#at a cafe right now and I feel
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the way jaw surgery changes someone is magic 🩷
#cleft lip#cleftie#me#my face#again#jaw surgery#tw surgery#at a cafe right now and I feel#so cute#on my way to a gem show cuz I’m a#crystal girl#and#actually autistic#as fuck#autistic
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#baroryuu#....#THEYRE REAL TINY I KNOW AND IN THEIR CAFE OUTFITS TToTT#the art of a lemon wedge#ive focused so much on figure painting this year my bgs have fallen behind#on top of like.....#my whole melt down about my art career and where im even going#right now i just wanna learn how to love painting/drawing bgs again#SO IM GONNA START OFF WITH A BRRY OF COURSE#and predictably a blue palette#what can i say#brry to me is the warmth you feel from a hug when youve spent too long in the cold#ryunosuke naruhodo#barok van zieks
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How’s the demo coming along? /genq (Sorry if this is rude, I’m just curious ^^’’)
NO WORRIES I DON'T FIND IT RUDE!! honestly it's been a bit slow, I wanna pick up my pace again and be on that GRIND like how I was cause that felt good!! I'm also planning to delete the game on ren'py since I'm having issue with some of the coding even though I'm following the tutorial exactly as shown so I'm hoping that deleting the game(which isn't that big of a set back for me, I really only had the title screen in there so far) and then just start from scratch cause I don't know if the game file is glitching or if I'm just REALLY bad at coding(though tbf I haven't coded anything since the required coding class in high school and I wasn't even using ren'py for that) Although my plans have changed a bit, I don't plan on going to college this semester(which my dad is NOT going to like so I'm really dreading even TELLING him), rather I want to focus on getting a job(which will still take up my time as well as having to take care of everything at this place) BUT hopefully I'll be less stressed and at least have more free time(I take FOREVR to do college assignments, I'm a really slow worker, I always have been) but I'm hoping that I get a job and make money and save it up so I can GET OUUUUUUT of this place which would lower my stress and give me significantly more free time. And then I wanna do trade school, I wanna use my own money, not my dads, if I'm out of here and use my own money I don' have to worry about anyone else's expectations other then mine so that's also less stress YIPPEE! Progress is slow but tonight I wanna find some music, which thankfully I already have an artist(Peritune) that I REALLY like so I'll just be looking through more of their stuff! Now that I have most of the scenes written out it should be easier to find music and backgrounds! Anyways long story short progress has been slower than I'd like but I'm feeling that motivation kick! I'll try to post more updates as well, sorry for just going MIA!!
#☕️-cafe sweet#🎤-asks#yandere visual novel#male yandere#yandere#visual novel#yandere boyfriend#yandere vn#It started out as a little break from writing and drawin cause my wrist was hurting and i felt drained#but then stuff just kept getting worse at home#im safe though dont worry just STRESSED LMAOOOOO#honestly though seeing people still being interested in Cafe Sweet is giving me a big motivation boost!#Thank you! I'll get more done tonight!#Also with money being mentioned i REFUSE to open up a kofi or a patreon#one i dont have a credit card#but two im such a slow worker that i have like nothing to offer like im not sure id be able to do monthly specials#and so id feel like im scamming people and i DONT want to do that#maybe eventually in the future but def not right now!#I also wanna redo Artemis' sprites cause i was NOT liking how they were coming out#which also made me unmotivated LMAO#I might fix up some of the beginning of the script tonight as well#i need a smooth way to transition into naming yourself and picking your pronouns as well as naming your cat
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Your mid-20s are for suffering actually
#but then again. most of my life is just suffering anyways#went out for reasons other than quick grocery shopping for the first time in 20 days#the cafe/bakery I wanted to visit had all its seats taken and no savoury things without mushrooms#went back home hungry#can't have shit#on top of everything my eyes have been feeling awful for roughly 4 days#everything is slightly blurred and only gets worse throughout the day#+ overall they're dry and irritated#no home remedies help#bought eyedrops but I'm extremely squeamish with my eyes + I'm useless and can't even apply those eyedrops#honestly I can't even blame the hormones right now. it's just the new (or old I guess) normal#so yeah in case you've been wondering why I'm not here nowhere near as often#I'm definitely not out there living my best life#I'm jobless and useless and utterly hopeless#soooo yeah friendly reminder that I'll gladly pay for a hit on myself <3 I don't have much money but hey <3
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When I pick up my pay stubs, my deadname is always covered by a piece of blue sticky note and written over with my name. I thought it was a nice gesture, but I’m not that uncomfortable by seeing my deadname in legal paperwork and I didn’t see the point in the extra hassle. But after I overheard my manager saying he was trans I realized there might be more to it than saving me some discomfort. The idea that someone would take the extra bit of effort to tell me they supported me every single week feels really good.
