#i’m not seen as a man anymore
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Literally what is the fuccin point in transitioning & trying to live stealth if my mom & her friends are jus gonna go & tell strangers my business
#& then try to compare me to people that arent even trans like what#& then when i tell my mom that hey me & this person don’t have anything in common#i get hit with the ‘well whatever’#no not whatever????#i dont freaking want people knowing im trans#not because of any safety reasons#but simply because as soon as people know that about me#it’s all they see#i’m not seen as a man anymore#i’m seen as a trans man or othered#the whole point of me transitioning is so people dont freaking know#i wish i could freaking erase my past dude#i know i cant but every time im reminded of my female past#it’s dysphoria all over again#sometimes i wish my mom could stop being an ignorant person#for like five freaking seconds#& actually LISTEN to me when i try to talk to her about my experience#no it’s jus easier to use me as her token trans child
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Breaking my silence: I think Zuko’s “I’m angry at myself” explosion in The Beach episode was queer coded
*runs away before I can be booed off the stage*
#zuko#zukka#jetko#or literally anything else#I’m probably not the first person to say this but I haven’t seen anyone say it before#I mean he said himself that he was ‘confused’ and that he ‘didn’t know the difference between right and wrong anymore’#and of course he meant that morally with his realization that the fire nation was wrong#but also…it seems like he’s conflicted emotionally#he was overcompensating with Mai that whole episode#and was very insecure about their relationship even though they weren’ really displaying much chemistry to begin with#like he was trying to force something that was - for the most part - not there#that along with the odd chemistry with Jet and his awkward discomfort with Jin…#idk man#ok I’ll stop yapping now#my post#headcanons and stuff
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It’s “realizing that Will’s struggle in S2 with being infected with a virus that spreads and will kill him quickly (but doctors don’t care) is a metaphor for how gay men were treated during the aids crisis” hours
—right alongside Mike (who comes from a family with a Reagan sign in their front yard + a mom who outwardly supported Margret Thatcher), who sat at his now confirmed gay best friend’s side the entire time he was sick and watched as people were willing to let him die because he was viewed as expendable……and now has an ongoing storyline where
1) his relationship with his girlfriend is falling apart because he doesn’t love her romantically
2) he’s staring longingly and pushing toward the freedom his gay best friend embodies for him, and
3) he cannot bring himself to tell anyone around him something because “what if they don’t like it” + dehumanize him for telling the secret truth he cannot bring himself to externalize, despite now knowing something that scares him about about himself:
(Bonus points for the fact that the first time we see Mike push Will and himself toward a girl is after he watches how people were willing to let his gay best friend (and him, by extension) die should they not confirm to expectations)
#can you tell I am rewatching S2? lmao but!!#he’s gay. he’s gay. HE IS IN THE CLOSET AND TERRIFIED AND FUCKING. GAY#this is not about his feelings for El and never had been#it’s about his DEEP AND UNRELENTING FEAR that he is going to be seen as less than human and potentially killed for his honesty#THE REFUSAL TO TELL THE TRUTH IS A PROTECTION MECHANISM#ROOTED IN WHAT HES SEEN & EXPERIENCED & KNOWS ABOUT HIMSELF AS A GAY MAN#like this boy is having an extended metaphorical existential crisis over being gay. that is the point#it always HAS been. but the depth and context for his struggle requires complex sociological knowledge & people don’t do that anymore lmao#ANYWAY#I’m gonna do a whole proper post on this I promise. I just had to get the thought out somewhere lmao#mike wheeler core#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things#the me tag#gay mike wheeler
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btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.
