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the apothecary diaries does such a great job of portraying how traumatizing it can be to be a victim of pedophilia and grooming, instead of romanticizing it like a lot of anime series do. it is disturbing, it makes audience uncomfortable and disgusted — which is how we must feel about pedophilia. you're not supposed to feel comfortable because it's 'normalized' or 'just fiction'; you're supposed to feel disgusted.

the creator didn't make anshi 'fall in love' with the previous emperor or develop a stockholm syndrome — instead, she took her revenge in the same way he hurt her and other girls, which he deserved. her anger, hatred and disgust towards him are rightly justified and realistic for a victim of pedophilia.

the older palace lady (who might or might not be a ghost) told the girls abt her story as a victim of the previous emperor at the ghost story gathering:

whether or not she was a ghost, she wanted her story to be heard, of how much the victims suffered at the hands of the previous emperor. they were imprisoned for the rest of their lives in the same place that ruined their lives. telling her story might be the only way for her to find peace within herself.

an abuser may die but the trauma he leaves on his victims will last forever. it does not go away.

it's even presented as a horror story because there's nothing more terrifying than SA.

(i may have missed a few points but im keeping this brief. thank you for reading my essay!)

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14 dazai from last year i forgot to post 🤧

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bawling my eyes out

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sweet nothings

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It is 2024 I am once again asking for a tsubasa reservoir chronicle anime remake

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It’s heartbreaking to know that when Anshi looks back on her first encounter with the late emperor—the man who sexually abused her for years—she can only describe her 10-year old self as ambitious.

In the light novel, Anshi is far less aware of why she was sent to the rear palace, and it’s clear in the books that she did not intend to grab the emperor’s attention.

But in the manga—now the anime—she says she knew, that she understood what she was getting into, and that she reached out to him deliberately.

This is very likely a lie she told herself to cope with the trauma of the abuse she endured, abuse that dictated the course of the rest of her life, for better or for worse.

Because, even if Anshi knew, on paper, what her father intended by sending her to the rear palace, what 10-year old would understand, truly, the implications of winning the emperor’s favor? What prepubescent child fully understands sexual grooming or abuse for what it is, understands how it will hurt them?

Anshi falls for the oldest lie children of sexual abuse tell themselves: that they brought this upon themselves, that they were somehow responsible for what happened.

Telling herself that she put herself in his path out of ambition gives her the illusion of agency. It allows her to ignore the glaring, obvious signs that she could not have refused him if she’d wanted to. It is also a manifestation of her own self-loathing, the all too common misplaced guilt that rape survivors feel in the wake of their assault.

This particular coping mechanism is what drove her to assault the late emperor right back when she was in her late 20’s.

That helplessness, that rage, that unresolved trauma, led to her repeating the cycle of abuse, led her to forcing herself onto him as an adult to reclaim that agency she knows she never had.

And this assault brought about her second pregnancy—the birth of the moon prince, the current emperor’s younger brother.

And even though Anshi knows Jinshi is Ah-Duo’s son, not hers, Anshi was still the woman who raised him. She feels this guilt and revulsion every time she looks at Jinshi, especially since he resembles the late emperor so strongly.

And even though Anshi loves Jinshi deeply, she is constantly haunted by the self-loathing she associates with him. She calls his very existence immoral, a living embodiment of her sins. And it’s so heart-wrenching, so tragic that she blames herself for everything, that she believes all of this happened due to her own, selfish sense of ambition.

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Maomao is the consorts pet cat:

1) She gets rid of pests

2) She eats things she’s not supposed to

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what i love about Maomao is that she is ALL for the girls like she doesn't judge or look down on the concubines she calls the courtesans she grew up with her sisters and when Lady Lihua looked like she was about to fucking deck Lady Shin she literally giggled and was proud that Lihua was standing up for herself like Maomao is the NUMBER ONE supporter of women and strong women shes a cheerleader for women and i will always love that about her

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other stuff i made for the soukoku roommate au

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Hanako as a representation of abuse

This is an extensive post of how abuse afflicted Yugi Amane and even Hanako's behavior well into afterlife. Of course, emotional abuse is directly related to physical abuse, so I'll be talking about them together for the most part.

1. Behavioural Signs in Yugi Amane

We don't know why or who is behind this, and I won't particularly talk about it since it's not the focus anyway. We know his abuse started somewhere during his first year and was repeated until his suicide, july of his 2nd year. According to Tsuchigomori, he was badly injured every single day, so that's at least around a year worth of constant physical abuse.

However, it's important to note that it's very likely that before the physical abuse, emotional abuse was already consistently taking place, with multiple signs- He's isolated, experiences social withdrawal and has no friends, skips classes & school activities and has poor academic performance that contrasts his actual capabilities.

His emotional development is poor; He has difficulties expressing and understanding his own feelings, very likely a factor in the degradation of his and Tsukasa's relationship where Tsukasa can't understand Amane and Amane can't understand Tsukasa either due to lack of proper communication, and something that carries well over into the afterlife as Hanako.

