You’re still not official, nonetheless he wants to introduce you to his friends, you’re on the right track. Once Jake breaks the kiss, he tenderly strokes your cheek before turning around and walking away. You watch him leave then close your door, a goofy smile on your face.

When you get to the Hard Deck, Jake’s arm around your waist the following Saturday, it’s not a goofy smile you have on your face anymore but a nervous one. You know Jake is close with his colleagues and you want to make a good impression. You hope with all your heart this moment will go well. For you, this is a key moment and you can’t allow yourself to make a wrong move.

As soon as you find the group of people wearing Khakis, except one man is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, your hands become a bit more clammy. Jake quickly introduces you to every member of his squadron and you do your best to remember their names. For now, you only know Natasha’s name, as she’s the only woman. Jake proposes something to drink and judging you need to relax, you ask for a beer. He kisses your cheek before going to the bar, leaving you alone.

“I can’t believe you’re real.” Natasha starts with eyes wide open. “When Bagman told us he wanted to present us to someone, I thought he was joking. I never thought he was the kind of guy to settle down and I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you can put up with him.”

“Once you get to know him, he lets the arrogance go and you realise he’s a nice guy.” you respond, laughing.

“Hangman said you two met four months ago, right ?” Bradley questions.

“Yes, at a café. I had just gotten my coffee when Jake bumped into me and, long story short, he offered me a new coffee with his number on the cup.”

“I see he still knows how to make a good first impression.” Natasha jokes. “What do you do in life ?”

“I work in a bookshop. I’m paid to be surrounded by books, I couldn’t have dreamed of anything better.”

“That’s so cool ! I should come sometime. I haven’t read a new book in a long time.” Bradley informs you and instantly, your eyes shimmers with excitement. 

“Oh ! I can give you recommendations if you want. What genre do you prefer ?”

Ensued then a conversation about your favourite topic : books. Bradley tells you some titles he likes, novels he’s been meaning to read for years and you listen to him with passion. You give him a whole list of authors and books to check out and he writes them down on his phone. Thinking you might have some other recommendations for him later, you ask him to give you his number. At the same time you’re saving his contact, Jake comes back to you and puts his arm around your shoulders.

“You’re not stealing her from me, aren’t you Bradshaw ?”

“We were talking about books, a subject you might not be familiar with.” Bradley retorts and Jake smirks.

“Oh no, she talks about it all the time. You haven’t finished getting new suggestions.” Jake says, faking desperation in his voice.

“Hey ! You’ve discovered good books thanks to me.” you defend.

“True. Anyway I’m going to play pool. You’re good here ?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Jake smiles at you before going to find his friend at the pool table. You stay with Bradley, Natasha and Bob, who just came next to you. You keep getting to know each other and you feel better, realising you don’t struggle to fit in - you’re not really the social butterfly, preferring your books more than people.

As the conversation goes on, you learn that Bradley is a good pianist and you ask to see him play. He doesn’t need to be asked twice and walk to the piano before playing Great Ball Of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis. Natasha, Bob and you sing with him and you’re quickly followed by the other people in the bar. Jake comes to you and sings by your side and sometimes he spins you around.

Once Bradley finishes the song, you laugh with your new friends, glad to realise you’re having a good time. Jake asks you if you want something else to drink and you inform him you haven’t finished your beer yet. He tells you he’s going to grab another drink, leaving you for a moment.

“Natasha wasn’t joking when she said you were an outstanding pianist ! Very good choice of song, by the way.” you compliment Bradley.

“It’s my favourite. My dad used to play it when I was a kid. I have good memories with this song and my parents.”

“I can see that. Your parents seemed to be cute together.”

When you talked earlier, Bradley quickly told you about his parents and you have to admit the way he speaks of their relationship, it looks like a story from one of your favourite books.

“They were !” Bradley confirms with nostalgia. “Maybe too much. I’d like a relationship like theirs.”

“I’m sure you will. You seem like an amazing guy. You deserve a love story as beautiful as theirs.”

“You too.”

Bradley smiles at you before talking about his pianist skills while you’re searching for Jake next to the bar. You expected to see him with a drink in hand, but it’s a vision of Jake with a woman who has her arms around his neck that you find. Your eyebrows furrowed, not knowing who this woman is and why she’s so close to your… to Jake. Jake gets rid of the woman’s arms then tells her something. He comes back to you at the same time where Bradley excuses himself to use the bathroom.

“Who was she ?” you question, not giving him the time to start a conversation.

“Who ?”

“The woman who was literally in your arms.”

“Oh, huh, I don’t know. She tried to flirt with me but I told her I was already in good company.” Jake explains with a flirty smile yet, you stay sceptical. “Y/N, I swear I don’t know her. You don’t have to worry.”

