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zilverbullets · 5 years ago

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Confessions of a former EXO-L

Dear EXO and fellow EXO-Ls,

Back in August 2014, I started being an exo fan (the fandom name was not even formed yet, so we remained nameless and often referred to ourselves as exotics). I was a 2nd-year college student slash EXO fan. I got roped into EXO because of my little sister who happened to be watching the GROWL MV that time. I was instantly hooked by the lively music and the powerful choreography, it was so catchy that i asked her to play it again and again. That’s when I started noticing the boys’ faces. Damn they’re all good-looking, but they were so manyyyy, It was literally a struggle to pinpoint who was who, i often mistook one member’s face with another. IT WAS THAT HARD, especially for a first time kpop fan. EXO is my bias group and remained my ONLY BIAS GROUP for the whole duration that I was a kpop fan.

At first I was just mesmerized by the catchy tune and the dance, but let’s be honest, it was their faces that sealed the deal for me. I don’t remember now when I actually started doing my research, searching for the members profile, memorizing their faces and watching their previous MVs. I don’t remember when I started really liking EXO, to the point that I considered myself a fan.

But it just happened. And i’m really glad it did. EXO and fangirling became my lifeline. I was recently out of a one-year relationship that time and EXO has helped me move on. I was distracted by the boys, their music and the dances. EXO healed my broken heart. EXO helped piece back a part of me that I thought had died together with my failed relationship. EXO has done a great deal of making me happy on those dark times. EXO became my new reason for living.

So my journey with EXO started! From watching their mvs on repeat (it was only mama, history, wolf and growl at that time), to listening to their album tracks, to watching interviews and their individual debut teaser clips. When this wasn’t enough, I searched for more content that I could find. I literally scoured the internet for more EXO.

Until I came across fanfics. To be honest, at first, I loathed the idea of ships and OTP. I cringe when I think of it. But watching several fan account videos has made me the exact opposite of what I told myself I wouldn’t become. Boy i was so wrong about that. The next thing I new, I was the biggest selu/kaisoo/chanbaek shipper (the big 3 ships T^T)!! Their skinship and interactions were everything to me that I don’t mind taking it to the next level, which was reading fanfictions. If my memory serves me right, the first ever exo fanfic that i have read was Anterrograde Tomorrow. This thing had been all over my tumblr feed that I got really curious what this shit is about. I kept seeing the quote, “See you tomorrow, hyung. Don’t forget!” everywhere. On memes, on edits, on FMVs. Like what is this about?? So I gave it a try. And fuck. I have never been more wrong in my entire life. I WAS A WEEPING MESS AFTER. The whole story stayed with me for weeks. I was fucking depressed, that I decided to look for crack/fluff/romantic fics to get over this feeling. This was how reading exo fanfics became a habit. I have read a lot of fandom classics that I’m sad to discover have been taken down by their respective writers now. It was good (heaven) while it lasted. I have read A LOT of exo fanfics to last me a lifetime, i’m not even kidding. This was how I spent my whole semester break. Cooped up in a corner, reading whilst crying from the angst/laughing my ass off/melting with so much fluff/and falling in love with EXO even more.

I was there when their first variety show aired, EXO’s Showtime. I can still remember the 18 year old me who diligently waited every week for translated episodes. This show has brought me to EXO on a more personal level. This is when I found out that I don’t love EXO because of their faces, I love EXO because they are a bunch of dorks and the biggest softies. OT12, We Are One, has been ingrained in my mind and my heart.

I was there when they received their first ever Daesang Award. I could not get more proud of these boys! November 22, 2013. These guys deserved all the love and support in the world and this award is a proof of all their hard work.

I was there during the MID Era. It was my first comeback (not technically comeback) as an official exo fan. And boy, Christmas Day was my favorite track from that album. The hip sways and the suspenders, i can’t even!

I welcomed the new year (2014) with EXO in my heart. I started buying exo merch, from posters, stickers, t-shirts and whatnot. My whole house was plastered with their posters, every wall that is available, I have EXO’s faces staring right back at me. Sadly, I cannot buy albums that time because I’m still in school and I don’t have the ability or the money to purchase one for myself.

I was there during the Overdose Era. Every EXO fan has been anticipating this comeback because ever since GROWL was released, it brought along a lot of fans, including me.

I was there when the first major EXO scandal happened, the sudden disappearance of Kris and his lawsuit against SM. Boy, I don’t even want to remember the feeling. It was like a part of me had died when this happened. I don’t want to admit the rumors and I kept praying that this was all a cruel joke and he’ll be back soon. I remember crying on the floor and praying and praying. But he didn’t.

Their first concert here in the Philippines, EXO was now OT10.

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zilverbullets · 5 years ago

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