yintwintpen

[yintwintpen]

Emergency Contact

Frankie Morales x f!reader

Summary: Frankie gets in trouble and this is the last time you're helping him. At least that's what you tell yourself.

Warnings: angst, smut, post break up, mentions of drug/alchol use/abuse, military ptsd, frankie on a downward spiral and needs to get his shit together, emotional smut because I had to, fingering, oral (f receiving), creampie, frankie is literally this emoji -> 🥺 the whole time

w/c: 6.8K

a/n: part of @iamasaddie writing challenge 2.0!!! I picked puppy eyes brown and my genre was angst with the prompt: "Tell me how to fix this." And guys listen. I literally never write angst I’m such a softy but I tried my best with this okay! and I obviously had to include some smut I just couldn't resist hehehe. Also thank u to my baby love @undrthelights for finding theses pics and for everything else you do :) enjoy!

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You should scream at him, yell at him. Tell him to get the fuck out, fight him tooth and nail to prevent him from worming his way back into your heart, to avoid anymore pain.  But then he’s against you, his chest flush against your back, legs tangling together under the blankets. He slips an arm around your waist, the other underneath you, pulling you against him tighter as he nuzzles into your neck, burying his face into your hair and takes a deep breath. “Just one more night" he whispers. "Please. Just let me have one more night."

The vibrations of your phone buzzing on your nightstand pulls you from a deep slumber, your heart is already pounding at the sudden noise, the rest of your body slow and sluggish as you try to gain your bearings. 

You paw for your phone, squinting at the brightness of the screen when you find it. A call from a number you don't recognize. You debate letting it go to voicemail but the area code is local and that makes you pick up, a raspy Hello? leaving your mouth as you roll over in bed, glancing at the clock. 

2:13 am.

The sound of your name crackles down the line, the immediately recognizable voice causing your heart to plummet to your ass.  

"Frankie?" You ask, sleep quickly leaving you as tension takes its place.

"...Yeah, sorry, I…I didn't know who else to call." His voice is frail and pinched.

You don't have to ask him what's wrong, your brain already piecing the puzzle together You've been in this exact position before. The anger is already starting to creep in, your brow furrowed and stomach twisting as a familiar rage blooms in your chest.

"You couldn't have called anyone else?"

You know the answer is no. The rest of the boys are on a mission, leaving him behind after he failed on his promise to stay clean for long enough to get cleared to go. And now, you’ve fallen victim to that decision too,being the only person left to call whenever he finds himself without a leg to stand on. Frankie in trouble, you bailing him out. Just like normal. 

"I'm sorry I didn't want to bother you I just..." he takes a deep breath and sighs. "I'm at the station on Oak street. Can you maybe... pick me up?"

You close your eyes and take a moment to compose yourself and reign in the anger at the way he's gotten under your skin already.

"What did you do this time, Frankie?"

He's quiet for a second before he finally says, "DUI. And um, slightly resisting arrest? It’s uh, it’s my first one and I didn’t blow too high so they’re letting me go as long as I show up for court in a few days."

His voice is soft but you can hear him fighting back emotion, his voice cracking and straining under the pressure. the sound eliciting sympathy you desperately wish you didn't feel.

"Jesus, Frankie," you sigh, defeated already.

It shouldn't even faze you at this point. It should be expected given the path he's fallen down since his return home from their last mission 3 months ago. The Frankie you knew before he left had been a steady force. Protective, headstrong but soft in his demeanor, so sweet and full of love. The man now standing in his shoes still holds some traits of that Frankie, but they've all been scarred and tainted with his fall from grace.

Memories of the nights spent tucked in his bed, his arms around you, his hands buried in your hair come flooding back like they usually do. The sound of his laugh, the feel of the downy hairs on his forearm pressed against your skin and the steady thrum of his pulse under his jaw as you placed kisses against his neck. The words you would speak softly to one another in the early hours of the morning, secrets only shared with each other under the protection of black velvet night sky. 

All of it traded for bitter resentment and anger towards a version of the man that was ripped away from you.

When he was gone, you’d sleep in his shirts and on his pillow, clinging to the faded scent of his cologne as your brain conjured up ghost touches from his fingertips. Dreaming of the day that he'd come home, how he might touch you, and kiss you, the taste of his lips and the feel of his skin on yours. A reunion so deeply desired that the day after he returned was a sharp double edged sword - a blessing, and a curse. The Frankie that walked back in your life was broken, smothered with the weight of the innocent lives on his hands. 

Warmth and tenderness traded for stony silence. Nights now spent at the bar, warming himself up with vodka instead of your embrace. Fights ending in harsh words and raised voices as he stubbornly dug his heels in deep, too ashamed to admit he needed help. Staying out late with no warning and coming back at dawn smelling of smoke, weed, and liquor. You are always wondering where he went, who he was with, if he was safe, or if he’d found someone else to soothe the pain. 

Then the coke. An old habit that was kicked to the curb in his earlier years now back with a vengeance. Your ultimatum quickly following.

This or you.

A choice you prayed he'd be strong enough to make, but was clearly not.

And now here you are. Two months since you walked away, trying to convince yourself it was for the best. The majority of the last two months of his life is a mystery to you, which you've accepted is probably for the better. 

"I know," he finally replies. "I'm so sorry baby, you know I..."

You can almost hear the way his jaw snaps shut, three words catching on his tongue. You don't need to ask to know what the next words are. Tonight was not the first time he's tried to use them in a vain attempt to patch up a crack in the foundation of your crumbling relationship.

There’s nothing but silence on the line as a war wages within you. Part of you wants to believe that he’s the selfish, careless man that he’s recently proven himself to be. But your heart whispers in your ear a softer notion. He's scared. Fragile. Battered. Embarrassed. Alone.

With a heavy sigh, you run your hand down your face in a feeble attempt to wipe away some of the grogginess clinging to you.

"I'll be there in 20," you say.

There's a pause before he speaks, "Really?"

Always an air of disbelief.

"Yes. But this is the last time I'm doing this Frankie, I mean it,"

"I know, I... thank you."

You don't bother to reply, simply hanging up the phone as the heaviness of this final gesture sets in. The gravity of the situation, of the line you're about to cross, already threatening to consume you.

This will, without a shadow of a doubt, be the last time you show up to save Frankie’s ass. 

At least that’s what you tell yourself. Just like you told yourself the last time this happened and the time before that. But this time will be different. You'll set new boundaries. That's it, just ride this storm one final time and be done.

You know it’s a lie, one you desperately want to believe it.

___

He’s standing outside the doors of the small station, a cigarette dangling between his fingers, wisps of smoke rising and dissipating in the still night air. He looks up as he hears the engine of your car approaching, the red glow of his cigarette temporarily highlighting the deep frown on his lips as he takes one last drag before he flicks the butt aside and heads your way.

The anxiety radiating off of him is tangible as he drops into the passenger's seat, gently shutting the door and peering at you with wide puppy dog eyes full of shame. You don't look at him, focusing on backing out of the parking spot before pulling onto the road.

He picks at the skin around his thumb and bounces his leg, his jaw tight. You wonder how long he’s been at the station. How long he’s been sober. You’re still not sure if he entirely is right now.

Most of the ride is silent save for the hum of your engine and the clicks of your turn signal. His eyes never leave you, he can feel him boring a hole in your profile, trying to catch your eye as you watch the road.

"What?" you finally snap.

"Nothing, just...I was wondering if I could stay with you tonight. I can sleep on the couch, I…I don’t really want to be alone right now" he speaks so softly it makes your stomach lurch.

"Absolutely not."

"Please? I'll leave early in the morning, by the time you wake up I'll be long gone."

The rage is back, glowing red hot in your chest, fingernails digging into the leather of the steering wheel, your knuckles white and tense. How fucking dare he ask. 

"Absolutely. Fucking. Not," your grit your teeth with each word, biting off the end of the sentence with a sharp finality.

"Right. Okay."

Silence takes over once again, your heart slamming against your chest, heat crawling up your neck as your cheeks grow red and damp. No. No. Absolutely fucking not. Absolutely not.

Frankie leans his head back against the headrest and rolls it to the side to watch you again. You can feel the disappointment radiating off him, hear him sniffling, his eyes, big and glassy, pleading when you glance over at him. 

It would be a lie to tell yourself that your “plan” isn't already halfway out the window as your jaw clenches and your gaze ping pongs between the road ahead and the man beside you. Deep in the darkness of your soul you know that with Frankie is where your comfort lies. It’s tucked in the space between his ribs, squished alongside his heart and lungs, running the length of his spine and settling between each vertebrae. You worry you may never be able to completely dislodge it, unsure if it would ever fit anywhere else in any other person.

Maybe it would be easier if Frankie didn't fill up the cracks in your heart with the fractured parts of his. If he didn't take up room in your brain that's not his to own, if he didn’t crawl under your skin and take root into your DNA. Now every cell in your body knows what it feels like to be next to him, now programmed to cry out for his presence when he isn’t near.

And it’s no different now. He’s here, looking so pathetic it’s almost laughable, staring at you with tears sliding down his cheeks that glisten in the glow of the headlights passing you by. Crying over something that’s entirely his fault. You should be the one crying right now. Not him. 

So you do. 

Hot angry tears spilling over your lash line. Though you can’t decide who you’re more upset with. The man who drank himself out of your life, or yourself for falling for him once again in spite of it all. Either way, it’s not enough to convince yourself to stay firm in your decision. 

Fucking pathetic. Both of you. 

“You’re out first thing in the morning and then I’m done Frankie. I fucking mean it this time, we can't keep doing this to each other."

“Okay. I promise baby, I will. First thing, I promise." He replies quietly. 

Your hand flinches with the urge to reach over and slap him for calling you baby. But instead, you clench your jaw and you shake your head at him.

"Don’t call me that, Frankie."

He quickly nods his head in understanding, his eyes again facing forward as he wipes away the wetness from his cheeks, watching the road the rest of the way to your house. 

—

Neither of you move once the car is parked in your driveway. The silence is heavy, cut only by the tick of the engine slowly cooling once you remove the keys from the ignition. You chance a look at him and find him picking at his thumb once more, his face red, his eyes soft and timid when they meet yours. 

“Tell me what happened, Frankie?” 

You ask even though you don’t really want to know. 

Frankie sucks in a breath and scrubs a hand down his face. 

"I got into a fight at the bar, got kicked out, made the dumb fucking decision to try and drive home and...now I'm here," he laughs mirthlessly as he waves his hands as a vague gesture to you, your house, his current situation. You can't tell if he's telling you the whole story, his answer simple and devoid of context. The context you’re sure wouldn't be good for you to know. 

