yubiesaysalot

[yubiesaysalot]

We place so much emphasis and fanfare on someone's first time. You know what this world needs? Normalize someone's last time. Old people. Creaky hospital beds. Old people doing the down and dirty on creaky hospital beds until a flatline.

[yubiesaysalot]

Men that are 100% allowed to turn me bisexual pt. 1

me: I'm a lesbian :D anime men: ... me: ...right? Right?? As stated above. These are the *true* Tumblr sexymen. Also, the dateability of them??

Gojo Satoru - Jujutsu Kaisen

"Hot"

Has the maturity of a 10-year-old (like me)

Supposedly rich

His hair looks cool :D Okay, pretty straightforward, yes, I'm one of those fans. Not much to say, but have you ever thought of how shitty a boyfriend he would be? He'd forget every anniversary and birthday and the women he dates deserve so much better. I think his type would be a total doormat. (Then again, those eyes of his can make anyone do anything.) Yeah, he can make out with his boyfriend Geto while I watch from the sidelines, semi-creepily.

2/10 for dateability.

2. Claude von Riegan - Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Cutest guy ever

Sweet and ambitious

Good sense of humor, charismatic

Wants to enact world peace?? Someone give this man a hug (and let it be me)

Leaves you to run a country and dips :(

He probably has a lot of baggage. But that's okay! I can fix him, I swear. For what it's worth, he'd be a super supportive, women-respecting boyfriend. He's kind of an airhead, so he'd struggle with balancing work and home life. Probably struggles with intimacy due to the whole "assassins tried to kill me as a kid" thing. He also remembered to shower in the 5 years Byleth was gone. (*eyes dimitri*) Honestly, I would go for him, even if he's technically royalty and would be super busy.

7/10 for dateability.

3. Clemont - Pokemon XY

(DISCLAIMER: In this imagine, he's 18+ because 10-year-olds are sticky and snotty and in my humble opinion, kinda gross.)

Nerdy, eccentric, kinda dorky

Cooks well :D

His inventions seem like a pain to handle, especially when they blow up.

Loves his family :)

Honestly, 11-year-old me was head over heels for him. And who wouldn't be? He's sweet, dorky, and the food he made on the show looked really good?? Seems really stable, despite the inventions and their names. 10/10 for dateability.

[yubiesaysalot]

The Realest Gojo Satoru Headcanons

Pfft, think he's a total dreamboat? Nah. This is what he's really like. (affectionately) (Slight NSFW, like blink and you'll miss it) ***

He’s 100% the type of guy who would deepthroat a banana or hotdog or popsicle or something at any chance. And the best part? He's really, really good at it. Like, doesn't even gag kinda good. Everyone can only stare in amazement and wonder if it’s only a bit, or if he already has…prior experience. (He so, obviously, 100% does.)

If someone held a Secret Santa thingy for work, he probably would just forget about it. (If you were the person he was Santa for, considering you could somehow convince him to do it, he would just give you a greasy hundred yen bill and say something like, “Buy yourself something nice”.) 

The great Gojo Satoru’s hair is so crusty. How else does it stay up like that when he’s wearing a blindfold? Gravity just doesn’t do it for him. He may insist it’s just excess cursed energy flowing through his hair because his blindfold stops and directs the flow of cursed energy elsewhere so that Six Eyes doesn’t work, but don’t believe him. That boy uses so much hair spray. In fact, due to the hairspray and scalp sweat melding together, knocking on his hair with a fist at, like, 2pm in the afternoon will feel like knocking on rock. 

In fact, it is so crusty that if you take a bite out of it, a chunk will fall into your mouth easily with a potato-chip-crunch. (Eating Gojo’s hair ASMR?) Running a hand through his hair will result in getting poked. 

On another note on his hair though, when it’s not hairspray crusted, that man just loves haircare. He’s got a collection of different bottles of shampoo and more of conditioner. And a scalp brush. And dry conditioner. (“It’s a lot to take care of my hair to be this beautiful, y’know?”) 

Every time he needs to remember a letter of the alphabet (see: alphabetical ordering), he sings the ABC song. Softly or loudly. Did he forget what number P is in the alphabet? Is he just messing? Who knows?

He’s 100000000% the type of guy to mix up his student’s names. (“Meg—Noba—Yugi!”) It’s kinda sad. 

He's played Palworld and though he picks a fight with anyone who dares claim Pokemon is eternally superior to Digimon, even Gojo Satoru can agree that Pokemon but what if they have guns?? is peak.

He has an eyelash curler and wears white mascara sometimes. 

As a kid, he’s always wanted a little sister. Maybe because he wants to be a siscon. But anyway, if you ask him, he’ll talk about all he wants to do with a little sister (braiding hair, singing together, fighting off boyfriends, helping with Girl Scout cookie sales, fighting the patriarchy, etc)

Still laughs at potty humor. Just the word 'penis' will set him off. 'Haha, genitalia funny' at it's finest.

He's probably the type to spoil endings of shows and manga and stuff just to cause misery. Possible savagery. He reads the last chapter of the latest volume of a manga and spoils it.

A huge fan of Doki Doki Literature Club. He tells all his friends that it's some cute dating sim and that they should tooooootally play it. He thinks they'll all best girls, but Natsuki is the bestest of them all. Gojo totally, 100,000% cried when Sayuri.

In a Modern!AU without jujutsu witchcraftery, he seems like he'd major in philosophy.