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Swooned by its true blue serenity 🐟🐠

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Caring Kepochi

It has been ongoing for a while now. Some people label them caring society, some point them to be mere kepochi. I haven't concluded what mine is. See, there is this couple of humans (not family) in my life circle whom Allah has sent to me so I learn the value of patience and urm, well, how it feels like being interrogated firsthand on small (personal) matters in life (almost at every point of contact). Overtime, lesson learned is to mind my own business -> less exposed materials to mengumpat -> peaceful quiet life (simplied term: to not stoop to their definition of peaceful life). But my question is..why? How did they find the time? Don't they have lives of their own to analyze? Don't they have daily conflicts to think and reflect on? Or..is this caring society after all? Is this being friendly? Geez..I am feeling all socially awkward already. But seriously, social butterfly crown aside, there are certain borders civilized mankind shouldn't cross. And as for mine, it's right over the other continent away from where I'm standing. Oh it's getting draggy. I shall delete this when it becomes irrelevant. I hope soon. Kbai.

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History is the strongest reminder of all

Alhamdulillah, I have finished reading "Reclaim Your Heart" by my current favourite person; Yasmin Mogahed. I am going to re-read it again some time after this as for now, I am on "The Qur'an: a new translation by M.A.S Abdel Haleem.

I just started, really. I am currently reading this Sura entitled the Cow or familiarly known as Al-Baqarah. So far, I am so intrigued and curious of the past having to read from the primary source itself, I can't let go of the book everywhere I go. I have read Islamic history storybooks when I was small. But the language was simpler. There were pictures so I can understand the whole picture. The struggle to understand was also minimal, I mostly discover new knowledge easily and yet, I have abandoned them for years. Sighs. Where have I been all these while?

Anyway, as I was reading this part between Moses and Israel, I become attracted to dig in on the differences between Messengers and Prophets. Ideally, we are only to remember 25 of them (including the 5 Messengers of Strong Will - 'Ulul 'Azmi), instead of the 124, 000 Prophets and 313 Messengers.

So as I was saying, I googled and found a priceless piece of information I meant to share with all you. The difference between Messengers and Prophets are:

Messenger: They receive and deliver messages from Allah - these messages are new to their time.

Prophet: They receive and deliver messages from Allah (Nabi Muhammad S.A.W is the last Prophet there is) - these messages are the messages which are based on the previous Messenger).

Example given based on my reading is, Prophet Musa (Moses) will deliver messages based on Kitab Taurat (Towraah/Torah), so the Prophets who come after him will deliver the messages based on Kitab Taurat. However, when Prophet Isa (Jesus) came along with Kitab Injil (Injeel/Gospel), new messages would be based on Kitab Injil instead of Kitab Taurat.

I hope my translated version based on my internet reading would shed some light for those who are looking. I am going to leave this entry with the 25 names of Prophets and Messengers that we ought to remember by heart:

Adam A.S

Idris A.S

Nuh A.S

Hud A.S

Sholeh A.S

Ibrahim A.S

Luth A.S

Ismail A.S

Ishaq A.S

Ya'kub A.S

Yusuf A.S

Ayub A.S

Suaeb A.S

Musa A.S

Harun A.S

Zulkifli A.S

Daud A.S

Sulaiman A.S

Ilyas A.S

Ilyasa A.S

Yunus A.S

Zakariya A.S

Yahya A.S

Isa A.S

Muhammad S.A.W

That's all for now. Assalam!

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Salah - Life's actual purpose

I’m currently reading page 97 of this self empowerment book which has brought more than myself to me. It brings my True Love, my Creator…Allah swt. I am constantly hooked on every flipped page that Yasmin wrote. It’s as if she knew what happened and what I am going through. And I feel like I am prescribed with medicines to my starving soul all these while.

How does she know me? Better than anyone of my loved ones who I casually talk to everyday?

I can’t help but to wonder if a human being, like Yasmin, who is physically distant from me, can reach out to my thoughts and inner struggles, then surely, I believe Allah must be super closer to me than she is. For indeed, He is All-knowing.

"It was We who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his nafs (self) makes to him; for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein." (Qur’an, 50:16)

Mind blowing isn’t it? It hit me home.

I feel safe.

For the first time, after more than quarter of century breathing, living, walking on this planet Earth..dreaming this temporary life, I finallyyyyy don’t feel lonely anymore. I have angels beside me and I have Allah so close to me. Subhanallah!

So as I was saying…I am currently at one of my favourite chapters - Salah. I am being reminded how significant each sajdah is. To the purpose of our life here. Of why we are here.

