xukosmeaslyfeelings

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

Why do we chase the future at the cost of everything we leave behind?

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

Your little birdie escaped the cage, why aren't you coming to find me? Why aren't you looking for me? Your little birdie is alone and scared, how much more of it do you want her to bear. You've always wanted me to be independent, but this feels like a lesson I'm learning from a bad decision. If I cried that, I'm sorry, I've learned my lesson and I will never do it again, ever. The way I used to when I was younger. Will you come get me then? But. I know. You've thrown my old cage away. Even if I come back, there's no space for me is there. You look at me differently now. I have all these new feathers too. They're pretty but they only remind me of my leaving. I fear you won't like petting them anymore. Why didn't you look at me like that back when I was still crying in that cage?? Why did you make me feel like the bars of my cage were so much thicker than they actually were? Why did you make me think that I could have found anything better outside that cage? I love you so much. Why couldn't I believe that you loved me too before I had left. How can I be so miserable now when I have finally gotten everything I've wanted for the longest time?

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

How do you tell someone that your heart is aching but you don't know why, everything hurts and you just want to close your eyes but you can't fall asleep so you just lie awake staring at the ceiling with your whole body in pain

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

Why am I so inconsolable?

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

I back here again! AGAIN!! Why why why, why must time pass so fast, yet so slow on these nights, no, these nights go by so fast too, I can't fall asleep but time keeps running and then it's tomorrow and I have to keep getting myself off this wretched bed, I don't have it in me to keep getting up, lying down feels like falling down, my chest hurts, I can't tell why, I want to go back, please take me back.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

It hurts, I'm imagining it, it hurts, I can't lie on my side, it hurts, it's been hurting for so long, I can't tell anyone, this is so stupid, it hurts.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

You haunted me with your words, a walking corpse you called me, but you were wrong, it's surprising it ever bothered me even in the slightest, because I knew you'd be wrong, and now that I am back to living through the insignificance I dwell on, it's clearer than ever, just as I've always been, I am nothing.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

I never thought, the uncertainty of being close to death would ever bother me in the least, I'm at peace but I am not.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

It's September. How is it September??

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

I kept my thread and added a charm instead, of blue and white.

I'm ready to undo my whole thread of life and redo it to fit him in, this time with blue and white.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

I'm ready to undo my whole thread of life and redo it to fit him in, this time with blue and white.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

頑張っても頑張っても死ぬほど頑張っても人わ変わらないそれわただ非トスの事実

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

I said I wouldn't miss you, I eagerly awaited the day I got to set myself free from you, from the suffocation I felt within the walls of the cage you raised me in. I had truly felt like I couldn't breathe then. I yearned to escape. So how is it now that the mere thought of your presence before me could bring me to tears? That all I could recall from my days spent in your cage is how the sunlight that seeped through the bars were excruciatingly warm? How can I be so lost without you when it was you who I held to be the greatest cause for all the wretched pain my heart felt? I always knew I needed you more than you did. As it remains to be true, only my desperation has grown deeper.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

Now often, I think about death as if I were thinking about what to eat, and I think about jumping when I used to think about flying, when did I go from wanting to be embraced by a fluffy cloud as I looked up at the sky, to wanting to be engulfed by its unrelenting down pour as I let my consciousness go.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

It's one of those nights you can't calm the wave of emotions brought forth by the deja vu of memories you cannot recall.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

Oh Ace, the chokehold you have me in.

[xukosmeaslyfeelings]

I've moved on to the next phase of my life.