“I’m not. I’m curious, that’s all.” you lie.

Not fully convinced by your affirmation, Jake put his hands on your cheeks before leaning in and kissing you with passion. Even if you still have some doubt, Jake’s kiss helps you to calm down.

However, it’s really during the following weeks that you feel much better. Jake is being more present, casting away every doubt you have in mind. He’s managed to have some free time for you and you’ve even spent three days together, something never done before in your relationship. This time, you’re sure, everything is alright. Everything Cora told you or even everything you thought was fake. No matter what people say about Jake and his love life, you are the exception. Jake cares about you and he’s honest. Your relationship has a real future.

You’re so over the moon that you’re not as sad as usual when Jake tells you he can’t spend the evening at your place because he’s exhausted. You wish him a good rest before reading your book again. You’re in the middle of a chapter when you receive a message from your friend Laura who you haven’t seen in months. She asks you if you want to come to the bar next to her place. As you miss your friend, you accept without a second thought before getting ready. 

Once you arrive at the Scented Sky bar, you have a big smile on your face, impatient to meet Laura. Once you leave your car, your eyes find their way to a vehicle not too far away who looks like Jake’s. At first, you think it’s just a mere coincidence then you pay attention to the licence plate and recognize that it is Jake’s. Instantly, you frown. You don’t understand how he can be there when he told you he wanted to sleep, not to mention the fact this bar is far from his place. 

You keep searching for a rational explanation while you go to the bar. Before you walk through the door, you glance at the window and your eyes get teary at what you’re seeing. Jake did lie to you. He is at the bar and far from being tired as he presses his lips on a woman, the same woman at the Hard Deck he swore to you he didn’t know. The world is crumbling down your feet as you’re looking at them kissing passionately and being in each other’s arms. Tears are running down your cheeks and you can’t stop them. You want to go in and insult Jake with every bad word you know yet, the shock is so strong you turn around and go back home, trying to understand what you just saw.

When you close your door, you lean on the wall before sliding down and bursting into tears. You have your head in your hands, totally desperate and angry, not only at Jake but at yourself too. You wonder how you couldn’t see the signs. Now that you think back on it, you realise that, indeed, every element was in front of you : he keeps an emotional distance, he never uses pet names, you’re never his priority and so and so forth. You thought you found someone honest and you feel like a fool as you realise it isn’t the case. You should have listened to Cora, you should have listened to your instinct. You thought you learned your lesson, especially after your relationship with Logan, apparently you still have a long road ahead of you.

Once your sobs calm down, you stand up and throw yourself on your bed, not really taking the time to change your clothes. You stay there, laying on your back, staring at the ceiling, without understanding what’s happening. In the end, you are not the exception. As always. And you never will be. You will never have your love story, your confession of love, your happily ever after. 

Your phone notifying you of a new message interrupts your downward spiral. You take it and when you see it’s a text from Jake wishing you a goodnight, you want to answer him with a long paragraph, explaining how much you hate him. However, you don’t have the strength so you delete his number and block him on your social media. You feel lighter but still miserable. You don’t want to see him ever again.

Your wish is not granted. You’ve been able to avoid Jake only for a week. Despite all your efforts, Jake forces the hand of destiny by coming to your workplace. You see him entering the bookshop but you keep working, pretending to be too busy. You don’t even react when he’s in front of you. Your lack of reaction confuses Jake. He expected you to throw yourself in his arms and yet, he is taken aback by your silence.

“Hey, Y/N, it’s me.” he starts with a big smile, “I saw you weren’t answering my texts and I can’t reach you on social either, weirdly, so I got worried. Everything okay ? Are you ignoring me ?”

“I don’t know, did you give me a reason to ignore you ?” you question looking up to him, forcing a smile.

“Huh, no. I mean, I don’t think so.”

“Then no, I’m not ignoring you. You’re such a nice guy, I don’t see why I’d want to ignore you.” you exclaim, ironically.

“Ok, I’ve missed something. Can we talk about it ?”

“I don’t want to talk to you !”

“If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I think I deserve at least an explanation. I mean, we’ve had something for four months.” Jake demands and this is your last straw. 

“In the back shop. Now.”

Because of your authoritative tone, Jake doesn't dare to make an inappropriate comment and follows you while you go to the backshop. Cora looks at you from afar, completely confused by the angry expression on your face - you haven’t told her anything about your discovery, feeling too ashamed.

Once you close the door behind Jake, you cross your arms on your chest and glare at him.

