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We looked inside some of the posts by xianoquendo and here's what we found interesting.
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17 days ago
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17
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
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peel off the layers
july 27, 2024
hi, i'm trying to reconnect with my tumblr
anyway, i was feeling so rotten last week. lethargic and almost just soul dead. couldn't do any work, just kept falling asleep. asked myself if maybe my life was being eaten away. felt like nothing's really happening-- in work, in love, in life. or maybe A LOT has been happening, but i can't bring myself to immerse into these things and feel them. there are days when i feel so full of creativity, ideas and love to contribute to this world, but i can't unleash them. i blame circumstances, but really it's just me. can't do art, cause there's work. can't do work, cause i'm desperate to do art. never-ending dilemma of what to chase. and in the end, i end up not really chasing anything, but fake thrills.
when this weekend came, i told myself that something eventful should happen to me. i want to feel alive. i asked all my friends for parties, no one was available. alas, i had a hasty idea to do a septum piercing. spontaneously went to a shabby sidewalk piercer and forced myself to just do it, just to feel something. when the needle pierced the wall inside my nose, a rush came in and got me teary-eyed.
went to a cafe right after. i was able to finish work stuff. i was able to draw. i was able to write this. i was able to listen to bjork:
Wanderlust, relentlessly craving Wanderlust, peel off the layers Until we get to the core Did I imagine it would be like this? Was it something like this I wished for? Or will I want more?
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Hola, Escolta
October 25, 2023 / Samsung WB50F Digicam
Feels surreal to experience another Escolta Block Party after 4 years—the first post-pandemic one. I've always loved this place. From the First United Building to the street between Jones and McArthur Bridge that gives me peace. This place will always emulate home and comfort. It also feels so warm to introduce this place to a new person in my life.
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Cubao will always be Cubao
Taken during my Cubao trips for QCinema. November 22-23, 2023. Finding myself in solitude and cinema. Thank God I had the budget for this cinema splurge.
/ Samsung WB50F Digicam
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Adrift Days
October 29, 2023 / Samsung WB50F Digicam
I'm in Calapan, Mindoro right now for the All Souls Day holidays, for a break. I feel like writing things again.
These days, all I do is drift aimlessly. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing. I'm in this state of limbo— so calm yet so elicit of indolence. Yes, I'm at peace, but I'm also so oblivious and powerless over what's about to happen. I'm in this verge of a big thing but can't seem to know how to get to it. A job, a new lover, a creative burst, something, I'm not sure.
Here, I wake up early, surprisingly. And every morning, when I wake up, I get this urge to just drop everything I have in my hand and mind, and just stare at the sunrise in our balcony: the slow crawling of the rays through the floor, the birds freer than ever. I'm not trying to make this poetic or anything, that's just really how I feel right now. I'm so free, or not really, but I'm really so vacant too. I don't have anything to do and I don't know what to do.
It's funny too, cause I seem to have this new form of appreciation for everything. The littler things. I have this theory that college worn me out, and now I'm just tired of wanting anything, I just want to exist and stay adrift—which I'm not really sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing too. Being too tired to want anything else seems to be a blissful contentment, but that also means being devoid of motivation to make something better out of your life; not being driven and passionate to look for better, wilder and more exhilarating things. I don't know.
I hope I'll find or form something fruitful out of this eerie serenity. I like it here, but all the people that I love are in Manila. I wish I could bring this home with me in the city... I'm so afraid, but the thing is, I guess I always am, and that will never change... so maybe it's not different.
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october 20, 2023
needed to distract myself from the weight of things... the 3D models in MS Word are cute in a quirky way.
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My old doodles back when I was in highschool
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I'm definitely not thinking about DEATH right now
Sept 17, 2023 / Samsung WB50F
Probably one of my favorite photos from this year: my friends rummaging my birthday cake with a text "I'm definitely not thinking about death right now"
One of the few reasons why I am constantly able to live and uplift myself from the dread of living is my friends. To be with them while I eat my birthday cake feels like a glorious defiance. And I have this picture as a memento, sort of a reminder, that I have my reasons to continue.
"I'm definitely not think of death right now" — because of my friends. This picture couldn't encapsulate that more clearly.
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