xophers2art

[xophers2art]

Each day I write the Bible verse for the day in my bullet journal. That’s an essential start for the day. The verses come from my daily devotional given to me by Elizabeth years ago. The exceptions are when the verse of the day isn’t a digestible lesson and more a statement of fact - like a genealogical recitation. Today I made an exception because I needed to reflect on forgiveness.

Forgiving people is hard. If it were easy to do it probably wouldn’t be so important in the first place. What’s easier is finding a path where you avoid having your feelings hurt or becoming enraged in the first place.

When I was a teacher I read a book on classroom management. The first piece of advice was that people’s misbehavior was caused by a need not being met. When a person is hungry, tired, uncomfortable, needs attention, or lacking direction/clear communication they’ll misbehave. Misbehavior also needs to be looked at as either malicious or annoying. Was the behavior caused by a need not being met? Can you meet the need and mitigate the unsavory behavior? Are they behaving this way to be malicious or is something innocuous hurting your feelings?

This stops bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, along with every form of malice in its tracks. It won’t always work but if you don’t get angry or hurt in the first place you have nothing to forgive. When you realize it’s not about you, you have nothing to forgive.

Last night a friend did something that left me worried and inconvenienced. We were supposed to meet and share a meal. It was dark and cold out. We hadn’t been drinking but we did leave a bar. Any number of things can happen in that scenario from a police stop to an accident. Yes, I’ve had friends who would habitually not show up places - enough so that I don’t pretend to make plans because it won’t happen. Forgiving them wasn’t easy but it also taught me how to handle being in that situation and gave me a healthy dose of chill for the future.

I wasn’t mad or hurt. What they did effected me but malice wasn’t directed at me. I’m not mad.

They did over-explain their actions and end up hurting my feelings and proceeded to over-explain and rubbed salt in a wound that didn’t need to be there. As I was starting to stew on it I realized that I needed to reflect and pray.

My friend hadn’t intended to make me worry, inconvenience anyone, or hurt someone’s feelings. She was dealing (clumsily) with a less than ideal situation. I can’t be mad at it. We’ve all been there. And that’s the final key in forgiveness. You screw up too, and, want forgiveness. Or in my case: the awkward to go away.

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choking on water is the worst because how do you stop choking? drink something? well ive got some bad news for you

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Kelly and I at some Yelp activism showing off our BLoFISH clothing. Kelly is also on the executive council for Uspiritus’ Ambassador Council.

Two “Yelp Art In Actions” ago I met a young man at a clothing booth.  I was wearing a t-shirt from BLoFISH and he asked me what I thought about it.  I really liked the shirt but the only thing I could say that wasn’t positive was that the shirt was so soft that people couldn’t keep from touching me when I was wearing it.  The long-sleeved, hooded t-shirt is a must have for what passes for winter in Phoenix. When I was getting ready to go to Phoenix for Elf a few weeks later I went to BLoFISH again and realized the young man talking to me about the clothes and soliciting my feedback was the owner of the company, Logan.   

Listening him talk about his company, what their mission is and his passion for helping other people was the genesis in my mind that I needed to do more to help others.  When I was a teacher my life was all about other people and their needs and that was even before I got to my students.  I don’t miss the foolishness that goes with being in the classroom but I do miss that sometimes you help other people.  I also really like the clothing – no matter how soft the shirt is my personality will always shine through.   

One of my great opportunities here in Louisville is to be a brand ambassador for BLoFISH.  It’s a company that gives ten percent of their proceeds to charity, online purchases go to a national nonprofit and local in-store purchases go to something here in town.  The clothing is made here in the United States and much of it here in Louisville.  It’s a Louisville original, it’s local, and it’s helping people beyond the research-proven benefits of buying local.  I have a mantra that “I can complain about a problem or I can fix it.”  Honestly, I do both but my complaining is my problem-solving incubating.  Logan has that attitude as well and it why I like him so much and bring him ice cream when Louisville Cream feels like being open.  

