yournameandmine

[yournameandmine]

2021 Goals

• Find a new church home

• Increase trust in God

• Keep my business running strong

• Make 6 Figures

• Meet my husband

• Travel back to PNW

• Travel to Canada

• Love people better

• Love god better

• To not contract Covid

[yournameandmine]

Grasmere

[yournameandmine]

I cried in my boyfriends arms about my old boyfriend.

Two tides meet but will not intersect.

[yournameandmine]

Art of “ Anna Maghradze ”

[yournameandmine]

2 years of beautiful singleness. Truly a gift. Sometimes people aren’t meant for each other and that’s ok.

[yournameandmine]

The fear I use to have, was feeling restricted or not being able to run away. As much as it gives me the liberation and thrill of doing so, being home, is nothing more than a warm hug.

This quarantine has been erupting some nostalgia.

The simpleton way or doing my life actually brings more comfort to me than I realized. Cooking dinners inspired by my own family, taking walks around small parks, watching families truly engage in relationship - this soul to soul connection sings all the right tunes to my heart. In fact, I’ve been reliving all my childhood movies by rewatching them and spending an hour or two playing the Nintendo 64.

Although there’s a restlessness aching to get out of me, I truly believe that it is the lost parts of me being tamed.

The twisted roots I use to grip on life with are branching out. I’m not consuming the diluted. I’m merely soaking it all in.

I am living. I am growing. I am in peace.

[yournameandmine]

Holding out.

I’m holding out for that special kinda unconditional love that sings to every part of your heart kind of love.

[yournameandmine]

2020 Goals update

~ Seattle is booked

~ I have a more meaningful and healthier view on therapy - going to one does not phase me. 

~ Hawaii is booked

~ Banff National Park is booked

~ I have made 3 videos so far in 2020.

~ I have become closer to God without even trying.

[yournameandmine]

Frag|meants

Fragmented experiences and thoughts that I deem as important. 

I’ve had demonic dreams for a week straight. It’s either I’m trapped in a room and broken light fixtures are being thrown at me, or I’m throwing the lamp I’m trying to turn on at them. Or I’m having explicit dreams interacting with a disgusting beast who whispers in my ear that he’s projecting fear for power, and I like that and that he’s doing me a favor. Or the dream where my friend tells me she hates me because I’m a Christian, then the next day (on her birthday) the lyft driver, her and her bf, proceed to have a conversation putting other religions on a pedestal and diminishing the significance of my faith. It was very painful. During that week, I’ve felt anxious, weakened, and deprived. No matter if I explained a situation that had nothing to do with my dream to someone, they kept informing me and confirming with me, that there is a power issue here. 

Putting the dreams, the lamp, the day-day interactions together. I do in fact try to turn on the power, when I should realize I already have it. I don’t realize how I’m trying to have power. 

I walk into church on Sunday last week, and the sermon is about finding power from the holy spirit. The pastor said that sometimes when we seek His power we try too hard to create habits. 

When I was praying yesterday, I asked God, “what do I need to do to receive your will” and a voice came in my head “what you do does not control what you receive Luke 23″ or something like that - I can barely remember but it was so powerful. 

Luke 23 was about the crucifixion of Jesus. It was a reminder of His sacrifice. that HE already did the taking. He already did the task. He already did the doing. What I loved the most about that story is that so many sinners were around him, and Jesus took the place of a man who murdered people and he was set free. A man next to Jesus mocked him on the cross, and the other man next to him asked if he could join Him. The veil tore in two and darkness covered the land before Jesus even died. How is that not proof of the sacrifice and love of our savior? 

[yournameandmine]

I don’t know.

I don’t think I’m being reckless. I don’t think I’m being not careful. It’s frustrating that no matter what side you think you’re swaying on in how you walk with life, there is always a LOUD critic saying LOOK the other way. Highly doubtful God will bless the relationship I’m hoping for this Friday. Just seems like warning signs all around. I’m going to stick to my guns, despite how hot this man is, go on the date, and be wowed. 

