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It was 2011 nung nag decide ako mag stop ng pag aaral dahil nakikita ko yung hirap ng magulang ko sa paghahanap ng ibabayad sa tuition ko. Tinapos ko lang yung 1st yr college thinking na may tatanggap na saking trabaho since nakaapak ako ng college. Pero ang hirap pala. Walang wala ako nun. Di ko alam kung pano at saan ako magsisimula.

Nagsimula akong maghugas ng pinggan sa karinderya ng Tita ko. Inipon ko yung 50 pesos na binibigay sakin araw araw para makapag apply ng trabaho. Hindi ako matanggap sa mga supermarket at fastfood chain dahil mabibigat yung trabaho at hindi pasok ang height at built ko. Hanggang sa may nag offer ng trabaho sakin about sa pag tututor. Sinubukan kong mag apply at nakapasa.

Almost 4 yrs akong nagtrabaho as tutor. One of my greatest dream ay ang makapagtapos ng college dahil alam ko na mas maganda ang makukuha kong opportunities kapag nakapagtapos ako. Sinikap kong mag ipon para makabalik sa pag aaral. Nang makapagipon ay sinubukan kong mag apply sa mga public universities. Nakapasa ako sa UP, PUP at sa iba pang public/state universities na inaplyan ko bilang transferee pero di ko naituloy dahil hindi pa din sasapat yung kinikita ko para matustusan ang pag aaral ko kahit mag working student ako.

Fortunately, may nakilala ako sa trabaho na isang scholar at tinulungan akong makapag apply sa kanilang foundation.

2015 nung makabalik uli ako sa pag aaral. Though meron na kong scholarship, pinili ko pa din maging working student para hindi ko na kailanganing humingi ng financial assistance sa parents ko. Tuition Fee lang kase ang sagot ng scholarship at hindi kasama ang iba pang gastusin gaya ng mga libro at iba pa, pati ang gagastusin(baon, pamasahe, etc..) ko sa araw araw.

Nag decide akong iwanan ang tutoring center na pinapasukan ko dahil hindi na ito sumasapat sa pangangailangan ko. Bukod kase sa pansariling gastusin ay nagbibigay din ako sa aking magulang ng kaunting pera mula sa kinikita ko para sa mga gastusin sa bahay.

Pinasok ko ang BPO industry at naging call center agent. 2nd year college na ako neto at dito na nagkaroon ng mga major course sa program ko. Mas OK ang set up dahil gabi ang trabaho at hapon nmn ang oras ng klase ko. I know the risk of being a working student. Stress sa trabaho at pressure sa pag aaral since scholar ako at may mine-maintain na grades but I also I know my priorities, ang makapagtapos.

4 months lang ang tinagal ko sa unang company dahil kinailangan kong mag resign upang makapag focus sa pag aaral. Tumagilid kase yung grades ko sa isang major subject. Sabi ko nga, I know my priorities at alam kong kailangan ko ng mas maraming oras sa pag aaral. Sa awa ng Dyos ay nahabol ko ang quota grades at naipasa ang subject.

Sembreak ng 2nd year at nag apply uli ako sa isang BPO malapit samin. Nagsimula ang bagong sem ng isa nanaman akong working student. Pero 2 months lang ang tingal ko sa trabaho dahil seasonal lang ang account na napasukan ko. Buti nalang at may kaunti akong ipon na nakatulong sakin ma-survive ang 2nd year.

Summer break at nag apply uli ako sa BPO. 3rd year na ko at humihirap na ang subjects. At dahil working student ako, hindi ko kinukuha ang full load ng isang sem para may oras pa din ako sa trabaho. I know na dadating yung time na kailangan ko tlgang tumigil sa trabaho para mabawi ko ang mga naiwang subjects ko. 2nd sem ng 3rd year ay nag full load ako. Eto din yung time na nahihirapan na ko sa trabaho ko at hindi ko na naipapasa yung mga metrics. Nag start na din akong makaramdam ng madalas na numbness ng katawan, pagkahilo at panghihina ng katawan. It is my body and I know na I am no longer that healthy to continue this work and school set up, so I decided to resign again after 10 months sa trabaho. Pero bago ko gawin to, sinigurado ko munang may sapat na ipon ako para sa summer class(hindi sagot ng scholarship dahil wala sa curriculum ngunit kailangan kong kunin para habulin yung mga naiwan ko pang subjects, I know, my fault but you cant blame me, kailangan ko kase talagang magtrabaho at di ko kayang hindi magbigay ng tulong sa family ko). February bago matapos ang school year, wala na kong trabaho. Di ako nakapag apply during summer break dahil kailangan kong mag summer class. Whole day ang summer class at walang extra time para maisingit ang trabaho.