"The convenant between us and them is a prayer, so if anyone abandons it, he has become a disbeliever." [Ahmad]

The hadith and the magnificent journey (Israa wal Miraaj) have placed so much stress on salah. How abandoning prayer symbolizes an act so egregious to Prophet s.a.w.

Like Yasmin, I too wonder what can we do everyday if we were to perform fifty times salah a day? This summarized that this is the actual food for the soul; our eternal form. I love how Yasmin compared our need to perform Salah and our need to go to the bathroom. Of taking care of our eternal soul and our temporary body. Of this life is a prison and we are doing our time before we move unto the real Home. Of how we define good and bad while being tested with diversity and misfortunes. Of the significance of sabr anddd taqwa.

I can go on and on about how I love reading what I am reading now..but above all, I am beyond grateful to Allah s.w.t for sending the courage, light for me to get this book as a means to find Him.

Ok, gtg. Aiming to finish this before I resume working tomorrow. Assalam! :)

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No Muslim is afflicted with any harm, even if it were the prick of a thorn, but that Allah expiates his sins because of that, as a tree sheds its leaves

[Bukhari]

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I have not created jinn and humans (for any purpose) except to worship me

Qur’an, 51:56

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My qurban this year...

Today is Aidiladha.

First eid without my little sister to cherish with. She’s currently pursuing her dreams of studying abroad for a year and 10 months. Many claimed that she won’t be gone for too long. A year will pass like a breeze. That it’s not thatt long of a separation. I…beg to differ.

The past couple of weeks without her around to snuggle, to do sisterly weird jokes have been tough. I’ve been taught to cope that she won’t be sharing the same time zone anymore. I am also being taught that she might not know the excitement or the sadness i have in my text or messages. All she can process now is mere bland words.

Because of this loneliness, I have tuned myself to a path that I had abandoned because I was very comfortable with my attachments, with my temporary life here. I used to feel very sad and lonely because my husband is often away for a long time too…but I safely compensated that with the presence of my sister. But right now, these arrangements of temporarily taking them away from my sides have continuously made me…seek the One who’s never leaving me this whole time.

Allah. My Creator.

Before meeting this path, I’d became a person who was extremely affected with every due separation. I used to hate goodbyes. I disliked it whenever I got too close to my loved ones, that eventually later, they would leave me behind..absolutely leaving me. I then, became devastated. I became fragile. Tears were just my subconscious breath of oxygen for a period of time…before I tried to find endless distractions to fill in the gap. Examples: tv programmes, korean dramas, english tv series, games..etc.

But nothing seemed to fit all in. Each time the show ended, I was left feeling hollow again. Sad again.

This time, I decided to do it differently. Somehow, the way to be close to my Creator is carved so clear ahead of me.

Little did I know that the answer to why sometimes fights break hearts, why do i feel so sad over things I couldn’t control, has ultimately brought Allah to me. To my rescue.

I learned to not worry so much. I learned to let go off my worldly attachments and remove them from my heart so I can place Allah in it. So my heart will be unbreakable of this hand-hold.

Hence, for this year’s Aidiladha, my sacrifice is that I must remain thankful for the rizq that I am blessed with…even though without my sister’s warm hugs and kisses, even with my husband spending less than 48 hours at home because of work.

Selamat hari Raya Korban, everyone. I pray that our sacrifices to detach from this dunya during this eid will hopefully mould a better imaan in all of us, so we can finally be closer to our Real Home. Aamminnn.

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Oh Allah! Do Not Leave Me

Allahumma laatakilnee ila’anafsi tarfa ta’een

Oh Allah, don’t leave me to myself 

even for a blink of an eye

Allahumma rahmataka arju falaa takilni 

illa nafsi tarfata ‘aiinan, wa as-ih-li sha’ni kuulahu, la illaha illa anta 

Oh Allah, I hope for Your Mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for the blinking of an eye. Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship but You.

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"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought."

Qur'an 30:21

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Is disappearing without a heads-up difficult to bear with? Of course it is. But it also makes me love him more. Because every moment we're together could be our last. And that makes every moment precious.

Cheon Song Yi, You who came from the stars: FInal Record, Episode 21

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There is no designated time for anything in your life. You don’t have to have your first kiss at any certain time, you don’t have to get married in your 20s and you don’t have to do anything just because other people think it’s best. In fact, you will be much better off if you just do what your heart says. The day you stop caring what other people think is the day their opinions don’t mean anything, because you’re not there to give them weight.

