xomadsox
XmadsX
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xomadsox · 1 year ago
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xomadsox · 3 years ago
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Day 3. A day in paradise.
Today was genuinely good. I got to spend it with the girls again. We did laundry and made a big ole lunch. We were still pretty full come dinner time so we just snacked before bed, and finished the night off with cranberry salad. Bailey had to have a piece of cheesecake seen she's allergic to pretty much every berry out there. It's always fun to spend the day with them. Oh, they did take pictures with Santa. Well Adeline did. Bailey was too terrified for some random reason. Wanted to go to the park but it's too chilly out for them they always love to go pay their hearts out.
Mentally today was okay as well. It was hard to attempt to put the tree up today. So, I'm going to prepare to put it up come Sunday. I feel as if today was overall good though. I managed to put on makeup but gave up when it came to my bird nest of a messy bun. Going to wash it and braid it tonight to attempt to take better care of myself. It overall was a very good day.
Physically today was weird. My body has been having these sharp pains followed up by muscle spasms. I Dunno I need to 100% go back to the doctor. I just have no time for myself. Maybe one day soon.
Sorry, today's blog was kind of lame lol. Not really feeling it much. Currently watching Dracula. So. I'm mildly distracted. I'll have better word tomorrow.
Much Love, Till tomorrow. <3
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xomadsox · 3 years ago
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My favorite
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xomadsox · 3 years ago
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"She knew with suddenness and ease that this moment would be with her always, within hand’s reach of memory. She doubted if they all sensed it - they had seen the world - but even George was silent for a minute as they looked, and the scene, the smell, even the sound of the band playing a faintly recognisable movie theme, was locked forever in her, and she was at peace."
"She did not know if her gift came from the lord of light or of darkness, and now, finally finding that she didn’t care which, she was overcome with almost indescribable relief, as if a huge weight, long carried, had slipped from her shoulders."— Stephen King, Carrie
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xomadsox · 3 years ago
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Day 2, The Holidays.
Its pretty hard during the holidays without you. Almost 4 years on December 9th. I feel like some days are better than others, but this time of the year kills me. I do better until October 31st then November then I dread when December comes. Its so hard, whenever the family is together all I can think is the times you sat at the table with us enjoying each others laughs and stories. Now we just look back on the memories of the past.. wishing we could change everything. We still think of you quite often. The smallest things will remind us of you. Something as simple as a joke or a phrase will just make us smile because it reminds us of you.
We Just Miss You.
Enough about that for now. It was a pretty good Thanks Giving spending it with my girls and our family. Obviously taking in as much time as we can get with each other. I feel as if we don't take time for granted anymore. So we soak in as much as we can. The girls really enjoyed the Parade seeing Santa on the TV, and shouting 'SANTA CLAUSE IS COMING TO TOWN' warmed my heart. - They get so excited. Tomorrow we are hopefully putting the Christmas tree up so the girls can enjoy the lights as much as possible. I can't wait.
We got to see Mackenzie and Dennis today as well. (My best friends for years) they are amazing. Mackenzie called me today letting me know he wanted to take Adeline to see the Christmas tree show. I know that would make her happy and I know she would love it. But I do get nervous her going into big crowds. I'm constantly paranoid.
Lets just hope tomorrow will be a good day as well. <3
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xomadsox · 3 years ago
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Day 1.
So like I said in my first post. I've never had a blog or anything like it. So like anyone else would I went through options.. Well contemplated them at least. Thought about maybe a YouTube channel? No, too awkward. A TikTok? No too cliché. Facebook group? No too Suburban mom of me to do. So here we are. Me potentially spilling out things that I shouldn't but to be fair, I think its time. After years of bottling things up inside hiding away my opinions, thoughts, voice. I want to speak even if no one is there to hear me.
I guess we will talk about my day so far..?
Its currently 3:29PM and this is technically my first day working at home. And I am already having issues. My internet is out. Lucky me huh? I honestly love this job. Its the job I want to keep well until I can finally finish college. With hopes of one day becoming a Mortician or a Funeral Director... I know sounds crazy. I've always been so interested in these lines of work. I mean lets be real... someone has to do it right? I started college May of 2020 and its about to be 2022. Soooooooooo..... lets just hope I can get back in and pick up where I left off.. Long shot but hey worth a try.
Anyways, I feel so exhausted. Having 2 kids can definitely do that to you. I want a break. Don't get me wrong I love my little spawns, but I need to escape sometimes. I never really had the chance to explore things.. Explore life! Adeline Rose (my oldest age3) Is a little angel with a hint of sass. While Bailey (youngest age 2) Is full with attitude and lord knows what else. Its hard to be pretty much a single mom to try to clean the house, take care of them, cook , dr. appointments, etc. I don't know why they make it look so easy in movies or on TV. But its not don't believe them.. lol. What I was trying to say is I generally just need a break. A vacation. A chance to just kick my vans off and cuddle up in a hammock and read a Stephen King book. Or get through pages and pages of a poem book. Just something for me. I cant necessarily get help from Adeline's father because unfortunately he had taken his own life while I was 12 weeks pregnant with her. It took a few years to get through my head that it wasn't my fault. He had a rough child hood and so did I. I think that's why we connected so easily and grew together. Its hard sometimes to cope or even think right without him. I loved him and at the time it was hard to see my future without him. Shit, I still love him to this day. Its hard for me during the fall and winter. The cold breeze makes me sick to my stomach. I cant even wear a certain perfume because it was his favorite the smell of it makes me dizzy and so foggy. I put away all of his clothes and items. Because I cant bare to look at them still. Grieving is a process that I haven't quite done yet. That I wish I took time to myself. Having Adeline saved me yes, but at the same time distracted me in times I needed to cope and heal myself. I didn't believe that it had happened. I didn't want it to be true. It took months for me to realize that he's actually gone and there is nothing I can change to bring him back.
I believe that starting this blog. Will help me try to get out what I need when I need and start thinking about myself of course my sweet girls as well. Maybe It will start my process that I never got to actually acknowledge.
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xomadsox · 3 years ago
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First Blog?
Okay so this is my first blog I have always wanted to do one. I suck at talking let alone writing. But maybe this will help? Maybe this will let me say what I need to? So many questions. So many concerns. Well what are we to do huh?
I feel like maybe I can express myself without hesitation. Say how I really feel say what I want when I want. Without all the judgment. Or even possibly without my mind filling up with scenarios and random thoughts that others think is pointless..
Well cheers to me starting something new. Hopefully I can make friends that share the same thoughts as me.
Hoping to share what I love. Quotes, music, etc.
We will see I suppose.. :)
Anyways.. Hope this works out. Its my last hope.
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xomadsox · 3 years ago
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Anna May Wong
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