xxxunogoffboi666xxx

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Uno quickly stood up, sliding the office chair back an impressive distance considering it wasn't a rolling chair. "Insane?! For what? You're the one who's acting erratically, asking me bizarre questions, and - and my mental health is none of your business! I see a therapist regarding parents; thank you, Bob," he spat out his boss's name with disgust, and not just because Ghost Pepper would've sounded cooler, "and if you ever paid attention, you'd probably know that, but you are not my therapist and you can't make those decisions for me. What did I do wrong? What - what answers did you want me to give?" His voice cracked, and although there was strength in his tone, he wasn't quite yelling. He was genuinely hurt and confused, but the anger wouldn't come until much later. "You can't just... decide to take me off work because you think I'm 'insane', which, by the way, I could... probably sue over. I don't know."

Being stuck mentally in 2006 also meant things were still not perfect regarding mental health and what your employer could and could not say to you, but Uno was a 2006 Goff Boi who was receiving 2023 Therapy, so the lines were a little blurry.

Time in general around here was a little blurry. Some people were claiming they drank weird water so they never aged, there were vampires now, a man was Jumanji'd for forty years; things were really getting out of hand. Not to mention that, theoretically, he had been stuck in 2006 since 2006, yet it seemed like it wasn't until seventeen years later that most people even noticed his mental break had happened. As if everyone had only just woken up with their own strange perception of time, trapped in this odd little bubble dimension known as Bumblyburg.

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Sentence Starters but they're things we've said to each other - Part One

"You’re actually studying, you fucking idiot."

"It’s just that the bad stuff was REALLY bad."

"Yes… college rage."

"President of the world wide skeptic society, sorry."

"He could be calming if he wasn’t, you know, like that."

"This feels kinda heavy for a silly little story about magicians."

"Maybe it’s a serious little story, ever consider that?"

"The bond between two bros is sacred."

"Swamp gas?? In a LAKE?"

"This whole thing feels like glee (derogatory)."

"I spent the whole time chanting “dump him, dump him!” alone in my room with my stuffed animals. "

"My son is serving in his depression."

"Nothing suspicious :)"

"Not enough men in the Theater Department."

"If you have to apologize, you should not be sorry."

"I noticed last week that they’d wiped the whole account again."

"You keep getting kidnapped."

"If siblings aren’t like Jimmy and Jerry are you even siblings?"

"I’m a Boyz historian."

"Ah, Jumanji booze."

"There’s the fucker who was lingering earlier."

"Okay, I love the song! But I’m about to lose contact."

"Okay, I lost my fucking phone for a sec ."

"I’m not going to remember a bit of this when I’m sober."

"Weird of Bob to gaslight us like that."

"I can’t stop looking at Larry’s caving in head."

"I walked away and was like, that was Petunia."

"Scones???"

"I’m sorry, did you say he fucking DIED?"

"There was an OPEN CASKET photo on his BLOG."

"Thought this was my notes app, not my texts."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

I don't know if it's the depression speaking but these days I find it incredibly hard to enjoy anything about the Internet.

Literally every website has become a thousand times more inconvenient, bloated with promoted or recommended shit, stupid UI/UX changes pushed by out of touch billionaires.

The tipping point this week was Google changing the regular "Web - Images - Videos - Etc." tabs with fucking stupid ever-changing search suggestions, making the site a thousand times less accessible and so much more annoying to use

I'm tired. I want forums back. I want ugly html pages that give useful information back. I want to connect with other Internet users in a meaningful way again. Fuck modern corporate UI design. Fuck social media. I want out.

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Uno flinched back in surprise, hurt reflected in his eyes. "I - I came here asking you... for more roles, because I need the money, and... you tell me, that... suddenly, I had roles you didn't tell me about, that you're writing me out of, because... what, you didn't like the answers I gave to some stupid test?"

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

"Um... I've never met him. Could care less. He was in Home Alone 2, I mean... big whoop? Why, are you a fan? Because capitalism is gross. and he's like, rich. So double gross."