“You could’ve killed someone, Frankie. yourself included,” you say after a few beats, your voice comes out sharp, frustration bleeding in each syllable.

He slowly nods as huffs out a breath.

"I know... it was stupid, and I was an idiot I...shit I was really careless and not thinking straight I’m sorry. I'm really sorry I-"

"I mean seriously Frankie,” you snap, cutting him off. “Do you ever, I mean ever, think about anyone but yourself? Or has it genuinely never crossed your mind that your shit might possibly affect the people around you?"

Frankie opens his mouth, eyebrows furrowed as he's about to respond. You don’t give him a chance to. 

"How many more times are you going to take advantage of me, make me look like a fucking dumbass always showing up to rescue you? Why am I always the one covering for you, taking your crap, cleaning up your messes, only to have you throw it right back in my fucking face, every single time!"

Your voice cracks at the end of your sentence, chest heaving with each word that flies from your mouth. Two months worth of bitterness bubbling up from deep down, spilling over and cascading down your face in the form of frustrated tears.

"When did you become so fucking selfish, Francisco?!"

Hearing his full name fall from your lips spurs Frankie on, the last of his shards of resolve flying away as his walls come down.

"I don't fucking know okay?! I don't fucking know!" You flinch at the rise in his voice and his tone stings. But it's how quickly he follows up with a softer, feeble excuse that adds fuel to the fire, "I'm doing the best I can."

That does it for you. Hot searing molten rage pulses under the skin of your face, the tips of your ears hot with blood.

"Doing the best you can? The best you fucking can, Frankie? Fucking bullshit! Getting into bar fights, spending all your money on booze and blow, losing your fucking pilot license because you were too coked up to see straight? Was losing your driver's license just putting your best foot forward? Throwing your whole life away just because you refuse to get clean? Is that really the best you can do?"

You pause and swallow, giving Frankie a second to take it all in, letting him process the onslaught of scalding truths you've thrown at him, before you quietly continue,

"I can't keep doing this, Frankie. I just can't."

He sniffs and shakes his head in what appears to be defeat, his gaze fixed on his hands folded in his lap. 

“I know...fuck. I know I’ve fucked up alright? I know that. I just don't know how to fix this," he admits quietly, his wide eyes watching you helplessly. “Tell me how. Tell me how I can fix this. Please."

You bark out a laugh, sarcastic and cynical.

"Are you serious right now? What do you mean you don’t know what to do? How many times did I help you try to find a therapist, try to get you into a program? How many times did I suggest AA? Don't fucking tell me you don't know what to do because you do."

He nods, shifting around in the seat, sniffling yet again as he looks back at you. "Okay, okay. I get it, okay? But what can I do right now? To fix this at least for tonight?"

You sigh, deep and heavy, your entire body now just exhausted. You half wish he would put up more of a fight, call you a bitch, snap back at you for going off on him. Maybe it’d make it easier for you to let him go. But instead, he looks at you with desperate eyes and you can feel your resolve crumbling once again. 

"Just forget it, Frankie.”

But he won’t give up that easily. The man is persistent, you’ll give him that. 

"I'm serious. Tell me what I need to do right now to fix this. What can I do to show you how sorry I am?"

You stare back at him, jaw clenched, biting back the next words you were about to speak. They die on the edge of your tongue. You know the answer is.

Not a single damn thing.

"Look, I'll try harder, I fucking promise alright?” His tone becomes more frantic as your silence stretches on. “I’ll fucking try harder, please just...please," Frankie pleads, more tears welling in his eyes.

Your throat is tight, your head spinning and aching as your blood roars in your ears. He's already taken enough, stealing more would simply be the end of you. Giving in now would mean you've swallowed the bait, falling hook line and sinker into his trap, stepping back onto the slippery slope you've fought so hard to escape. And for what? More heartache, more bullshit excuses, more fighting, more pain?

But one glance into his wide-eyed, watery gaze and you know he's got you. Again. Faster than you can tell your mind no, your heart, foolish and hopeful, speaks for you instead.

"Lets just get some sleep, okay? It's late. We can...we can figure it out tomorrow."

"Thank you," he whispers immediately, relief coming off of him in waves. "I really mean it, I-thank you, I promise I’ll—“

“Can we not talk anymore Frankie? I just wanna go to sleep."

"Yeah. I'm sorry, let’s go."

There's nothing left to say, washing over the two of you as you make your way inside. You give him a towel and dig up some of his old clothes that live in the back of your closet from when he was here almost every night. You're back in bed before he’s done with his shower, tucked underneath the covers with your face pressed against your pillow, the silk fabric soaking up your tears of sadness and frustration.

The water shuts off and you can hear him getting settled in the living room. A pillow being fluffed, the creak of the couch when he sits. 

And then soft footsteps on the hardwood 5 minutes later, padding their way into your room.

He doesn’t knock. He doesn’t bother speaking either. He just simply creaks open the door and walks over to the other side of the bed, peeling back the covers before slipping into bed beside you. 

You should scream at him, yell at him. Tell him to get the fuck out, fight him tooth and nail to prevent him from worming his way back into your heart, to avoid anymore pain. 

But then he’s against you, his chest flush against your back, legs tangling together under the blankets. He slips an arm around your waist, the other underneath you, pulling you against him tighter as he nuzzles into your neck, burying his face into your hair and takes a deep breath.

“Just one more night" he whispers. "Please. Just let me have one more night."

You don’t have any fight left in you. Because at the end of the day, a night spent wrapped up in his arms, inhaling his scent, touching his skin and his beating heart is worth a thousand fights. And a million shattered dreams.

You don’t answer him, but you don’t tell him to leave either. Instead, you block out any looming thoughts, the impending worry of where this could go, or how bad the damage will be. For now, you chose to focus on the rise and fall of Frankie's breath against your skin, the way you fit so perfectly into his arms. 

One more night.

Frankie presses a kiss into the back of your neck, repeating his previous sentiment in a rough scratchy whisper, "Just one more."

And you listen to it resonate, bouncing around the walls in your head and tickling the space behind your eardrums.

Inhale

Exhale.

You should want to fight.

But instead, your body melts his, molding your bones and flesh against his, fitting into all the creases and gaps that have been carved out and reserved just for you.Trying to forget, to bury this pain as deep as possible,. Just for tonight. 

He waits a few more minutes, waiting until your breathing levels out with his before he makes his next move. His fingers trace mindless patterns on the skin of your stomach, goosebumps erupting under his fingertips, rippling outwards like a rock being tossed in a pond. He leans in once more, slowly dragging his nose up the length of your neck and curling his lip to press another kiss behind your ear. Then another.

And then another, this time lingering as he sucks softly on your skin.

Inhale.

You close your eyes, hoping for anything but this, yet feeling the sting of arousal spark below your skin.

And exhale. 

You’re better than this. You won’t stoop down to his level, you won’t let him chew you up and spit you out again.

But fuck, his lips are soft and warm, so is the breath as he exhales against your neck, lightly swiping his tongue and soothing the faint red mark he left behind with a small little hum.

“Frankie..." You warn, albeit much more breathless and weak than you would have liked. 

“Tell me to stop and I will," he murmurs, his beard gently grazing your sensitive skin, causing your toes to curl.

You take another deep breath, but this one is shaky, as you can't help but tighten your grip around his hand, squeezing his fingers as you lean your neck to the side, exposing more of your soft skin to him.

Dead in his trap. Caught so fucking easily. Pathetic.

But if his teeth and lips and tongue and soft, gentle touches are how you go down, then so fucking be it.

He hums his appreciation against your skin, scraping his teeth down to your shoulder, latching his mouth on a spot and sucking harder. Strong, callused fingers continue exploring, fiddling with the hem of your shirt, waiting for you to give him permission.

He rolls his hips forward against your ass and you bite your lip to stifle the whimper at how hard he is against you, his soft grunts in your ear traveling straight between your legs and fanning the flames building.

Then suddenly, he's sliding his hand up your shirt, squeezing your waist and traipsing over your chest until he’s cradling the weight of your breast in his palm, his thumb slowly brushing over your peaked nipple, and it takes every ounce of willpower not to moan out loud.

A small gasp escapes you instead, your fingernails digging into the back of his hand. 

"Frankie."

This time not a warning. It’s a plea. A desperate, burning want that you should be ashamed of. 

He murmurs into the shell of your ear then, his tone is deep and scratchy. 

“I miss you...I need you, baby. Just tell me to stop if you want. But I... fuck I miss you so much."

You don't tell him to stop.

You roll your hips back instinctively, a warm wave of arousal washing over you at the feeling Frankie's hardened length pressed firmly against your ass. He grunts in satisfaction as his palm slides from your chest and up your throat to your jaw. His grip is gentle as he turns your head to face him, his lips against yours without missing a beat. 

It’s too easy to fall right back into him, back into the practiced, very well rehearsed routine. To let him glide his tongue along the seam of your lips and coax them open so he can lick into your mouth, getting the taste of his tongue stuck behind your teeth. Too easy to let him remind you just how easily you fit in the palm of his hand, how tightly you’re wound around his finger. 

He kisses you fervently, desperately almost, lips and tongue moving against yours as though he’s trying to devour you whole, just like he used to. He’s been starving for too long.But right now, he's finally found nourishment, the feeling of your body under his hands and the taste of you on his tongue feeding his soul. Wanting more. Always more, entirely unable to help himself.

“Wanna make you feel good,” he murmurs, his mouth half a centimeter away from yours. “Let me make you feel good baby, please.”

As if you could say no.

As if you even wanted to.

He pushes his leg between yours, thick, firm muscle under warm skin pressing against your clothed core and you answer him with a roll of your hips, seeking out any sort of friction you can. 

It takes less than half a second for him to have you flipped over on your back. When Frankie truly wants something, he does it quickly and efficiently.

He moves above you, licking and kissing a trail down your neck. He makes his way down your body, greedily nipping at the skin stretched over your collarbones. He swirls his tongue over each nipple, only moving on when he’s satisfied. He presses wet, open mouthed kisses to your ribs and your tummy just above your navel, his beard tickling skin, making it twitch under his mouth. 

Your body is cooperating far more than it should, your hips lifting up instinctually when he hooks his fingers into the elastic of your panties, your thighs automatically parting further, and your hands migrating to his head. Your fingers tangle in his soft curl, your nails softly scratching his scalp just like you know he likes. 

And when his tongue drags up your thigh you have to sink your teeth into your bottom lip to stop the reactive moan. But your back arches with pleasure anyway, the last bit of your resolve evaporating into thin air as you give into him freely.  

His hands burn hot where they smooth over your skin, a comforting weight and a familiar drag of calloused palms fueling the fire and tightening the coil in your stomach. 

