xrevokedz

[xrevokedz]

I’m afraid

 I’m honestly terrified of the person who I can be the moment I detach myself or don’t care about anyone’s feelings. I feel like I’ll be ruthless. I’m afraid to do things. I promise myself I wouldn’t. I’m afraid that I won’t care about you. I’m afraid that if I see you cry and I have no emotions, I don’t care and I won’t feel any pity. i’m afraid of being heartless again and only care about myself and nobody else not having a heart kind of destroyed me 10 years ago I really honestly don’t wanna go through that again. I feel like the more time I’m away from you give you the distance you want give you the space you need and work on myself will make me emotionless again. The reason is because I’m not focusing on anyone but me and that point I’m gonna learn the hard way that I don’t give a fuck about nobody else again. That is truly terrifying. I’ve grown a lot for us. I became a decent better human being for us for me to get thrown out my heart into the trashcan. These pieces are not gonna be picked up. They’re gonna stay in the trash. I feel like no one‘s gonna be able to give me another heart. Not because I don’t wanna give people chances. It’s just I can’t and I really really can’t do it anymore. 

[xrevokedz]

[xrevokedz]

[xrevokedz]

we live together and I FUCKING MISS YOU. I miss our late night cuddle, laughs and what not... it's not the same anymore

source: anime テイルス

[xrevokedz]

I wonder if anyone will ever choose me.

[xrevokedz]

I can feel the emptiness inside of me.

[xrevokedz]

The amount

Of love I have for you , I would never in the right mind jump from girl to girl.. that’s not me anymore .. when I was 29 and younger .. that was different.. I’ve grown with you .. I learn so much love from you .. I can’t just disrespect the woman I’d married and love… it’s hurts knowing you divorce me , but what can I honestly do? Days I just like writing my thoughts down and moving on.

[xrevokedz]

Sometimes

My mind is wondering in dark places and it’s hard for me to get out. I think so much about you. Everyone called me dumb everyone called me stupid everyone called me things like oh listen listen that but seriously I don’t really care. This is probably the first time I’m following my heart and what my heart wants. My brain tells me otherwise but my heart tells me you’re the one it tells me you taught me a lot of things you comfort me you love me. You show me. It’s like to be emotionally. Show me what it’s like to listen from the other side you told me to open up my walls You told me everything was gonna be okay .. I’ve never met anyone who talk to me like this, and I’ve grown a lot being with you. While yes, there’s still some traits of me being a fuck boy. I’m learning to get rid of those traits , I hate those treats. I’ve never defend you when people call you and say things about you. I shouldn’t be friends with those type of people that disrespect the person I love those ain’t friends. You should’ve came first when it matters .. I don’t know. It’s a lot of things I have to write and think about ,  I’ve been writing down my thoughts lately a lot I think maybe a little too much but I’m just sad you know ? I’m not happy either , I’m not mad at you. I’m not angry at you and I would never be petty to you. This is how much I sincerely care and love you from the bottom of my heart . That’s the one thing I’ve known that I’ve grown up to be and that’s not me being petty childish and throwing a tantrum and being rude to you .

[xrevokedz]

How can you

Just ignore me like I’m nothing .. I’m so hurt .. I’m so in pain..

[xrevokedz]

How do you.,

Just flip a switch and not care anymore and not love me anymore .. how does people do that .. when I love

I fucking love so hard , and I’m so fucking dumb I don’t pay attention to your feeling.. It truly doesn’t mean I don’t love you and care for you..

[xrevokedz]

Why can’t you

See.. that I’m hurting.. that I’m missing you.. that I’m truly trying to fix myself , and become a better version for myself and for us.. I sincerely only want to be with you and love you.. I’m so heart broken , that this is driving me insane .. this empty stomach feeling is bothering me so much.. I’m sorry if I come off needy trying ti spend time with you .. I’m always worrying about you , your health.. your financial issues but I’m sorry I didn’t pay attention enough to your emotional state.. it’s not that I don’t care it’s just I’m a bonehead.. and I’m sorry I should’ve paid more attention to you.. I’m sorry..

[xrevokedz]

I’m so hurt

Day by day , I can’t reach out to you , I can’t call you , I can’t text you , I can’t hug you like I normally do.. this is the most painful thing I’ve experience. I feel like if I’m going to close my walls and NEVER LET ANYONE in MY LIFE again

[xrevokedz]

My

Emotion is telling me to stay , love you until I can’t love you anymore , support you through your toughest time … im here

I hope one day when I’m gone , you’ll remember me as the guy who truly love you and tried everything for us to make it work..

[xrevokedz]

I’m like ripping

My hearts into pieces day , by day, because my love for you is driving me insane. I can’t wake up and be by your side, I can’t give you a good bye kiss , I can’t even hold you around my arm so I can feel safe.. it’s fucking torture. Everyday my this stomach feeling is killing me.

[xrevokedz]

Social media

I removed my social media. It’s because I want you to feel secure. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel like there’s nothing that can hurt you or mentally drain you again. I just want you to be happy. I want you to smile I want you to laugh. I want you to know everything is gonna be OK

[xrevokedz]

I..

Can’t share the same bed as you, I just want you to feel safe , secure .. and love.. I don’t think it’s right we share the same bed… you decided to end our relationship.. and to me.. I don’t feel like it’s right for me..

[xrevokedz]

I leave on November 29th.

Just to get my head straight while loving you from a far… I notice you got a haircut and you look like how we first met.. it’s a cute haircut. I really like it , reminds me of us.. a lot in our first couple of our photo. I love you but I’m going to love you from a far, I’ll be better ..