xtcdrft

[xtcdrft]

In another universe, we would’ve worked out.

In this universe, you’re just a stranger I know too much about.

[xtcdrft]

you don’t even know how i felt that night, that night where i ran away n cried alone walking, cried in the bus, cried walking home, cried at home, in the shower, how i looked at myself. how fucking sick i felt that i want to throw up. how my stomach turned looking at those bruises. it wasn’t the abuse/violence that scared me, it was the fact that i knew in that moment that no matter what you did, i’d still love you.

[xtcdrft]

it hurts

[xtcdrft]

i don’t want to love anymore

[xtcdrft]

somehow i still love you n loving you kills me everyday

[xtcdrft]

you didn’t even tell your mom the full story

[xtcdrft]

you care more bout if i’m happier without you, if i’m talking to any boys than the trauma n what i’m gg thru w my family

[xtcdrft]

“ you’re disappointed “ “ you don’t want people to talk “ “ we already tunang “ “give him one more chance “ “ i didn’t mean to n i regret it “ what about how i feel? what about nina? what about how nina felt that day, n the nights after that. you wna say you’re disappointed, that i’m selfish for not giving another chance, that you’re hurt that you did that to me, that you’re hurt we broke up. what about me??? no one gave a shit, literally nobody. i have no one.

[xtcdrft]

no one cares not even a single bit

[xtcdrft]

i don’t want to live past 21

[xtcdrft]

it’s hard on me too, it’s fucking hard on me, stop making it seem like i’m such a bad person for putting myself first, stop making me look like i’m such a bad person for not giving a chance . i felt what i felt that day n i never want to feel like that ever again, stop pushing me to something that’s gna hurt n haunt me forever just bc you don’t want people to fucking gossip n js bc da tunang, i fucking love him, you don’t even know how much it hurts me so much

[xtcdrft]

it’s not my fucking fault, why does everybody in the whole damn world blames me, it’s not my fault it’s not my fucking fault. i only decided to tell you bc i thought it would help me, i thought that telling you, my mother. would help protect me, i’m never speaking up about my problems again to anyone. time n time again people prove to me why i should keep shit to myself n let it be. as if loving the person i thought i would spend forever with isn’t hard enough already, as if seeing the person who thought would never hurt you like that acly did hurt you isn’t hurtful enough already

[xtcdrft]

i want to fucking kill myself

[xtcdrft]

no one literally gives a shit, not even my own mom who cares more about what people would say n think rather than her own daughters feelings

[xtcdrft]

i’m so fucking sick n tired of everything

[xtcdrft]

maybe i was mean, maybe i was selfish, maybe i finally chose to place myself first

[xtcdrft]