BLoFISH has a motto, “All of All.”  It’s about everyone.  The clothing line is for everyone, everyone benefits from charitable work that they do, and everyone is included.  Using their social media they amplify voices we’re not hearing and showcase causes that need more eyeballs on them and real estate in our hearts.  I’m really excited to be a small part of that as a brand ambassador.  

The other great opportunity (and this kids is why we Yelp) came from my friend Kasen.  Kasen is ubiquitous with Louisville Yelp right after Mademoiselle Hagedorn.  You don’t go to an event where Yelp is and not see and hear Kasen.  He won’t let you.  I wrote in my review of Yelp (how meta is reviewing Yelp) that it was like Tinder but for platonic friends.  Yelp is Kasen’s side hustle, his main deal being working at an organization called Uspiritus.  

Uspiritus is an organization that helps vulnerable youth here in Louisville and across the Commonwealth of Kentucky.  The Commonwealth provides for the basic needs of the children in Uspiritus’ care with support for things that go beyond the basics like special treats at holidays, a cake on their birthday, or a haircut.  We can debate the role of government and the responsibilities of the Commonwealth to our most vulnerable citizens AND greatest natural resource but that’s a fruitless endeavor.  My father always espouses that you can measure a person’s character by how they treat people they have nothing to gain from.  Also, I can complain about a problem or I can fix it.  

Kasen gave us the opportunity to join a newly formed “Young Professional Ambassador Council” which would raise awareness and funds for the children in Uspiritus’ care.  My friend April chair’s the council and I serve as the secretary.  While the title of “executive secretary” sounds impressive it has so far been an excuse for me to write words in Moleskine notebooks although I have gotten some generous donations from BLoFISH, Cardinal Spirits, and other places here in town.  As much as I enjoy working with April and writing the words down I felt I needed to do more.  

I set a goal of raising $4000 for Uspiritus in 2018 and talked to Logan about BLoFISH having Uspiritus as their nonprofit in March (my birth month, I wear four fish and Logan knows what I already own) as a part of this.  When April and I stopped by doing Christmas shopping she deftly moved that up to December so we garner the benefit of holiday shopping and the fact that they had a store in the Mall and not just in NuLu.  

This was a great partnership for the Ambassador Council because it raised both awareness and much-needed funds for Uspiritus.  At least three of the people on the Executive Council are also brand ambassadors for BLoFISH.  Logan’s passion extends beyond his company or causes that impact his own life but to the needs of others.  Whenever I talk about Uspiritus and what the Ambassador Council does I always get polite responses from people and usually enthusiastic offers of help – Alison at Cardinal Spirits made me feel like we were doing her a favor. Logan?  He shared my gall at the idea that haircuts and birthdays aren’t basic needs.  He went right from, “this isn’t right,” to, “how do we fix it.”  

Birthdays are when we take time out to celebrate the individual, let them know they’re valued and important to us.  Who needs that more than the kids being cared for at Uspiritus?  How a haircut doesn’t fall under the umbrella of basic hygiene I’ll never know but I am not the only person who can tell you that a good haircut can really lift your spirits.  

We could grouse about it or we could roll up our sleeves and do something.  Logan is a go-getter and a person of action and this extends to BLoFISH as well.  It has benefitted Louisville and non-profits around the country as well.  The biggest thing that he’s accomplished though has been inspiring other people to get out their and help others and to amplify voices we’re not hearing.  Even if we only made $8 from the presents people got me for Christmas that’s two cake mixes or a haircut for some kid out there.  

I’m really thankful for Logan and BLoFISH’s generosity.  

You can learn more about Uspiritus here.  

You can give Logan your money here and by that I mean, “buy all the BLoFISH.” 

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The people who say we need to stop talking about Hillary are right.

We need to stop talking about how she’s responsible for Bill. We don’t talk about male politicians like that so why hold her to a higher standard. While Bill was being investigated by Congress the people leading that charge were cheating on their own wives with other women and young boys. Gingrich even admitted years ago that no one was offended by the sexual impropriety, they were using the tools available to them to seize power. It’s not about protecting women, or children, it’s about power. Even if it weren’t we don’t hold men accountable for their wives. Also, you’re either a fan of Bernie or Trump if you’re pushing this narrative. One fantasizes about rape and one is a rapist. Sit down.

