xenosnowfox

[xenosnowfox]

Reblog if you're a cuddler.

[xenosnowfox]

Romance. Love it or hate it, for better or for worse, it's everywhere. Every song on the radio a love song, your relatives always asking if you're dating yet, romantic love being the center focus of every story we tell. If it isnt the a plot, it's always the b plot. My point is, romance is put on this pedestal and revered as the end all be all by nearly everyone, and that idea that romantic love is somehow above other relationships is so harmful. The cause of this idea, and the reason so many people prioritize romance so heavily, is amatonormativity.

Amatonormativity is the idea that everyone wants, needs, and would be happier in a long term, monogamous, romantic and sexual relationship, and that that is the ideal end goal for everyone to achieve in their life.

Romance is great, but it isn’t everything. And it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay (and you don’t have to be aromantic to not want a romantic relationship, which a lot of people seem to forget or straight up don’t realize). When you put romance on a pedestal, you place it above other forms of relationships. You are taught to prioritize romantic love above all else, because if you don’t have a partner, you’re going to end up all alone, right?

Wrong.

This society tells you if you don’t have a partner you’re doing something wrong. If you don’t have a partner to make you whole, you’re broken. You can’t be a person on your own, you need someone else to make you complete. You need exactly one other person to share your life with, to be your one support system, to be everything to you.

That’s not good.

It’s not healthy to depend on one person for everything, one person can’t sustain you. Yet the idea that your partner is your everything is so…romanticized, for lack of a better term. People will ditch their friends, ditch out on their families, in favor of spending time with their romantic partner. Or even a crush. We all have that one friend who gets into a relationship and all of a sudden forgets anyone else exists, right?

Amatonormativity is the root of that problem, and so many more. People will change their entire personality to fit in a romantic relationship. People will turn their entire lives upside down to make the relationship work, at their own expense.

Under amatonormativity, there is this idea that a romantic relationship can only look like one thing, that there is an ideal way to do things, and to break out of that is one of the worst things a person can do. This is why polyamorous relationships are so villainized, because they threaten that status quo.

If nothing else, I hope everyone who hears this is inspired to dive into their own wants, think about how romance affects your life, what relationships do you really value and want more of? There’s no wrong answer, and if you find out some relationship styles don’t suit you as well as you thought, that’s wonderful! More than anything I urge everyone to have fun with the relationships in their life, do what feels right for you as long as you don’t hurt others, and just have a good time with it, whatever that may look like for you.

Thank you all for listening, I wish you all a good day.

[xenosnowfox]

Aro 101 (05/??)

Don’t Believe The Stereotypes: Things You Should Know About Aros

aros are not immature or childish for not feeling romantic attraction or for not wanting romantic relationships

aros are not lonely because they’re aro, some people just don’t want romantic relationships (though some aros do want those relationships and some have them)

aros are not cold, heartless, emotionless, or evil for being aromantic, they just don’t feel romantic attraction (though some aros do identify as heartless and / or loveless as way to reclaim that)

aros are not homophobic for being aro, nor do they have internalized homophobia, they just don’t feel romantic attraction to anyone (though they can feel other types of attraction like sexual, aesthetic and alterous)

aros will not change their minds about being aro when they “meet the right person”, just like a straight man wouldn’t change his mind about being straight when he met the right guy (though some people might stop identifying as aromantic at some point in their lives for their own reasons)

being aromantic is not a mental illness or anything like that, it’s a romantic orientation like any other

not all aros are asexual, there are people who are aromantic and allosexual and there are people who identify exclusively as aromantic

romantic attraction isn’t inherently good and does not make anyone a good / better person, and the lack thereof doesn’t make anyone a bad / worse person, just like sexual attraction isn’t inherently bad and does not make anyone a bad / worse person or a predator

aros do not identify as aromantic because nobody wants to date them, in fact, lots of aros have to reject unwanted advances, while lots of aros are in romantic or queerplatonic relationships

aromantic people exist, they’re not lying about their lack of romantic attraction, nor do they “just want attention”

[xenosnowfox]

for an aro person, I fantasize a lot about intimacy. but not in a romantic context like smoochy ooky pooky boo-boo...hell no.

intimacy as in being completely emotionally open to/with someone, being so comfortable with them that you just feel safe and warm. I want to have that type of closeness with someone without having to feel guilty that I won't be able to give them romantic love.

it can be something so very deep within my core, but it's just...not romantic. is that so bad?