“Missed you so much,” he whispers, his breath fanning over your pussy before you feel the first stroke of his flat tongue up through your center.

This time, you're not strong enough to hold back the breathless mewl that leaves your mouth. You immediately push down on his head while simultaneously canting your hips upward, needing more friction, dying for more of everything he's willing to offer. He slides his arms underneath you and hooks his hand over your hip bones, holding you down and keeping you in place as he tries to find salvation between your thighs.

Heavy breaths through his nose as he uses his mouth, lips and tongue working in tandem to take you apart. Lapping and sucking at your clit while his fingertips nudge at your entrance, dipping just enough to tease, waiting until he hears the high pitched whimpers that he's after.

And when you've reached that level of desperation he wants from you, whimpering and panting, he slowly dips a finger in.

He moans along with you as though he's the one experiencing the pleasure. He's always gotten off on this almost just as much as you. The warm, slick slide of his fingers in and out of you, how you gush on his tongue, your thighs trembling on either side of his head, the tingle of his scalp when you tug on his hair.

More addictive than any substance he's ever found solace in.

And against your better knowledge, you're more than happy to indulge him, let him chase the high you give him and let yourself drown in it as well.

Your back arches off the bed as he adds another finger, grunting into you and thrusting faster as you tighten and flutter around them. He finds the spot he's looking for with practiced ease, whimpering into you and groaning along with you as he drags his fingers back and forth along the spot that has you bucking your hips into his hand. 

He knows how to get you there. Knows how to do it fast. And right now, that's what he wants. He's craved it too long, spent far too many nights with his hand wrapped around his leaking cock your name on the tip of his tongue as he fucked up into his own hand. He wants to hear you fall apart again, feel you coming on his tongue, your walls clenching as they try to suck his fingers in deeper. Wantsto know that he hasn't ruined absolutely everything between the two of you.

"Come on baby, lemme feel you,” he urges, voice deep and rough as he brings you to the edge. His mouth, licking and sucking at your clit, works in perfect rhythm with his fingers, sliding in and out, crooking them at the exact angle and speed he knows will get you there. 

"Please, Frankie...need to– fuck, I'm..." Coherent words evade you as he works you towards your peak, your breath stuttering as you struggle to keep air in your lungs. Your grip tightens in his hair, tugging roughly in an effort to ground yourself as the wave of euphoria starts to crest, the undercurrent pulling you down. 

Frankie growls in approval as you tighten around his fingers, all your muscles tensing as the sensation crashes into you. Your mind and body shut off and float into that sweet state of oblivion as Frankie's name falls from your lips, mixed in with a litany of profanity and slurs and choked back moans. He doesn't stop, doesn't even slow down until you're yanking on his hair hard enough for it to hurt, trying to wiggle away from his touch.

Frankie raises his head up and locks eyes with you, the tip of his nose, beard, and cheeks shiny with your arousal as he looks up at you through his dark, heavy lidded lashes.

"Want you so bad," he sighs, breathless and needy, crawling up your body and resting his weight on his elbows on either side of your head. He kisses you again, soft and sweet as if he has the right, tasting yourself on his tongue. 

You whimper into the kiss and hook a leg over his hip to pull his hips towards you. His cock strains almost painfully in his boxers when he grinds it against you, your warm arousal dampening the front of the fabric.

"Gonna let me baby?" He rasps when he moves to your neck, his teeth scraping sensitive flesh.

You both already know he's won. You're not even putting up a fight at this point, any dignity you thought you had left totally abandoned the moment you picked up the phone. But he asks anyway, needing the verbal affirmation, needing the confirmation that you want him as badly as he needs you.

And you can't lie.You're both equally weak and vulnerable. Two pathetic, heartbroken creatures chasing a temporary relief. A small glimmer of something to make the pain more bearable, something to fill the hole for the briefest amount of time.

You both know. And neither of you care.

No response to his question. Instead, you push up the hem of his shirt up and he does the rest, pulling it over his head and tossing it to the floor before he hooks a thumb underneath the waistband of his boxers and tugs them down his hips and off his legs.

Your hand finds his cock and he hisses at the contact, his hips shuddering as he pushes forward into your grip. You swear he's thicker and longer than before, heavier and hotter where you hold him. Your thumb brushes over the tip, spreading the pearls of pre cum around, coating the rest of his length to ease your glide. Frankie's mouth finds your neck again, tongue and lips tasting and teasing, his shaky breath in your ear.

You try to push up onto your elbows in an effort to roll him over, wanting to take over. But a palm finds your chest, gently pushing you back down until your flat against the bed again. 

"Wanna look at you," he says simply, as he pushes his length into the palm of your hand once more before sliding out. 

He lets his length rest against your sensitive clit and gently rocks his hips, slicking himself with the mess between your legs, sighing whenever you gasp each time his tip nudges at your clit.

"Please..." you whisper, feeling pathetic and needy, but at this point too desperate to care.

And he’s equally impatient, not waiting another moment before lining himself up and slowly pushing in. 

You tense at the initial intrusion, not having been with anyone in far too long and the feeling is almost overwhelming. You're trying to remember how to breathe again as you let your head fall to the side, trying to hide from his intense stare. But Frankie's there, using a gentle finger to tilt your face back up towards him as his hips moving at an agonizingly slow pace to let you adjust.

"That's it baby. Look at me."

And you do, the heat in your belly burning brighter with his eyes boring into yours as he witnesses your surrender to him. Your heart aches, still raw and tender and in pain from all the hurt that's transpired. But you ignore it and tell yourself the tears in your eyes aren't a result of a broken heart, but rather of how full you feel as Frankie's length finally bottoms out in you.

"Fuck..." You both curse under your breath as he stills for a moment, letting you adjust before he starts to move his hips. You cling to his broad shoulders as he pulls out of you, his eyes glued to where you’re joined, his thick cock slick and shiny with your arousal before he slides back in again with a quiet groan. He repeats the motions over and over watching as he pulls out almost completely before pushing back in, stuffing you to the hilt.

"Shit,” he hisses under his breath, his eyelashes fluttering when you clench in response. “You feel so good baby, fuck."

He buries his face into your neck, panting and pressing soft kisses as his pace starts to speed up. The soft grunts in your ear turn into more desperate moans when you lock your legs around his waist, pulling him, trying to get him even deeper than he already is. 

Your fingernails dig into the skin of his shoulders, holding on for dear life, hoping that you’ll leave half crescent moon shapes embedded into his flesh. A painfull reminder for the morning that you were here and this was real, despite the circumstances.

His hands slide under your ass, angling it upwards to let him hit just that little bit deeper inside, pushing the air from your lungs with each thrust. The muscles in his forearms flex and strain as he tries to hold back, always making sure you finish before he does. 

And he doesn't have to wait much longer. Your orgasm is creeping up and taking over your body and Frankie can sense it. He knows exactly what to look for, knows all the signs.

One hand moves to reach between the two of you two fingertips pressed against your pulsing clit, drawing fast, tight circles just like you like it. Your grip on his shoulder tightens, your nails digging into the skin and dragging down his back as his thrusts become more erratic. 

"Keep lookin' at me," he grunts and you struggle to keep your eyes open. They sting, the image of him above you starting to blur around the edges as he drives you closer and closer to your release.

"That's it, baby. Lemme see it, lemme see you come on my cock."

He doesn't have to tell you twice.

You come undone again just like that, dizziness spreading and heart hammering in your chest as you sob out, pleasure consuming you from within. He fucks you through it, not giving you a chance to catch your breath, as he curses and rambles in your ear about how he's missed this, how he's missed you.

You've barely started to come down when he grabs one of your legs behind your knee and pushes it into your chest, letting himself sink even deeper into you. The new angle has your head spinning, drowning in an unparalleled amount of pleasure. Your eyes flutter and roll back in your head as you whimper his name, fingers curling into the pillow above your head.

He doesn't last much longer, breathless moans and strangled whimpers into your neck as he gives you the last few sloppy thrusts. He's almost there, and when he tries to pull out, it's the way your leg tightens around his waste and your needy whine that sends him over the edge, groaning and cursing with his face in the crook of your neck as he spills himself into you.

His cock pulses inside you with every wave, his hips chasing his release, tiny jerks as he empties into you. He stills, his heavy breathing in your ear, his weight resting on you, heavy but grounding, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into your skin.

Once the room stops spinning and the stars clear from behind your eyes, you drop your legs. With a shaky sigh, Frankie starts to pull out, both of you groaning in protest as he slips out.

His cum leaks out of you, quickly pooling between your thighs no matter how hard you squeeze your legs together. And when he catches sight of it, it makes your face burn. At the mere sight of his sticky, warm release spilling out of you, mixing with your own, Frankie swears he could go another round right then. Something about knowing he marked his territory, his claim on you established once again. He looks up at you, your eyes closed, forehead creased, and he has to dig his nails into his palm to keep from dragging his fingers through the cum leaking out of you and pushing it back in, keeping it where it should be. 

But the weight of reality is starting to press on him once again, the fear and shame from earlier taking root again and tugging at his stomach and pulling him out of the euphoria.

He kisses your hip bone once before making his way to the bathroom for a wet washcloth. The room is silent as he cleans you up, wiping gently between your legs, both of you keeping your eyes on anything except each other's. 

When he's done, he stands and moves to gather his clothes off the floor, tugging his boxers back on before heading towards the door. But your shaky, watery voice breaks the silence and freezes him where he stands.

"You're leaving?" You ask, voice squeaking at the end as you pull the sheet up to cover yourself, as if it would protect your heart when he ultimately breaks it again.

He turns to look at you, his heart aching in his chest from the innocent way you're looking at him. The way your eyebrows draw together, and your lips pull into a frown, the way your lower lip trembles as your eyes fill with tears.

"Can I stay?"

His voice is quiet, fragile, as if speaking any louder would scare you off, would cause you to start yelling at him again until you ultimately kick him to the curb for good.

He stares at you through the darkness of the room as you chew on your lip and try to grapple with the split decision you’re facing.

The logical part of your brain is screaming at you to say no and end this right here and now. But that part of your brain is buried and silenced underneath the heaviness in your heart. That desperate need to hang onto whatever's left. You swallow the lump in your throat and give in.

"Please," you plead softly. "Don't...don't want to be alone anymore."

A rush of air leaves his lungs as the pressure is released from his chest as he climbs back into bed beside you. Your head finds his chest, curled into his side and letting his arms wrap around you. His embrace is familiar, comforting, your safe space.

You count the steady beats of his heart in your ear as his blunt fingernail scrape lightly up and down your back, knowing it always soothes you. No words are spoken but the air between the two of you is thick, full of the things you both want to say, but neither of you speak.

