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Meager appetite

Kanaya ♦️ Karkat

Kanaya retrieved two plates and two forks from your cupboards. She had grown so accustomed to your hive that she knew precisely where to find the dishes and the cutlery. You sat at the table while she dressed it. Her finally sitting down with you was your signal to begin cutting away at the grubcake she had brought. In no time you're devouring this delicious cake, that is, until you notice her plate is still empty.

"Wait, you're not having any? Come on, cut a piece for yourself."

"No, I am delighted to offer this sweet grubcake in its entirety to you. It was a joy to make knowing you would be on the receiving end."

"What? Is it a gift or something? I appreciate the gesture, and I do enjoy your cooking, but it's really not necessary to refrain from enjoying your hard work. I mean it, I can't finish this all by myself."

"You do not need to consume it all in one sitting. Do not be ridiculous, you would get yourself ill. Preserve some for another occasion."

You set your fork down, adopting a grave expression. "There's something you're not telling me. Why haven't you taken a single bite out of this grubcake? Is there something wrong with it?" The mere thought of having possibly consumed poisoned food brings your stomach to your throat.

"No, no! Karkat. Do you think I am deranged? Why would I do such a dreadful thing to you, of all people? I could never imagine. I care so deeply about you, you know that." You frowned. Although you wanted to believe she was sincere, there was something oddly suspicious about the way she was dodging your question. She sighed, painfully aware that you would not budge until this was clarified. "I really do adore baking. Alas, I do not get as many opportunities to put my skills to good use, ever since… you know…"

You raise your shoulders and quickly look around. "Yes, of course, I fucking know already! I'm an all-seeing entity looking over the universe and I know what you were doing with that grubcake. Do you see how stupid this shit sounds? No, I don't know. Until you loosen up and tell me what the hell is going on, I am going to continue assuming the worst. That some wicked hag decided to trick me into ingesting what seems like an inconspicuous grubcake but it actually contains a special ingredient that will give me some incurable disease. Is that what you want?"

Kanaya's eyes linger over you throughout your ranting, her stare feels unusually indifferent. When she manages to get a word in, she explains sheepishly: "I cannot eat solid food anymore-"

"Some asshole knocked all of your teeth? A piano dropped from the 6th floor and landed on your pan? Hilarious. I'm bent in half in laughter. As far as I can see you still have all your teeth since you're not drooling all over the table and you can still enunciate just fine. Now use your gogdamn ignorance gash and-" You pause. Amidst your irritation, you realize one small detail had slipped past your mind… "Oh."

It all made sense, now. Kanaya seems relieved to see you regain your composure.

"You mean rainbow drinkers can't eat food?"

"We are not quite incapable, but it is not preferable. Various aches and ailments customarily ensue."

"Oh." You look at the unfinished piece of grubcake on your plate. You really were quick to accuse her for something that was not her fault at all, weren't you? In what world would Kanaya be able to do this to her moirail, let alone to anyone. If she had a grievance with anyone, she would not have resorted to such cheap tricks. Telling them off, of course; beating some sense into them when necessary, sure. Poisoning? It would've been an uncharacteristically sneaky and dramatic way to settle her differences with you.

One gets startled easily when you have been stabbed in the back so many times before, you guess. But now that she had revealed it wasn't her intention at all, you just feel like a fool. A relieved fool, at least.

"It saddens me that I barely even get to taste my creations anymore. I used to enjoy sharing meals but it has become an exigent chore to mask my minuscule appetite. I really cannot consume much or else I will feel ill. But what use is putting so much care in cooking a thousand meals if they are all going to waste? Instead, I would rather offer them, and as an additional benefit they might bring a smile to someone's face…"

A sensation of warmth spreads through your chest. So it really was a gift. You feel even more like a dick: here she was simply being nice to you and this is the thanks you give her. "My bad, Kanaya. I didn't think-"

She interrupts you: "Do not worry. You were not thinking this through. I am not resentful."

You pick your fork back up and poke once at the grubcake on your plate. You observe it for a second before cutting off a bite-sized piece and lifting your gaze back up to Kanaya.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" You joke to lighten the mood.

"You must mean thirsty."

"Yeah, sure." You answer with your mouth full.

"Hmm." She scratches the back of her head. "I would rather not frighten you with the truth."

Your arm suddenly freezes in place, interrupting its trajectory towards your mouth. Your eyes are locked on her, carefully watching her every movement. "No… I'm not scared. Do you think I'm a wiggler?"

"I must admit I am not fully sated right now. This is no reason to be alarmed, after all, you know I am more than capable of self-control. When dawn comes, I will able to find the nutrients I require."

"Doesn't Rose help to keep you fed?"