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

"Um... like you're saying corvid, like a really cool bird, but you're saying it wrong." Uno said, and by all means, at that moment, the narrator was jealous of his mental breakdown, just a little bit.

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Uno couldn't figure out what Bob's angle was. He looked at the photo and said, "I see our phones. They're... both Motorolas, I know my phones. Yours is just... flatter. Mine flips shut. This is a dumb game, Bob. I... I don't understand what we're doing."

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Uno didn't like thinking about the harsh reality that his adoptive father was as old as he was. He had lost his parents once, and it made him nervous thinking about the fact that he might lose Pa Grape too. Bob wasn't wrong. They took away Pa's license, but he still drove. He bruised easily. He was... unsteady. After nearly taking a tumble down the stairs, Uno called Tom and Rosie and begged them to talk sense into Pa, but both siblings brushed it off and said Pa would be 'fine'.

At the cellphone question, Uno looked at him quizzically. He pulled out a cell phone of his own, a silver flip phone Razr. "I... I guess it's... similar. They're both... the same brand."

The problem Bob didn't seem to understand, not yet, was that Uno did not see an iPhone 11 when he looked at Bob's phone. He saw a Motorola Q.

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

"I know he does, I... I'm not a child you know?" He said, voice strained. "He can leave me alone if... if he needs to, but... I was just... glad he was back."

He broke from his thoughts, looking at Bob incredulously. "I just said 2007 was next year. Can't you do the math? It's 2006. Are you okay? You should know that."

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

"I guess. It's... less quiet around the house. I don't have to play as much music to drown out the silence," he said, adding, "Pa talks me through a lot. So I guess it helps to have him back. I know the tour was really important to him, and... I'm a bit worried he came back early because of me," He admitted, unable to keep that fear from slipping through.

He snorted derisively. "Ten years? Yeah, maybe some other song with that title, but not Paramore. Pa knows Hayley Williams, and he said it comes out in 2007. Next year. Even he hasn't heard that one yet." He rolled his eyes. "I appreciate you trying to understand, but you just can't. Not really. I mean, they're rebuilding the Hot Topic, did you know that?" He said, turning and sending a challenging glare to Bob. Catching himself, he shook his head and said, "No, not like that's your fault. You wouldn't know. Of course you wouldn't,"

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

"Uno is... preferable. I'll accept it." Uno said, closing his eyes momentarily as he took in Bob's admittedly very kind concern and tried to control his emotions the way Pa Grape had told him to, taking in a few deep breaths, and eliminating the first three sentences he wanted to say, which were to the tune of 'fuck off' 'it's none of your business' and 'why are you attacking me you fucking prep'. His fourth answer was calmer.

"It's been fine. He's back in town now. Tour got cut short, I guess. I... I mean, why do you... even care? It's not like it matters, right?"

Pa's soothing voice filled his brain, reminding him, 'focus on the positives, son'. "Paramore is... releasing a new album called Riot next year. I'm looking forward to that. So really, things couldn't be better."

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Shannon 'Cedric' 'Uno' 'Nameless Scallion' 'Scallion 1' Scallion the First let out a frustrated huff. "My name's not Shannon. I don't have a name." He said, despite having many. "Well, I guess we're back to 'Bob' then." He said, following the tomato into his office and taking a seat, holding himself with all the drama of a scorned Scallion.

"Hello, Ghost Pepper. Long time... no see. I shouldn't even be reaching out to a pozer like you, but I couldn't help but notice you haven't reached out to have me in any more cool goff roles. Is this personal? Is this because I complained about the Madame Blueberry costumes not being goff enough? Or is this just because you liek Celery Duff and got all... preppy?" (From xxxunogoffboi666xxx - the ask that likely got deleted because I can only be mysterious and vague on this account which is a very goffik glitch tbh)

"Shannon, come sit in my office. Let's have a chat. And stop calling me Ghost Pepper."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Send an ask with the preface "truth" and my muse will have to answer 100% honestly

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Uno rolled his eyes. "You're so embarrassing. I was making a reference. Thanks for following my blog, I guess. I'll follow you back."