Sleep wraps its tendrils around you once again, exhaustion settling in your bones. You welcome it fully, even though you know when you wake up, you'll have to face the reality of the situation once again.

You can only hope that he'll still be here in the morning to face it with you.

For now, you let yourself drown in the warmth of his embrace, pushing away all the other things that are gnawing at you and letting yourself relax in the arms of the man who broke your heart.

Just one more night.

Thank you for reading!! :))

[yintwintpen]

📷 Cristina Umana IG

[yintwintpen]

Color corrected video of Javier’s first Narcos scene in S1E2. I can’t post the video to prude!Tumblr but you can access it here.

[yintwintpen]

To myself: “It’s ok to make bad art it’s ok to make bad art it’s ok to make bad art it’s ok to make bad art”

*the art is bad*

[yintwintpen]

everytime

[yintwintpen]

To say I've been waiting for this is an understatement. As is me saying this was anywhere near my expectations.

Unrequited

Pairing- Santiago Garcia x f!reader x Frankie Morales

Series summary- Francisco was always afraid of settling down. He left Santiago to pick up the pieces after Colombia and now someone else is taking his place. Now he must cope with repairing the past without disrupting his future.

CW-18+,MDNI, NSFW, Angst, hurt/comfort, confessions, misunderstanding, fluff, smut, soft dom Frankie, mmf, oral f receiving, unprotected piv, protected piv, aftercare. Lots of food references.

WC-7.9k

A/N- This is the finale for these three but there will be an epilogue and various one shots when I’m done. I’m so glad you guys loved this story. I’m glad I got to explore a different side of Frankie and Santi through the reader.

[Series Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

Not beta read

Chapter III Yearning

  Noun:Yearning 

  A feeling of intense longing for something;affection, intimacy, partnership, love

  “Frankie.” Your soft voice cuts through his sleep addled brain to register you standing in the doorway. 

  He doesn’t remember falling asleep, his adrenaline was on high after telling the guys about the money and maybe? patching things up with Santiago. He’s not sure now it’s all a little fuzzy. He must have crashed as soon as they made it back home. 

  You’re standing there expectantly dressed in a white silk shorts and top. He glances over at the old analog clock and it reads just after two in the morning. 

  “Frankie…can I come in?” Your hand grips the doorway as you stay in limbo between his bedroom and the hall. He should say no, he nods his head yes anyway and tells you ‘yes’ for good measure in case you can’t see him in the dimly lit room. 

  These days he’s unsure of his grip on reality but he’s almost positive he’s not dreaming. Even though you practically float across the room, your smile is evident even in the soft moonlight. He’s not a shy man by any means. He knew how to talk to women and how to get them in his bed but you…you’re different. Your confidence knocks him off his feet and he’s already laying down. 

  He sits up against the headboard to make room for you and he’s dumbfounded again when you place your leg on the bed beside him and swing the other over caging him in. His hands twitch at his side reflexively wanting to touch you. 

  “What are you-“ You effectively silence him as you place your fingers to his lips. He can’t help but note how soft they are. How soft you are everywhere, as his fingers dance a little higher on your thighs. Testing the dangerous waters he’s wading in. 

  “Santiago told me everything.” Your voice is as clear as his vision. No blurred lines or hazy corners like you’d have in a dream. No wondering how he got here as you stare down at him. He can feel the heat between your legs, only separated by the thin layer of your shorts and the sheet covering his waist. 

  If he were a stronger man he’d clarify what exactly Santiago told you…but right now his only concern is the growing bulge poking through his boxers as you adjust on top of him, looking a lot less innocent than he remembered. Another thing he doesn’t remember, his hands now on your waist under the white silk top, you’re warm and supple skin in stark contrast to his rough hands. 

  When the material turns indistinguishable as your hands rake through his curls, pulling his face into your neck so he can breathe you in. You smell sweet like all the things you bake and the thought of your food somehow has him impossibly harder. He wants to taste you and worship you in ways he thinks Santiago can’t or doesn’t. 

  He’s stopped caring that this is indiscernible as he pulls your hips down onto him, you gasp as the head of his cock provides that friction you desperately want even between layers of clothes. Your weight falls onto him as you brace your hands on his chest and laugh, it’s sugar coated just like you. The laugh dies in your throat as his fingers dip beneath your shorts, you’re soaking wet making a mess of the sheets and him. Your mouth on his almost experimental as he deepens the kiss, it feels tangible when you whimper his name into the dark. He can tell you’re close as you clench down on his fingers and your breathing picks up. He’s not far behind you as he imagines how he’ll even fit with how tight you are. 

  “I hope I'm not interrupting something.” Santi’s voice is like a record scratch. 

  Frankie feels like a bucket of cold water has been dumped on him as he scrambles to cling to the remnants of a dream. It’s no longer dark and he faintly registers he’s no longer in his bedroom. The light is peeking through the shutters in the living room. The sweet smell of you still lingers in the air from his dream. 

  He sits up on the couch cursing his back and neck from the awkward position he slept in. Small creaks in the hardwood floor alert him that someone is approaching and he reaches for the blanket to cover the evidence of the all too realistic dream. 

  “You boys must have had quite the night.” You stand before him with a small blue apron covered in flour, looking well rested and practically glowing. “I just say that because Santi never sleeps in and you didn’t make it to the bedroom.” You rock back and forth nervously on the balls of your feet waiting for his response, hoping you didn’t offend him somehow. 

  Frankie hadn’t expected you to be the first one he saw that morning. Especially in his current predicament, he doesn’t mean to stare but he can’t get the image of you on his lap out of his mind. 

  He blinks twice before he registers that he hasn’t said anything. “Ya sorry about that…I didn’t realize-“

  “Don’t apologize Frankie, this is your house.” You laugh nervously. “You’re more than welcome to fall asleep wherever you’d like.” 

  Wherever he’d like. 

  Your hands worry at the hem of your apron, the meaning of what you’ve said is probably completely lost on you. The real you is so different from the way you were in his dream. It’s so much better and that likely had something to do with the fact that he needs to be in control. 

  “Thank you for the blanket.” He laughs as he looks down at the fuzzy pink comforter adorning his lap. “I’m assuming of course.” 

  “You were shivering when I came in here. Santiago keeps this place like an ice box I swear.” You absentmindedly gesture around the house but of course Frankie already noticed how cold it is. The way your nipples stay incessantly hard and of course he notices first thing in the morning as they poke through one of Santi’s shirts you’re wearing under the apron. Likely not wearing a bra. His mind flashes to his dream again just when he was starting to think he could remove the blanket. 

  You smile at him again and he has to remember to breathe. This is the longest conversation he’s had with you alone and yet it doesn’t feel as awkward as he thought it would. 

  “Anyways…I made some cinnamon rolls for breakfast.” You gesture your hands towards the kitchen and Frankie groans for more than one reason. “I’ll put some coffee on too, whenever you’re ready. Don’t take too long though they’re still warm.” You smile and head down the hall and he lets out a breath. 

  “You were going to be the death of him and his waistline.” 

  ****

  You don’t know exactly what’s different about them but something has shifted. They don’t even notice you watching them as you lean against the counter in the kitchen while they both talk and laugh with half full mouths of cinnamon roll. 

  Frankie eats like he’s never had one in his entire life and well…you know how much Santi loves your cooking so it’s not surprising that he’s eaten enough to the point of a stomach ache. Part of you should feel a little jealous, getting a glimpse into their old life or what could’ve been their life playing out right in front of you. 

  Santi reaches over, wiping something from the corner of Frankie’s mouth. “You are always such a messy eater.” Frankie’s flushes as the red creeps up his neck. He looks over at you but you make no attempt to seem uncomfortable with it. 

  Santi stands from the stool rounding the corner to you with a mischievous look in his eye. The kind of look he would usually never give you in front of company. He pulls you into him as he buries his face in your neck inhaling your scent. His lips trail kisses up your neck leaving goosebumps in their wake. His lips meet yours and you can taste the sweet sticky frosting coating them as you let a moan slip out. You try to push him away from you but not convincingly enough as he deepens the kiss. A pit forms on your stomach at the display he’s putting on. You can’t see Frankie’s face but you feel him burning a hole through Santi’s back. 

  “Santiago, what are you doing?” No malice in your voice as you lean your head back seeing his pupils wide with pleasure. 

  “I didn’t get to kiss you goodnight or good morning.” He grits through his teeth as he goes to dive back in for another kiss. 

  You peck his lips twice. “Goodnight and good morning.” Pushing him to put some space between you and the ache between your thighs. It doesn’t help when he tuts and moves out of the way, adjusting himself in his gray sweatpants that do nothing to hide his excitement. 

  You start to apologize for Santi’s behavior but your words are caught in your throat at the look Frankie’s giving you. He brushes his thumb along his bottom lip, his eyes are glazed over as he focuses on something intently. It’s like he has x ray vision and you’re feeling so exposed at the attention of both of them. Santiago’s body heat is still looming close to you. 

  “I’m gonna go shower.” You blurt out as you nearly trip over Santi’s feet leaving the kitchen. It takes you a moment to catch your breath when you close the bedroom door leaning against it. You have no idea what the fuck that was but you need to wrap your head around it before you even begin to approach those feelings. 

  ****

  “Shit was that too much?” Santi’s wide eyes staring back at Frankie. 

  “Ya think? She practically ran out of here Pope.” Frankie stands and gathers the dishes as he shoots Santiago a look. “She’s not some girl in a bar half way across the world.” Frankie absentmindedly begins washing the dishes as he watches the cogs on his brain turning over. 

  “I guess I got too excited.” He half says to himself as he scrubs his jaw with his hand. Frankie hasn’t seen him this excited about something in awhile. He thinks more so at the prospect of something between the three of you he’s not ready to put a name to than the windfall of money he’s very recently received. 

  “Listen hermano, one step at a time.” Frankie dries his hands on the towel turning towards Santi. “You might want to tell her about the money first, since I’m assuming you haven’t had time to do that.” 

  Santi says nothing just looking down the hallway towards your bedroom. He doesn’t know why he’s so hesitant to tell you. Maybe because when you found him he was barely holding on to his sanity all because of the money they never got. The money that he now has is the reason he almost lost it all. 

  ****

  “Honey, please say something.” Santi’s crouched between your legs as you sit dumbfounded on the edge of the bed. You’re staring into those deep brown eyes that you love so much but you can’t find the words to explain how you feel. 

  All these insecurities you didn’t realize you were holding onto are flooding to the surface. 

  What was Frankie’s motive? Did he even have one or was this just his way of apologizing? 

