zaydabeta99

[zaydabeta99]

I Still Don't Know My Name

I do not own Euphoria or any of the characters. This is kinda angsty, with foul language, alcohol and substance abuse, and inferred suicide. Read with caution, and do not read if you are triggered easily.

~Rue~

It was silent, and it was calm. Well, except for the pit pat of one Rue Bennett’s converse, and the raspy pants she took as she walked down her street. But she was fine, though. I mean, the love of her life was with her one minute and on a train to the city the next, but she was fine.

She fucking left me

Ok, maybe a bit less than fine.

I’m a burden, and she fucking left me.

Ok, so Rue was most definitely not fine. But it’s ok. Because as soon as she got into her house, she would go straight to her Oxy stash, the one she kept for “emergencies only” and get as high as the fucking moon.

And that is exactly what she did.

She got on cloud fucking 9, with no plan to come down.

~Gia~

Gia was a good kid. She got good grades, did things with her life, and you know, was a respectable human being. But seeing your sister on the floor, eyes staring at the ceiling, lifeless, and choking on her vomit, well, it fucks you up a bit.

It fucks you up a lot.

But she pushed through it. Of course, she could never see Rue the same way again, but she learned to adapt.

Most 13 year olds don’t have to go through that, but Gia did.

Almost all 13 year olds don’t have to go through that twice, but Gia should buy a fucking lottery ticket, because she did.

She walked into Rue's room, only to return the earbuds she borrowed. And fuck, there she was. The, tear stained face, lying in a pile of her vomit, convulsing over and over again to blow more chunks. Right next to her was her phone, unlocked, with a typed out message to Jules, waiting to be sent;

"Jules, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m a burden, and I understand that. I understand the you do not want to be responsible for my sobriety, and I understand why you left. Please, take care of yourself, and find someone who will love you almost as much as I love you."

And on that night, two relationships were ruined for Gia; One with her sister, and the other with herself.

~Jules~

Jules felt like shit. She left Rue. She fucking left the love of her life. Sure, Anna was fun, but Anna would not last. She remembers the look on Rue's face as the train pulled away. The fear, the regret, the disappointment, all swirling in her eyes and spreading throughout her face. But that wasn’t was hit her the hardest. It was just the pure sadness she had. Jules hoped that she would not go into a depressive episode, and she hopes that she wouldn’t do something worse.

As soon as she reached the next station, she got off to get a ticket home. She was going to get to Rue, no mater fucking what. But unfortunately, She was too late. It was all of the news.

Teen overdoses in the suburbs

Jules felt like she was going to throw up

17 year old girl OD's, and Not for The first time

She could feel the bile in her throat. She taps on a picture, and sure enough, Rue Bennett is in a gurney, being lifted into an ambulance with tubes all over.

Jules threw up.

~Leslie~

She had really though Rue was getting better. Hell, she was even joking about it literally 8 hours earlier. Her baby, her baby, was in the hospital for the second time in 6 months. And the worst fucking part was, she didn’t even get called. How did she find out?

She was supposed to be one of the nurses attending to her.

Approximately 18 year old Female, they said.

Overdosed on OxyContin, they said.

Approximately a 14 day stay, they said.

And once Leslie Bennett walked into the room, she felt her heart drop to her feet.

And she too, threw up.

~Lexi~

Lexi has never been drunk. Or high. Let alone both at the same time. So on that winter night, the one time she did get high and drunk, she made some…poor choices, per say.

She decided to confide in her sister her feelings and sexuality.

When that conversation was overheard, she started flipping people off, yelling “fuck you!” as she stormed out the door.

She drove to Rue Bennett, her crush of many years.

And while she went over to make out with her, Rue obviously had different plans. You know, the plans that involve not waking up.s

And it was like the universe was synchronizing her and other people, because she too, threw up.

~Kat~

Katherine Hernandez thought she would never love again after Daniel. I mean, c’mon, he broke up because she was fat? That just mean her had more of her to kiss and love. But we are getting off track. Kat thought she would not love again, so when she met Ethan, she had a small amount of hope. And while they did have their ups and downs, they found each other. And they love each other! Honestly, this night could not get any better.

And then Lexi had her fit.

But like, that happens all the time. Drunk people who can’t hold their liquor get fucking angry. It’s just a thing. So obviously, her night could not get worse.

Until she got a text

Lexi: Ruu iss in thr hosstipll

Kat: Lexi, you’re drunk. And that joke isn’t funny.

Lexi: Itt fking trruhs

And all of a sudden, everyone’s phones started binging, ringing, buzzing. And Rue Bennett's face lit up the screen.

And Katherine Hernandez’s night was officially ruined.

~Maddy~

She fucking hated Nate. Maddy. Hated. Nate. So why the hell did she love him? He was abusive as hell, a complete ass sometimes, and bought her stuff. Ok, maybe the last one wasn’t so bad. But she found her own group. Kat, the strong one who wouldn’t take shit. Cassie, the sly one. Lexi, the kind one. Rue, the one that is sober, but knows where to get the good shit. Jules, the fun one. And BB. She kinda floated in and out, but she was the craziest bitch to live. These were her people. She didn’t need no Nate fucking Jacobs.

So, she broke it off.

For good this time.

And she felt good about it, as she walked back to her table. But the only one there was Cassie. And Maddy knew in that moment, everything was about to go to shit.

And it did.

Rue overdosed, and everything went to fucking shit.

I hope you enjoyed! Posting new chapters every Friday and Tuesday!