#I’m really lucky to work where I do#I am far from the first person to point out how grim shit is for us right now#esp trans women at this current moment#I want to tell more stories from my work (at a gay cafe) because going there feels like a breath of fresh air sometimes#I want to flood my online presence with positivity because that’s what I need#mine#trans#trans positivity#queer community#personal
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While I don't know much about it, I would probably bet there are tons of issues with the cruise industry that would make me not actually appreciate it broadly speaking - HOWEVER, I do really love a lot of the interior design of some cruise ships.. How it's almost like a miniature city crammed into one area. Multiple sections with all different aesthetic designs, a variety of shops, restaurants, activity centers, community seating areas, communal use spaces (like gyms, laundry, pools, cafeteria/buffet (which I always love anywhere)), etc. etc. but then also everyone has a little nice clean comfortable looking space of their own to retreat back to if they'd like to be alone. Maybe it's something akin to the idea of 'walkable cities', where everything you could ever want to do is kind of right there just a short walk away? I also especially love how so much stuff is stacked on top of other stuff, a layered cluster of spaces, bright open atriums, and when they're set up with little walkways down the center between a bunch of rooms so it's almost like a mini city street with apartments lining it, etc.. They often seem like they'd be SUCH a cool place to live permanently, IF only something identical was just built on solid land instead lol
#currently watching a channel on youtube where some person is reviews/tours cruise ships or something#and I'm just like wow the whole traveling part would be miserable hell and I would hate trying to get off of the stupid ship everyday#and see seomthing and make it back in time or etc. but OOOOO THE BEDROOMS! love the TINY minifrige!! eeee .. lol#perhaps just an extension of of my obsession with communal spaces. also love hospitals. nursing homes. hotels. AIRPORTS!!!#thats just how humans are meant to live for me. my ideal situation is that sot of thing like big beautiful bright communal places#but i also hate socializing i just like the idea of like. the entire communal world is in front of me but i also have my own little space t#retreat back to. youre not forced to participate. but the world is right outside your window if you WANT to go. ALSO people watching is fun#Plus i think part of what i hate most about Going Places and Doing Things is the commitment of it and traveling#especially in america where its like to get ANYWHERE it's a 3 hour drive or 15 min drive#or 20 min drive or 1 hr bus ride or blah blah. the idea of having plenty of fun little things to do that are all solidified#in ONE single complex that is also where your room is would actually encourage me to do things more because if#my health issues start flaring up or i get overwhelmed or etc. i can literally just... retreat back to my room that is a reasonably short#walk away. instead of like ''UGH now not only do i feel too bad to finish my excursion but ALSO i have a 40 min car ride ahead of me''#etc. Not saying that even in that situation I would become Super Extravert Thing Doer like i still LOOVE a quiet lifestyle mostly alone do#ing the same 5 repetitive tasks over & over again working on specific hobbies. but just that i WOULD go out SLIGHTLY more and do Activities#if the activities were already brought to ME. like a cruise ship layout where you have your little room private space but when you feel#like it on your own terms you could venture out and go to a little cafe or a swimming pool or etc. WITHOUT even having to leave#or get in a car and travel. just walk form your room to The thing. amazing.. ground breaking.. BUT especially the layers are important. I#dont mean just 'have the same features but in a way that theyre on land' I mean LITERALLY translate the EXACT layout of the cruise ship but#on ground instead. Like I want a full community cafeteria on the middle floor of my apartment complex. there should be a pool & waterslide#on the roof. A community games room on the 4th floor. a library right under my bedroom. etc. etc. Though maybe ideally I would say#add a little extra space like most people couldn't live their entire lives in a cruise ship room layout. But maybe just have the rooms expa#nded to the average size of like a 3 bedroom apartment. and then still stack them on top of each other.. More spacious decks so people can#have some plants (but also a community garden somewhere too). ANYWAY... Idk I just always love the aesthetics. I would love to tour a cruis#ship but like NOT go on a cruise EVER lol.. but just.. SEE the space. I love interiors so much. Also makes me think of worldbuilding like.