Last year, 4th year, wala na akong naiwang subjects at kaunti nalang ang units. Wala na din akong ipon dahil naubos na pambayad ng tuition sa summer class, so I took the opportunity to work again. Still with BPO. Hanggang sa natapos ko ang 1st sem sa aking last year. All went well. Madali lang yung trabaho at walang stress. Nagkaroon na din ako ng time sa sarili ko and to catch up with friends.

Last sem, OJT at may iba pang subjects na kailangan pasukan sa school. Hindi ko alam kung sasapat ba yung oras ko para sa OJT, School, at work pero sinubukan ko since hindi nmn ako pressured sa work. Eto yung times na panakaw akong natutulog sa OJT, School at work. Literal na uuwi nalang ako ng bahay para maligo at umidlip ng saglit.

7am to 12pm school, 1pm to 5pm OJT, 7pm to 4am Work, tapos uwi, idlip, ligo, repeat. No social life, dedma sa mga invites during weekends dahil yun lang ang pahinga ko.

Finally, naka graduate na ko. Walang paglagyan yung saya ko. Lahat ng pinagdaanan kong hirap, puyat, heartbreaks, financial challenge, nalampasan ko and it was all worth it.

I posting this on my blog not expecting anyone to inspire aince wala nmn akong, I think, active followers. Hindi ko din ito guatong i-post sa facebook dahil ayokong masabihang mayabang. Atleast dito, alam kong kaunti or walang makakabasa at walang mag jjudge sakin. Hahaha.. . Others may find my story inspiring while others may find this me being mayabang. Siguro gusto ko lang tong ipost dito dahil gusto kong ma inspire yung sarili ko at balikan tong post na to whenever Im doubting myself. To remind myself na kinaya ko. Kaya ko. At kakayanin ko pa.

I am still far for being successful, at least in my idea of being successful.

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Hanggang sa muli Nakba 👋👋👋 (at National College of Business and Arts) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByRtINphJG-Cbw1N-i358pQZZMtuZ_8IDcwXZg0/?igshid=1fqr4p69azxkz

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Hurts 🔪💔

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friendly reminder before Yuri on Ice, there was Touya and Yukito from Cardcaptor Sakura 

the OG anime gay couple and Clamp’s official soul pairing since they’re always together in every Clamp anime 👬❤️

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Sherp 😛😛😛

off

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I love you

I miss you

I need you now

are u coming back into my arms

to love me again

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Tagos 💘💔

“Katapusan”

Ito ang unang tulang ilalabas ko ngayong taon at mula nung huli akong naglabas ng tula ko. Patungkol ito sa isang pagsuko ko sa isang taong nagustuhan ko noon ngunit di ko na nakitaan pa ng pag-asa. Tuluyan na akong napagod kaya heto ako, sumuko na sa kanya. Mas pinili ko na lang tuldukan at tapusin kaysa magpatuloy nang walang nangyayari.

Sana'y maibigan ninyo!

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“Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven’t loved enough.”

— Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love

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Reblog kung panget ka.

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November 9

Soooooo, I am starting to have a feeling to this guy whom I've been chatting with for a while now. Actually, I think we started chatting right after my breakup.

I met him through Grindr. Yep! That's right.

It's been a while but we haven't got to meet up in person yet. He want but I'm shy, I guess. I just think that it will be awkward for the both of us because we're in the same office. I knew his face, but he doesn't knew mine, and I'm seeing him roaming around the office sometimes. He's cool with it.

I can't totally say that I like him but, yeah. I think I like him.

I blocked him tho. Just earlier today.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that I'm not ready for this yet.

I'm afraid that he might not like me.

I'm afraid that if I continue this, I might get hurt or I might hurt him.

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I’m not trying to move on, to get over this, to find somebody new. I’m just trying to be okay, to be whole again.

e.c

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But the broken side of me knows that’ll never happen.”

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“The romantic side of me hopes you’ll come back and love me again.

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Moving on is an endless cycle. Some days you’ll feel like you’re completely over them and other days you still feel their presence even they’re not there. But the most important thing is not to give up, as something better is in store for you, someone you deserve.

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I can’t keep going around in circles with you. You don’t want me. And it hurts. Loving you hurts. Wanting you hurts. Thinking of you every goddamn second of every goddamn day hurts. Hoping someday you’ll come back is killing me. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. You’re fucking killing me.

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Do you ever just miss someone so much it hurts? But you don’t talk to this person anymore. So you’re just left sitting there silently missing someone who will never know.

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“I really don’t think I could love again or even begin to try. I don’t ever want to love someone that much for it to not work out. Once you truly love someone unconditionally, you can’t just turn that off. It’s always there. It’s always in the back of your mind. And I think that’s the worst part.”