[xenosnowfox]

Just a reminder that platonic is not synonymous with "not romantic or sexual."

Platonic is not an umbrella for anything not romantic or sexual; things can be not romantic or sexual and also not platonic

Platonic relationships can also contain romantic or sexual aspects and vice versa; they are not mutually exclusive concepts

[xenosnowfox]

Just realized something:

The only reason I‘ve been wanting a romantic relationship (without having a romantic relationship), is because I just want to be someones most important person.

As an autistic aro, it can be very alienating when all of my friends are in romantic relationships. I don‘t understand why they want to cancel seeing me (after a few months of no contact) because they want to meet their partner (that they‘ve been with for a week straight)

No matter how tight I feel like my relationship is with someone, as soon as they fall in love, I feel like air.

I want someone to feel that way for me, without actually having to see each other all the time, without kissing and hand holding and all that jazz.

I think what I need is a dog.

Thanks for listening to my ramble

[xenosnowfox]

Sexual attraction is natural and normal. This is just as true whether you experience romantic attraction with it or not.

[xenosnowfox]

One of the most important tweets ever

[xenosnowfox]

"funny" how you always hear "asexual ppl are still capable of love!!" but never "aromantic are still capable of physical attraction!!" almost as if sex and the aromantic community in general were highly demonized <3 nah instead we get "aromantic ppl are still capable of love!!" which is incredibly harmful for a multiple of reasons. big sigh

(this isn't an attack on asexuals btw, i just hate the double standard and the "x community is still capable of y" statement to begin with)

[xenosnowfox]

aros and, more specifically, non-ace aros are allowed to have our own spaces outside of general aspec spaces it's not exclusionist to have our own specific spaces to talk about our experiences not every space is for everyone, and that's okay

same goes for aces and non-aro ace specific spaces; same goes for aroace specific spaces we do not all have to be jumbled into one space because we're all aspec, we're allowed to have spaces that cater to our own specific experiences

[xenosnowfox]

Ppl are like “wow being aro must be so easy! You don’t have to deal with crushes and breakups, you must have so much more time”

Like yeah, being aro slaps, sorry ur missing out bro

[xenosnowfox]

cold and uncaring aros are cool; fitting a stereotype is not a negative thing; you're badass as hell <2

affectionate aros are cool; not fitting the mold of expected aromanticism is not a negative thing either; you are amazing as hell <2

[xenosnowfox]

Well soooOOOooorry for wanting to fuck my friends! As if creating a warriors bond is soooo fucking wrong of me. Jesus Christ.

[xenosnowfox]

Do I want a close friendship with them? Do I want a queerplatonic relationship? I don't know that but I do know that I want to be in their life for years to come

[xenosnowfox]

wait a damn minute. you mean to tell me that when people say they have a crush on somebody, they mean that they actually want to be in a relationship with them ??? not that they just think they're aesthetically pleasing and a nice person ???? weird.

[xenosnowfox]

as an aromantic person in this very amatonormative society, I tend to get very weird comments when I mention my aromanticism to someone who isn't, especially to those who had no knowledge of the existence of this orientation.

"saves you from the heartbreak"

"you're so lucky"

"that's so sad"

"I wish I were aro"

and so on and so forth, but the worst one I had ever received was a couple of days ago, from my closest friend to whom I came out to first when I had discovered I was aro...he said "you just use people, you treat them like accessories".

I had never felt more hurt and offended than I did in that moment. I don't use people. I don't treat them like accessories.

amatonormativity is so installed in people's minds that they cannot possibly imagine a healthy relationship where there isn't romantic love. just because I can't give that, I am seen as a heartless, cold monster. it hurts, and you know why? because my heart is the size of a mountain, I can love so, so much. it just isn't romantic and society needs to start accepting that romantic love/attraction isn't the superior one out of all of them.

[xenosnowfox]

the best part about james team rocket is that you can put his face on any pride flag and there’s like a 97% chance it fits