xxstayawhile

[xxstayawhile]

I wish nothing but the best for you

But in the end I just really miss you.

[xxstayawhile]

And truth be told,

I never wanted to say goodbye.

[xxstayawhile]

I don’t miss you when I’m lonely.

I miss you when something exciting happens and the only person I wanna share that with is you.

I miss you when I’m happy cause I know you’d enjoy the moment with me.

I miss you when I find a new song I can’t get unstuck from cause I know you’d like it too.

I miss you when the sunrises and sets cause it reminds me of the unsettling beauty that this universe has to give.

I don’t miss you when I’m lonely.

[xxstayawhile]

I’ve seen a thousand sunsets

But none quite as peaceful as the one in your eyes.

[xxstayawhile]

I understand that leaving is the kindest thing you could’ve ever done for me. Thank you for letting me go.

[xxstayawhile]

And now we’re just strangers that know one another a little too well.

[xxstayawhile]

It has been both incredibly lonely and lovely, learning to grow without you.

[xxstayawhile]

I kinda always hope that you’ll miss me enough to try and reach out. That somewhere along the way you’re just like “oh shit, I messed up.”

But then there’s the bigger part, where I hope you’re happy and that you do look back on things and smile. That you feel grounded on the choices you made to help you move forward.

It doesn’t make me miss you any less though.

[xxstayawhile]

And I’m still trying to figure out if I was I chasing convenience in the storm of disaster we’d become.

[xxstayawhile]

I hope one day you are enough for yourself. I hope a day comes when you see how intertwined your roots are with other beings that make them grounded. I hope you find shelter in your own skin and always find time to improve it.

[xxstayawhile]

I spent a lot of time fucked up on the situation

Like a lot of fucking time

And it was an excuse to feel something

It was my only excuse to feel anything

Cause being fucked up on this shit was home

It was running through my veins like poison

And I couldn’t stop injecting myself with it.

I was addicted to the highs and lows, and the lows were so heavy, so euphoric.

And I wanted that shit to fill my lungs, my whole fucking being.

Because feeling something made me real.

[xxstayawhile]

Your flaws, your messiness

All put out on display

So beautiful.

You are so beautiful.

You are a hundred haunting

Reminders of a face someone

Will forever be stuck on.

You are everything that means something

You are head strong.

You are entitled.

You are emotional.

You are bold.

You are breathtaking.

You are both the best and worst thing

That has ever happened.

You are everything that is right in the world.

You are ruthless.

You are kind.

You are beautiful.

You are so so beautiful.

[xxstayawhile]

It’s like I became an alcoholic only because I couldn’t stay sober long enough to stand the idea of remembering you. And it haunts me that I couldn’t do a thing to save you. My mouth is a grave of all the words I can no longer say to you. And everything is trapped in my mind, I want to scream. How do things get so intertwined. It’s like I’m in the ocean being pulled through a riptide over and over again.