youngmonsterr

[youngmonsterr]

what made you a furry?

reply in tags

[youngmonsterr]

I took an online quiz that said my creations are born from grief

And there’s another baby boom for every belief

that I deserved more.

So I’ll scream it until my words rattle the doors

Tearing up hinges and floorboards

And I will create until my fingers cramp and my soul won’t stop bleeding

But I can’t stop now

I’ll keep showcasing my rebellion the only way I know how

By picking up a pen, and believing.

[youngmonsterr]

Not much more than a pocket full of pennies

But no one’s ever made a wish on a hundred dollar bill

and I’ve got wells to fill

wells to fill :: when the bough breaks :: andy gibson

[youngmonsterr]

Build it up with clay and sticks

see what sticks.

Thin little pinpricks, little tiny needle sticks elevate again to forget them.

Fucking pricks.

Clay and sticks

wet hay and twigs

Am I the one who built this?

No.

I stood in the downpour

of that pain.

that rain

rein it in

*“In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet”*

*“Sometimes quiet is violent.*”

Flipping through songs to stave off the silence.

Silence standing in that room

that tomb, staring down old gloom.

That room. That room. ..My roo—

Words left unfinished hanging in the silence

of who I once was

when I needed to confide in myself.

Ghosts lingering in uncollected furniture

Mourning. Mourning. Come morning

Will I even remember?

Built it up with wax and weed

pull out the weeds, rid yourself of disease

cut losses, cut ties

tied so tight I thought we’d never—

unravel, unravel, unwound

unbound? untethered

unearthed. upheaval.

revival?

build it up with clay and sticks

see what sticks.

Angst :: 2.3.25 :: 7:10pm

[youngmonsterr]

[youngmonsterr]

Magic and Baudelaire.

[youngmonsterr]

And I screamed aloud all the anguish I could bear to feel.

I stood in the tsunami and braced against wave after ragged wave.

And across the shore with their arms spread wide was me.

I will not weather out this storm I will embrace her.

May my screams roar across that cloudy sky

Let my emotion be felt. Be felt. Be Felt

Stand in awe at the power I am

Embrace me. Firmly Fiercely Foundational.

I am.

And I forever more will be

This.

[youngmonsterr]

Without him this world is meaningless.

The vices in this world couldn't tear into you hard enough to match the ache that explodes in your chest.

You'd end it all for him.

Ignite the magic that burns through your veins.

Boil your blood with all the power within you.

Scream until your lungs collapse.

Tear apart the Heavens and crack the sky just to bring him back.

Damnation can take you, there is no Salvation anymore.

Not in this life, not without him.

You'd fight the Gods with a primal ferocity they've never known.

Your Angel didn't fall, you stormed the palace and brought him Home.

[youngmonsterr]

I was really active in the Sanders Sides fandom from like 2018 to 2021.

I made mood boards, video analyses, and lots of fanfiction. I really enjoyed my time in a fandom space, and honestly I enjoyed writing back then too. I miss it.

I was thinking about archiving some of the old writing on AO3, but honestly I really do miss being in an active fandom.

Is the FamILY still around? Are Famder / Fander Sides still a thing? Should I make a new blog and try again, or am I just running to the past again?

[youngmonsterr]

It was 3am when you first noticed him.

He was standing there, loose chestnut curls still wet from the shower as he stood and looked at you. You were hunched over, still fumbling through the chords of a song you hadn’t heard in 12 years on a Gibson more put together than you had ever been.

You caught his eyes, half lidded as he toweled off dripping tresses and watched you stare. Nothing about him had changed in the two years you had been living together. But somehow catching his gaze in the low light of the early morning made your heart skip a beat. You grinned as he tilted his head at you.

“What are you fucking smirking at, asshole?” Even he couldn’t keep the grin out of his voice as he pulled one of your smokes from the pack lying open on the dresser. You plucked the lighter from the floor and held it out to him as he climbed into your lap, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, to tug your hair back, forcing you to look at him more clearly.

Your teeth found your bottom lip as you groaned softly, flashing him a smile that was all fang and mischief. “You.” You smiled, wrapping an arm around his waist pulling him closer. “I’m looking at you. I think I’m falling for you all over again.”

–&; || 2.19.18 ; 5:40pm

[youngmonsterr]

its september time to build a new life

[youngmonsterr]

My head is filled with tragedies Of loves lost, of bonds that never break despite the need "Nobody understands me like you do.." Of clinging to something so fiercely the shape is imprinted on shaking palms Of falling to vices, of spiraling to the point of standing on the edge. I'm overlooking the edge I can't see the bottom "Would you catch me if I fall?" Reaching out to the hand that pushed me off. Of this heart that still aches That's bleeding "Love. Oh, Love." Another inhale of burning smoke into my lungs How long will I blame the weather on the fog?

I can't let you go God, I want to. I don't want you to fade. But I can't grow in this place

I wish I could weave words the way I did when you were mine How your every breath inspired a new verse Heh, I guess some things don't change. Don't fall for a writer, they say.

I've got you now. Ensnared and intertwined. It hurts. Do you feel it too?

[youngmonsterr]

stories of knights and women who took up arms, of princesses who marry out of duty. of a land where queens have consorts of any gender.

of girls who fall in love to the bereavement of their parents and finding solace in the stories unspoken in their churchbooks and ancient studies.

girls who talk of escaping to the lands of old queens and falling in love for the joy of love. girls who dive into fairytales following the rabbit holes of other cultures and customs.

girls who perform rituals and ceremonies, questioning the teachings of their studies, finding true joy and spiritual awakening within themselves.

girls who see no escape for themselves. girls who die, girls who return the woods. girls who run away from everything and never come back. girls who grow up and never forget.

[youngmonsterr]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Original Work Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Caspian, Elliot, Mama (brief mentions) Additional Tags: Fictional Religion & Theology, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Religious Guilt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Not Beta Read, no beta we die like men, My First AO3 Post Series: Part 1 of Interlude Summary:

Caspian recalls some painful past memories.

[youngmonsterr]

“Two girls with strict parents, with no real knowledge of the outside world or what to do with the flutterings in our chests. We weren’t taught against it yet, but we still knew shame. Knew admitting to these feelings would lead to-- heh. We didn’t even know what. She kissed me. I felt her on my lips for days.. I kissed her back, she held me close, she kissed my neck.. And I almost fell to my knees. Hidden stories of doomed lovers, trading each other notes in the margins. Sitting too close to one another during worship, but not daring our hands to touch. Not here.”

[youngmonsterr]

“Why do you hesitate?”

“I’m scared.”

“Of?”

“Eternity.”

“Hm.”