#I think cruise ships could also be good inspiration for underground stacked cities in layers. things like that. OR just actually the fant#asy world version of a cruise ship lol. Though Nanyevimi's oceans are all so treacherous that non-inland water travel is avoided as much as#possible (even if it's more tedious to travel on the land) and would rarely be done for leisure. still.. river cruises could exist.. >:3c#In Nanyevimi the oceans are akin to how Outer Space is on earth (seen as a mysterious unexplored dangerous area etc).. a cruise ship of#rich elves setting out on a Groundbreaking First Ever Ocean Cruise & it just goes Wrong like a sci-fi 'trapped in space' type thriller LOL
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./long ramble
#i had honestly a lovely night with my friend and now im a ball of anxiety orz#tldr; im still reeling from the weekend and wrote out a script of shit i need to say#but the fact i need to sit on this for a week until we see each other in person has me just |:#and it sucks. it just sucks#but idk i might call my mom tomorrow to talk through it so that will help#i have plans too tomorrow and thursday#i dont friday but that's okay i'll go to a cafe and do chores#and then i have plans sat and sun#so that's fine at least#in the words of my mom and friend once i have the conversation i'll feel better#and maybe the outcome will be positive#it just sucks to sit with right now#anyway. i think typing it out and typing here helped?#RT Games uploaded a funny video. gonna keep watching that and play some genshin#Unfortunately don't have the concentration to edit tonight#but that's also okay - im gonna tomorrow#and i Like that i have a few projects i can do#so we're doing better than feb maddie#miscellaneous
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it was gonna be a weird night regardless but hot damn. that was a Night for Sure
#basicaly i got tickets for a lil pre-halloween misfits tribute show bc yippe! fun yk?#as i dicovered a couple days after i made that purcahse#the venue was the fucking hard rock cafe#which couldnt be More Lame tbh but yk?#i already had the ticket and it would get me outta the house at least right?#so i was planning to have a silly lil tropical margarita just to make danzig roll in his future grave#but uhhhhh. plans Changed <3#basically iiiii ended up drunksitting n drinking a mediocre strawberry lemonade instead#imm not gonna put all her shit Out Here on the internet even tho there is a less-than-zero percent chance that it could be connected to her#but yeah she now has the honor of being easily the most intoxicated (n still mostly conscious/functional) person ive ever been around#like hey it was nice to have a distraction from feeling Very Out Of Place#but i woulda Preferred that to not have stemmed from the 'oh holy shit this person is vulnerable i gotta Keep Them Safe' instinct#girl i hope you got home safe fr <3#anwyas. i go sleep now bai!!!#whatever the fuck#alcohol /
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Almost bought my flights to Syd the night before remaining tickets went on sale and they were $150, fell asleep woke up yesterday to the announcement and subsequent flight price skyrocket, just had to pay $400,,,, the world will never let me have something
#feel a little like I just had a cactus shoved up my ass atm#like I am SO brazenly trying to be positive but like come the fuck ON dude#come ON now be soooo serious#it's just thing after thing after goddamn thing#I really feel like the people who run the simulation are mocking me for sport#one singular event in Australia is yet to work out positively for me#I can't think of one thing I look back on and am like 'I'm really happy with how that went down :)'#down to like. eating at a cafe and them not making my coffee right running out of the pastry I wanted or something lmfao#not ONE thing
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Real talk: I thought Tina Turner has been dead for years. I thought she died in the 90s or something.