We need to stop talking about her time as FLOTUS supporting Bill while acting like Bernie didn’t vote with him on the crime bill. The funny thing about being FLOTUS is that you get none of the credit for playing a supporting role but all of the blame. I’m sorry she’s not the Barbie Doll FLOTUS y’all prefer. It is waste of human potential for the First Lady - whomever she is - to do nothing with her time. It was a waste that Laura Bush and Michelle Obama largely stayed out of pushing big ideas because of reactions to Hillary. Mrs. Bush and Mrs. Obama - like Mrs. Clinton - are more than their MRS they have MA’s and JD’s. As loathe as I am to slut-shame it’s funny to me that y’all are offended by someone with an Ivy League education pushing public policy but are thrilled with a former porn actress who maybe finished high school. Sit down.

We need to stop talking about Hillary in regard to Benghazi unless we’re talking about her being exonerated by each of the congressional investigators. Unless we’re talking about how on hearing after hearing she made Trey Gowdy and Rand Paul and other Republicans look like stooges. Unless we’re taking about how a party that cried about wasting money and ‘abuses of power’ wasted a half billion finding nothing. Unless we’re talking about how Hillary wanted to improve embassy security and those same men crying about Benghazi cut it. Sit down.

We need to stop talking about her sartorial choices because Bernie and Trump look like they need to be charged with public intoxication. They’re sloppy as hell and you have the nerve to talk about how Hillary is dressed? Yes, compared to Michelle Obama, she seems a little lackluster. So do you. So do I. Hillary is fresh to death. Have you seen Angela Merkle? Same kit. Theresa May? Exactly. Sit down.

So yeah. We need to stop talking about Hillary. Unless we’re talking about how more people have voted for her than anyone not named “Barack Obama.” Unless we’re talking about her accomplishments. Unless we’re talking about how she inspires people into public service. Unless we’re talking about how Chelsea Clinton has done well as an adult compared to other children of presidents (historically that’s not a pretty picture).

You’ve made a ghastly mistake ‘punishing Hillary,’ ‘making a statement,’ or ‘voting your conscience’ in 2016. Hillary isn’t perfect. No one is. Hillary does stand in sharp relief against her opponents in 2016 though and that she was unacceptable but a rape fantasist and a rapist were is vile beyond comprehension.

I’m excited about Kamala Harris or Kirsten Gillibrand or Joe Biden in 2020. I’m happy to talk about that. I’m happy to talk about Martin O’Malley and other progressive voices in the Democratic Party. That being said I’m never going to shut up about Hillary Clinton. When a woman finally walks into the Oval Office it will be because Hillary Clinton and Ruth Bader Ginsburg are holding the door open.

Keep talking about Hillary Clinton.

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Best Books for Kids 2017 at the Andrew Heiskell Library

Our Andrew Heiskell Talking Braille and Book Library has collected all of the titles available that were selected for our 2017 Best Books for Kids list! The Andrew Heiskell Library provides talking books and magazines and braille for readers who are blind, visually impaired, or are otherwise physically unable to read standard print.

Find more info here.

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2018 Goals

Adventure: 1. Go on six adventures that would scare Mrs. Poust 2. Get a passport 3. Visit Canada 4. Go skydiving 5. Get out of Louisville more 6. Organize two adventure UYE’s

Adulting 7. Learn a new skill from dad and mom 8. Find my own home 9. Learn six new recipes 10. Take a cooking class 11. Clean closets monthly

Health 12. Drink more water 13. Give up diet soda 14. Get my weight under 200 lbs. 15. Get an eye exam 16. 10,000 steps daily

Writing   17. Attend an author talk 18. Finish a short story 19. Finish a novel 20. Write a meaning pen-pal letter once a week 21. Write an elected official once a month 22. Use existing stores of stationery