“So, what’s up ?” Jake casually asks.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you start, trying so hard not to scream, “I thought you were too tired so why were you at the Scented Sky ?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t try to outwit me ! A week ago, I asked you if you wanted to come to my place to which you gave me the stupid excuse of “I’m too tired to come”. And yet, when I went to the bar, I saw you, in great form.”

At your last sentence, Jake’s eyes widen, panic visible on his face. His brain tries to find a rational explanation however before he can say it to you, you quickly add.

“And do I need to specify you weren’t alone when I saw you ? You were with the woman from the Hard Deck. You know, the same woman you didn’t know at all. And not to mention you were kissing her.”

“I have a good explanation,” he fastly says.

“Oh yeah ? Which one ?”

Jake stares at you and chooses his words carefully before speaking, as if he was in front of a wild animal. He never saw you mad before. He didn’t even think it was possible so he doesn’t know the way you could react if what he says came out wrong.

“She was flirting with me again and before I could react, she kissed me.”

“I just told you I saw and you keep taking me for a fool ?” you retort, shocked by his lie. “You were the one who pressed his lips on hers, your hands were on her hips ! How can you think I’m gonna believe what you’re telling me ? How could you do this to me ? I thought we had something !”

“I…”, he stutters before starting with a calm voice, “Look, I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship, nothing was official between us and-”

“And I get it !” you cut him off sharply, “But It doesn’t give you the right to make me believe you care about me just for you to go see someone else. You know, if you had told me you weren’t ready for a relationship and you wanted to meet other women at the same time, I would have told you I didn’t want that and we would have called it quits ! You haven’t been honest with me when I’ve given you everything ! You’ve betrayed my trust just like the others.” you sigh, your eyes getting teary.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I swear I had the best of intentions.”

“If that is you with the best of intentions then I don’t want to imagine how you’d act if you didn’t care about the person ; you’ve ruined everything. You’ve taken me for an idiot for months and you have no remorse about it ! All I did was defend you, repeat to everyone you were someone nice and you’ve proven to everyone you live up to your reputation and that I am the stupid and desperate woman who only sees the best in the worst guys. Tell me honestly, were you even gonna tell me one day you didn’t want anything serious with me or were you gonna let me guess it by ghosting me ?” you question and Jake doesn’t answer. “Your silence says it all. I can’t believe I could have thought you were good. But, at least, you were useful for something. I had to learn to listen to my instinct when it tells me to walk out from a relationship instead of persisting. Thanks to you, I’ve finally learned my lesson. I hate you, Jake.” you pronounce, staring him right in the eyes. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

“Y/N, wait-”Jake tries to say.

“No ! Leave and never talk to me again.”

Jake doesn’t add anything and leaves the room without looking back. Once the door is closed, you let your tears run freely down on your cheeks. You sit down, not having enough strength in your legs when the door opens once more, letting in Cora. She doesn’t wait before taking you in her arms. She affectionately strokes your back while you’re sobbing.

“I didn’t know what I was doing. You were right, Cora.”

“I wish I wasn’t.”

“I’m so stupid.”

“He’s the stupid one here, he doesn't know what he’s lost.”

Cora’s words should be comforting and yet, it makes you feel worse. Jake might not know what he’s lost but you sure do know what you’ve lost, time, love, energy and above all, trust. You know you’ll need time to heal from it.

And indeed, you need several months before you can spend a day without thinking about Jake. Now you can finally start to move on. This relationship, though short, has left a trace in your heart, just not like you wished. Since your split-up, you’ve decided to put yourself first instead of waiting for a man to show you his love. You need to understand what you want and what you deserve in a relationship and you can only do that alone. You need to know how to exist and to love without depending on the gaze of a significant other. 

For the first time in your life, you are your own priority and you feel good as a single woman. You wouldn’t be against the idea of living your epic love story one day but you are satisfied with your current life. You’re self-sufficient and that is the most beautiful confession of love you could ever have.

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[marie-swriting]

First-Second Date - Kate Bishop

Marvel Masterlist

Summary : You're at a Café waiting for Kate to show up to your first date.

Warnings : being stood up, misunderstanding, happy ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 1.9k

French version

Prompt : "B accidentally writes the wrong day down for their date, which inevitably causes them to unintentionally stand A up" 5th prompt from this prompt list made by @novelbear

Seated at a table in the Café near your University, you’re waiting for Kate. You met her at the beginning of your University year and got along instantly. Your feelings have quickly become romantic so after months of hesitation, you finally decided to ask her out on a date for the next Saturday. You were afraid she’d refuse at first in case she would only think of you as a friend, that's why you asked her by text. Kate had taken a few minutes to answer, too stunned to know you were attracted to her. When you received her positive response, you were filled with an intense joy. Now, it’s an intense anxiety that’s controlling your body. You arrived a bit earlier, too excited to hang out with Kate. Before leaving your place, you had sent her a message. 