#this could be a mandela effect glitch#or it could be me simply misremembering#but it feels weird and the last time something felt this strange to me#was when prince william and kate got married and i would have sworn on my mom's life#that i had seen coverage of prince william's wedding like five years before that#on magazine covers that i distinctly remember constantly in my line of vision when i worked in the cafe at barnes and noble#so who knows#but yeah all the tina turner stuff right now is tripping me out
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Me: just trying to work on projects for work so can actually say I've done something at the team meeting tomorrow
My brain: sleepy.... Nap time? Time to get cozy. It's beddy time! Look at your warm, soft pets sleeping next to you. Don't you wish that were you rn?
My body: Your eyelids are getting heaaavvvvy and your brain is foggier than a haunted house attraction. You should listen to it. Close your eyes, just for a second. Just rest.
Brain: How about a nice, short catnap to boost your energy. Only been up for 2hrs you say? That's ok! time is relative and you deserve a nap at any time. You'll feel more rested and energetic if you just take 20 minutes and have a nice little doze, promise...
Body: your movements are slow and clumsy and you'd feel so much better if you just lay down and close your eyes. Just for a minute.
Brain: if you don't take a nap in the next 10 minutes I'm gonna start screaming at you via migraine and force you to take one.
#me#chronic fatigue#oof it hasn't been this bad in a long time 😭#i say long time as if I didn't sleep most of last month#but that was because i was sick which i am not right now#like i went from sitting up and working on work to laying down and working to#typing this out while barely able to keep my eyes open#ive been up for 2.5hrs only 1 of which was spent on work stuff#i know giving in is a trap but holy fuck#normally if I start feeling a little fatigued while working from home id just pack my stuff up and go hole up at a cafe or something#but idk that im comfortable driving rn#plus my migraine went from barely there to full head pain in the manner of minutes so....#i should probably clock out and give in to the impulse#☉#fox thoughts
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OPINION TIME because i need to know i'm not the only one who feels this way:
i'm gonna be perfectly honest and many of you might hate me for this but. i. did not like good omens season 2. so if you don't want to read, i'll just write my essay under the break dlsjfdh
OKAY.
i mean i understand why people like it, the two (mostly) male-presenting characters that everyone has been smashing together like barbie dolls for decades finally get a canon kiss, great. yeah, as a trans gay guy, i can't deny that i love seeing any kind of queer representation, especially from such a popular show, from such an influential author. but this? did not. feel good to watch. and it's not just because of the soul-destroying cliffhanger ending.
i lived and breathed good omens when the show first came out, it was one of the most intense hyperfixations of my life, i was completely obsessed with it and i recommended it to everyone i knew, both the show and the book. it's the entire reason i got tumblr in the first place and the first fandom i actually participated in. quite a good portion of my waking thoughts were consumed by the ineffable husbands and all the other characters. i was a young teenager at the time and this story shaped my view of the world for over a year, and i will always love it. but even then, i hoped to god (ha) that they wouldn't make a second season. but inevitably, they did.
i went into the first episode hoping i was wrong, and i finished it just feeling disappointed. i kept watching and got through the whole thing, hoping it would get better as the season went on, but it just got worse and worse. granted, i did enjoy the little historical throwbacks (i think the entire second season should have just been aziraphale and crowley through the centuries with michael and david improvising the whole thing like that one post) but the actual plot was bland, the characters had lost all their depth, and on top of that the budget was obviously cut by a lot so the rich visuals that were so captivating in the first season were gone, as well. that and issues with sound, which probably were more noticeable cause i was wearing headphones, but this is one of the most popular and profitable shows on a leading streaming service owned by one of the biggest fucking companies in the world. shouldn't they be putting money into it?
i'm not upset that beelzebub was recast. i'm upset that their entire character and personality was forgotten in favour of a romantic side plot, which exists, why? again?? to somehow emphasize a point already made by the other rushed romantic side plot?? that has barely anything to do with the actual story other than being accidentally dragged into it by aziraphale, whose entire character development from the first season has been entirely pushed aside because we need a third season, because we want more money! hehe they are kissing, gay people kissing ooh look, give us your money and attention so you can see them kiss consensually this time! i could continue but i will spare you the entirety of my spiel because i could write. PAGES. about how much this season hurt my soul not because Oh No They Broke Up but because i believed in this world and i believed in these characters and i don't like seeing them like this, wrung out and milked for cash and fanservice. everything that made the first season good is dampened by the knowledge that i now have to consider this fucking thing canon, that this is what the story turns into.
