yemilnisu

[yemilnisu]

I KNOW WHO YOU PRETEND I AM

you know that the only time they look into your eyes is to search for someone else.

akaashi, kenma, and iwaizumi's part

pt. 2 regret and other cliches kuroo, bokuto, atsumu, suna, sakusa

character/s: kuroo tetsuro x gn reader, bokuto koutaro x gn reader, miya atsumu x f reader, suna rintaro x gn reader

genre/s: angst

warning/s: none

gwen's notes 🤍: today i woke up and chose violence. i know i said i don’t write hurt no comfort, but just this once i’m making an exception. this hurt to write. :D

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST

kuroo tetsuro

kuroo doesn’t like empty promises, so he evades saying “i love you” back altogether. you’ve seen his eyes light up when he smiles at the person he loves as if they captured the stars and bottled them up in his gaze, and he’s never looked at you that way. you make him smile and laugh, even on the worst days, even when he feels like the world conspires against him—but you’ve never made him happy. you choose to ignore the signs every time because if playing the part of someone else is the only way you could be close to him, you would rather be a stranger next to him, than be yourself apart from him. morning comes and you feel as though the ground beneath you shifted overnight. you roll over to your side to marvel at him, you find a pristine softness in his eyes and a smile you were never at the receiving end to see, until now. when he leans to kiss you good morning, he whispers an entirely different name from yours and you feel your heart break inside your chest. realization dawns at you. “you’re still dreaming, tetsuro,” you whisper.

bokuto koutaro

bokuto likes to give his best at whatever he does, loving is no different. he goes all out like usual. he spoils you with a huge bouquet of someone else’s favorite flowers, so extravagant that you could hide behind it if you tried. the way you hide behind his past lover’s identity. he brings home what he swears is your favorite food after extended hours of practice to make up for lost time. and you swallow it down the way you swallow your pride every day when he mistakes you for someone else. you don’t have the heart nor the guts to say you don’t really eat that. he surprises you with gifts saying “i remember you’ve always wanted to have this, so i got it for you!” but you don’t have it in you to tell him it’s no surprise how he got it wrong again. “no, koutaro,” you wanted to say. “i’ve only ever wanted you to love me the way i do,” you think in your head but you can’t will yourself to voice it out. you fiddle with the ring and its excessively large diamond. he mistakes your tears from that of joy and pulls you in his arms.

miya atsumu

atsumu absolutely sucks at taking care of himself even though he’s an athlete and needs to be in tiptop shape at all times. but he swears he does a better job at taking care of you. he rhythmically treats you like royalty every few weeks or so. he goes out of his way to make sure your fridge and pantry is filled with more junk food than there are healthy options. copious offers of bubble baths and cuddles and back rubs and playing with your hair. when he changes the sheets you assume he’s just being tidy for a change. when the bathroom is stocked with enough pads to bleed yourself to death twice you assume it’s better to be safe than sorry. you don’t assume, you pretend not to notice that your period ended two weeks ago and the reminders he had set on his phone were for someone else and he never got around deleting them. when he tediously picks blueberries out of your food you assume—no, you pretend not to know you’re not the one allergic to them. “you take such good care of people, atsumu.” you mean it with all your heart. he just doesn’t take care of you.

suna rintaro

suna thinks he sucks at expressing his feelings just because he can’t find the words to say, but he doesn’t know he’s pretty good at showing them through little things. he sends you memes and jokes at the ungodliest hours and you laugh. the punchline is that he keeps sending inside jokes he shared with someone else and you couldn’t feel any more stupid than when you try to understand them. he shares his earphones with you every chance he gets and plays the same playlist with all your favorite songs. he hums to the tune and half-expects you to sing along but it doesn’t occur to him that you don’t know the words, you’ve never even heard of it before. he drops off a few hoodies at your place before away games so you don’t miss him too much, that’s what he says. he even sprays your favorite perfume of his so you feel like he’s right there beside you. you get a whiff and you could have sworn you told him you like the other scent better. you’ve never felt so far away from him as you did then. the distance couldn’t be traveled by bus or foot or even when he went home after the games because it's the kind that sets your heart apart. he thinks he sucks at expressing his feelings, but he lets you know just fine that you are the farthest thing in his mind all the time.

sakusa kiyoomi

sakusa’s love language, despite his germaphobic tendencies, is physical touch. he longs for warmth and contact though he fears it most of the time. so you are patient with him. he shoves your hand away when you try to reach for him, pockets his hand when you try to hold it, dodges your kisses, and evades your touch. you are patient with him even when you notice he avoids you much more than he avoids everyone else. he winces when atsumu offers a good spirited high-five but indulges him still. hinata is big on hugs especially after matches and sakusa doesn’t push him away when he engulfs him into a sweaty one. bokuto tends to lose his sense of personal space but he doesn’t seem to mind even as he drapes an arm over him and talks in his face. as you catch him longingly browsing through old pictures in his gallery where he is being hugged and kissed and smothered by his past lover, you realize how cruel life is. he wants to be held, just not by you.