Text from you to Kate, 2:40 P.M. : 

Are we still on for this afternoon ? 🥰

You still haven’t gotten a reply, but you reassure yourself by thinking she must be getting ready so she hasn’t had the time to check her phone yet. You just hope she’s going to text back as soon as she’s on her way, like this you’ll finally be able to relax. However, when ten minutes have passed since the time you had planned for your date, your stress gets a bit bigger. You wait five more minutes before taking your phone and texting her.

Text from you to Kate, 3:15 P.M. : 

Hey, just wanted to know if you were on your way, we were supposed to meet at 3 🙂

You look at your phone for a few minutes but no answer is coming. You end up locking it up and ordering a refreshing drink, hoping it’ll help you to calm your nerves. Yet, when Kate is thirty minutes late, your worry is stronger. You start overthinking. You try to come up with every reason as to why she’d be late : maybe she hasn’t seen the time, maybe something more or less serious has happened or maybe she won’t come because she hadn’t dared to refuse your date. You strongly hope it’s not the latter. No, it can’t be the last option. You have been close with Kate since the day you met, you consider her as one of your best friends, she can’t not come on your date. Kate isn’t like that. Or is she ? You try to chase away those negative thoughts from your mind and with reluctance, you call her. You know you risk being categorised as the annoying girl but your worry is too strong to help you chill. Without any big surprise, Kate doesn’t answer. When the beep ending her voice message rings, you clear your throat.

“Hey, Kate, it’s me, Y/N. Huh, it’s almost 3:40 and you’re still not here and, huh, I got no response to my texts either,” you start, playing with the napkin from your table, “I just wanted to check if everything was okay. I’m still gonna wait for a bit, in case you’re simply late. But, huh, tell me if you want to reschedule. Call me back when you get this message,” you continue before waiting a few seconds, “See you.”

You hang up and put your phone down on the table. You finish your drink in one gulp before checking an umpteenth time at the Café’s entrance. In spite of yourself, every five minutes you look at your phone. You even turned it off and on, thinking maybe your phone wasn’t working correctly. It wasn’t the reason. Kate hasn’t just replied to you. Slowly, your anxiety turns into anger. It had taken you months to muster up your courage and ask her out, you were waiting for that moment impatiently. Now, you think you shouldn’t have asked her. Not only are you getting humiliated in public for almost an hour now but you’ve also lost a precious friendship. Fed up, you pay for your drink and leave the place without wasting any second. On the way, you call Kate one last time, in case she’d feel remorse and want to meet you. When her voicemail begins, you can’t help but sigh in frustration.

“Kate, it’s me, the girl you had a date with today.” you state, coldly, “I waited for you a whole hour and clearly you’re not about to show up so I left. You know, if you really didn’t want to come, you could just have told me ‘no’ instead of ignoring me and standing me up.” you finish, before hanging up mad.

You trot to your University bedroom, fists clenched. You can’t believe Kate did that to you. You would have never thought she’d be the kind of person to be disrespectful. It seems like you don’t know her as much as you thought. 

During the whole night, you try to cool down by taking a shower, watching a TV-show and even spamming your best friend with messages to externalise all your emotions. What angers you the most is Kate’s silence. Usually, she replies to you in a few minutes, except when she has her training. However, she never does it after ten P.M., she could have answered you a long time ago. With difficulties, you finally fall asleep, not without checking your phone one last time. 

When Monday comes, you go to class with one goal in mind : avoiding Kate as much as possible. After the silent treatment she’s been giving you, you ended up thinking she deleted your number and even blocked it. You thought your goal would be easy to achieve because Kate would still be ignoring you but she has actually tried to talk to you several times. Still mad at Kate, you go in the opposite direction as soon as you see her, even if it extends your way.

After two days of avoiding her like the plague, a small part of you wants to confront her to know the reason for her absence. This part started being too loud when your anger vanished away to leave the room for your inability to understand the situation. Besides, you’ve noticed Kate still tries to come to you, despite your silence. If she’s so eager to talk to you, maybe she had a good reason ? If so, why hasn't she still replied to your texts ? 

You keep wondering why Kate is acting that way, not paying attention to what’s surrounding you while you’re walking to your bedroom. Suddenly, an obstacle is in front of you. Snapping out of your thoughts, you find Kate with an awkward smile on her face. 

“Hey,” she starts but you stay silent, “is it me or have you been ignoring me since this Monday ? Are you mad ?”

“No, come on, why would I even be mad ?” you ask, ironically.