neil gaiman i love you but for the love of god get off of tumblr. he just wrote a fucking fanfiction of his and terry pratchett's work because he knew he would get money from it. and we are eating it up, because we love the story, we love the characters, and we love the author and we always want more. if you want more, draw fanart. write fanfiction. create your own version of a story. please, don't give your money to a company just because it's Officially Legit Canon when you could create a much better, more compelling, and more satisfying ending for yourself, for free. i lied earlier, i don't understand the appeal of this season. i don't understand why people like it. it feels fake. it feels wrong. it feels like an entirely different universe than the first season, and the book, and that wouldn't necessarily even be a bad thing if it was at least done with some level of concern for quality and consistency.
i know not everyone wants to be critical of their favourite show and would prefer to just enjoy it for what it is. i understand that, at least. i don't want to ruin anyone's fun. if you enjoyed this season, good. i'm glad you did and i love seeing all the fanart and fanfictions happening everywhere. i just really wanted to talk about this and maybe spark a little discussion if anyone's interested. anyways if you read all of this, thank you.
tl;dr: i hate capitalism, i hate streaming services
#good omens#good omens spoilers#good omens 2#good omens 2 spoilers#neil gaiman#good omens season 2#also i don't understand. did it get explained why sister mary loquacious now owns a cafe and goes by nina#is this an inside joke i'm not aware of???#was i just supposed to not notice?????#is it supposed to be a subtle nod?? oh look nina sosanya is back because we can't reasonably find a way to bring back her previous characte#cool??#i don't get it i don't understand somebody explain it to me i don't. understand#AM I JUST STUPID I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST STUPID THEY WOULDN'T HAVE JUST. DONE THAT WITHOUT EXPLAINING IT RIGHT???#i was paying attention i swear#okay i googled it and neil just. likes her a lot i guess.#okay?#alright wes anderson but maybe like. put her in sandman or something#i stg i thought i was going insane half the time
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also i am fighting a losing battle with my desire to order takeout tonight
#sasha speaks#serse opens tonight so i have to be in places at 7 but i gotta have food just before then or else bring something with me for intermission#cause i learned the very hard way on monday that if i don't eat smth substantial like Right before the show starts#i WILL feel like utter shit the entire run#and. gd. grilled chicken sandwich with sweet potato fries and iced tea from the bougie cafe near campus sounds SO good right now.
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silly games times bestiesss
#bread date postponed bc he thought it was sunday not saturday and made plans for saturday and i had plans for sunday. so scheduling it for#2 weeks later hopefully. part of me wants to be annoyed but like. he's got friends and other ppl in his life. its so whatever. i know for a#fact he's not seeing other ppl. that man gets no matches. i know this. so its fine. If anything#i mentioned I'd be busy a lot of this month and he suggested that we did the cat cafe thing in novemeber and i was like... are u fucking#stupid?!? so hopefully its my turn to do it to him. like#you better be feeling like you're fumbling right now?! tf is wrong with you.
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Recently discovered a new superpower called anxiety that makes you feel like your arms have electricity
#really unfortunate that it doesnt come with the ability to shoot lightning out of my arms because thays what it feels like it should do :/#additionally unfortunate that i am basically living in one big uncertain situation right now#at least the cafe im sitting in is playing mitski this is actually very calming
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😩😩😩
screaming, crying, throwing up, etc.
I only have three chapters left now 😩
#miscellaneous#i usually dont do many edits over the weekend or writing for the MG novel#and i have plans#but like the motivation right now is . AAAA#god it feels good#the MG novel too only has a few chapters left#gotta give the pages to my critique group this weekend so i probably will focus on that for a few days again instead#i originally thought i wouldnt be done edits until end of march so it just. it feels good#petrified at the prospect of like. querying and shit . but uh. that's still far out#cause i need to give the YA novel back to the editor and then do full read-through edits of both#and THEN buckle down and read shit to find comp novels#so we can still delay it.#anyway. whew. time to grocery shop and then play video games#ive been in this cafe long enough
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