[yemilnisu]

hmyi masterlist

masterlist of all “he makes you insecure” fics! 

created: 11/21/2020

updated: 03/09/2021

send an ask  here if you want to be part of the taglist!

main masterlist

Keep reading

[yemilnisu]

Soukoku fics on ao3 ☆

nobody asked, but here are some good skk angst fics on ao3:

two way glass by setosdarkness

december 31st by entheros

invisible locks by blackandorange

someone to watch over me by mallowmango

the sound of silence by mallowmango

gaps of sunlight by stormdk

a spring without you is coming by likeshining

yeah i definitely cried a lot during these, so enjoy :D

[yemilnisu]

soukoku fics rec

No Cock-Ups, Only Happy Accidents - 61k - Going out and getting drunk with friends is all great and fun - until you wake up in a foreign bed with no memory of how you got there. And if a question pesters your mind, you want answers. What better method is there, than to try and see if the memories come back? Which is exactly what happens to Chuuya, who wakes up next to the most insufferable guy alive; Dazai. But what makes it worse is that neither can recall what happened last night, evidence speaking for and against the fact that they’ve had sex.

How to Seduce Dazai Osamu: a Guide by Nakahara Chuuya - 9.9k - With the help of Cosmopolitan magazines, Higuchi and Gin, Chuuya tries to seduce Dazai. And fails. Or does he?

the art of precious scars - 109k - Role reversal AU where Dazai is in the Port Mafia and Chuuya is in the Armed Detective Agency. — When a famous painting goes missing from the Mori Art Museum, the ADA jumps in to help investigate the case. So Dazai and Chuuya go on a mission together, solve the mystery together, fight enemies together… and somewhere along the line, they fall in love.

Confessions - 25k - Dazai’s in the middle of a mission when he suddenly loses his memories. Resolved to finish his undercover mission, he sends an SOS message to the only number that he remembers.

keep you alive, set you on fire - 23.5k -  Dazai steps out in a dress and heels for a mission, since the gown won’t fit Yosano. He’s only supposed to spend an hour or so leading their targets on a dance around a charity gala, but the unexpected arrival of a certain Port Mafia Executive threatens to disrupt all his plans. And when he and Chuuya find themselves finally face to face, they end up entwined in a tense game of mutual provocation…

Pat me down, officer. - 38.6k - The 5 times Dazai tried to get arrested and get into Chuuya’s pants and the 1 time Chuuya let himself be cuffed for life.

a billion little pieces - 11.7k - This is not the kind of tension Dazai would have anticipated, had he thought to anticipate this at all.

[yemilnisu]

bungou stray dogs fic recs!

full fic rec list

and the cracks began to show; ExorcisingEmily

soukoku | 19,752 words | 3/3 chapters

summary:

By twelve, Chuuya would kill for him. By fourteen, Chuuya would go to war for him. By sixteen, Chuuya was ready to die for him. By eighteen, Chuuya was ready to destroy everything to save Dazai.

And isn't that just the problem.

i was screaming your name through the radio; ElectricSplatter

soukoku | 256,709 words | 10/10 chapters

summary:

“Four months from now will be the seven year anniversary of when you and Osamu Dazai released your hugely successful first and only album Double Black and its diamond single Corruption. After performing with Dazai earlier this year, are you planning anything special to celebrate?”

“Corruption is insanely overrated, and I would prefer to never hear Dazai’s voice for the rest of my fucking life.”

where the tides take us; kempine

soukoku but in the bnha universe | 19,265 words | 3/? chapters

summary:

Dazai seems to be back to his usual I-love-giving-Chuuya-a-headache self, and thus, loudly and proudly declares: “I have two guesses as to where we have been transported!” he pauses purely for the dramatics and just stares at Chuuya smugly, “wouldn’t you like to hear them, chibi?”

Chuuya rubs the bridge of his nose, shutting his eyes tightly, “Just spit it out, bastard.”

“So rude,” the mackerel whines at him, at which he can just groan desperately. However, the gods smile at him from the skies above, through the tiny break of sunshine in the sea of clouds, and Dazai finally gets to the point. “We have either travelled to the future, or we were transported to an alternate universe. I am more inclined to believe the first one.”

