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[ She forces herself to look away from Jasper, and to stand. She brushes the sand off her skirt and turns away from the other Gem, taking a half step before stopping, hesitating. ]

I’m sorry. 

[ Her gem glows faintly as she waves her hands out to her sides, summoning her wings. Her knees bend slightly before she launches herself into the air, up to the top of the light house. There were a lot of awkward feelings that came with that accidental fusion, and what she felt she needed right now was to get away from Jasper. Away from everyone. ]

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[ She forces herself to look away from Jasper, and to stand. She brushes the sand off her skirt and turns away from the other Gem, taking a half step before stopping, hesitating. ]

I'm sorry. 

[ Her gem glows faintly as she waves her hands out to her sides, summoning her wings. Her knees bend slightly before she launches herself into the air, up to the top of the light house. There were a lot of awkward feelings that came with that accidental fusion, and what she felt she needed right now was to get away from Jasper. Away from everyone. ]

Jasper doesn’t respond, at first, not getting up from where the quickly discarded fusion had left her sitting in the sand. Malachite had felt different, but she’d felt familiar, too, unsettlingly so, unearthing feelings that she’d been working hard to bury. She hadn’t thought about the ocean in a while, had almost started to hope that she could leave it in the past entirely, especially now that she and Lapis were on better terms, but–  

She can practically feel Lapis staring at her, but Jasper can’t bring herself to look up, squeezes her eyes shut instead and digs her fingers into the sand.

“You’re right. We shouldn’t. We won’t.”

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[ Malachite feels different. She probably looks different too, but Lapis doesn’t let the fusion last long enough for either of them to really take notice of anything. She practically tears them apart, throwing them out of the fusion. She stumbles back on her feet as she tries to gain her balance-- only to ultimately fall on her rear end. ]

[ Once she’s got her bearings back, she doesn’t know what to do. She just... stares at Jasper like a deer in the headlights. ]

...Maybe we shouldn’t do that anymore.

“Don’t you? We make a good pair.” 

It was only supposed to be a tease, but there’s a tinge of honesty there that can’t prevent. They certainly make good dance partners, frivolous as it still seems to Jasper, moving together with the sort of ease that Jasper hadn’t expected to find with anyone, least of all Lapis. Yet here they are, and Jasper finds herself thinking that Lapis is practically glowing even before her gem lights up to illuminate Lapis’s face. 

It’s only after she instinctively dips Lapis to complete their dance that Jasper fully realizes what it means, and by then it’s too late, and Jasper can do nothing but fall into the pull of fusion. 

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[ She doesn't understand why Jasper's even bothering her. She claims to not want to hear it, that she wants her to sit quiet and behaved, but she was the one who initiated the conversation. Lapis was doing exactly what she claims she wanted. She can't help but think that Jasper gets some kind of sick enjoyment from this. From her position she feels like an ant. ]

[ Part of her maybe even wants to blame Jasper, but she knows it's ridiculous, so she leaves the blame for her predicament on herself. That doesn’t stop her from mumbling under her breath. ]

That’s exactly what I was doing.

Jasper rolled her eyes, clearly unconvinced by Lapis’s claim. “Save it for the trial, Lazuli. Even if I believed your half-baked excuses, it wouldn’t help you. Besides, I don’t want to hear it.” 

It wasn’t that Jasper had any specific grudge against Lapis, of course. Sure, she was guilty of treason, but it was light treason, and frankly, Jasper didn’t really care that the gems on Earth had a warning. She had no doubt that she could overpower them, even if they were prepared for her arrival. But she had no reason to treat Lapis with any special respect now, either, regardless of what her rank had been before. She was a criminal now. 

“Just sit quietly and don’t make a fuss. We’ll arrive on Earth soon enough.” 

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Supper! Bbl

lms for a starter after supper

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I just wanted my life back! Does it look like I know what I’m doing anymore? I hate this. I hate having to wait and see what’s going to unfold because everything I wanted slipped through my fingers over a mistake. If I could take back contacting Steven, maybe I would, because things wouldn’t have turned out any different.

Is that what you wanted to hear? That I’m just as lost as you are?

“Do you really blame them for being so wary? You just showed up out of nowhere. You weren’t even on record anymore! Every Gem on Homeworld thought that Earth had been evacuated so for you to just.. fly in.. it caused some stir.”

Jasper huffed. “If you had just come back it would have been sorted out. Instead, you caused trouble and now you’re going to.. what, after this put yourself back in solitary? Join up with a bunch of traitors who kept you prisoner?”

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Brought this on myself?

All I did was go home after thousands of years of not only imprisonment, but solitary confinement. I was treated with nothing but hostility and disdain from the moment I set foot on Home World. Sorry if I didn’t want you to drag me back there to be treated not only like an alien but like a traitor.

Home World was my home as much as it is yours.

“Thick-headed? Debatable? You’re the one who brought all this on yourself in the first place!

“It was my job to get you here and then back to Homeworld.. but you betrayed me and then tried to keep me prisoner! Sorry for not being pleasant to deal with after that!”

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I really just loved this pose so I wanted to do a panel re-draw for once UwU always wanted to do these maybe I’ll try ‘em more often~

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I don’t care if I’m ‘likable’ but at least I’m not so thick headed as to actively be a pain for everyone to deal with. 

And that’s debatable. 

“ I want your help, but I could do without the running commentary on my behavior. Like you have room to judge.”

“And you know I’m at least more tolerable than the Crystal Gems.”

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Do you want me to leave you alone? I gladly would, but I remember very clearly that you wanted my help.

The longer I have to put up with you the more I think you deserve to just suffer being stranded.

“That’s funny coming from someone who won’t leave me alone.”

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there we go URL and theme change /o/

usqueadmare > xdmare

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You have this way with people that makes them want to not be around you.

“I haven’t been seeing any of Peridot.”

“..What are you implying?”

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okay friends can i talk about lapis lazuli feelings for a moment

i just. i feel like there is a certain aspect that i don’t see talked about much; which is the issue of trust. lapis doesn’t trust anyone but herself, anymore.  it has been too long and she has been left broken for too long and now what she has is this desperate, jagged edges of herself that she is holding together with what little emotional strength she has left 

and she is hurting, and she is powerful, and she is angry.  and none of this negates the show’s presentation and steven’s assertion that she’s a good person.  but what we see, time after time, is her lashing out.  repeatedly.  every time she’s pushed too far, lapis strikes back, and lapis strikes mercilessly.  she doesn’t know how to care about anyone else, really, anymore. she tries, with steven, who is the only one around who has actually helped her, but in the end he’s on the other side, with the crystal gems, and the only side lapis is on is her own. 

she doesn’t emote much, in the show, she seems like kind of a quiet person.  but there has to be such a storm going on inside. i don’t think lapis lazuli is going to be okay for a very, very long time.

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spindashass

I haven’t been seeing much of Peridot. What did you do?