Hobbies 23. Find a new hobby 24. Master an origami pop-up card 25. Learn the birds of Kentucky 26. Read twenty-four books 27. Find a chess buddy

Financial 28. Be generous without spending money 29. Pay myself each month 30. Pay off a student loan 31. Pay off a credit card

Activism & Charity   32. Organize a collection of useful items 33. Raise $4,000 for Uspiritus in March

Metaphysical 34. Tithe 35. Develop a more robust prayer life 36. Pursue a course of Bible Study 37. Practice gratitude

Multifarious   38. Visit my cousins 39. Relearn the German language 40. Learn how to accept a compliment

Late Editions 41. Wake up every work day morning with my alarm, no snooze buttons 42. Never leave my part of the house untidy

The italicized goals are ones from 2017 I didn’t finish or do every year.  I had 100 goals last year but I think that I liked the sound of 100 and squeezed that in rather than having real and attainable goals.  

And some of that garbage lost my interest.  

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I have some goals for 2018 and one of my perennial goals is to “exhaust existing stores of stationery before buying more,” which meant on December 30, 2017 I went to Target and raised the dollar spot and didn’t pass up some blank note cards with birds on them. If you don’t know what gift to get me Target brand blank note cards are a personal favorite.

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“For the first time…”

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My king  Nikolai Lantsov  💗 💗    i’m so excited about new book  😃 can’t wait to read about him  😍

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Little green friend not pictured. Secrets, you know. 😉

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What I learned from meeting V. E. Schwab

What I learned from V. E. Schwab’s book tour:

1.       The first draft keeps you from quitting

2.       Uncommon fruits are cool but make cumbersome gifts if traveling

3.       The book is a corpse, the skeleton is the plot and everything else builds on it, a pretty skin won’t matter if there is nothing underneath.

4.       Hitchhiking in France isn’t a good idea, but it probably isn’t a good idea anywhere.

5.       There are two ways to build a world: a. Doors – the reader can go into your world and see EVERYTHING but you could paint yourself into a corner b. Windows – give the reader an incomplete, but informative, view into the world you’re building, you can stay ‘out of the corner’ without being vague

6.       World building is about ten pages of author-use information that might translate into one sentence in your work.  

7.       Language is a demarcation of culture and status in that culture, you can tell a great deal about a culture by how they use language and by how they curse (do they have gods and devils, what is sacred, etc.)

8.       Paint in broad strokes and fill in detail as needed.

9.       If you’re bored the reader is bored.

10.   The more constraints and caveats you allow yourself as a writer or an author the more excuses you’re going to allow yourself.

11.   Creativity is a well that needs to be filled with the creativity of others (books, movies, television, anime, graphic novels)

12.   Always write something down, you won’t remember it later (Hemmingway told me that, too)

13.   A bunch of chocolate bars stacked together looks like a bomb.  

14.   Schwab wasn’t named for two weeks because her parents wanted to get to know her.  

15.   She says, “HOW DARE YOU!” and refers to “the things.” Which I have insisted and gone on record as rhetorical devices in common use not peculiarities all my own.

16.   Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman is also her favorite.  

17.   She cannot write a character until they have a name, she cannot name the character until they get to know each other.  

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When things are at their worst, Hera’s a great friend to have by your side.

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I am starting my re-read tonight! 

Not that I’m counting. #ConjuringofLight

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2017 Reading Outlook

This year I’ve decided to track my reading in a journal but one of the things I am going to track will be who writes the books and who they’re about.

I am going to look at, in 2017, without changing my reading habits or plans how many people who write the books I read by (presented) gender, race, and (presented) sexuality. One of the authors I follow did something like that but I want to see what it looks like for me when I’m not actively saying, “I need to read more books by people who are…”  I just read a great book (Ready Player One by Ernest Clive, ISBN 978-0307887436) where a white, male author presents a story about a white, male character who lives in an online world/virtual reality and there are several characters in the top strata of the story are queer, of color, and women.  I think the author did a good job of presenting privilege and intersectionality in the book BUT I am a white man who thinks another white man did a good job describing other people’s lives.  