“Given the tone of your voice, I’m pretty sure you’re mad. What happened ? Did I do something I wasn’t supposed to ?” she questions, frowning. 

You’re about to give her a piece of your mind when her telephone ringing cuts you off. You sigh in disbelief. Kate rapidly takes out her phone and hangs up without looking at the caller ID. Watching her do that, you wonder if it’s what she did last Saturday.

“Sorry.” Kate says, putting her phone away.

“Oh, so it does work !” you state with a fake surprised tone.

“What ?”

“Oh, nothing. For a moment I thought your phone wasn’t working anymore.”

“Yeah, about that,” she starts, confused, “I wanted to tell you about it. Could you give me your phone number again ? I lost it.”

“Lost it or deleted it ?”

“Ok, I’ve definitely missed some information here.”

“Well, when you don’t check your phone, that’s what usually happens.”

“I had some problems with my phone,” Kate explains, making your eyes roll. “It fell down while I was crosswalking and a car drove over it just after. I had to change it and buy a new SIM Card.”

“So that’s why you couldn’t come Saturday ?” you continue, coldly.

“Saturday ?”

“Don’t play stupid ! Our date, Kate. We were supposed to meet on Saturday and I waited for you for a whole hour, like an idiot.”

“What ?”, she exclaims before thinking for a second, “but we were supposed to meet next Saturday so the one that’s coming ! I even wrote it down on Google Agenda,” Kate adds before showing you her phone, “look !”

“No, we were supposed to see each other last Saturday but you would have known it if you had checked your phone.”

“Y/N, I promise you I’m not lying when I tell you I broke my phone.”

Noticing Kate keeps insisting, you start doubting. Maybe her story was true and everything was a big misinterpretation. Maybe she didn’t stand you up intentionally. 

“It happened last Friday that’s why I couldn’t get your text.”, she specifies, “I swear it to you ! I would have never stood you up. I’m excited about our date. I mean, I was excited, I guess.” Kate corrects herself, thinking about it for a second, “I genuinely believed it was this Saturday, the one that’s coming and I’ve been trying to talk to you the past few days to get your number’s back as I lost it. Everything is a misunderstanding ! Tell me when you’re available, we’ll do our date as soon as possible and promise, this time I’ll write it down correctly and I will be there.”

“So you’re telling the truth ?” you checked again, sceptical. 

“I’d be willing to call my mom at this very minute to prove it to you, even if she has an important meeting.”

You take a few seconds to think about the new information. In the end, for you, her story seems closer to the Kate you know rather than the one who didn’t show up for your date. After all, even if Kate is precise when she’s holding a bow and arrows, the rest of the time, she’s quite clumsy. In addition to Kate’s voice, you could tell she was being genuine.

“I believe you.” you end up saying.

“Sorry for not showing up, no matter if it was accidental or not.”

“I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just like you a lot and I was so excited about our date and stressed, too. I was afraid my feelings were unrequited and you only said ‘yes’ because you had pity for me so when I wasn’t seeing you coming, I thought you were ignoring me, deliberately. I thought you didn’t care about me.”

“No, I promise you it’s not that, Y/N”, Kate refutes putting her hand on your forearm. “I meant it when I accepted your date, I care about you. I feel bad knowing you thought I had bad intentions when I actually was waiting for that moment since the day we met.”

“It’s not your fault. I know it now. I should have talked to you Monday instead of ignoring you.” you repeat, feeling guilty for jumping into conclusions.

“You had every right to be mad. You didn’t know what happened.” she reassures you. “So, we’re still on for that first-second date ? You still want us to go to one ?”

“If you promise to not do something similar a second time then yes”, you laugh.

“I wasn’t planning on it.”, Kate answers chuckling, “What if we didn’t wait ?”, she suddenly asks, “I mean, we don’t have any more classes, we’re together, we might as well go to that Café now, don’t you think ?”

“I’d love to.” you smile.

Kate’s lips take the shape of an idiotic smile when she feels your hand in hers. She tightens her grips while you’re guiding her to the Café. You’re both full of joy, you’re finally able to go on your first-second date.

Marvel Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[marie-swriting]

Back To Life - TASM!Peter Parker

Marvel Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Summary : Your mom and May set you and Peter up on a date, thinking you'll be a good match but both of you think it won't work.

Warnings : mention of Gwen's and Uncle Ben's deaths, mention of toxic relation (no details), anxiety, a bit of angst, happy ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.1k

French version

Song inspiration : Electric Touch by Taylor Swift Feat. Fall Out Boys (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

Your clothes are scattered everywhere in your room; it looks like there has been a tornado though it doesn’t stop you from looking for the perfect outfit in your closet. Wrapped in a bathroom towel, despair takes over your body, you should have never listened to your mom. At least, you wouldn’t be in this situation. You grunt when someone knocks on your bedroom door, you tell the person to come in and your mom enters.

