zoyzauce
The Top Banana
105K posts
Life's too short to be an asshole, except when it's funny and gets me lots of women ;) she/her / bi / I may not make content but ladies and themtlemen I reblog (slaps hood of van) only the FINEST posts you'll ever see
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zoyzauce · 2 days ago
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Oh god why does it have his ugly ass face as the app icon
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zoyzauce · 2 days ago
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zoyzauce · 3 days ago
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Being non-binary is like instead of having an angel and a demon on ur shoulder u have a faggot and a dyke
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zoyzauce · 3 days ago
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Why do they keep accidentally making him look like the coolest person alive don’t they want us to hate him
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zoyzauce · 3 days ago
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply
"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post
"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior
"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares
"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.
"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all
".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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RIP women's clothes I will never miss you
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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my cat hates taking his pills. the only way we can get him to eat them is to turn it into an elaborate pantomime - we take the packet out of the cupboard slowly and hold it up, saying “oh!! what’s this? what’s this? a TREAT? a TREAT for louis????” while making surprised faces. we offer him a pill… then, before he has a chance to sniff it, we wag our fingers at him and replace it in the packet so it becomes a Tantalising Forbidden Mystery. we continue doing this until he’s so confused and excited that he will eat the pill as fast as possible, just so he can find out what it is before we can take it away from him again. as soon as he’s eaten it he looks utterly disappointed and betrayed, like a child who just ate a delicious sweet only to find it was a chocolate-coated brussels sprout. it never gets old
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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The lyrics "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know" hit differently in the age of climate change
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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Broke af?
But still interested in feeding yourself? What if I told you that there’s a woman with a blog who had to feed both herself and her young son…on 10 British pounds ($15/14 Euro) per week?
Let me tell you a thing.
This woman saved my life last year. Actually saved my life. I had a piggy bank full of change and that’s it. Many people in my fandom might remember that dark time as when I had to hock my writing skills in exchange for donations. I cried a lot then. 
This is real talk, people: I marked down exactly what I needed to buy, totaled it, counted out that exact change, and then went to three different stores to buy what I needed so I didn’t have to dump a load of change on just one person. I was already embarrassed, but to feel people staring? Utter shame suffused me. The reasons behind that are another post all together. 
AgirlcalledJack.com is run by a British woman who was on benefits for years. Things got desperate. She had to find a way to feed herself and her son using just the basics that could be found at the supermarket. But the recipes she came up with are amazing. 
You have to consider the differing costs of things between countries, but if you just have three ingredients in your cupboard, this woman will tell you what to do with it. Check what you already have. Chances are you have the basics of a filling meal already. 
Here’s her list of kitchen basics. 
Bake your own bread. It’s easier than you think. Here’s a list of many recipes, each using some variation of just plain flour, yeast, some oil, maybe water or lemon juice. And kneading bread is therapeutic. 
Make your own pasta–gluten free. 
She gets it. She really does. This is the article that started it all. It’s called “Hunger Hurts”.
She has vegan recipes.
A carrot, a can of kidney beans, and some cumin will get you a really filling soup…or throw in some flour for binding and you’ve got yourself a burger. 
Don’t have an oven or the stove isn’t available? She covers that in her Microwave Cooking section. 
She has a book, but many recipes can be found on her blog for free. She prices her recipes down to the cent, and every year she participates in a project called “Living Below the Line” where she has to live on 1 BP per day of food for five days. 
Things improved for me a little, but her website is my go to. I learned how to bake bread (using my crockpot, but that was my own twist), and I have a little cart full of things that saved me back then, just in case I need them again. She gives you the tools to feed yourself, for very little money, and that’s a fabulous feeling. 
Tip: Whenever you have a little extra money, buy a 10 dollar/pound/euro giftcard from your discount grocer. Stash it. That’s your super emergency money. Make sure they don’t charge by the month for lack of use, though.
I don’t care if it sounds like an advertisement–you won’t be buying anything from the site. What I DO care about is your mental, emotional, and physical health–and dammit, food’s right in the center of that. 
If you don’t need this now, pass it on to someone who does. Pass it on anyway, because do you REALLY know which of the people in your life is in need? Which follower might be staring at their own piggy bank? Trust me: someone out there needs to see this. 
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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this got me i must sayyy
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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This person needs to be arrested im going to cry
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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it’s time to stop supporting businesses who have funded trump’s win and champion his ideals among their workers and customers. teslas are fucking awful to begin with. stickermule are lame sellouts who don’t pay their workers enough anyway. leave them in the dust while you support small businesses, particularly those supporting people struggling the most
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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Rest In Peace, President Jimmy Carter. 💙
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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on their clit like morse code
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zoyzauce · 4 days ago
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