#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad#trafficblr#life series#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#jimmy solidarity#also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!!#LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT#HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST#having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few#days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community.#LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL#I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore#does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character#cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of#WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man
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You know the older I get, the less star power means to me. Give me shows where the leads aren’t played by a true A-lister, who actually cares about the part they’re playing and why they’re playing it and the nuances they want to convey with that over some hollywood darling any day and THEN I’ll pay attention
#and the thing is major institutions don’t recognize this but some other indie studios are really wising up to this#like. if robert de niro and leo dicaprio get noms for killers of the flower moon what even is the point anymore#lily gladstone was ABSOLUTELY the highlight!!! and it’s clear from the way she played that#not so much from the dudes who have worked with marty a million times and even made their career with him#like. I mean seriously? you martin scorcesse had to rely on those names to get the film seen??? unreal man#everyone who came back for scott pilgrim gets a pass on this tho that’s kindof a baller move#sorry I can’t sleep so I’m philosophizing on main#and yes once again I’m talking about jared harris bc he’s really one of the poster children for this#along with ke huy kwan and now also brendan fraiser with all their career comebacks#that shit needs to be RECOGNIZED more often#stop casting like the same 5 people in movies please I beg you hollywood
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Last night, my boss called me out of the blue (he’s never done that before. It was like, almost 9pm and my sister and I were out eating at a restaurant in Chinatown. Well, we’d just left tbh.) asking if I was “coming in today?” And if “I need my hours,” like man, what? And tried to joke about the times where I’d text him to ask if I should still come in because the weather is bad and I can’t work the pool if it’s raining. They literally know this. I’ve been sent home because of the rain at least 5 times now, bro, stop playing with me. He said some shit like “you aren’t just doing that as an excuse to call off, right hahah?” And I just feel like that since they want to fire me, he’s trying to come up with an excuse to do so. He tried to take a jab at me asking by about the weather as an excuse to go into possibly “calling off too much,” even though I’ve never missed a day of work since starting this location. The only days I’ve missed are the days where they’d send me home because of the rain and that one weekend because I was gone for vacation, so they can’t use my attendance at all. I’m late sometimes (only because I’m tired of this place, man. I’m so unmotivated but I need the money orz. The good thing is that the leasing agents and those in higher positions aren’t there on the weekends. Only maintenance and the concierges and they don’t give a shit. I doubt they’d tell on me about being late since most of the concierges hate it there, too. They could gaf.) but my boss sounded like he was trying to see if I was going to coming in today (why wouldn’t I? I’ve been working the weekend for weeks now, what are you talking about 🗿…) so that he could try to have someone new work the pool to give them a chance to get used to it so that they could push me out/ fire me. Jokes on them, I might just call up my main boss on Monday and tell her that I’d like a new assignment because the work place has become hostile and it is now, making me feel uncomfortable.)
#really don’t want to be here anymore#I was talking to one of the other concierges yesterday about what the manager has been up to since I haven’t seen her in weeks and one of#the other leasing agents came over and was like ‘do you have the pool sheets ^^?’ be in mind#none of them besides the actual property manager has ever asked me that before at all they usually don’t care and are always busy#so why are you walking over to the front desk asking me if I’m about to go up stairs when you’ve never done so before#I just stopped the conversation that I was having with the concierge and walked off#I feel like they’re all spying on me now bro it’s weird af#ease dropping on me complaining to other concierges and shit it’s weird#I know that the other concierges wouldn’t repeat what I’ve said to any of them since again#they aren’t too fond of manager at all either and some of them have called him racist even#idk man#I’m really uncomfortable#rambling#omw to work rn#I already know that today is going to be annoying#Saturdays are always the busiest day at the pool#kids screaming and shit#idm but sometimes I’m just like uhhh kill me bro#it’s mainly the heat that gets to me tho the kids are barely a problem tbh it’s usually the grown adults being rude and stuff
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Sometimes it feels a little bit like I‘m sharing my place with a grumpy teenager
#‚have you seen my eyemask I can’t sleep without it‘ i picked up a single bag and it was there#‚did you make dinner?‘ - ‚there’s still gnocchi and salmon from lunch in the fridge‘ - ‚oh I don’t want leftovers nvm‘#‘smells like shit in here‘ yeah because I just cleaned out the litterbox ‚#‚can you close the window i‘m cold‘ because I just cleaned the litterbox and you said it smells#‘my shirt is worn I don’t wanna sleep in that anymore‘ - ‚Wanna borrow one of mine to sleep?‘ - ‚No I don’t wanna wear your clothes‘#‚your cat threw up‘ thanks i heard it#‘i can’t win this round anymore so I’m turning off my nintendo‘#‚do you have an extra charger‘ you have like 2 of my extra chargers#‘are there no more drinking glasses?‘ you have like 5 in your room#i love my friend but man am i excited to live on my own again lmao