Or: Chuuya and Dazai work out their relationship while being chased by a hero or two.

of brains and universal thoughts; rimacchi

dazatsu | 99,154 words | 15/? chapters

summary:

Kicked out of the orphanage because of his poor lungs, Nakajima Atsushi is miraculously saved from starvation in the midst of war by a man in black; Mori Ougai, who happens to be the headmaster of an educational institution for the ill. Left with no other choice, Atsushi spends his time to recover from his sickly condition at The Guild; a school that only lets students graduate if they pass the tests and heal from their afflictions.

Atsushi's days of war and strife are over despite the eccentricity of the students and his suicidal room mate named Dazai Osamu but when students start to disappear one by one like wildfire and the rumors lingering in the air go out of control, he begins to question if The Guild is the place where everyone should be.

“You know where the students really go when they get sent home, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai asks, his lips forming into a smirk.

Atsushi shakes his head.

“They go six feet below the ground.”

in desolation we live, in desolation we fall; anonymous

pm!boss dazai meets a couple heroes | 1,546 words | 1/1 chapters

summary:

All Might's voice trembles in repressed anger. "All those people... all those people you've hurt and killed... do you not feel any regret at all?"

"Nope." Dazai clicks his tongue, his tone light and careless.

a thousand tiny revolutions; flyby

soukoku | 227,838 words | 19/25 chapters

summary:

When Dazai Osamu shows up to class on the first day of his third year of high school, Chuuya wants nothing to do with him. He's too busy juggling homework and part-time work to have any patience for an annoying waste of bandages, but Dazai has other ideas – and the mystery that surrounds him is about to blow Chuuya's own secrets wide open.

Principal Fukuzawa said once that what you do in school can change the course of your life, but Chuuya doesn't think he meant it like this.

wanderless oblivion; kiroiimye

shin soukoku (mostly) / bsd writetober drabbles | 1,894 words | 3/? chapters

summary:

Days of love, loving, and learning how to fall in love.

that’s it for part 1 ig?? i like doing this so i’ll probably make more (for diff animes/mangas too)

[yemilnisu]

hi!! if you feel like writing again definitely go for it :D

HELLO ANON!!

Yeah, I will definitely when I have the time. I actually already, I just need to proofread and edit it and such. But, thank you so much for this hehe I really appreciate it though I apologize for the super late reply 🤧

[yemilnisu]

OMG HI ATE ELLA!!! Sorry for the late reply, hindi ko na masyado chine-check notifications ko rito puro basa lang 🤧 I was going to message you on Discord because I noticed that you were online the other day pero nahiya ako 🙈 Anyways!! How are you po? Parang madami na nag-deactivate rito ah :((

[yemilnisu]

I'm not sure I can express this sentiment strongly enough, but I'm going to try via the medium of large bolded text.

Write what the fuck you want.

Write what makes you happy. Write what makes your soul sing. Write what fucks you up and makes you cry. Write what comforts you. Write what distracts you. Write what you want to read. Write what you want to watch.

Write what you want to dream about tonight.

Write what you can't get enough of. Write what you're completely obsessed with. Write what wakes you up at 4am and drags you out of bed because you can't stop thinking about what your characters are going to do next.

Write what turns you on, if that's your vibe. Write characters you're in love with and characters who inspire you and characters you want to be friends with and characters you fucking hate but oh my god they're so much fun.

Write about things you would sell your soul to do in real life and things you would never do in real life. Write about things that are happening right now and things that happened a thousand years ago and things that might happen in the future and things you wish could happen.

Write to get a publishing deal or to sell your books yourself or not to sell your books at all. Write for your friends or for strangers or for the people who reblog your posts on Tumblr and send you songs that remind them of your characters.

Write for yourself.

Fuck any system that tells you there's only one right way to create or one valid way to share your writing. Your story, the way you tell it, has so much value. Make people smile or piss people off or do both of those things because art is divisive and fascinating and beautiful.

Start writing. Keep writing. And write what the fuck you want.

[yemilnisu]

do you guys want to know on where I’ll post it?

[yemilnisu]

i feel like writing again… but i don’t think i’ll write it here on tumblr

[yemilnisu]

HEY! HOW ARE YOU GUYS? HAVEN’T OPENED TUMBLR IN A REALLLYYY LONG TIME KAJSHSJAJ

[yemilnisu]

NISUUUUU SCREAMS HLLO HLOO IVE MISSED UUU

that bsd oc sounds v interesting actually 0:

ASTRIDDD ACCHKKK LOML but i dunno i havent figured out what her ability is, though i have some in mind kjaskdjaksjd

[yemilnisu]

i may or may not have a bsd oc…

[yemilnisu]

Q looks so adorable in the back🥺

[yemilnisu]

.

[yemilnisu]

meeting people on tumblr

PERKS:

• attractive

• into the same shit as you

• kind and understanding

• humorous

• good company

• easy to talk to

CONS:

• live in the middle of nowhere or on jupiter

[yemilnisu]

i wish i was joking