I do want to note, my biggest critics are people hurting, people who are not believers, and people who may be married - i dont know. 

[yournameandmine]

Right now.

I’m going through some tugging. How I see God, may not be the truth of His presence. Stand by. 

[yournameandmine]

Feb 14

I was on bumble. And I questioned a man’s intention with the app he was using. He kept inferring to hang out and I kept thinking in the back of my mind, this guy really doesn’t understand the pursuit. And truly he thinks it’ll just work out with people rather than pushing forward with the confidence that God lines it up when we align with him. 

It took a message. A message to clarify I am looking for a relationship with someone 100% confidence in what they want, that they are a believer, and that they are in pursuit of me. And I said I will never settle for less or anything in between. 

That message gave me comfort to say and set boundaries, but also anticipated I’d be unmatched. 

He replied he is looking to date for a relationship with the intention of hopes that the person is his adventure and fun activity partner. 

Oh my. just the depth. Where is the depth?

He also said he was catholic. Then the next step was to be bolder with the faith - to let him know how faith creates more depth. Maybe he can see that Jesus in a relationship provides way more meaning than just having fun. 

I sympathized, told him I understood the catholic upbringing and went OFF on the history of the catholic church and how it was traditional, but not incorrect. Then I stopped, I knew bits and pieces one-at-a-time was better for this one. Test the waters. 

After that rant I just knew that it was done, zilch, I have portrayed the ‘Jesus Freak’ stereotype - he probably will say ‘good riddance’. But I was actually mistaken and he responded with “That was explained very well” and then acknowledged with how important it is to understand our beliefs and why. 

I tapped into finally the emotional intimacy. I told him that God knows every desire, breath of ours and he will line everything up and the right things up if we let him. I then said seeing how things go is a fine mindset, but knowing that God has promises for you already makes you more sure of what your pursuits in life will be and it will erupt a more meaningful perspective of life and create more authenticity. 

We carried on the convo - and on Valentine’s Day, I said, “Happy Valentine’s Day, God LOVES you”. He laughed and wished me sweet dreams. And after that moment I knew that God needed that guy to hear that. He said he will be at church soon. 

God thank you for romancing us, the women and the men and all who feel in between. Thank you for chasing us and using us as vessels to share your love and glory to all. Happy Valentine’s Day Jesus. 

[yournameandmine]

Don’t you grow up in a hurry

Don’t you grow up in a hurry. Your mama be worried. It was all part of the story. Even the scary nights. 

[yournameandmine]

I can have it.

My revelation has been about love this week. Here’s an entry i wrote today “i can have any love in the world if from God. The story that is written for us wants us to have infinite love and joy. That is not limited to one person. As much as we want to cherish the idea of ‘the one’, there is always a chance, that there will be multiple ‘ones’ all meant and penciled into our own journey. As long as we understand that love has no boundaries, and understand that we can be loved, and love as many times as we want, then the depth and understanding of love that we feel will never be devalued. Sometimes there will be ‘one’ for us. Sometimes God puts multiple ‘ones’. More love for us. More choice for us to be loved. More people to love. It’s almost a gift. “

[yournameandmine]

A fact

Love has no bounds. 

[yournameandmine]

2020 G0ALS UPDATE

~ I want to be paid to travel somewhere for photography and video: Seattle is booked

~ I want to quit therapy: I have spoke with my therapist how I feel healthy about not going to therapy, but we also discussed why you can be mentally okay and still go to therapy. 

~ I want to travel to Hawaii: Hawaii is booked

~ I want to youthfully do videography again: the Family video was made. Ready for the next. 

~ I want to fall more in love with God: Never felt more loved by him in my whole life. 

~ I want to fall in love with where I live even more: Utah is magical. I want to buy a home here. 

~ I want to hear the holy spirit loud and clear: He told me where to park.

~ I want to unleash the spark that sets my soul on fire: on ongoing process

[yournameandmine]

Used

I used to long for external validation

I used to want others to see my worth and value

I used to want someone to take care of me

I used to be used.