The physical abuse worsened his already messed up mental state, and everything ultimately drove him into depression. He engages in behavior that puts his own safety in jeopardy (Like when he was way too close to falling over the window, both of his feet were at the very edge of the window frame), and while his love towards space stayed the same, he was overtaken by feelings of helplessness.

Even a rock could travel from the Moon to Earth, which gave him hope. It's important to highlight the word "even". He claims that if 'even' a rock can go this far, so can he, suggesting very low self-esteem. It's an object that carried him through many hardships because of this hope, but everything got so bad said hope just made him feel worse. At some point he started experiencing active suicidal ideation, marked by him giving away his treasured possession to Tsuchigomori in order to rid himself of this "hope", and declaring that he decided he wouldn't "go anywhere", a clear metaphor for deciding he would give up on his future and take his own life. He decided he cannot go anywhere near farther than a rock.

2. Behavioural signs in Hanako

As we mostly see his ghost self, we have a clearer vision of Hanako than we have of Amane. We can easily see his horribly low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. When we catch a glimpse of his perspective, we see how distorted his sense of self is.

He repeatedly claims that he isn't worth anything and that his existence itself is a punishment, and so refuses to disappear, considering that it would only be a release from the torment he deserves.

He hates himself down to his core, although this is a combined result of both depression via his experienced abuse and his PTSD of the murder-suicide. As Amane, he was capable of saying that it's fine if he's tormented this terribly, that even if there's no reason for it, he forgives it, massively contrasting Hanako who is incapable of forgiving himself, claiming that even if he had a super special reason for Tsukasa's murder, there's not a single justification that would warrant forgiveness. He's capable of forgiving anything that anyone does to him no matter how horrible, but not of forgiving himself.

As such, verbal abuse directed at him is taken positively by him, such as when Akane states that "reformed villains", refering to Hanako, make him sick, continuing to talk about how he can never take back what he did, essentially degrading him. He was given very harsh words that visibly hurt him, even implying that it triggered his PTSD for a moment, yet he could only claim that Akane is the type of person he likes most, as he was essentially validating and feeding into Hanako's already deeply negative view of himself.

This is also supported by his time in the Picture Perfect arc via his belief that he's undeserving of anything better for himself. Hanako said it himself in 71 that he wished he could've lived a normal life with Nene and Kou, and the Picture World reflected exactly that.

It's a world that was shaped exactly like he wanted, and that's exactly why he hated it. He knew what his reality was, and furthermore, he knows of his crimes and how he was the one who destroyed his own future, and so thinks he's undeserving of it.

He refuses to look at the stars for too long, because that reminds him of the hopes and dreams he gave up on in reality- He has no right to dare pick them up again, further highlighted by him refusing to go on the moon in the End of a Dream. His wish wasn't granted while alive, and now can't be granted after death.

In his helplessness, he is unable to reach for better circumstances for himself. After all, he's quick to adapt to whatever bad thing comes his way. "It's just how the world works", and he has to accept it.

However, we know how that doesn't apply to the people he cares about. He may have given up on everything, but he is unable to give up on the people he loves. No matter how much he suffers, no matter what he has to do, he wants the people he loves to find happiness.

No matter how much he tried to tell himself he isn't supposed to care, he desperately wants them to live the fulfilling lives he didn't have. And if he is the one that gives them the salvation they need, he finds the indulgence to want a small part of him to live through them, the indulgence to hate himself just a little bit less.

He actively attempts to hide his past from other people, being content with them only knowing basic information about it (that he's a murderer), mainly because he doesn't want to appear vulnerable or know how much of a horrible person (according to himself) he actually is.

When it comes to people he has a good relationship with like Nene, he's actually afraid of them finding out, and even months after promising he would tell Nene everything, he's still reluctant to do so due to overall difficulty with opening up- exposure to characters or topics that relate to his past more often than not results in reactions varying from heavy emotional distress, expressing aggression, anger, guilt and/or shame, to reliving traumatic events. Avoidance seems to be his main method of coping.

Hanako suffers from emotional dysregulation. He not only has high difficulties processing and expressing his feelings, but has difficulty picking up on others' emotions as well. For half a century he had been socially and emotionally neglected while also being incapable of ever maturing past the age of 13, much less healing from his past experiences. They rather worsened due to a supernatural lifestyle. When he first met Nene, he wasn't behaving appropriately at all due to this and their relationship went through many difficulties due to his lack of boundaries and poor emotional intelligence, and him communicating his true feelings is always a rare occasion.

Not only did he not take into account other people's feelings ("Yashiro will hate it, but it's ok, she'll move on someday and live her life", not taking into account and understanding others being possibly spiteful over his actions and direct their hate towards innocent parties), he doesn't even take into account his own ("Why? Good question. Why am I doing it?" and "Even though I was prepared to never see you again, I'm so happy to have you back. Weird, right? There must be something wrong with me"). However, due to Nene's influence, he seems to be a little more upfront with his feelings lately.

