yuisagi

[yuisagi]

okay okay okay okay today I WILL clean my room and get some degree of studying done !

[yuisagi]

Feels like the days are all getting hazy again, my concept of time is mushy & I haven't studied in a while. Been pretty tired lately but I'm still tired to get minimal progress done each day.

[yuisagi]

Dreading the birthday of someone I used to know that's in 2 days a little. He's not completely a bad person but definitely a weirdo and a compulsive liar. He kept forcing me to spend time with him, apologized for trying to manipulate me multiple times and spun SUCH big web of unnecessary lies about me to his friends (that I don't even know) that they hate I exist. I was so perplexed when he nonchalantly told me that he faked my voice by using a voice changer on himself to send to a voice note to his female friend, (who suspected I might be catfish) who, who would've thought, immediately thought I'm a catfish. He was also laughing as if that's such a normal thing to do & when I said that I find that weird & uncomfortable he felt awkward and tried to downplay it, saying "he doesn't talk to her anymore anyway" meaning it doesn't matter that he did it. Now that I think about it again there were so many odd moments like this and many times did I felt annoyed and as if it's too much, but at the same time he seems very lonely and doesn't connect well with other people (no surprise if you keep doing weird things and lying though) and I feel guilty for him, in the early stages of our friendship we really had a great connection, but I cannot provide what he needs/wants + he has a lot of bad coping mechanism I can't handle. He is respectful but also very pushy at the same time and that makes me feel inferior & like I have to give him what he wants or else I'm a bad person for not doing so. Yeah.

I still want to say happy birthday to him because it's a small gesture and I like doing it but I also fear that he'll expect a money gift (I don't even have a penny to my name rn with all the vet bills I had to cover) or wants to voice chat for hours again and I'll not be able to refuse like always and then it's either going to be uncomfortable or he'll want to chat every day again and eeahhaejasakdsköadp

There's so much shit he has done that I could talk about but at the same time I just want to forget and move on

[yuisagi]

Update: I went out for a walk and had some ice cream. Now I'll grind in games while I watch dcoumentaries in the background time

I dun know what to do todaay ( ;´ ﹏ `;) !

I wanna game, I wanna continue drawing, I wanna read, I wanna go outside, I wanna cuddle with my cat (but she's sleeping so I won't distrub her.) I WANNA GO OUTSIDE AND GET ICE CREAM BUT I JUST END UP DOING NOTHING (ÒωÓ๑ゝ∠)

[yuisagi]

I dun know what to do todaay ( ;´ ﹏ `;) !

I wanna game, I wanna continue drawing, I wanna read, I wanna go outside, I wanna cuddle with my cat (but she's sleeping so I won't distrub her.) I WANNA GO OUTSIDE AND GET ICE CREAM BUT I JUST END UP DOING NOTHING (ÒωÓ๑ゝ∠)

[yuisagi]

Today was Chi's check up day & the vet said her surgery-scar healed perfectly !! She still has to wear the ruff and the body for a few more days but for now everything seems to be going good. And for me my mood fluctuated the past few days but I got 2 5 stars in lads in one 10 ull yesterday & made cute pictures in infinity nikki today so I'm quite content ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

[yuisagi]

I got my package today and I'm picking up my cat from the hopsital tomorrow life is getting better (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

[yuisagi]

It's actually so unfair that happy emotions cap at a certain individual point but negativity is like a leech that'll suck every single drop of blood out of you while also simultaneously growing by each passing second preparing to be bigger than you to eat you in one go until all you see is darkness

[yuisagi]

The doctors said I can pick her up next week ! Surgery seemed to have gone well but they'll still want to monitor her for a few days and test around more. I miss her so much, not getting updated during the weekend is gonna make me so depressed

I miss my cat

[yuisagi]

I miss my cat

[yuisagi]

no i don’t want to have sex i want to mean something to someone

[yuisagi]

I'm drinking a lot of chocolate milk lately

[yuisagi]

[yuisagi]

Haha so funny update on this, everything got so much worse

Getting my life together officially starts tomorrow future me better be ready

[yuisagi]

Getting my life together officially starts tomorrow future me better be ready

[yuisagi]

──── My touring in love passes ⭑.ᐟ

Decorating them was pretty fun and almost therapeutic. I thought it'll stress me out instead. Kept them more simple than most people but they turned out pretty cute. (..◜ᴗ◝..)♡

[yuisagi]

I saw a different side of a close friend today. I knew him for quite a few years now, but only in the recent 2ish years we gradually became closer as friends & he grew into someone whose presence I cherish. I knew he's pessimistic, self-centric and arrogant at worst, but I always thought deep inside he's smart enough to get out of his own head for important topics that are much bigger than him. Learning that he can't, but instead acts ignorant & childish about this too, kind of... made me feel sour. It'll likely not affect our friendship in the long run, -and I think I mean as much to him as he means to me- but it definitely changed the way I see him & some space would probably do us good, knowing how busy we are right now.

Still it makes me a little sad.