  Would Santi feel like he doesn’t need you anymore now that he has this money and he’s closed that chapter of his life? How would this change the dynamic of your relationship? 

  You never fathomed having this much money in your entire life. You were perfectly content with the money you made as a chef and caterer, working hard to provide an honest living for you and Santi. It somehow feels wrong knowing where the money came from and how many people out there died because of it. 

  You don’t have all the details but you know that Lorea was a bad man and the boys all sacrificed a lot for their country and lost more than money on this mission. Either side of the coin you flip has its pros and cons. 

  Santi and Frankie seemed so happy this morning. Like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. The weight of years in the service, the weight of Tom's death, the weight of not knowing how you were going to provide for a family and start a life together. You ached for that feeling, not just to see them happy but to see them happy together in this home. But where does that leave you? 

  The thunder claps in the quiet bedroom and Santi’s hands flinch against your thighs. You didn’t remember seeing a storm on the forecast for today but as you start to think about it maybe it’s been a few days since you’d checked the weather. It was one of those silent things you did to put him at ease. Storms always brought out his restlessness. A reminder of things that took a lot of time and tears to pry from him. You always tried to make things a little easier for him on these days, his favorite meal, a comfort film, lazy naps and sweet kisses. 

  The pitter patter starts slowly on your bedroom window as you glance outside to see the impending clouds. His fingers grip your chin lightly bringing your gaze back to him. “Sweetheart I’m not worried about the storm, I just need you to talk to me.” His voice cracks a little at the end and you can see the worry etched across his forehead. Though you don’t know exactly where it’s coming from. 

  “Santiago that's ... .a lot of money.” Your whispering barely audible over the sound of the wind and your beating heart. “And since when did storms not bother you?” 

  He rubs his hands soothingly along your legs as he thinks of his next words. You know his knees must be killing him on the floor but he makes no move to stand. “That money is not gonna do anything but make our lives better. I won’t be naive and say that things aren’t going to change but I want you by my side for all of it.” As if he knows…of course he knows the million things running through your head. He clears his throat and reaches into his back pocket before you can conjure up another thought. 

  A small red velvet box in his right hand that he brings to his chest momentarily and once again you’re speechless. “Baby, I wanted to get you a nice ring and for the longest time I wondered what kind of ring I could buy you if I had all this money. I obsessed over it and it’s what’s kept me from giving this to you for months.” Your eyes start to well with tears as he keeps it clutched to his chest. “I’m relieved that I have it now because I want you to know that I’ve wanted this life with you since the moment I met you and no amount of money is going to change that.” 

  He flips open the small box revealing a small gold band with a center cut opalescent stone. It’s perfect in every way and you couldn’t imagine how he would’ve done better than this. The diamond in the middle resembles your birthstone and you can’t help but marvel at his attention to detail. “This isn’t exactly how I wanted to do this but I don’t think I could wait any longer. So please will you do me the honor of marrying-“ 

  He lets out a loud oomph sound as you crash into him, both of you tumbling onto the floor. He starts laughing as you mutter apologies into his neck still not letting him up. “I take that as a yes?” His tone laced with a bit of uncertainty. 

  “Oh my gosh the ring.” You exclaim as you roll off him. 

  “Relax sweetheart I’ve got it right here.” His hands are slightly shaky as he presents it to you again, still safe in the box. You hold your hand out as he tsks under his breath. His eyebrows raised in question. “I think you’re still forgetting something.”

  Too excited and caught up in the moment to realize you hadn’t said those magic words. “Yes, yes of course yes.” You laugh and wipe the happy tears with your other hand as he places the ring on your finger. 

  He leans in and kisses you as you cup his face. The cold band pressed into his cheek has him smiling against your mouth. The rain hammering the window is now an afterthought as you pull him up to you onto the bed. His warm body pressing you into the mattress as you kiss like teenagers for the first time. 

  You roll your hips into him as he grinds down on you, his mouth swallows your soft whimper as you become acutely aware that you’re not alone in your home. You place a gentle hand on his chest as you gasp for air, pushing him away. His face protests but you need to slow this down. 

  “What about Frankie?” It’s not lost on you that the man in the other room is still madly in love with Santi and it’s safe to assume the same about him. 

  He sighs deep and hangs his head, his body like a blanket over you. “That’s a little more complicated.” 

  Complicated

  He kisses your neck as you melt further into the mattress, but you couldn’t let the king of distraction off that easily. “Santiago.” You grit out your voice a bit strained. “Can you uncomplicate it?” 

  He rolls you over keeping you close in his arms so you're now on top. “Sí señora Garcia.” Your stomach does a flip at the name but you don’t budge just leveling him with a look. “I can explain later…after dinner. I promise.” 

  The rain has stopped now as you feel the sun hitting your face through the window bathing you both in a glow. Perhaps a temporary shower that wasn’t a storm at all. 

  “I have some things I need to take care of today. Will and I are going to meet with Molly. Her and the girls have been through enough and they deserve this closure too.” Santi didn’t brag often, if ever so you know his given call sign was something hard to stomach for him. He still finds ways to show you how much of a Saint he truly could be. “Why don’t you hang out with Frankie today. Go shopping for dinner with him, I’m sure he would love a lesson in making your world famous pizza.” 

  “It sounds like you’re not so subtly telling me you want pizza tonight Garcia.” He squeezes your side as a silent yes. 

  “I think I fell in love with you that night you made it for me. Plus you know what they say about the way to a man’s heart.” There’s a hint of playfulness in his tone. A small part of you wants to ignore the odd choice of words and the other part is getting nervous wondering if he could mean something by it. 

  Your mind has to be playing tricks on you because Santiago Garcia was not one to dance around a topic. He often approached things head on and with much annoyance to you he was relentless. 

  But this…this is different. It’s like he’s afraid to dip his toes into the water. Like he’s trying to gauge your reaction without telling you outright what he wants. 

  One thing you do know for certain is that the idea of being with Frankie alone today has you feeling like you’re going to burst. 

  ****

  Santiago had hurriedly said bye to you while you were still in the shower. The wink he gave you as he pinched your ass told you that he was definitely up to no good. It still sets your mood in the right direction seeing him so happy, despite you being so nervous to hang out with Frankie. 

  Complicated 

  The word he said echoing through your mind in the shower as you try to block it out and relax under the steam and hot water. 

  When you’ve extracted yourself from the shower and spent a little more time than you’d care to admit finding something to wear you find yourself leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. Watching quietly as Frankie meticulously cleans up your mess from the morning that he certainly didn’t need to do. 

  “You know you didn’t have to do that Francisco.” He doesn’t jump at the sound of your voice, he could feel you watching him. He could smell your lotion that filled the space when you entered the room. 

  He turns to face you leaning against the counter with his arms crossed and a smirk etched in his features. “You can call me Frankie, my mama called me Francisco when I was in trouble.” 

  “I’ll have to remember that Frankie.” 

  He blushes at that as he dips his head. “So…Mrs. Garcia, what’s on the itinerary for the day?” You balk at that and he just smiles all wide obviously having been filled in by Santi. He seems genuinely excited. 

  You take a few steps into the kitchen to lean on the counter facing him, his eyes flit briefly to the slight dip in your sundress. “I’m not a Mrs, yet, don’t get ahead of yourself Frankie. I was thinking we could head to the farmers market to pick up some things for dinner.” 

  He’s waiting for you to finish your laundry list of things but you just stand there staring at each other. “Anything else? You’re a rich woman now.” 

  You laugh and roll your eyes. “I don’t know, I guess I don’t really spoil myself that much.” You bite your lip thinking of anything you’ve wanted recently and he knows you’re unaware of the little things you do that drive him absolutely crazy. “Oh!” 

  “Yes, tell me.” He matches your excitement as he leans into the counter face to face with you. 

  “There’s a bookstore I’ve been wanting to check out.” You tap your fingers nervously and he wants to make fun of you a little but the way you’re smiling at him he can’t bring himself to burst your bubble. 

  He swipes the keys from the bowl on the counter as he holds his other hand out to you. “Farmers market and bookstore, hermosa.” You hesitantly take his hand as he practically pulls you out the door, your heart skips a beat as he laces his large fingers with yours. “Remind me that Santi and I need to give you a lesson in spoiling yourself.” 

  ****

  “These aren’t as good as yours.” Frankie says with a mouthful of cookie as you stroll down the walkway at the market. He looks down at you grinning, his cap shielding the sun from those gorgeous eyes. The small bit of rain gave way to the most beautiful day and you’ve completely lost yourselves in showing him around the different vendors. “I’m serious, you could sell those cookies. I would buy them every day.” 

  “Well lucky for you, I can make them for you. Everyday.” You say with a hint of flirtation. 

  “Is that so?”

  You just nod as you brush along his arm, goosebumps raising on your skin. You can feel him looking at you, not even watching his step. He’s so sure of himself even in a place he’s never been. You noticed him when you arrived, scoping out the area and taking note of all the people. You’re glad you got used to it with Santiago over the years. It’s been awhile since you’ve seen it up close. The need to protect and have all your surroundings covered. 

  You gasp as you notice a booth that hasn’t been here in a few weeks with handmade jewelry. You look up at him to ask if he wants to check it out and without a word he just nods his head and places his hand along your back guiding you toward it. His hand feels hot on the thin dress you wore and the gesture so small yet intimate that you can’t help but tense a little. 

  It doesn’t seem to phase him…nothing really seems to phase him. 

  You stand there for a moment just eyeing the jewelry for a while. Running your hands along the chains with small pendants at the end of each one. One catches your eye and you take it off the hook folding it over to check the price. It’s still odd for you as hard as you work to spend money on yourself. You didn’t grow up in the best situation and so you always default to being practical. 

  He nudges you and it startles you a little. “You should get it.” He watches you mull it over. At first he doesn’t understand, it can’t really be about the money. He remembers being the one in your position. Santi always pushing him to enjoy the little things and he never understood until recently. 

  He takes it from you gently as you watch him dangle it on his finger. “Excuse me ma'am. I’d like to buy this necklace.” 

  “Oh dear, that’s one of my favorites. I’ve been wondering when someone was going to take it off my hands.” The sweet gray haired woman takes it from him. Her wrists adorned with bangles that she made no doubt. She places it on a small piece of tissue paper to wrap but he stops her. 

  “She’d like to wear it now, if that’s alright.” You and the woman both regard him at the same moment. Perhaps the same dumb lovestruck look on your face when he says it all low and sweet. 

  “Well of course she can, you don’t have to ask me.” She cuts the tag off for you and hands it to him as he swiftly passes her two bills, far too much for the necklace but he insists on her keeping the change. 