"I knew who you were all along." (tumblr eats my asks if I don't send them anonymously. who fucking knew. unogoffboi)

“Oh, hi, son! I got one of those Tumblrs you were tellin’ me about. Nifty things. Well, my name’s in the blog title thingy and I followed ya, so is it really a secret who I am?”

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

🐝  *  ―  𝑴𝒀 𝑰𝑴𝑴𝑶𝑹𝑻𝑨𝑳 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺. ( all of these quotes are taken from the infamous fanfic with the same name and edited slightly by me so they don't include wrong spelling and grammar. feel free to change things if needed. )

❛  i'm not related to gerard way but i wish i was because he's a major fucking hottie.  ❜ ❛  well ... do you want to go with me?  ❜ ❛  hey, it's ok i don't like him better than YOU!  ❜ ❛  what the fuck do you think you are doing?  ❜ ❛  my name's [ first ] [ last ], although most people call me vampire these days.  ❜ ❛  no! no! but you don't understand!  ❜ ❛  what is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit?  ❜ ❛  i'm sorry i got all mad at you but i thought you cheated on me.  ❜ ❛  you might think i'm a slut but i'm really not.  ❜ ❛  why are you doing this?  ❜ ❛  fuck off. you know i fucking hat the color pink anyway, and i don't like fucked up preps like you.  ❜ ❛  well if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say.  ❜ ❛  you look kawaii, girl.  ❜ ❛  [ name ] i love you will you have sex with me?  ❜ ❛  god, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.  ❜ ❛  why can't i just be ugly or plain like all the other girls and preps here?  ❜ ❛  why would you wanna be ugly?  ❜ ❛  i just wanna be with you, okay [ name ].  ❜ ❛  why couldn't satan have made me less beautiful?  ❜ ❛  i'm good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!  ❜ ❛  now i just wanna fucking be with you. i fucking love you!  ❜ ❛  so i guess you're a prep or a christina or what now?  ❜ ❛  oh my satan you have to buy that outfit!  ❜ ❛  as you can see i gave the room a makeover. what do you think about it?  ❜ ❛  i bet he's having a mid-life crisis!  ❜ ❛  no one fucking understands me!  ❜ ❛  no! wait! it's not what it fucking looks like!  ❜ ❛  you mean you'll go fuck him, won't you?  ❜ ❛  okay you can go now, see ya cunt.  ❜ ❛  but what about me? you're not gonna break up or anything, are you?  ❜ ❛  but you are so sexy and wonderful anyway, [ name ]. why would you need it?  ❜ ❛  excuse me but you're going to have to leave.  ❜ ❛  i love you too. i'll ... i'll see you in hell.  ❜ ❛  this is unlogical and does not make any sense!  ❜ ❛  what the fuck happened? am i like dead now?  ❜ ❛  omfg, i can get you back together.  ❜ ❛  whatever you do, don't blame them, you jerk.  ❜ ❛  yeah, i was just trying to make sure you were still the same person.  ❜ ❛  what if you don't like me anymore cause we're from different times?  ❜ ❛  i knew who you were all along.  ❜

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

What's Pa Grape (your "not dad") been up to? we haven't heard from him in a w h i l e.

The scallion rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his matcha green tea pocky. "Mm. I'm afraid he's been on tour with his Three Days Grace cover band. I said that was idiotic because Three Days Grace already exists, so why does anyone need a cover band? Don't get me wrong... he does an ok job, but. oh. I don't know. It's just so... lame. Like, sorry, Three Day Grace Period? He's on tour with some gourd named Clarence on guitar, I believe? And I wanna say someone named... Miss A or something with her accordion - can you imagine that? An accordion! For TDG. I'm so embarrassed. Though I hear she does do drum solos sometimes. " He paused to take another bite of his pocky and chased it with Salt and Vinegar Pringles-flavored Ramune. Tears formed in his eyes, smudging his Gerard Way-inspired eyeliner further.

"Anyway. I'm afraid I don't know when he'll be back. They're going to be touring in Boston this fall. He said it was something he's been meaning to do for a while, so who knows, if things go well, that's where he'll be, I guess."

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]