writingforyourlovee

[writingforyourlovee]

plaster the walls in finger prints,

like glass leaving water stains on the kitchen counter.

write to me at the end of the day to tell me the demons have vanished,

as time wraps restraints around his neck, I never said I promised.

[writingforyourlovee]

you’ve filled our lives with baby cuddles, midnight cries and baby bottles.

eight whole weeks we’ve been all together,

still trying to grasp the emotions, I am a mother.

our lives before you seem small and gray,

the rainbows on your onesie paint the stage, for all you have given us,

infinite love and purpose, I love being your mama and Cora, don’t forget it.

[writingforyourlovee]

two lines light pink,

write the words I only once stammered.

I am going to be a mother.

the waiting game, each day,

praying to god like never before,

get me through these next four weeks.

so I can see our sweet baby across the black and white screen.

emotions run like roller coasters, thick and hot like summer heat,

am I still going to be who I aspire to be?

[writingforyourlovee]

you taste like bitterness across white lined pages,

emptiness as time fills the spaces.

hover over me like a spark of hope,

chews up all the words I never wrote.

[writingforyourlovee]

camera flash.

the nightmares are back,

shuttering as a flash takes me back,

each and every time I close my eyes,

I watch over and over again as I see your soul passing by.

strip these sheets like flesh on bone,

tearing apart a world I once felt like was home.

[writingforyourlovee]

what about the click that the front door makes, when it’s late and you’re drunk,

stepping up the stairs like stones of whiskey in the bottle,

blurring the railings so you only tread harder.

[writingforyourlovee]

have my fingertips lost lust filled motions?

like jumping fences on the night skies,

did my heart become a stone in the tall grass?

as if I thought connection through flesh would hold the gates open.

yet all I have to hold is the trembling between my thighs, as if time will open wide

[writingforyourlovee]

if i think hard enough,

click my shoes on the hard wood floors fifteen times,

then I can smell the church in which I realized I grew out of.

as if through acceptance of the world my mother painted for me,

was an escape for the carbonated emotions I have been leaking through the cracks in the roof,

which has lead me to my version of the truth

[writingforyourlovee]

bit my lip hard enough that the blood tastes like whiskey.

held out my hand for the woman I dropped at the front door,

the time bomb in my mind is heating up with the fire of my demise

[writingforyourlovee]

slender heart, lined lips,

kisses slide in like a skipped beat,

no one ever asks how time slows down,

until the haunting plows through intimacy,

fingerprints on the walls never screamed so loud.

[writingforyourlovee]

white dress, navy suit,

I do, I do too.

I love you like an ocean wave, through highs and lows, tide changes and stormy seas,

You are mine until the end of time.

07.29.22

[writingforyourlovee]

11 days.

why does no one ever talk about how marriage is scary?

how you’ve spent the last 27 years of your life being Celine Dagenais,

only for two “I do’s” with no objections will make you Celine Wyckoff.

long gone will be the days of people groaning when they have to spell my last name,

who knows maybe the Celine Dion jokes will bury themselves,

and why in the fuck does no one talk about how you feel like you’re losing your identity?

I love matt more than words, we have made this house our home but I feel as if my life is about to change in monumental ways.

maybe I feel as if by ditching my family name makes me less connected, as the only girl, the only one to change their name makes me sad.

while you could argue I could hyphen, Dagenais-Wyckoff is a mouthful and a half.

I’m not scared to marry just to lose myself completely even though matt and I have been our own family for some time now, I just don’t want to lose the parts of myself which tie me to my parents, for one day they’ll be gone and part of me will die inside

maybe I just need a tall glass of therapy

[writingforyourlovee]

my chest is heavy, like paper weights on a windowsill,

waiting for the sunshine to grace me with glimmers of hope,

as I tighten the shades and embrace my anxiety streaked shame.

hover over me like a mother watching a child,

hold me close and fear cakes my face like foundation mutes the tears.

how much longer until time lets me get away from here?

[writingforyourlovee]

Matt, you are my best friend.

as we stand here today in front of our family and friends I want to pinch myself.

if anyone ever asked me when I met you fourteen years ago we would be in this exact moment I would have laughed, mostly because Laura was always the one saying “Celine you need to date my cousin”

You and I have shared so many memories together, from trips to Newport, Vermont and especially here in Maine. We have begun to build our lives together, our house feels like a home, especially because you’re so good at doing the dishes and making the bed.

You are my ocean wave, regardless of the highs and lows that life throws at us, I know you will withstand the change in seasons and tides.

I promise to love you unconditionally everyday, to cherish the past, present and future relationship we will have. I am filled with joy knowing that you are my husband and I will standby you for the rest of the. I love you always

[writingforyourlovee]

07/29/2022

The day I will become one with you.

You used to read my poetry to determine my mood,

I hope you forgot about this, so I can brainstorm my vows to you.

Matt, in case you’re reading this, my god I can’t wait to marry you

[writingforyourlovee]

inhale.

allow for the fears to dig deep in the soil like the fallen branches in the yard.

exhale.

as time whispers anxiety coming to a head, bury me like broken glass in the sand.

come over me.

like stars against the night sky, crush time through my hollow heart,

maybe the first step in healing is admitting you’re falling apart.

[writingforyourlovee]

white dress, free mind,

open hands, leading to mine.

follow me out, shut the door,

kiss me twice before the flower petals hit the floor.