  “Turn.” A swift command that you find yourself obeying, your body betraying your need to question why you easily fall into this role with him. Why it doesn’t feel wrong or out of place. Your breathing picks up as he slides the cool metal around your neck clasping it together. “Let me see.” 

  You try to school your face into a neutral expression when you turn around. But you never were very good at poker. 

  “It’s beautiful.” Frankie’s looking directly into your eyes and it feels like he wants to say something more. 

  The woman reaches over squeezing Frankie’s hand breaking the moment. “It was very nice of you to buy that for your wife.” 

  You start to protest but he just wraps his arm around you pulling you into his side. “What kind of husband would I be if I deprived her of anything?” He looks down at your shocked expression and just winks as the woman clasps her hands over her heart. 

  He pulls you away from the booth, his large palm rubbing circles along your shoulder. He leans in close whispering in your ear. “Remind me to tell Santi you’re actually Mrs. Morales.” 

  ****

  Your hand traces the pendant on your neck as you watch the familiar houses go by. Frankie’s hand rests on the back of your seat as he hums some obscure tune. 

  In the back of the car nestled among the fresh produce for dinner is a stack of books that you can’t wait to dive into. It didn’t take long for you to stop arguing at the store when he insisted on buying you anyone you wanted. You decided to personally limit it to four even though you both knew there were far more. 

  He couldn’t stop laughing at the way you would smell the pages of the books as you opened each one in the store. Something so peaceful and nostalgic about lignin and vanilla scent. 

  He turns the corner and his hand glides easily on top of the smooth leather of the steering wheel. His muscles flex with just the slightest movement and you don’t look away fast enough when he turns to you. 

  He smirks at you and raises his eyebrows before returning them back to the road. 

  Fuck he’s trying to kill you

  You realize at that moment you haven’t checked your phone all day as you retrieve it from your bag. 

  One text from Will’s wife wishing you congratulations. 

  One text from Benny saying how happy he was for you, and another swiftly followed up with how he will be maid of honor. 

  No notification from Santi. 

  Your brow furrows as you pull into your driveway. 

  “Everything okay hermosa?” Frankie puts the car in park as he settles back in the seat. The hand that was on your headrest coming dangerously close to your thigh. 

  “Ya, everything’s fine…I just haven’t heard from Santiago.” 

  “He’ll be home in about an hour. I can help you get dinner started in the meantime.” He doesn’t give you a chance to answer. He slides out of the driver's seat and heads to your side opening the door for you. You reach for the bags but he tsks under his breath and you just sigh as you slide out and head for the front door. If there was anything at all he was determined to do today it was help you learn how to be taken care of. 

  ****

  “So what makes this pizza so special?” 

  You’re both standing around the island, the oven set to preheat and all the toppings chopped and ready. 

  “Oh, I don’t know…Santi really likes the dough. I don’t really do much to it.” You shrug as you spread the flour on the granite counter. 

  “I think you’re being modest…once again.” Frankie’s constant compliments still make you a little flustered as he runs his fingers through his hair. 

  You take the large ball of dough, placing it in front of you. He watches with rapt attention as you pull the sides gently apart with your hands. Forming an imperfect circle. It sticks to you as you peel your hand away gesturing for the bag of flour. 

  “How much?” 

  “Just sprinkle a little here.” He moves closer to you as he spreads it out in front you. You bite your lip in concentration as you work out the edges. 

  He chuckles as he meets your eyes. 

  “Something funny Morales?” You purr at him. 

  “Do you toss it?” All taunts in his tone but you choose to ignore it. 

  “No…I prefer to take my time and use my hands instead of a rolling pin. Tossing it has always been too hard for me.” You don’t look up at him then instead choosing to focus on the task at hand. 

  He closes the short distance between you, coming up behind you as he places his hands on the counter caging you in. You take a deep shuddering breath. You can smell his cologne and as he crowds your senses. 

  “Show me.” The deep rumble of his voice reverberates through you as his hot breath fans across your neck. 

  You wrap your hands around his wrists, placing them on the dough. Your hands are on top of his as you slowly resume your movements from before. 

  “You want to gently push the dough toward the outer corners, while trying to keep a relatively uniform shape.” He hums in your ear as he lets you guide him and you squirm a little in his hold. “Don’t press too hard, you don’t want to make any holes, just ease it from the middle. If your hand gets too sticky just add a little more flour.” 

  “We wouldn’t want that now would we?” He knows what he’s doing but you don’t want to stop him. You’re not moving your hands anymore as they rest on top of his. His large palms work the dough with perfect precision as you feel him press into you. 

  He hears you whimper as he presses his painfully hard bulge into your back. You could pull away, tell him to stop but you lean back into his hold. 

  “I have a confession.” Frankie whispers in your ear. “I’ve done this before.” He kisses your neck and you shiver. 

  “Make dough?” 

  He chuckles against you as you turn your head to him, your nose just barely brushing his. His lips meet yours. Softer and sweeter than you’d expect for how much the tension has been building between you all day. It takes you a moment to regain consciousness as he deepens the kiss and you stop briefly cursing under your breath. 

  “Frankie…I’m sorry.” He pulls away from you just enough for you to extract yourself from him. Hands covered in flour as you scramble to the sink. 

  “Did I-“ 

  “Oh my god Frankie… I shouldn't have done that.” You're scrubbing your hands under the sink as tears well up in your eyes. 

  “You didn’t do anything…I did.” He takes a small step towards you, hands held out in front of him. You look like a frightened animal when you turn around. “Shit, I didn’t mean for it to happen like this, I just-.” 

  “No Frankie it’s okay, I’ll tell Santi it was my fault.” You dry your hands and leave him in the kitchen before you have a chance to embarrass yourself any further. 

  ****

  You’re feverishly packing a bag when you hear hushed voices coming from the living room. You can’t believe you let yourself get so caught up in a moment of weakness with Frankie. Your fiancés ex, in their home. 

  It hurts just saying it in your head when you think about it. The look on Santi’s face playing out in your mind when you tell him. 

  Panic rising in your throat as you hear heavy footsteps coming down the hall. 

  A small knock on the door before Santi enters your bedroom, taking in your frantic state on the floor in front of your dresser. You can see Frankie looming in the hallway, looking a lot less worried than you. 

  “Sweetheart.” Santi joins you on the floor but you don’t meet his eyes. 

  “I’m sorry, I have no excuse for what I did.” You move to stand but he takes your hands in his, forcing you to look at him. 

  “Sweetheart relax…just breathe.” He kisses your palm and his voice holds no malice. “I owe you an apology.” 

  You sniffle and look up at him, confusion etched across your face. You glance at Frankie who’s a little further in your bedroom, leaning against the wall all cool and calm. 

  Santi takes your chin in his fingers directing your attention back to him. “I told Frankie to show you a good time today. Did he do that?” 

  You nod your head. 

  “I thought things might be easier this way but I was running a little late so I’m sorry.” He pulls you toward him kissing your forehead and you melt into his touch. 

  “Santiago, I don’t understand.” Your voice barely above a whisper. 

  “Sweetheart, I think you do.” He tilts his head and just smiles, sickeningly sweet. “I see the way he looks at you, and I see the way you look at him.” 

  He helps you to your feet and guides you on shaky legs to the edge of the bed. He slides his hands along your thighs, mimicking his movements from this morning. Frankie toes off his boots behind him and unbuckles his belt. Santi grabs your chin again as your chest rises and falls. “You trust me cariño?” 

  “Yes.” 

  “Do you want this?” The resolve in his voice breaks a little as he watches you glance up to Frankie. 

  “Yes.”

  It’s all the answer he needs before he starts to slowly undress you. He can’t wipe the smile from his face as he kisses your arms and hands, pulling your shirt up over your head. Frankie stood behind him, only in his boxers as he swipes his thumb across his bottom lip. 

  “We’re gonna take real good care of you baby.” Frankie’s voice breaks through the silence as he waits patiently in the doorway. Your eyes go wide as you finally get a look at him. The swell of his cock in his boxers is evident. 

  “Don’t worry sweetheart, we’ll work you up to it.” Santi chuckles against your thighs as he peels your jeans down your legs. He didn’t need to turn around to know what’s got you so speechless. 

  Santi leaves you for a moment as Frankie stalks toward you. You want to shrink under his intense gaze but the way his hand trails lightly under the smooth skin of your breast as he kisses you again. It sets you on fire. The bed dips behind you but your eyes stay on Frankie as he drops to his knees in front of you. Spreading you wide for him as he pushes your thighs apart. 

  “Fuck Pope, she’s so wet already.” His thumb rubs along the front of your panties, marveling at the way it grows impossibly wetter. 

  “Just wait until you taste her.” Santi’s voice comes in behind you as he pulls you back against him. You can feel his naked body pressed against your back as his cock twitches underneath you. 

  Frankie shoots him a look of annoyance as he raises up to the bed. He settles on his stomach as he kisses down your thigh, hovering his mouth just above where you want him the most. His fingers hook in the waistband of your panties as he slowly drags them down, not waiting a moment longer as he dips his tongue into your entrance. 

  You gasp at first as he starts to lick and suck at your clit, you don’t know how he’s already got you so worked up as he growls into your pussy. “Fuck baby, you taste so good.” One hand grips the sheet as the other fists his hair pulling him impossibly closer. 

  Santi curses behind you as you grind into him, his cock painfully hard at the sight of Frankie’s head nestled between your thighs while you come apart on his tongue. 

  Frankie dips two fingers into your pussy as you clench down hard, fighting off your climax. You rock your hips back but his large palm pulls you into them gliding in and out. The sound you let out is purely pornographic and both men groan in unison. 

  “You’re gonna come like this hermosa, and then you're gonna come on Santi’s cock.” His thumb rubs your clit as he spills filth out of his mouth, kissing and biting at your inner thigh. “And then I’m gonna fuck you into the mattress until you’re crying out my name.” 

  Santi’s hand reaches around massaging your breasts between his hands, gripping the flesh for dear life as he tries to hold off. You're coming hard at Frankie’s words and the soft whimpers and half Spanish spewing out of Santi’s mouth. “Frankie.” You cry out as you clench down on his fingers. 

  “God damn baby.” You can hear the wet squelch as he doesn’t let up. His voice wrecked as he sits up pulling his fingers from you. 

  You don’t have a moment to mourn the loss of him, you’re being maneuvered so quickly. The work of two men positioning you in Santi’s lap, hovering just above his aching cock. 

  It’s a rush, finding yourself in this position. Frankie behind you straddling Santi’s legs as he whispers promises into your ear. The sweet juxtaposition to what he’s doing to you right now. Santi looks up at you both, everything he could ever want right in front of him. Finally. 

