zacharyoconnor010201 - Tumblr blog

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whats going on with miku

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🧐

SHUT UPPPP its the awesomeness and badassery of the moment.okay. spiderman isnt very attractive to me personally

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Random assortment of cartoonier spideys

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Tony and Howard having that one conversation that goes “i hope you get cursed with having a child just like you so you can see how much I struggled”

And then Peter turns to be JUST LIKE HIM, in all the best ways, he is just a mini version of Tony. And Tony's like "wow,,, he lied!" because Peter is the easiest person to love.

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Imagine you actually did turn into a worm

He wouldn’t want you to worry.

But he would worry

Like a lot

Would want to make sure that you are okay and would carry you around in his pocket

Build a little box for you with the best dirt and other stuff worm likes

Would be like Oscar the grouch from Sesame Street with how he takes care of his pet worm, lol

Peter wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you

Would spend 50% of his time making sure you’re okay and the other 50% trying to turn you back into human

The two of you are going to get through this together

He would love you as a worm but would want you back to normal

He would miss getting to cuddle in bed and other bedroom activities

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Peter: *crying*

Tony: *distressed father mode activated* WHAT'S WRONG??1!?!?1?!?!?1?1?1

Peter: I HAD A DREAM WHERE I HAD A PET ECHIDNA NAMED PLATYPUS AND IT DIED!!!!

Tony: why do I even bother

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Harley: Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shit!

Peter: Did you get that out of your system?

Harley: How can you be so calm right now?”

Peter: What do you expect me to do? We’re in handcuffs! We’re arrested. We can do nothing but wait!

Harley: Dude! You’re freaking Spi…

Peter: Shut up! Are you that unhinged? Nobody knows that, little idiot! And I plan to keep it that way, so shut up!

Harley: But you could…

Peter: No! No, I couldn’t! Because even if it wasn’t a secret, I wouldn’t freaking pull a prison break and become a delinquent to save your ass from Tony!

Harley: Ok, first, you are already a delinquent! You’re in fucking handcuffs, and second… Your ass is on the line too just as much as mine!

Peter: Stop talking, Harley! We wouldn’t be in this damn situation if you listened to me!

Harley: Yeah, well, we wouldn’t have driven that beauty in a street race if I had listened to you! Which, by the way, I don’t have to do! Like ever! I don’t listen to you! I answer to no one!

Peter: * snorting * Yeah, that’s why you’re scared shitless of Tony finding out.

Harley: Oh, fuck off! No matter how hard you try to play the good obedient son, you know just as well as I do that you freaking loved the ride! You wouldn’t even know how good you were in this, hadn’t I made you try. Who would’ve thought! Peter Parker, an illegal street racer. We might have to shave your head to give you some Dom Toretto vibes.

Cop: For the last time, who is your legal guardian or parent?

Peter: Officer, this would go so much faster if you just called my stepfather, who, as I’ve told you a bunch of times already, is Tony Stark

Cop: You expect me to believe that? Huh? Don’t you think this has happened before? Little piece of shits like you coming in here, giving me names to look up and then call and then snickering while whoever I bothered calling curses the everloving shit out of me?

Harley: Everloving shit! That was a good one. I’m gonna be using that, Mr. badge.

Peter: Harley, shut up! We get a phone call, don't we? Let us call Tony ourselves. Harley here has something to tell him!

Harley: Oh, hell no! I’m not talking to Tony about this! No way in hell! Not even if you beat the everloving shit out of me

*pleased smirk for being able to use his new favorite curse word so fast *

Peter: Harley… I’m unbelievably close to beating the everloving shit out of you as it is… So, you’ll shut up and we’ll follow the kind officer, and we’ll call Tony. And you’ll speak to him and tell him where we are and why and that he needs to come get us.

Peter : And even if you don’t and decide to start stalling until the kind officer loses his shit and terminates the call, then I’ll use my phone call. And I’ll let Tony know exactly what happened. There’s no way out of this!

Harley: Sure there is. You’re just not creative enough! That’s the problem with you science guys, you’re not creative enough. Me and Tony, we’re mechanics. We can come up with a million different ways out of any given situation.

Harley: And like you said… Since you’ll end up telling him yourself using your phone call, after I waste mine, why not make the call in the first place and save us all some frustration? How about not being a selfish asshole for once, Peter? For the everloving God?

Peter: Harley, I’ll ask permission from the kind officer to start smacking the shit out of you…

Harley: Nuh uh! The Everloving shit…

Excerpt from my fic: The fast (Peter Parker) The Careless (Harley Keener) and the Furious (Tony Damn Stark)

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i dont even have guilty pleasures anymore i just like stuff and if people have a problem with that they can go fuck themselves

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I just heard my mom tell my brother, “when you die, you will go outside and garden until your father says you’re done” and it took me a second to realize that my brother was playing a videogame and this was not a theological discussion.

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Tony, talking to the Avengers : ok, listen here you useless little shits

Tony : Not you Peter, you're an angel on earth and we're glad to have you

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need a fic where NWH never happened, peter and ned go to the same college, and ned becomes the mascot. And the Peter and Ned both have secret identities :))

bonus points if it becomes a known fact that the MIT mascot and Spider-Man are friends

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Tony: okay, I will go and talk with this little shit and if the next time this Flash will come to you and he tries to do something, tell me, Peter.

*the next day*

Tony: okay I will teach you self-defence. The next time Flash will try to do something, just do what I’m showing you.

*the next day*

Tony: okay, another trick to do, you just need-

Pepper: no, Peter, honey, listen, the next time he will come to you, you take this knife *hands to Peter the sharpest knife Tony has ever seen* and you JUST—

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Tony: How high are you?

Peter: Mm, I don’t know how to say it in feet.

Ned: No, he's asking what drugs are you on.

Peter: Oh, antidepressants, why?

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peter, nauseous as fuck but refuses to admit that he feels ill:

rhodey who attended college with tony and knows the exact face he makes when he over does it, glances at peter (who is literally like a carbon copy of tony) and asks on instinct: what did you take?

peter, forcing his stomach to not spew everywhere, trying and failing to act casual: what? nothing. i didn't take anything.

rhodey activating his mom voice colonel voice: peter.

peter: i did what i had to. (reaches into his pocket and pulls out $40) and i won the bet.

rhodey: what did you do?

peter: i drank a gallon of bleach

rhodey, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath trying to process how peter is simultaneously better and worse than tony ever was: why...did you drink a gallon of bleach?

peter: i lost my backpack and needed money to buy a new one. and i cant ask may. shes bought seven over the last two months

rhodey:

peter:

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Peter: this is so much fun!!

Tony: ..you’re literally in the medbay with two broken ribs.

Peter: yeah, this is a small con, but I am playing chess with you, watching SpongeBob and eating a jelly, what could be more fun?

Tony: …

Tony: …

Sam: I think he has a poin-

Tony: zip it.

Sam: I mean in a sense-

Tony: ZIP.IT

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Y/N: "What is the height of stupidity?"

Harry: "I don't know. Benjamin, how tall are you?"

Ben: "1.80 m. Why?"

Harry: "There's your answer, Duckling."

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Peter: "Y/N? Why are you painting your fingernails black?"

Y/N: "Wanda and Pietro took all the red and blue nail polish, so I can't paint them as Spiderman colors. So, I'm going for Venom black. I heard his host is hot as fuck."

Peter *Murmurs underneath his breath* "I'm hotter."