“You’re still not ready? He’s coming in thirty minutes!”

“Yes, mom, I know!” you drily retort before taking a softer voice, “Sorry. I just don’t know what to wear, I’m getting fed up.”

“Just put on something you feel good in.”

“Easier said than done! I only find flaws in my clothes. I don’t even know why I listened to you in the first place. I don’t even know him and we already have a date. This guy might be awful.” you start to ramble, pacing around your room. “I mean, you don’t even really know him either. You only know what your colleague May told you. Maybe she made him better than he actually is!”

“I might not know him personally, though I’ve seen him several times and do I need to remind you you saw him once, too. You even found him cute.”

“I saw him for five minutes, two years ago, it doesn’t count.”

“I’m sure Peter is a nice guy.” your mom affirms, stroking your cheek to calm you down. “Just to prove it to you, whenever May forgets her lunch, he always brings it to her with a big smile on his face and a kiss on the cheek. He always comes with her at work when it’s dark. And every time I talked with him, he was really polite. Do you seriously think I would have set you up on a date with the first guy I found? I have some instincts, sweetheart.”

“I’m still not convinced. We only exchanged, like, three messages and it was just to make sure it was still okay for today. Besides, maybe he won’t like me. And even if it works out tonight, who knows if it’ll last? I got a history of stories ending badly. That’s it, I’m not going, it’ll be for the better.” you state, taking your phone but your mom takes it from your hands.

“You’re not gonna cancel. Just breathe, just relax, it’ll be okay.” she tells you softly. “Look, I know your last relationship with George went bad and you suffered a lot because of it but you can’t keep closing your heart to new people because you’re scared you’ll find another version of him. Furthermore, even if things didn’t match between you and Peter, which I know won't be the case, you would have at least taken a step forward, you don’t have to be worried. Come on, put this on and you’ll see, you’ll be beautiful and at ease in your clothes.” your mom adds as she gives you a mid-length dress. “I have to go to work. Text me when you’re home, okay? Be careful. It’s going to be okay, sweetheart, I’m sure.”

Your mom kisses you one last time on the forehead before leaving your room. You let go of a sigh then finish getting ready. While doing your makeup, you can’t help but keep checking your phone, waiting for a potential message from Peter telling you the date is cancelled. Your mom managed to calm your anxiety down, yet your fear quickly came back once you’re alone again. For you, this date can only end in two ways: either it ends badly and it’ll break your heart, which is most likely to happen, or everything will be good and your heart will finally heal, which you doubt. You wonder if Peter is in the same state of mind as you.

The answer is easy: his state of panic is worse than yours. He only agreed to this date to make Aunt May happy. Since Gwen’s death, he has closed himself off but now, he wants to make an effort. However, among those efforts, ‘going out with other people’ wasn’t part of it, especially if it ends up putting another person he loves in danger; he can’t reproduce what happened with Gwen. At first, he tried to get out of it, though May insisted so much that he gave in. He sees this date as his last chance to check if he can have a romantic life whilst being Spider-man. He’d love for it to work just one time yet he can’t help but be pessimistic about it. 

Knowing you’re only meeting at the end of the day, Peter decided to go on his daily patrol earlier. Nothing much stands out of the ordinary, therefore, he comes home just on time to get ready. At least, no matter if this date is catastrophic, he’s sure he’ll be on time.

Entering his room, he takes off his Spider-man suit and takes a shower. In his closet, he takes the first outfit he finds then he starts panicking. 

“It’s a first date, I can’t wear whatever clothes I find,” he tells himself. 

He’s about to change when he wonders why he’s overthinking this much when he knows it’s not gonna work out. You’re probably not going to like him or vice-versa. So, he puts back on his black t-shirt and takes a glance at himself in the mirror. His outfit is casual, maybe too casual for a first date. He should add a jacket. He can’t tell the difference it makes. He has no idea if his outfit is okay. After all, he doesn’t want to try too much but on the other hand, he wants to try a bit, you deserve to have a date with a guy who is presentable. He ends up changing his black t-shirt for a dark blue one. It’s less sad, isn’t it? As soon as he checks the time, he realises he can’t think any longer and goes to do his hair. May interrupts him to tell him she’s leaving for work.

“You look cute like this, I’m sure Y/N will agree with me.”

“Don’t know.” Peter mutters, turning around to be in front of May.

“Believe me, it’s already the case. Her mom told me you caught her eyes.” She affirms with a big smile.

“It doesn’t mean this date will go well. I’m not even sure I want to go out with someone else, Aunt May.”