  “You ready to ride your fiancé?” Frankie settles his hands on your hips as you place yours on Santi’s chest. You’ve done this many times before but this feels so different. The anticipation as he grips the base of his cock, lining it up with your entrance. Sweat beads down his face as he watches Frankie lower you down, inch by inch. 

  He sucks in a sharp breath as you bottom out and Frankie grips your hips keeping you there. You can feel Santi’s cock twitch, begging you to move but he’s not in control tonight. Frankie hooks his chin over your shoulder as he grins down at Santi, slowly rolling your hips in his large palms. It’s an agonizing pace and Santi’s whole body shakes beneath you. 

  Frankie kisses your cheek softly as he starts to grind you harder into Santi, he lifts you slightly bouncing you up and down as you feel the drag of his cock through your walls. “Fuck Frankie…I’m-“ Santi’s so on edge he can’t even finish his sentence. 

  “Not yet.” He grits out behind you as you whine, throwing your head back onto his shoulder. 

  He reaches around pinching your clit between his fingers and you can feel the moment you both come. Santi with a shout as you clench down hard on him, Frankie rocking you through your climax as Santi’s hip practically lifts you off the bed. You can feel him pulsing inside you filling you with his cum as he shakes with aftershocks. It’s so fucking hot, watching him fall apart beneath you as you both come down from your high. 

  Frankie wraps his arms around you as he kisses your neck, licking the sweat from your cheek as he dips his tongue into your mouth. 

  Santi can’t believe what he’s watching, what he’s feeling. 

  “Come here sweetheart.” Santi says as Frankie releases you. You collapse into his chest as Frankie rubs his hands along your spine. Squeezing your ass before he rolls off the bed. 

  “You okay?” You nod against his face as he rolls you both over so he’s on top. It’s obscene the way his cum drips from between your thighs as he kisses you desperately. So proud for taking that step with him, trusting him to take care of you. “We can stop now if you want to.” 

  “No Santi, I want it.” You practically whine as he pulls away from you to be by your side. 

  Frankie laughs as he rolls a condom onto his thick length. “She’s needy, I like her like this.” He towers over you, rubbing his hands along your thighs as he parts them gently. Your eyes are trained on his chest, a small gold band sits neatly at the end of a chain. They drift further roaming down to his soft stomach. He’s beautiful like this. 

  Santi grabs his cock lining it up and the man jerks at that touch. The way he knows how to handle him. You see him break momentarily and it makes you giggle. He raises an eyebrow at you as you pull him down by his neck, crashing your lips into his as he sinks deep into you. You swallow his moans as your mouth parts at the thick intrusion. 

  “Jesus fucking Christ, she’s so tight.” He chokes out as you guide his face away from you. A look of confusion on his face until you glance over to Santi waiting patiently for what he’s wanted for days. 

  He’s hesitant at first but you roll your hips up encouraging him and he leans over kissing Santi softly on the lips. His tongue dips into his mouth, tasting him for the first time in years and tears spring from the corner of his eyes as he starts to set a brutal pace. You’re gripping his shoulders as he pounds into you, grunting into Santi’s mouth as he tries not to come before you. 

  He knows if he felt you here bare mixed with Santi’s cum he’d already be a goner. 

  You arch your back as he digs his fingers into your thighs. You’re grasping at him and Santi to ground you as he hits something deep inside. You don’t even recognize the noises coming out of you as the bed slams the wall over and over. 

  He turns his attention back to you as you chant his name. “Fuck Frankie I’m so close.” 

  Santi reaches his hand between your sweat soaked bodies and rubs hard on your clit. “Come for him baby.” The silent scream leaves your mouth as your climax rocks through you for the third time tonight. Frankie follows you over as he locks eyes with Santi, his fingers wrapped around the base of his cock, mixed with your come and his. 

  Frankie collapses on top of you, putting all his weight on you as Santi rubs his hands down his back. 

  It takes you a moment to catch your breath and briefly Frankie starts to feel that dread creeping up again. It’s too quiet for him and he starts to move off you. 

  Your legs wrap around him as you whine and Santi just laughs beside you. 

  “Sorry Fish, she’s not gonna let you go.” Santi kisses his shoulder softly as he feels him let out a sigh of relief. 

  “Good, I’m not letting you go. Either of you.” 

  It’s peacefully quiet again, the three of you just laying there, basking in the afterglow. Santi’s light snores coming from beside you. 

  “Frankie?” You coo at him as he hums into your neck. “Kiss me.” His lips find yours as you breathe in his scent. 

  “You never have to ask hermosa.” You let a contented sigh. 

  “Frankie?” You ask again. 

  “Sì bebita.” He kisses your neck and down your chest as the cool metal of his necklace falls between you. 

  “I’m starving.”

   He glances over to Santi, smiling in his sleep. “Let’s go make some pizza.” 

Prev/Epilogue

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Listen. If he ever looked at me like that. I could not be held responsible for anything I did afterwards.

[yintwintpen]

4. lovesick

Let's Get Lost Chapter 4 | Frankie Morales x female reader

Summary: You and Frankie aren’t together anymore but you’re in a good place. However, spending a week together for your mutual friends’ wedding on a luxury resort might challenge that slightly and realising you’re still in love with your ex is a sure-fire recipe for disaster … Tropes: it was always you, getting back with the ex, beach!Frankie (you know *that* photoshoot) miscommunication, only one bed, good parent Frankie Chapter Warnings: 18+ MDNI, references to past drug addiction, references to alcohol, historic argument referenced, one passing reference to body insecurity, reader is unnamed with no physical desctipton but wears a necklace, Frankie and reader are parents, yearning? Word Count: 3350 Notes: Thank you for the lovely feedback so far - it's meant so much to me and I hope you enjoy this update. I am so excited to share this chapter with you! The chapter title is from Laurel's song lovesick.

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The nearby town is awake and full of life this morning. Dappled light warms your skin as you walk through the main street with the rest of your group. You can smell the salt air of the sea in the distance, interspersed with enticing smells of food as you walk past a bustling restaurant.

You could stay here forever.

Clara’s ahead of you, glued to Santiago and giggling happily as she animatedly tells him about everything she wants to do today. It sounds hectic, involving the beach, the summer club, and a truly incredible amount of ice-cream.

Next to you, Frankie has a soft smile on his face as you catch him looking at your daughter. He seems more relaxed at last. There’s a lightness to him again, his smile reaches his eyes and there’s warmth in his face again. You missed that.

You missed him. You miss him.

Living a life agonising over what could have been is wrong. You made the right decision to leave Frankie at the time. You know that.

You and Clara deserved better than the life that he was promising you both at that moment. Clara was, she is, the priority and quite simply, you didn’t want your child to grow up around active addiction. That’s not a bad thing. Frankie feels the same, he’s told you.

Frankie’s changed now though. Your Frankie’s back and that’s a complication you didn’t expect.

You’re happy for him. He’s lost that haunted look in his eyes; the shadows are lighter on his face. It’s even good to see him in those ridiculous patterned holiday shirts, to notice his hair is just a little longer and the curls are peeking through again and look clean and healthy. He’s not been wearing his hat on holiday and there’s something about seeing his hair like this that makes you want to run your hands through it.

You cannot ruin Benny and Lia’s wedding though. You can suppress this.

You have to.

You’re so close to Frankie right now though.

It happens without thought. You’re not sure who initiates it , whether it’s you or Frankie, but somehow as your arms unconsciously move with the stride you take, your fingers have brushed his. Then they’re entwined. Gently, barely touching really, but linked all the same.

It feels electric.

It feels dangerous.

What are you playing at? Is this wrong? Is it cruel to Frankie? Or you? And what about your daughter? She needs consistency, she needs structure. Not the messed up will they, won’t they? you and her Frankie could develop into.

This feels natural though. It reminds of you of how things used to be. Hand in hand walking down the city streets after dinner, so incontrovertibly in love with him. Lia used to joke you were couple goals, until you weren’t.

The memories you’ve tried to avoid since your breakup, to suppress so that the heartbreak of losing him wasn’t so sharp, are flooding back. It’s too much, it’s too hard.

It’s too messy.

You need the wall back up. You need the pillow barrier to better fight these thoughts back, to fight these stupid tiny gestures.

It’s harmless though, right?

You’re holding hands, you’re hardly pressed against the wall in a sweaty mess. So it’s fine.

It’s fine.

Santi looks back and he meets your eyes. You watch him look down fleetingly and then back at you. No one else would notice it, you’re not even sure Frankie does. You do though. You see how his face changes, the disappointment, something unreadable there too. He shakes his head just slightly.

It’s enough for you to withdraw, to walk towards Clara, making a fuss of her instead.

This is meant to be a family holiday for her, it’s meant to be about Benny and Lia’s wedding.

You can’t do this.

As the steam from the shower dissipates, you notice your reflection looks just a little healthier; a little less weary. While your mind has been running away with you, you realise that the holiday itself might be helping.

You haven’t thought about checking your work emails in days, you haven’t thought about that project or any of it. You feel a little more like yourself again which probably makes sense because you’re at the halfway point now. It always feels like you just start to enjoy and relax in your breaks as the end looms closer.

You place your damp towel back on the radiator and tug at the waistband of your loose trousers one final time. You take a deep breath, applying the finishing touches to freshening up your appearance by liberally spritzing your perfume on your neck and wrists. The warmth of the cardamom scent immediately soothes you further.

You move to put your necklace back on. It’s one you wear every day, you’re not sure how it started but you feel naked without it now. You can’t seem to get the clasp on. The more you try, the more your fingers feel clunky and sweaty and panic rises in your stomach.

You need this necklace to be able to go to lunch, you irrationally tell yourself, adding more unwanted pressure, making your fingers even more slippery.

“Crap,” you exclaim as you almost drop the necklace down the sink.

“Everything okay?” You hear Frankie ask, his soft voice a balm on your panic.

“Uh, hey Frankie, can you help me for a second?”

“Sure, sure. Are you um, are you decent?”

“Yeah, yes, um …” It hadn’t occurred to you that it might have sounded like you weren’t and for a second you try and think about all the scenarios where it might have been something else.

Frankie opens the bathroom door and closes it behind him gently. “Everything okay? You look alright?”

“I can’t get my necklace and I almost dropped it down the sink and - my hands are all sweaty?”

“It’s no problem.”

You hand him the jewellery quickly and he smiles. “You wear this every day, don’t you? I think you were wearing it when we met.”

“I would have been.”

”It’s pretty.”

“Thanks.”

“Can you turn around?”

You oblige, shifting so that Frankie can easily place the necklace around your neck.

“There,” he says after a second.

“Thanks.”

