youhavereachedmybanteringmachine

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fat porcelain dollgirl with lovingly filled in cracks for stretch marks

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I have never once wished for Tolkien to still be alive as much as I do in this moment

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how’s everyone doin tonight i just broke tumblr

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Modern AU of The Great Gatsby where Gatsby just sits there with Discord open staring at the green active dot next to Daisy’s icon without actually reaching out to her

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My perfect mashed potatoes

The secret is in the water; literally, it’s IN the water.

See, when you boil potatoes, a lot of special starches and sugars and stuff leeches out into the water. When you drain the water before mashing them, you throw away a lot of good stuff, which is a big part of what makes mashed potatoes “dry” and bland, even when you add large amounts of cream and butter and things.

So don’t throw out any water.

Here’s how you do that:

First, cut your potatoes into smaller cubes than you probably do. (I’ve left the skins on for flavor and also, that’s where a lot of a potato’s nutrients are, like protien and iron and vitamins B and C, just to name a few)

The reason for cutting them smaller (besides avoiding giant peices of skin) is so that there is less space in the pot between each peice for water to fill, so you use less water to cook them. That’s important because you won’t be draining any water, so you can’t afford to have too much water! For the same reason, just barely cover them with water when they go on the stove.

But! Before you do that, put the pot on the stove with some butter, garlic, and seasonings; let the butter start to sizxle just a little then put most of a single layer of potatoes in the pan and let the brown and sear. Turn them, brown them on all sides, get ‘em fairly dark (I forgot to get a pic here because I was worried I’d burn the butter).

Ready? now throw the rest of the potatoes in right on top, and add your water, give them a stir. This way, you’re boiling in some of that lovely fried potato/french fry flavor.

Okay, so, as they cook, you may need to add a little water, not too much! ideally the very highest piece of potato will be poking just above the surface. Now, when your potatoes are really really soft, mash them directly into the water. Just pull them off the stove, leave all the water in, and start mashing. Trust me. At first you’ll think there’s too much water. If you get them mashed and they ARE a little too liquidy, just put ‘em back on the stove. You’ll have to stir often or constantly, but they will steam off additional water without losing any good stuff.

Now add some salt, and taste. Right?! And you haven’t even put in any cream or cheese or anything yet.

Speaking of which, you can use like, a third of the amount of butter or cream or anything, and they will still taste better than usual. So they taste better AND they are higher in nutrients AND lower in fats and salts! That’s a lot of win — enjoy your potatoes!

Fuck Columbus! Indigenous Rights! And happy Thanksgiving!

[youhavereachedmybanteringmachine]

while i completely understand why sites like tvtropes have rules against pages dedicated to explicitly nsfw media, i do sort of wish there were spaces to analyze pornography and ecchi content in a literary manner. “all porn, no plot” stories are still stories which still have a history and meaning to them, and they are still worth examining in a critical manner, even if their sole purpose is to titillate.

essentially what i’m saying here is that things like niche fetish novellas are still art and should be treated as such, even if there’s a lower bar for quality and smaller target audience compared to traditional fiction.

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my high school chorus teacher had a class rule that's stuck with me where if you knew you couldn't emotionally handle getting rejected for a solo then you shouldn't audition for it in the first place. the same principle applies to sex, if you can't handle hearing "no" then absolutely do not ask.

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I hate being a person who loves bugs, I can't say anything without the person I'm talking to reacting with disgust. Today I had to literally beg a coworker for the life of a spider, and then after I put it in a nook outside she thought it'd be funny to show me a video she took of her killing one. Like idk man. Birds scare the shit out of me but I still get why people love them. They come in pretty colors and they sound nice and they're interesting to observe. I don't understand why people don't feel the same about bugs. The rich amber color of a cockroach, the iridescent glow of a fly, the intricate hydraulics that power their little legs, the chirp of a beetle, the art of the spider's web... It's all so beautiful. Why is it the habit of so many to destroy?

[youhavereachedmybanteringmachine]

It’s been four and a half years since I quit smoking cigarettes.

It’s been six years since I last tried to end my life.

It’s been eight years since I last cut myself.

But before that? I went back and forth on all of the above. I’d quit and then relapse. Again and again and again.

My point is that it’s normal! You aren’t a failure if you relapse into whatever habit it is you’re trying to break. And you can try again!

And even if I relapsed tomorrow, I wouldn’t lose my progress. The knowledge and coping I learned aren’t just going to disappear. And I can try again. It doesn’t make those times I did well just disappear.

Please be more compassionate with yourself. Recovery isn’t linear. So, when you’re struggling with it, please just remember that you’re normal. You’re human.

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"i swear on my life" bitch you're suicidal swear on something else

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This is the definition of Chaotic Evil.

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OK, but will you love the insane woman who stabs people in the back and does toxic yuri to cope, when he transitions to a man? Hmm? Will you?

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Quick reminder that you don't need a solid sexuality! You can just be in love! Or not be in love! Or have a gender! Labels are a choice, not a requirement. All you need to do is be someone you like being! If labels help with that, great! But they are not required. You don't owe it to anyone, so don't feel pressured to choose labels if they aren't your thing!

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I like the expression new-fangled. I don't know what it means for something to be fangled, but I sure as hell know it was recent

[youhavereachedmybanteringmachine]

i dont care about validity i care about my civil rights

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