xoxomalon

[xoxomalon]

Not knowing what you need from like is one of the most painful feelings ever . Not knowing and having no idea on how to get it is even more painful 🥴☺️😅🥵😘🥶

[xoxomalon]

That moment when you burst into tears in your room and you realise that no one knows how unhappy you really are

[xoxomalon]

Bloop

It really sucks to not be enough you know. Its really starting to take a toll on me bruh. I try so hard to gain no results , I’m tired forreal. 😴🙈

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” (Ps. 55:22)

[xoxomalon]

" I count to 10 and give up at 2"

[xoxomalon]

July 02, 2017

About ten minutes ago I created this blog. It’s about two in the morning and after a day of hazy thought I decided to discover me . I’ve though about doing this before but to be honest doubted my ability to consistently write , and think of interesting topics to document without sounding redundant. But isn’t that the entire purpose of a journal to spill what the heart can’t hold? Whatever that may be at the time is good enough to be shared, and that’s how I want to conduct this blog. I want these entries to be able to be turned into a biopic some odd years in the future. I want all whom may read to feel, to REALLY feel the emotion that went behind the post . So just to jump straight into things … A little less than a month ago I graduated with my bachelors degree in psychology . I always enjoyed learning about the human mind . It’s fascinating to me to understand how and why people feel, think , and act the way that they do. That’s why when I was accepted into the program I knew that I had made the right decision . I already knew that many people thought of psychology as the copout , idk why I’m in school major and I think they were correct . I loved what I was learning in undergrad and was dead set on going to grad school for it . Two failed attempts at the GRE could have been a sign from god that a) I should study harder b) grad school isn’t for me . Arguably the denied acceptance into the graduate school program may have been the same signs. Before graduating I thought that I knew exactly what I was going to do with myself . Knock out a masters program in clinical counseling , land a job and be set on the road of adulting. Now I’m almost a month post graduation with no job offers , an ending lease , and no money . A psychology degree is a great accomplishment but it’s not god enough to get the job. With every “ we are thoroughly impressed with your qualifications , … But we are going to have to continue our search ” emails I can’t help but to think that I wasted a very expensive four years . 😣 I know I shouldn’t compare my successes to other , we all grow and glo at our own rate ; but there are so many other from my class landing careers and taking off. This is just another reminder of how slack I am compared to my peers. I just really had my heart set on immediately jumping straight into what Envisioned . And that’s the problem that I created for myself , I believed in that vision for so long that one stumble has me shook. Maybe this gap in moves will give me opportunity to discover what I really want to peruse in in life . I just wanna be successful, in wealth, love, and in spirit . I want for my parents to be proud as well as myself . Things take time , and my time is coming 🙏🏽✨ Phil 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”