"I would rather not impose this taxing responsibility on her. I am not entitled to her energy to sustain myself. Besides, human blood is regrettably not as filling. It's critical that our exchange remains on a voluntary basis, therefore I hunt the other times. Like tonight, I will eventually need to go hunting."

"What about our movie day? I've made a whole list of human romance movies we needed to see together. You can't leave me hanging."

"Well, we will not watch them all day, will we? I can depart after."

"Whaaaat!! Then we won't have time to see everything, it's impossible. I thought when you said you would be spending the day with me, you meant you would stay here the whole day so we could catch up…"

"My apologies, Karkat. I should have had my feed yesterday, then I would have been more than pleased to spend the entire day with you… Alas, I must leave before dusk. Unless…"

"Unless what?" You arch an eyebrow in confusion. Her eyes pierce through you intently, as if you were made out of glass. Suddenly, your stomach turns into a knot as you realize her implication and you jump from your chair. "No, NO, NO. Don't look at me like that. Absolutely the fuck not. You can find another feeding machine elsewhere."

"Machine? Karkat, I already informed you that an agreement of this kind would never become contractual. Further, it would just be this once."

Your skin turns pallid, your heart racing, your breaths shortening. The mere thought of your blood being drawn is enough to make you feel faint. "Why???? Why would you ask me of all people? You know I hate that shit, I can't stand it. Ask the first troll you cross on the street for all I care."

"It's truly not as terrible as you envision it. You need not look at it."

"N-O, no."

"Very well then, it was merely a suggestion: I can also leave earlier if you prefer."

"You know what, we can even postpone this to another day when you're well-fed! Then we'll have plenty of time to get through my marathon."

"So you will send me home expeditiously after I travelled all the way here?"

On second thought, you really did not want to throw her out like an old dishrag. Not only would it be impolite considering the travel time, you'd lose on precious time spent with your moirail. There were plenty of movies you were so excited to show her. A compromise needs to be made: "Fine. We'll just begin tackling the list and you can leave when you need to. We can continue another time, I guess."

Kanaya seemed satisfied by this answer, as she was also eager to spend most of her day with you. After you cleaned your plate and placed the rest of the grubcake in your fridge, the two of you moved to the living area. After you inserted the first CD into the reader, you both crashed on your couch.

Throughout the next few hours, you got to fill her in on some of humans' classic romance movies. Her experience was even better than that the one she could've had at any movie theater, since she had you to guide her through the lore and to point out any detail that might've escaped her. But soon enough came the fated time of her departure: "As much as it pains me to say, this was my last one, Karkat. I really must leave now." She straightens her back, ready to get up from the couch.

"What? But you're going to miss the scene where Jack and Ennis reunite!!"

She sighs. "Very well, my other offer still stands, whichever you prefer."

"It doesn't seem enticing to me in the slghtest."

"I would be very gentle, Karkat. We can go as slowly as you need. You can trust me on that." She assures you, looking at you intently.

You take a deep breath. You really feel like she would miss out on one of the best moments in movie history if she left now. As much as you did not want to get your blood drawn, if it was the only thing that could get her to stay and complete the marathon with you… Besides, if there's anyone you can trust to reassure you throughout this terrifying process, it's her. She's always looking out for your safety and she's never let you down so far.

After a moment of reflexion, you concede: "Fine, just make it quick. So how do we do this?"

"Oh I am so glad." Exalted by what she just heard, she bounces off from the couch. "Wait for me just one minute, I will return shortly."

She doesn't leave much time for you to dwell on your worries, soon enough she comes back with a damp rag and adhesive bandages. She places them on the coffee table and sits down next to you.

"What if… mutated blood is dangerous to drink?" You ask. "What if it's poisonous for rainbow drinkers or something…?"

"I cannot be certain until I try it, wouldn't you agree? There is a first time for everything. And I am willing to attempt the experiment. What if I am missing out on something grand?"

"I don't want to make you sick."

"You will not make me ill, Karkat. I will interrupt my drinking if I notice something goes awry."

You're not so convinced by her reasoning, frankly you'd rather your moirail does not put her life in jeopardy for any type of experiment. But if she really does want to go through with this, who are you to stop her?

"Alright. What next?" You ask impatiently.

There was an awkward silence before she leaned towards you and dropped off the faintest kiss on your temple. You suddenly feel warmth rushing to your cheeks and ears, and you bring your hand up as an attempt to cover your embarrassment. She smirked smugly as she noticed your flushed expression.

"You seem to have excellent circulation." You're too disconcerted to come up with a smartass response to her jab. She uses this opportunity to gently kiss your neck, which sends shivers down your spine. "I have been longing to try candy red." If she wanted red, she got it: your face is as red as a tomato.

"Ah, do you really need to go for my neck?"

"You wished for me to be quick. This is the fastest way. I could always take your arm but it would require twice as much time. Besides, you will see less blood if the puncture wounds are on your neck."