“Peter, I know Gwen’s death has been hard on you but you can’t stay stuck in a world where Gwen is with you,” May starts as she puts her hands on her nephew. “You have to move on. That doesn’t mean you’re going to forget her. Gwen will always be in your heart and that’s normal, but it doesn’t mean you can’t let another person in. Besides, this date doesn’t have to end with a relationship. I’m already proud to see you allow yourself to move on despite the pain.”

“I miss her.” Peter whispers.

“I know, honey.”

“Do you think pain ever stops?”

“I think it becomes easier to live with it,” May softly answers. “You know, now I can think about your Uncle Ben without feeling my heart breaking completely. I can think about the good memories first before remembering he’s not here anymore. It’ll be okay for you, too, Peter. I’m sure of it.”

Peter smiles one last time at his aunt while she leaves the room. When Peter is ready, he checks his phone and sees you haven’t cancelled last minute, so he has no other choice than leaving to take the subway. Technically, he should be at your place at 7:00 P.M. sharp so you can go to a dinner which is fifteen minutes away from your home. 

In the subway, Peter’s stress gets higher and higher as he thinks about what he could say to you, after all, he doesn’t know you. Your conversations might be empty and if it’s the case, it’s going to be a very very long date. As he thinks about a question he could ask you as an icebreaker, the subway abruptly stops. Peter looks through the windows and he sees they haven’t arrived at the next station yet. Suddenly, a voice interrupts Peter’s interrogations as it informs them:

“Dear passengers, we are currently having some technical difficulties. We are doing everything we can to fix the situation as quickly as possible. We apologise for this inconvenience.”

Peter sighs once he hears this information. He is going to be late. Great. He takes his phone out of his pocket to text you but, of course, he doesn’t have a signal.

For him, this breakdown is like a sign, he shouldn’t have accepted to go out with someone. Even if all of this doesn’t end like Gwen, the fact is, it won’t work, it’s for certain. He’d like not to suffer again, yet Peter feels like he’s allergic to happiness. 

Peter tries to calm down his anxiety as he thinks back to Aunt May’s words and puts his phone away before waiting until the situation is fixed. 

As for you, you’re waiting for Peter, sitting on your living room couch. It’s almost seven, he should be here any minute now. From time to time, you glance at the window but you don’t see him. The more the time goes by, the more you’re fidgeting. 

“Just breathe, just relax, it’ll be okay”, your mother’s words resonate in your head in vain.

Your eyes go from the window to your phone, both of them bring you no news about Peter’s whereabouts. You start biting your lips, imagining the worst case scenarios. Maybe he stood you up? No, your mom assured you he was a nice guy, he wouldn’t do it. Maybe you gave him the wrong address? You check your messages and discover you made no mistake. Maybe you were wrong on the day and time of the date? Once again, your messages prove you wrong. Maybe something bad happened to him, then? No, you can’t start imagining awful things. He’s just late, nothing else. Right?

You wait a little bit more and when it’s half past seven, you text him to know where he is. You don’t get an answer. You start biting your nails whilst your heart begins to race in your chest, the stress getting out of hand, you don’t understand what’s happening and you start second-guessing this date. It was clearly a mistake, you should have never agreed to it. You would have loved for it to work for once however it seems like you’re doomed. You were right, you are going to have your heart broken and this date will end badly - if Peter ever shows up.

After being stuck for forty minutes in the subway, Peter finally arrives at your station. He weaves in between people as he runs so he isn’t any later than he already is. Five minutes later, he sees your house from afar. As soon as he passes by your living room window,  you see him running like he’s being chased by something. Checking your phone, you see it’s 8:05. He’s more than an hour late, at that realisation, you roll your eyes. He better have a good excuse. You have already had guys who weren’t punctual, you don’t need another one! 

Once he’s at your door, he quickly runs a hand in his hair, takes a deep breath before knocking. He waits for a moment before you open the door. As soon as he sees you, Peter is mesmerised by your beauty so he just stands there, saying nothing. When you give him a look, he snaps back before speaking. 

“I’m so sorry for being late. I was stuck in the subway and-”

“I would have appreciated a text.” you interrupt him, drily.

“I didn’t have a signal. I got one once I arrived at the station. Normally, I’m always on time, I swear. I’m sorry I made you wait. You probably thought I stood you up which is totally normal but I didn’t. I tried to come here as soon as I could when the subway worked again.” Peter explains and you can tell he’s being sincere. “I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I? I didn’t mean it. I totally get it if you don't want us to go out.”

“I still want to. The subway broke down, it’s not your fault,” you reassure him with a smile.