10 Things I Wish I Could Have Told Myself 5 Years Ago (via beepboopboopbeep)

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back from the dead

you know that silly phase when you read up your previous post, you wish you never wrote them and somehow, they embarrass you more than anything or anyone else because you know it's just you to be blamed? 

...well, i can't face the world right now. 

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do as I say, feel as I feed you

Random revelations have come to light recently. I could not say I welcome them, nor I wish I never had them. Funny thing is the patterns aren't new. I've been there, sunk before, get back up before I find another huge familiar hole. 

Have you ever feel bad after sharing things with your friends? Doubting they would not keep them as government top nuclear secret? Mom once said, it's no longer a secret once it escapes our own mouth. She's obviously painfully knows what she's saying. It's just that, I thought only by sharing, then, friends can, and may bond closer and the ties are warmer as we do not set any awkward boundary.  By updating them what's going on currently in our lives, while they're away from the circle is actually among the things that you talk about. But I was wrong. The bonding I thought I was performing is actually dangerous data of my own vulnerability while threatening my own good name. Yet, I definitely prefer this than TALKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE who are actually your friends outside that setting. 

I find most girls to be needy, mean, dishonest, full of prejudice, and barely able to not a say any word about you BEHIND you. I myself for example is also another case. But I notice since I have a lot in my plate right now and since I am happy with the progress of my current phase, I find talking about people to be stale. Boring. Pointless. Because I would feel guilty when I have to face them after. 

See, point here is that I need to learn to keep things to myself. I have an awesome partner who doesn't tell anyone even to his own family members (this prolly because he forgets a lot) but whatever, he doesn't tell! And he's always on my side unless I'm the crazy one which doesn't happen a lot hehe. Plusss he would know that I just inhaled other people's mean opinion if I suddenly 'change' the way I think about me, us or life in general. I'm truly lucky that he is able to believe me in such weird way hehe. Alhamdulillah.

So, I am going to make a revolution in social affair to NOT TELL. Never. To keep my distance in order to be that friend you feel far, intimidated from. You will not be able to talk about anything personal or ask her about her own version! And when she's not around, seh will be the one who you BARELY HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT HER and gradually you will find that you have nothing against her! waahh all these is possible simply because she doesn't provide you with any chance or hole or closet to dig! YES. so that's the brilliant plan number one. Be a MUTE when it comes to my personal life.

The brilliant plan number two is aiming to be an indifferent person. Unless it has a true potential to harm my dignity, my family, my loved ones, I should just sail straight without straying or spying on random lands. I must learn to be unbreakable, emotionally. I must not retaliate impulsively if I come across betrayal, dishonesty or every shitty thing they do behind my back. They can hate all they want, they can't touch me. They can envy and question everything I have, but truthfully, they can't take them away. 

"Sesungguhnya ketenangan yang abadi lahir dari hati yang luhur. Hati yang mengenal tuhannya. Jika kita rapat dengan Allah SWT, kita yakin bahawasanya segala ujian itu adalah tanda Dia ingat kepada kita dan dia nk 'upgrade' iman kita." 

Someone so wise told me this last yesterday evening. She also told me people talk because they are unhappy their lives aren't like us. Only concerned people would approach us directly and advised her from their true pure hearts. 

AND if we are bothered by what people say, think, or do behind our backs, then we will NEVER achieve true happiness. We can never be truly happy. Freedom to feel love, care and treasuring other beautiful emotion. And if we can't become happy just because people talked behind our back, then that's just sad. Because We have to prepare ourselves and everyone around us to not be happy, ever.

Besides, shouldn't we care more of what Allah thinks first? At the end of the day, isn't HE the only one that truly matter? 

I know it's a bit extreme, but I guess my loved ones are right. I cannot simply trust people like that. They'd crush me anytime. Therefore, berlapang dada lah if this is your ujian. Mungkin Allah uji banyak kali sebab kau tak pernah belajar pun cara nk elak benda berulang. Learn to be wise, selective, distinctive. 

Don't let people make fool out of you. Stay off their grids unless your work demands you to. Always be cautious of what and to whom you say things to. Not everyone can handle your seemingly perfect little life. Nor must you be affected if they do. Let them do all the hard work as you soar high above the shallow pitiful heads. If you have time, do pray so they realize this before they damage their own happiness. Haha.

Signing out for now. Bye!

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If you’re lucky enough to fall in love with someone, then forget about your imperfections. Because in their eyes, you’re perfect. You won’t get anywhere in life until you let go of your stupid ego.

Katie Kacvinsky, First Comes Love (via l-amour-fou)

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Chance favours those in motion.

James Austin (via kari-shma)