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writing about my elden ring oc has been my comfort thing for the last two years but since this dlc i genuinely can’t bring myself to enjoy it anymore. miquella, the haligtree and even malenia feel so different to me now
#i can’t even daydream about it at work it’s that bad#miquella especially has been ruined for me i don’t think there’s any coming back from that#like i said before i’m okay with the direction his story took#i’m okay with everything apart from the dumb consort bs#but learning the caelid war happened because radahn had to die to get resurrected as his husbando is fucking wild#it just makes them all feel so lame i’m sorry#the fact that no one predicted any of this too despite this community have the most thorough lore theorists i’ve ever seen#the fandom coming up with far better theories for this and then all we get is a 17 yrs yaoi fanfic type ending#prime man being reduced to nothing but a victim and miq is some kind of predator#while malenia is the enabler#holy shit this sucks#this might actually be the death of elden ring for me i just can’t really enjoy it anymore#i mean maybe that’s a good thing i’ve been to obsessed with this game for too long#pls don’t come at me telling me im wrong or whatever. this is how i feel and maybe over time things will change#but right now i’m just struggling to appreciate these characters the same way i used to
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i don’t think we’re ever getting out of the “we’re just friends” “oh yeah those characters are such good friends (sarcasm)” “they’re not friends they’re gay” etc etc hole. we’re never getting out of that hole
#yes it’s bad when people try to erase gay relationships to portray them as friends and nothing more#that is NOT what i mean. i’m talking about when people do the Opposite Thing and decide that when characters are romantic togethr#then suddenly they’re not friends anymore! or if they say they’re friends they’re lying!#like … i was watching nimona with my friend yesterday and like. if you’ve seen the movie you know how obviously gay and in love bal and#ambrosius are. and then there’s this one moment where ambrosius says ‘i have lost everything the man i love my best friend’ and at that#moment my friend was like It’s sad that they decided to censor their relationship even though this movie is still rly gay :( and i was like#WHAT are you saying ? these two men are clearly in love with one another BUT they’re also best friends. Like those are things that can#coexist!! and DO coexist!!! there are many cases where people consider their romantic partners their best friends . or even refer to them as#their best friends more than just partner!!!!!! LIKE WHAT ARE YOU SAYINGGGG . does anybody get it#does anybody understand#i’m so sick of amatonormativity i’ll start eating drywall#yes i love making ‘oh they seem like really good friends’ jokes because i know how most people interpret those jokes. but to me it’s like#well. they ARE really good friends. they’re just also romantic/gay about it. ghhehghh#maybe one day friendship will stop being seen as something lesser maybe one day people will realize that most romance is also friendship#and your partner can be and in most cases is your friend or your best friend even#and maybe one day we’ll stop acting like friendship & romance are two mutually exclusive things#and maybe sure that gay character is calling their love interest their Best Friend because of denial and repressed emotions and whatever#but have u considered that it’s just true and they really are best friends ?? like when crowley calls az his best friend sure that might be#gay denial but they also literally Are best friends i don’t know what to tell you. and they will always be best friends#DOES ANYBODY GET IT !!!!!!!! js any of this making sense i dont know. I love complaining#crammerposting
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a protagonist so awful it makes you say “actually, I hate this dude” and shut the movie off
#an hour in and actually. fuck this guy.#I don’t want to see him anymore#(watching Dragonslayer)#also perhaps The most bold hair choice for a villain I’ve ever seen in my life#but oh man I hate this guy I’m going to start skipping through it to see the dragon#.doc#the sfx in this movie fuck immensely#the sets are rly rly good too
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The Jackie lives au in my head
#listen i saw that scene where he literally rammed a man into a wall and haven’t been the same since#guys IK Jackie’s seen as like bumbling or whatever but if he survived I think he would’ve been a big player 😩#like in my mind#let’s ignore Johnny for now guys#Bc Uhm. I refuse to let Jackie die yet so I’m still doing Regina gigs so I still don’t know shit about Johnny so#let’s ignore all that#i think if Jackie had survived#well let’s start from the start#in MMMMYYYY mind#my v had prev affiliations w/ the voodoo boys which left him a proficient netrunner and hacker#this means my boy absolutely hacked delamain to get to a ripperdoc - not just any VIIICCCC#he obvi patches Jackie up and Uhm. let’s say v got coma Injured#to account for lost time bc I’m not creative#ooh or maybe v did die and the whole enneagram thing still happened it was just like. shortened#a few days on Vic’s table as opposed to a few weeks in the dump#idc point is v wakes up and Jack is like a biiig deal#not quite MAJOR leagues bc their faces are plastered everywhere#and ppl wanna lie low till that heat dies down#but like. jackie def killed the FUCK outta dex deshawn#and after mamá Welles grounded him he got to steppin#grieving his dear friend V and making him an honorary ofrenda till the asshole wakes up sad#Uhm actually. bring Johnny back so the story can progress idk Idgaf anymore#i think Jackie would take his own life a lot more seriously after this and be like. a lot less chill#he never wants to see that look on his mamis face again#interesting dynamic where it’s v trying to get Jackie to relax now 😩#will they ever strike a balance?#well no bc my v blows up arasaka tower#WAIT but if Jackie lives maybe he doesn’t idk…read a fix where they co-owned the afterlife and yeah!#idc#can u tell Im dreading continuing the story