Upon hearing your sentence, Peter smiles back at you. Even if he wasn’t excited to go out with you, he made a commitment to you and he always makes sure to fulfil his promises.

You take your bag and close your front door. Peter lets you walk first and you go to the diner. On the way there, you ask Peter a few more questions about the subway breakdown, not really knowing what topic is best to bring first.

Once you’re at your table, you keep doing small talk. Just by looking at you two, people could tell you’re not at ease, you don’t know how to act toward the other. None of you is ready to have a deep conversation. It's as if you have forgotten how to act on a first date. You even think about making up an excuse to leave. The conversation is awkward until you order your food. After talking about yet another random topic, Peter sighs before talking: 

“I’m sure this situation is as awkward for you as it is for me. Your mom and my aunt set us up but it doesn’t mean it has to feel like this. I don’t know for you, but it’s my first date in a long time and I’m a bit rusty. My last relationship ended…, let’s just say, tragically, and so maybe we don’t really need to put big expectations for tonight. We should just get to know each other without expecting anything in particular and just see where it leads us, if that’s okay with you?”

“That’s okay with me.” you agree, letting go of a sigh of relief. “My last relationship ended badly, too. It was pretty toxic and I have to admit I need to warm up to new people first.”

“Let’s take it slowly then. No need to have a big romantic date, let’s just have a nice moment with someone new. What do you say?”

“I say I agree with you.”

From that moment on, the tension leaves your table, letting you get to know each other in peace. Peter asks some questions about the last book you read and quickly, you start talking about your interests, no matter if you have them in common or not. 

In the end, you spend a good moment together. You hadn’t laughed that much in a long time. Peter is instantly enamoured by your laugh, loving the way your face brightens. Peter talks a bit about him and you have to admit you like his personality more and more. You mom was right, Peter is genuinely nice. At some points, you both mention your last relationship, without going into too much detail. You still have a long way to go, though you’re not against the idea of walking side by side.

After eating, you stay a bit longer at the restaurant, not noticing the time going by. When you leave, it’s past 10:00 P.M. As soon as you’re outside, you shiver because of the cold night. Peter notices it and offers you his jacket. At first, you refuse, but he insists so you accept it. As he puts his jacket on your shoulder, his right hand brushes past your shoulder and you shiver again, yet  this time, it’s not because of the cold, your heart also beats faster yet, not because of your anxiety. His touch is like electricity and upon raising your head, you see how close Peter is to you and you think about how even more beautiful he is at this distance. You try not to show anything as you start walking to your place.

On the way home, you keep talking and you wish this moment would never end. You never thought you’d feel this connected to a man this quickly. As for Peter, he never thought he would let himself look tenderly at another woman who isn’t Gwen. Aunt May was right, Gwen will always be in his heart however he’s not as against the idea of letting someone new in as he used to be. Maybe not right away, but if you were to find your way to his heart, he would be happy about it.

Once you’re in front of your door, you give Peter his jacket back and you secretly hope to touch his hand but the clothes prevent you from doing it. You smile at Peter as he finishes talking about his theory about the multiverse. 

“It was really nice tonight. I didn’t think I would have such a great time.” he smiles.

“Me neither. I had some apprehension.”

“I get it.”

“You know, I wouldn’t mind doing something like this again,” you start, avoiding his gaze, “I’d be happy to see where this leads us, even if we’re taking our time.”

“I’d be happy about it, too. Do you think it’s too soon to tell you you’re stunning? I’ve been thinking about it all evening and I just thought I should tell you before leaving and regret not telling you.”

At his compliment, your cheeks heat up while a smile makes its way on your face which Peter finds more than cute. Knowing he made you smile warms his heart.

“It’s not too soon, I appreciate the compliment. You’re cute, too. And do you think it’ll be too soon if I kissed your cheek?” you ask and Peter freezes. Instantly, you regret your question and you don’t know what to do with yourself. “Sorry, I went too far, I shouldn’t have.”

“I just didn’t expect this but I wouldn’t mind.”

A bit embarrassed, you get closer to Peter and put your hand on his cheek before kissing his right one. Feeling your touch on his skin, Peter can’t breathe for a second. He didn’t think your touch would be this electric on his skin. The kiss was short yet it’s already engraved in his memory. He knows he’s going to think about it every second of the day. When you back up, you wish him a good night before entering your house. Peter stands there until your door is closed, then he leaves your porch, a big smile on his lips. 

You both lovingly think back to the evening you’ve just had. You know it’s only the beginning, though you already know one just like the other will know how to bring your heart back to life. You already want to see each other again and maybe it’ll take some time to allow yourself to fully fall in love again, but you don’t mind. For once, you know it’s going to end well.

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