You grimace at the thought of an extension for your predicament. Neck will have to do. "Okay, fine."

Her teeth graze against your skin and it makes you shiver. You brace yourself, your breaths shallow and your eyes shut.

"Shh, relax… Do not worry, you will be fine. I will let you know when I start." She rubs your back. You're trying really hard to calm down, but your hands are shaking and you already feel nauseous. Moments pass before she leans back: "On second thought, you should lie down on the couch."

"What…?" You reply in confusion, opening your eyes. Truth be told, you were so lost in thought that you completely missed what she just said.

She stands up. "Lie down on the couch. It will be more comfortable for you. And in case you feel ill, you will already have adopted the correct position to recover."

You lie down, putting yourself at ease. You take a deep, shaky breath. You don't notice Kanaya rolling up the bottom of her skirt up to her knees until she has already climbed on top of you and is straddling you. Your embarrassment reaches new heights.

"Kanaya…? Are you sure about this? This feels oddly… intimate."

"I must find a comfortable position as well, to make it easier on both of us. I am seeking time efficiency. Are you ready?"

"Hm-hmm." You confirm.

She holds one of your hands, hers feel cold albeit comfortingly soft.

"Are you certain? I would appreciate a complete answer."

"Yes, I'm ready."

"Do not hesitate to let me know if you need me to stop." She hovers above you, closing once again the gap between her mouth and your neck. "I must warn you, it will pinch a little."

You move your head slightly to the side to give her more space. She presses her lips against your skin once more. Your heart is pounding like it's going to bounce out of your chest.

"3, 2, 1…"

A sharp sting sinks deep into your neck. You shut your eyes and grind your teeth, trying to drown it out. With each heartbeat you feel your blood coursing throughout your body. It's one of the strangest sensations you've ever felt.

Kanaya lets go of your hand, instead cupping your face so it stays in the right place. Her thumb gently rubs against your cheek, as if to comfort you.

The pain begins to subside after a minute. You start to ease into it, as your body comes to understand you are in good hands. Your jaw loosens and your breaths grow deeper. You dread opening your eyes however, fearing they would get a glimpse of a bloodbath. You think you'll keep them closed until she is done.

Soon enough you feel the intrusion in your neck fade out, as she pulls out her fangs with a relieved sigh. Suddenly, you feel something moist being pressed and gently rubbed against your neck: she is cleaning your wounds with the rag she had so thoughtfully brought earlier.

"It is over now. Are you alright, dear?"

"Yeah…" You take it as a signal to open your eyes.

"It was not so terrible, would you not agree?" She now presses the rag onto her chin, wiping away the candy red blood that had dribbled on it. You can't look away.

"I guess it could have been worse."

She takes two adhesive bandages and carefully sticks them over your puncture wounds. "Know that your help is greatly appreciated: I feel much more energetic now." Good for her. You, on the other hand, are quite frazzled. At least you'll have plenty of time to recuperate on the couch while you two resume watching your movie marathon.

She leans down to press a kiss on your forehead, causing your cheeks to become lightly flushed. She gets a good look at your face as she sits back up. "I see I have not stripped you from all your colour." She chuckles.

You frown, partly annoyed partly amused by her antics. "You're having way too much fun with this."

"That I am. You look so adorable when you are flustered." She hops off the couch. "Wait a moment, let me take care of this."

She leaves with the rag in order to rinse it out in the sink. You manage to sit up slowly on the couch in the meantime. You feel slightly nauseous. You hold a hand to your forehead as you attempt to recollect everything that just happened. It all went by so fast. Well, you did ask for it to be fast, didn't you?

You notice Kanaya coming back from the ablution block and she sits beside you, placing a cold hand on your back. "It was delectable, Karkat, perhaps even better than my current favourites, teal and indigo. I was lucky to have your permission to try out this rare commodity."

"Rare is the right word. Don't let it become a habit because you might not get permission so often."

"Of course, and I respect that. Although I must point out… You do seem to imply this might not be the last time, is that correct?"

"Ehh…" You scratch your head. As nerve-wracking as it was to get your blood drawn, you did enjoy Kanaya's gentle, close-up attentions. She made you feel safe. But you're definitely not ready to admit this out loud just yet. "I mean, I'm not saying no, so take it however you will. Just tell me beforehand, okay? I don't want to plan anything important right after."

She's grinning from ear to ear. "I will ensure that I let you know. Remember that it is always your choice in the end. You can back out if ever you are not willing anymore. I can handle myself just fine."

She gets up, motioning to the CD reader. "At any rate, where were we? Which movie should I insert next? Would you like something to drink? I can fill up your glass if you would like. Are you cold? Do you need a blanket?"

You look at her adoringly, a coy smile on your lips. Oh, how lucky you are to have such an attentive moirail.