He's also incredibly self-reliant. Both events of Picture Perfect and the Severance were a result of Hanako doing everything by himself without consulting anyone. He decided by himself that he's the only one that should dirty his hands as he was already a sinner, that it's easier to dump everything on the one that's already guilty of similar crimes, because he didn't have any other solution in sight. It's important to note that he took the *entire* blame for the Severance- Even if all he did was feign ignorance to no. 6's actions.

Him being grounded in the miserable reality he finds himself in is both a strength (as he is quick to adapt to his conditions) and a major weakness- He'll only be able to see the most practical, yet unfortunate approaches.

In the Clock Keepers arc, he wanted to trust Kou when he said he would save Nene, but his attempt quickly turned to failure when he was not seeing any tries, let alone results. He was even upset at Kou when he considered that if he wanted the job done he should have just done it himself, knowing that his methods aren't ones someone would approve of. Methods that he doesn't approve of himself, but carried them out anyway in his despair.

In fact, Hanako did not break free from the shackles of abuse. He is a child that has been placed in a position of leadership filled with various responsibilities for fifty years. He is committed to his duties as a mystery after being promised salvation by 'God', believing that his sins would be forgiven, but he's essentially just being used.

He is, in present time, still repeatedly emotionally abused, manipulated and exploited to fulfill others' agenda. After all, control is at the heart of abuse, and his vulnerabilities will continue to just get taken advantage of as long as he's only capable of masking and avoiding them. However, Nene's influence upon him seems to make him capable of slightly improving himself, even if it's just very small steps at a time.

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his hesitation breaks me, but it's completely logical when you consider that he hasn't been outside of the school since around 50 years ago.

and after all that time, the only time he gets to see the city he shared with his brother, it isn't even real...

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I don’t understand how so many Teru fans acknowledge that he was abused and STILL agree with him that all supernaturals are evil, when that belief itself is a product of the abuse he experienced. Teru did not come up with the “there are no good supernaturals” concept on his own, that sentiment has been in the Minamoto clan since Hakubo served them. Abusive households will brainwash you into believing things in order to keep you in line, which we see with Teru in how he’s entirely unable to see nuance in the situation due to his upbringing. That black and white way of thinking has been ingrained in him as a way to mold him into the perfect child soldier

Compare him to Kou, who didn’t endure the same physical abuse that Teru did (physical as in being put in life-threatening situations, Kou was still neglected which is also a form of abuse). He wasn’t expected to be an exorcist and therefore those ideals weren’t pushed on him as heavily as they were Teru. He’s able to look at things more objectively that way, because his feelings on the matter aren’t the product of a trauma response (trauma or any form of mental illness can skew people’s perception of things)

Also keep in mind that Teru contradicts himself at multiple points throughout the series. He lets the mokke live because Tiara likes them, even keeping one as a pet. He allies himself with Akane despite his association with the Clock Keepers. He lets Hanako get away because he doesn’t want to upset Kou. If Teru truly believed that there were NO good supernaturals, he wouldn’t make exceptions. Because that would mean putting his siblings in danger, and we all know that’s the last thing Teru wants to do

To be clear, I’m sure Teru does genuinely think that all supernaturals are evil. It’s a known fact that Teru HATES supernaturals. However, I think he is at least subconsciously aware of his own hypocrisy. That’s why Akane’s betrayal hit him so hard, for once he relied on his own instincts rather than the beliefs his abusers spoon-fed him, and he paid the price for it. But that doesn’t mean he was wrong to trust his gut!! In fact it’s a GOOD thing that Teru was able to make an exception, he made friends that way and seemed to have some impressive character development. Even if he didn’t realize he was doing it, looking past his own beliefs helped him grow so much as a person. He found an escape that way, something he wouldn’t have found if he stuck with what he was taught

Anyways. Most people who give this take don’t gaf abt humanizing the supernatural characters so I wanted to show how it harms Teru as well. By saying “all supernaturals are evil” you are agreeing more with Teru’s abusers than Teru himself

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[ intro ]

hello! i'm myo (⁠=⁠^⁠･⁠ｪ⁠･⁠^⁠=) she/her, 21 y/o and chilean; i'm your resident vegan lesbian atheist etc etc i love mysteries, science and things that make me think

here i talk about series, animanga and maybe in the future books i like and mostly skk i love skk they are my soul or something like that

my favourite series are: one piece, bungou stray dogs, fullmetal alchemist, jibaku shonen hanako-kun, natsume's book of friends, the apothecary diaries, shoushimin, kageki shoujo, spyxfamily, tsubasa reservoir chronicles, xxxholic, the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all, colette decides to die, sasaki and miyano, honey lemon soda, yona of the dawn, yume no hashibashi, frieren: journey's end, detective conan... gravity falls, steven universe, the owl house

thanks for reading ig...

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Maomao is living the dream of being the smartest person in the room, being in a political situation in wich you dont have enough power to have responsabilities but also you are powerful enough so people let you do wethever you want, girl with big tiddies love her, a pathetic man that looks like a girl is in love with her, she wears cute outfits time to time, she helps other women, she even has a cat now.

Maomao the character you are

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maomao when every important figure in the empire keeps asking for her help