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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i hate that all the bg3 merch i find is fugly like all shirts are either just a logo slapped on or it’s pictures of astarion with “girl dinner” at the top like can we pls be serious
#can’t even look up stuff on etsy anymore bc it’s filled with stupid shit and it’s hard to find actual artists#i just want to rep my interests but everything i like has the most ugly merch known to man#dragon age is pretty bad too but i have seen things i like i just never have money#paramore fans have been in the trenches for years especially this era the merch is so fucking bad 😭#don’t even get me started on fall out boy#.txt#if you guys know of any artists with shops that have bg3 or da merch feel free to share#i’m mainly looking for like shirts or pins. things that i can wear out or put on bags#i don’t have any room on my art wall for prints unforchies
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#hiding this in the tags bc it’s kind of embarrassing and i need to get it off my chest#and i could journal about it but i just want someone to see me#sorry for being cringe <333#but i don’t know what the hell i am like i don’t know if i’m even nonbinary anymore and that scares me like being nonbinary felt like coming#home after a long trip#and now i’m having all these thoughts about wanting to be a man? like near tears rn bc i want to be a guy but then when i think of actually#being a guy i freak out a bit#bc i like being seen as feminine too and i know that there are feminine men and they get treated so terribly#and i feel like all the men i see that i want to be like or look like are white! why don’t i see any black trans men like i feel so alone#and i’m scared to look/be openly trans bc there’s so much violence against people like us that it feels safer to just cosplay as a cis woman#even though i’m not#like i don’t want to be a boy but i want to be one and i absolutely don’t want to be a girl but i’d like to be seen as someone sometimes#it’s all very confusing#AND like i know i’m biromantic like im attracted to all genders and people#but im like? am i on the ace spectrum#bc i have a low sex drive am often sex repulsed and will sometimes ‘test’#myself to see if im sexually attracted to people and most of the time it’s like#it’s like meh not really but sometimes im like sure but that’s rarer and rarer these days?? and like. tmi here but i jerk off and enjoy it#so i can’t be asexual right?? i tried looking it up but the articles just confused me#but then i also am like with the right person if i had a connection to them i wouldn’t mind having sex with them! but like. then i think#about actually having to be in a relationship and i’m like gross no but i think that’s just relationship trauma and fear of being#vulnerable#and like i know i don’t HAVE to have a label on my gender or sexuality but for me personally it helps to know What i am#and and i love butches so so so much and if i’m a man how can i love butches? like#it’s all so confusing#i feel like i’m 14 and going through puberty again
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ik tumblr is a safe space for many people but I feel like the most vunerable ppl on this website are the only ones getting ran off and punished for the simple crime of existing. you can’t get away from the bigotry of real life anywhere, and it’s not just on here, there’s fucking ads basically calling all nonwhite people the devil getting spread on YouTube and Twitter, real life hate groups crowdfunding and making thousands on thousands it’s so fucked it’s so fucked
#Twitter YouTube here instagram all u get are ads calling minorities the devil#ppl complaining about trans ppls existence#it’s everywhere#I feel like we’re constantly going backwards#ppl are digging up antiblack slurs that maybe my 90yo grandmother has heard#ppl showing images of black ppl getting lynched over arguments abt spider-man#niggas being absolutely blasé over the many genocides going on rn#and basically being like not my country not my problem#are you people fucking bonkers#it feels like nobody fucking cares about anyone anymore#but that’s not true. I worry abt college because what if it gets shot up#me and Chevy aren’t like in the closet or anything and I’ll probably be fine I’m just agender#but not every trans person will just get seen as just a ‘confused girl’ it’s like. so fucking dangerous#and it’s on purpose. people are getting other people killed on purpose#there’s such cruelty that I can’t understand for the simple crime of existing
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ted lasso has been a fucking phenomenal show but if the writers completely fuck it up in the last episode i may have to quit cold turkey. or i will just pointedly entirely ignore the series finale and rewrite it myself.
#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#i have. many thoughts.#idk man i am so apprehensive#if he does go back to kansas he needs to realize that he’s missing a part of himself in richmond#or the team needs to chase him down in the airport romcom style and tell him to stay#bring henry to england#michelle too ig whatever#ted needs his family and goddammit richmond is his family#don’t take it away from him please#like the opening scene this ep w him walking around and greeting everybody#that’s his home! that’s where he belongs!#he worked so hard to get to this point and now he’s just dipping??#if they break up one of the most beautiful found families i’ve ever seen i won’t have faith in media like this anymore#g o d#give me a happy wholesome ending instead of bittersweet one for once please i’m begging you#i’m sick of being sad but carrying on i want to feel love and know that will continue to happen in the show#even if i don’t get to watch it anymore#fuuuuuuuck
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