In 2018, depending on my results, I will change my reading habits.

But I wanted to look at what I’m picking up already.  Who is writing it?  Who is written about?  I want to track THAT before changing it – if needed.  Right now I chose books by authors I already know and love (Colleen Oakes, Victoria Schwab, Neil Gaiman) or are referred to me by someone I trust (my cousin Alison, Bob at Carmichaels) but I don’t go out of my way to see: am I reading enough authors of color/queer authors?  I’ve never thought about who was writing my books or who about.  

So, this year I’ve read one book written by an author who presents as a white, straight, man.  The main character was a white, straight, man but there were other characters who were people of color, women, and queer.  

My method will be to look at how the author presents themselves and track that then I’ll look at the characters they present in the book.  For my purposes I will look at the characters whom might be up for Oscars if the book was made into a film.  

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“Uprisings and revolutions are often considered to be spontaneous, but less visible long-term organizing and groundwork - or underground work - often laid the foundation.”

My twin got me a signed copy of Hope in the Dark by Rebecca Solnit for our birthday, and it’s been a comforting read this winter break.

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I've started my 2017 reading challenge: I've inventoried books I own, preordered highly anticipated books, I'm knee deep in one book and have my toe in the other, and most importantly I've made a list in my bullet journal to track things. I've begun my "book club for one," which is where I take the concept of "buddy readers" (two readers reading and reflecting on the same work) and bogart what a respected fellow bibliophile is reading and read along with them. 

 I was alone in my ambition for a book club. Well, almost, Leslie's work schedule precludes her from participating which is unfortunate. Reading and reading in groups fosters enjoyment of literature (if done right). Honestly, I'm too much of an asshole for a book club to work and apparently to be friends with most humans. 

 Currently, I am book clubbing with my cousin Alison. Alison and I share the jaded enthusiasm for life that defines Stewarthood. I literally texted her from Carmichael’s and asked her what she was reading. So far, I'm enjoying the book. Alison (and her fiancé Nick) are reading Ready Player One and I am tagging along. 

 If you want to bogart my book club for one I'm next going to be rereading V. E. Schwab's A Darker Shade of Magic and A Gathering of Shadows in anticipation of the release of A Conjuring of Light. We plan to make our obeisance to Ms. Schwab in March on her book tour. We wish to be prepared.

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2017

I would like to start the new year by apologizing for anything I’ve done that has hurt you.  

I also forgive you for anything you may have done, thought you did, or whatever.  

It’s all in the past. I am not interested in reliving it or making it a part of 2017.  If you would like that apology in writing or verbally you have until the end of the month to request that AND receive one with a giving heart.

I’m imposing a statute of limitations on some things in my life:

1.       If it happened more than a year ago and we haven’t discussed, processed, and prayed about it together then it is dead and I have moved on.  

2.       I’m not holding on to any grudges or past hurts.

3.       I won’t let toxic people back into my life and if you disowned, dumped, or discarded me that still stands.  I don’t care if we’re related by blood or marriage, if they have a Master in Divinity, or however else humans categorize someone that concurrently makes you think I should care about them OR let them be a toxic influence in my life.  But, I’m not mad at you.  

Concurrently:

·         If I have done, or do, something that hurts you but I’m not doing it on purpose to hurt you then let that go.  I don’t think about anyone that much to say, “I am close with __ to hurt __” or “If I shop at __ it will get __’s goat.”  I don’t want your damned goat.   If my being kind or loving to someone hurts you then you need help because that hang up has naught to do with me.  

·         If someone says something about me I don’t need it repeated to me.  Gossip says more about the spreader than the subject.  

·         If we argue, if we disagree, we will do so about one subject at a time.  

·         If I apologize, if you apologize, it doesn’t come with a litany of recriminations afterwards.  Additionally, I don’t want your apology.  I don’t need it.  It does nothing for me and 95% of the time I didn’t know you did it.  

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