x0-chrl1

[x0-chrl1]

i really am so tired of being busy. of being annoyed when my friends ask to hang out with me (because i know that i will never have the time to, that every minute im spending with them could be used to finish an english assignment.) im tired of late nights, nights where i get home at 6, eat, shower, and start my work at 8. and suddenly, oh no, the clock has struck 12 and my carriage is a pumpkin and ive written only a sentence.

and maybe its easy for everyone, but i think theres something wrong with me. i mean, clearly theres plenty wrong with me, but either im stupid or im lazy or everyone else is just trying harder and isnt affected. and maybe they are, and maybe everyone is stronger than me.

and i get told that life gets harder, and that really makes me wonder. what the fuck is the point of any of this? if i work hard at school all day, and i come home and work hard again, and the cycle goes on until i get into MORE school so that i can go to ANOTHER school so that i can get a well paying job...

why? why should i? why should i go be a doctor? why shouldnt i go hop into a van with my bass and a dream, and drive around the country screaming into microphones and having fun and not having a care in the world because im supposed to enjoy my time on earth, im supposed to have fun, im not supposed to be spending my very limited time locked in my room writing fucking research papers and crying because im so behind on my schoolwork that i cant breathe.

i really am so fucking tired of being busy.