You turn around so you’re facing him. He’s already ready for your late lunch and you can see he’s caught the sun just a little this morning. The guys had been zip-lining earlier after your breakfast in the town - Benny’s idea for a more inclusive, sober, stag event. All of you had already been diving earlier in the week - you love being in the water, it had been like coming home.

Right now, it feels like that moment when you first start a dive though. That momentary pause of doubt as you rely on the oxygen tank, as you sink down deeper into the water’s secrets. It’s exhilarating and terrifying.

You feel like that here with Frankie now.

You move closer to him, taking in the woody scent of his cologne, the slight hint of coconut sunscreen on his arms. He’s here, he’s real.

You’ve missed him.

Your lips are on his without thinking. It’s a move so familiar that it’s pure instinct. You loop your arms around his neck, bringing him ever closer to you so you can feel his torso pressing against you.

He responds, hands in your hair, moving you against the wall as he kisses you deeply.

The two of you don’t need words. You never did.

His hand skims your face, moves down your neck towards your waist as he traces the contours of your body, rests his hands on the edge of your shorts, breathes heavily onto your neck before returning to your lips.

You can feel how he wants you. You can feel the anticipation building in your stomach. You need him, you realises as you trace your fingers on the buttons of his shirt, unbuttoning it and feeling the heat of his skin, noticing the freckles coming out with all the sunshine here. You take in the broadness of his shoulders, the way his lips feel against yours and his hands and you need him to move away from your waistband, beyond your cotton underwear to a point of no return.

This kiss already obliterates that barrier though, right?

His hands finally start to move down -

“Mummy,” your daughter calls and you immediately pull away from Frankie.

He looks at you, breathing raggedly.

“I’ll uh - I’ll go and check on her.”

“Yeah, I just, I just need a minute,” Frankie says in a low voice, his cheeks flushed.

“Right, yes, of course.”

“Mummy? Daddy?”

“Just coming,” you say, rolling your eyes at Frankie’s smirk and the slight shake of his head there. You raise your eyebrows at him.

“Not quite,” you whisper teasingly.

“Well,” Frankie says, leaning in close again.

“MUMMY!”

“Dammit, I can tell you she’s definitely spent too much with Will. Fuck me,,” Frankie mutters. You’re not sure entirely what he means by referring to Will at that moment, but you’re too busy trying to quickly regain your composure, to get to your daughter. It’s something you can store to muse on later.

Reality calls.

The sound of the whirlpool covers the dull tones of discussion from others in the spa area. You take a sip of your tea, leaning back and shutting your eyes.

“So this is nice,” Lia says, the smile evident in the tone of her voice. “I feel like I’m finally relaxing a bit.”

“Good, you should.” How are you doing with all the prep and you - you’re marrying Benny!”

“I know, it’s … I don’t even know what to say. I love him. That’s it - I love him and I want this. I am so ready for this.” Lia smiles happily, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. “It’s going to be great.”

“I’m so happy for you both, ‘m happy something so good came out of the last year or so.”

“Are you and Frankie - are you two okay still?” There’s caution in her voice. The anxious part of you wonders if perhaps it’s because she’s afraid you’ll ruin her wedding, cause a scene like you did at Will’s wedding. Guilt pools in your stomach because you shouldn’t make your friend feel like this.

You’re desperate to tell her.

I kissed him. It’s on the tip of your tongue, you can feel the words forming.

You want to tell her.

It was a damn good kiss after all.

Something stops you though.

“We’re good,” you say finally. “We’re friends again and we both want the best for Clara. That’s all that matters, right?”

“Yeah. I’m actually really proud of you both. This is pretty damn mature. I’m glad you’re not, I don’t know, just messing each other around. I know it was hard, I know the breakup and everything that happened - you’ve been really strong and I am proud of you.”

On any other day, her words would fill you with pride. Today though, guilt spreads through your body instead, searing heat of anxiety with it.

“So, ”

Your name is called as the massage therapist walks into the spa.

“Later,” you say to Lia apologetically before following the stranger out of the main spa, grateful for her interruption.

Massages are strange. They’re supposed to be relaxing but you find it hard to turn off your brain, the hints of anxiety about the parts of your body you’re less than comfortable with, whether or not you’re being judged and the underlying worry of what if you fall asleep? What if you snore?

This is a surprisingly relaxing experience though - your masseuse has checked her pressure, ensured you’re comfortable and you’re starting to relax a little, to lose a little of that tension you were holding. Soft piano music plays and you shut your eyes, trying to turn off your thoughts a little.

“So are you the bride? It’s a big wedding party, isn’t it?”

“No, my friend Lia is. I’m one of the bridesmaids.”

“That’s nice.”

“They met because of me though. Well, me and my ex.” You have no idea why you’re saying this but surely there’s a privacy code, right? You can’t tell Lia, or Sophia, or anyone. So why not a stranger?

“That’s nice.”

“It was … wasn’t the best scenario.”

“Oh.” The masseuse pays attention to a knot in your neck, releasing some of the waves of tension you’ve felt recently. Maybe that’s what makes you continue.

“We had an awful break up. At our friend’s wedding, who is in fact the brother of the groom. I mean awful too and public.”

“Oh boy.”

“Yep, talk about drama. And I think - no, no, I definitely did. I just kissed my ex today, like a proper in the movies, perfect cinematic kiss. That’s one thing, but I think I might still be in love with him. I’m going to ruin Lia’s wedding too, aren’t I?”

The masseuse pauses, you feel her lift her hands above your body.

“I’m going to give you a free face mask with this. I think - I think you need it.”

Eighteen Months Ago - Will’s Wedding, Florida You’ve been pretending all evening. You have become so skilled at pretending, you think you could give Meryl Streep a run for her money. It’s exhausting though. You’re exhausted. Next to you, Sophia is humming as she opens her lip gloss and tops up her makeup. She’s changed into a different dress for the evening; less dramatic and easier to dance in. She looks beautiful, there’s a warm smile on her face, her complexion is glowing and she looks serene. Part of you hates her for that. “You look great,” Sophia says as she catches you frowning at your own reflection. “I’m so glad you and Frankie are here. the way Will is with him and Santi, they’re as much his brothers as Benny. And after Tom -” “Yeah.” “It was nice that Molly came, right? I think Tom would have liked that.” “Definitely,” you say, even though from how Frankie used to talk about the divorce with Tom and Molly you are not so sure Tom is looking down grinning right now. Tom didn’t make it back though and Frankie barely did. You still don’t know much about what happened, Sophia doesn’t seem to either. The men don’t talk about it at all. You’ve lost your Frankie though. He didn’t need to die to not come back. It just means that no one knows you’re in mourning. You keep hanging on, you keep hoping. You’re sure there’s something you could do better to help get him back. “How’s Clara doing?” Sophia asks. “Great.” She hasn’t slept in weeks, maybe months. Sleep itself is a foreign concept now and no matter what you read, no matter what you try, your daughter just cannot sleep through a night. “And you and Frankie? Are you guys next - should I, uh, aim the bouquet towards you?” You laugh lightly, swallow the bitter taste in your throat and the words you can’t say. “Sure. Shall we head out?” You’re pretty sure Frankie is using again.

Now

You pull yourself out of the memories, not wanting to go any further into that night.

You remember the aftermath all too well though. The DJ was playing Murder on the Dancefloor and the irony of it still makes you almost laugh. Your relationship died on that dance floor to a fitting song.

Flashes come back to you against your will as you try and focus on the spa, on the now.

“I don’t think we can do this anymore. I love you, Frankie. God, I love you, but we can’t.” Frankie’s look of betrayal filtering through the residual high. The heaviness that here at Will’s wedding you’ve suddenly voiced the thoughts that have consumed you for weeks. Liquid courage and the image of Sophia’s face, so full of a hope you can’t imagine anymore, guided you to this moment. “Here, really? You’re just giving up on me?” “Tell me you’re sober, Frankie, swear it.” “Don’t do this here.” “We can’t do this anymore. We can’t. It’s not - I’m done, I can’t, Frankie, I can’t.” Your voice is panicked, rising. Echoed shouts, the feel of stares, so many stares. Music going quiet. Santi and Benny guiding you both away from everybody else. Tears. Yours. His. An ending. It’s over. You can’t come back from this.

You blink back tears. It was a bad break up and it would have been so much easier if you’d ever hated Frankie, if he’d ever hated you. Breaking up because you love someone but it’s not enough is a pain you hope your daughter never has to experience.

He’s different now though.

You’re different.

It would be different, wouldn’t it?

Clara’s curled up, fast asleep in her bed. Soft snores sound as you place your book on the bedside table.

“Hey,” Frankie says softly as he shuts the bathroom door carefully. “She looks exhausted.”

“It’s all that time in the playgroup and sun,” you reply affectionately.

“Do you think she’s having a good holiday?”

“Yeah, of course. I hope so.”

“Me too. It’s good to see her happy like this. I’m glad we did this. For her.”

“Same. She’s going to look adorable at their wedding, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. Can’t believe it’s only a couple of days away and then we’re -”

“I know.” In two days, Lia and Benny get married. You won’t wreck it, you won’t.

You look at the bed, the pillow barrier Frankie has automatically built. Neither of you have spoken about the kiss before lunch. When you returned from the spa and got ready for dinner, you had spoken about Clara and your books and anything but the kiss.

The pillows feel wrong though. You remember the start of the week, how it felt secure to have the pillows between, mature even. You are grown ups, friends and exes and the pillows protected that. However, the barrier is a merely a representation of the line you obliterated earlier. It can’t work anymore.

You’re not just co-parents.

You don’t know if Frankie feels the same though, if too much has happened now for the two of you to forge something new.

The pillows are a weight though. You look at Frankie and hesitantly move one of the pillows away from the barrier.

He smiles, almost imperceptibly and then he does the same from his side of the bed.

With the lights out, there are still so many words unsaid, so many conversations the two of you need to have.

You turn in the bed, feeling the warmth radiating from Frankie’s back. You hear him shift, the rush of air as he turns around and he’s facing you.

“Hi,” he whispers, reaching a hand to touch your face.

“Hi,” you reply.

Perhaps that’s the only word you need right now. The two of you are starting all over again.

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[yintwintpen]

happy birthday to pedro pascal 💜

[yintwintpen]

I may be drunk, I may be high, but I know one thing:

Joel Miller would tuck me in after a night of drinking. And wipe off my makeup.

[yintwintpen]

People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter

[yintwintpen]

to put it simply.

[yintwintpen]

wine drunk thinking about young joel miller

[yintwintpen]

Do you ever wake up and think

I just love Steven Grant so much

[yintwintpen]

Oscar Isaac