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6 th of June
6 days before Exam.
I think I am still fucked up without really completing my exam revision, Im kinda lost what do I want to do and what do I actually want. There are so many people who are really alike me that are studying really hard. I Don't want to be left behind or something similar to that happened to me. I much prefer to keep it up and even to explore my own pathway to get access to success. I don't even know if I could be successful or not but, at least, trying doesn't hurt. I seriously need to manage my time more efficiently rather than being fucked around. Or fucking around with those asian kids in college watching movies at midnight.
Thats not the way I want.
As the person I met with today in the 'Alan Elbert' building. I seriously need to dump the other person who is negative and resist any changes.
If I want to improve myself based on what I am having right now, I need to push myself harder and make changes.
Definitely, the whole thing is all about ' change' /' revolution'
Without revolution, there shall be no evolution.
That's the way how I evaluate, or even in some way, measure my own ability. To be adaptive to all the environment, and stuff like that.
I should stop worrying my relationship or as called ' personal life' or any other too sensitive and emotional feeling, Ignoring them is absolutely the best way to deal with that.
Fully invest myself into studying chemistry is the best way to live.
Besides, aint I good at chemistry?
It's supposed to be my best subject ever besides human health science. Use it to get a awesome and amazing mark to feel some satisfactions.
Fighting!
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Sometimes, it is not what you fantasise about matters but what comes to the ground.
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The loneliest moment in someones life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.
F. Scott Fitzgerald (via itsmicca)
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IF ONLY
This is not the first time that insomnia bothers me so much around 1. My body clock is totally messed up.
Combined with my thrust of getting someone really cared about me besides my parents. I don't want to be sounded very exaggerated but the original wild and thrusting thing cannot be swiped simply by reading any books. Not even those recordings that psychologists claimed ' to improve your sleeping quality'. However, falling into novels or the perfectly imperfect partner(s) you can have in your life time.
I am not really good at wordy things up but that's all I can do at midnight when nobody is around me.
The feeling of being abandoned, being lost and being ignored wave hits my innermost defending bank along ice0like fragile coast. People around me tend to say:
'Get around it. It will get better and better over time. All You Need to Do is to Be Patient..'
Even if it makes perfect sense to me, at least, as a critical thinking human being, I want to know how long does it take/ when will be the end of this whole torture thing.
Writing my own fear and horror out, hopefully, is not reminding how pathetic I am but to release all the psychological pressure on me.
If Only, at this time, I can get my body clock back and sleep tight.
Sleep safe and sound.
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Be brave and love.
Cherish people around you.
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Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the lord, is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
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