writer-at-event-horizon

[writer-at-event-horizon]

Farewell My Past

I think it’s time that my words no longer find this place. For so long they have held my thoughts, regrets and despair. I am free now, so with this I bid farewell to my past and ready myself for the future. No matter the battle, I will continue on.

March 5, 2024

AVM

[writer-at-event-horizon]

At the Edge

Fighting at the edge of sanity, I carry my sword. Is it my creed? Is it belief? Where do I find the courage to move forward?

As the days pass by, I question everything I stand for. A warrior or I have become a coward falling on the double edge. My army falls behind. There is no backup.

The traps have set themselves up around me, sinking and wounding me, but is it beyond repair?

As I drag myself bit by bit, the blood runs through every request I’ve made. Am I a leader, the one who carries the weight of this battle against the odds of fate?

Who am I in this field of dead dreams and upon wounds?

Who am when I stare at death denying it any chance of winning?

I am war.

March 5, 2024

AVM

[writer-at-event-horizon]

Remains of My Grief

My love turned poisonous as my life was chained away to a bed and a room full of nightmares. A visit every night, yet no comfort or warmth could ever reach my side. The fog of sickness thwarted all attempts. And to survive, I burned bridges and built up walls, and every stone you threw only helped make it higher.

In the end, when I was ready to tumble the wall down, you, on the other side, had given up on everything. My voice roared with conviction, but your heart had learned loss as well.

When the time came to say goodbye, the bridge still stood in ashes, but my love for you remained as an existing reminder of the person who stood by my side even though they could never make a difference.

AVM

December 11, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

I Have Lost

I have lost my father.

I have lost my husband.

I have lost my home.

I have lost my safety.

Yet here, within these four walls there is still much to lose.

Peaking into the abyss of the future, I can’t help but feel remorse for something that has yet to happen.

I have chosen this path for myself, and there will come a time when I lose it all. When that time comes, I hope I am ready to endure.

And when that moment stares at me straight in the face, I hope I come out winning.

I hope all this loss leads to something.

For the sake of my soul, for the sake of my heart.

AVM

December 6, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

The Paradox

Ask me now?

Here is your chance.

Claim your truth while I scream mine.

Run away with envy, escape somehow with greed.

Before you, the choice to save or burn me.

If my words are not enough, how could I ever be?

I am composed of letters to words, from sentences to paragraphs.

Who am I but the very nature of a book?

What is my message but a cry for help?

The nature of this game is a play of words and feelings.

Before you, an almanac of my soul.

Slowly, it has been torn, and quickly, it has vanished under the pressure of love.

The violence rips the beauty and leaves away the scarred.

The Library of Vows no longer holds one in its collections.

It has lost all credibility, an empty composition begging to be read, to be understood.

The cart pulls away the only copy to the discarded pile, ready to be turned to ash.

Is there no one in this place who is willing to bet on this old, tattered text?

If before you are the solution to the mysteries of the universe, why can’t anyone comprehend its lesson?

The answer is not a complex one.

The only meaning behind the knowledge is those who are worthy may absorb its greatness.

But, here, before the loneliness of the forgotten, it makes its way to an end, to be lost forever.

For the sake of all those who live under the pressure of dreams and reality.

I hope and pray that maybe one will save this poor soul.

So, there may be meaning behind the power to change the past, present, and future.

For what are feelings, but the very nature of time.

They flow without permission.

Forever tied only to the one who remembers their existence in the flesh and mind.

They are left in the surroundings, in every object, especially in writing.

They impact the very nature of life, every decision, regret or otherwise.

The power to change the future is held within our very own experience.

The fire burns bright before the furnace, and a swift goodbye is left.

The book of life and death, the one that held everything I am, was and would ever be.

It makes its way to destruction, but before an end is guaranteed, shall we name the book?

What is the title of such a masterpiece?

The name is…

AVM

November 11, 2026

[writer-at-event-horizon]

The Fall

Among the stars, a wish fell without remorse or warning of any kind.

The atmosphere blew away its message, the rapid retreat to the surface.

Upon its crash, there was nothing, not even the gentle need, a desperate request.

Upon the remains, there was nothing to ask or seek.

And beneath the pebbles, there was no evidence of the long journey.

How shall I see what I hoped, and now must live on faith?

For love was the forgotten promise, and before me, there is no proof. The need to prove, to explain, to forget, to forgive nothing is left but the cataclysm of regrets.

My world was shattered by my escape, hidden beneath layers of concrete, trying to escape the coming wave of violent shakes upon my heart and soul. The shouts echo through the aftershock.

Can someone hear me?

Salvation is nowhere to be found, but among the desperate need for survival, there is a fight. In the moments where nothing is left upon the scorched earth, there is flight.

 I am a coward today, but I live to dream another day.

AVM

November 26, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

The Escape

Any words, think of one. If only one could describe the silence. If maybe two could help me escape the violence. A handwritten note crumbled away in the trash can, a perfect fire to burn, brings demise to the feelings of helplessness.

And what is this plea but a reminder of the choice I have made to save my sanity?

In the presence of my present, there is no room for failure, the heaviest weight of a future hanging by the string of fate. But I cannot believe that this is not a chosen destiny, whether in harm or pain; moving forward is the only way.

If dreams were an escape, my nightmares are a reminder of why I cannot walk away. The demons under the bed a gentle whisper that I must not return when I have just barely escaped. For not the voice of insanity but of the reason for all those thoughts and requests made by the one I have abandoned and forgotten.

Shall I bear their cross amidst the suffocating deserts that present mirages of opportunity, illusions of comfort?

Then a compound of phrases, brought together to sing the perfect tune that I shall not give up, even on my knees, I shall not remain, even blind, deaf and mute shall I never escape the need to succeed, to reach for the heavens until my last breath.

AVM

November 26, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

The Final Journey Between Us

How many times did I open the door and drive away? The hours would pass, each thought a comfort. The destination was always you.

Through the roads, skies, sands, and forest, I would travel. The hours would be anxious with the need to see you, and soon I would.

The days passed, and with every goodbye, the distance between us became farther and farther away.

Today, the journey is silent but peaceful. The road is calm and welcoming. Every tear that falls is an expected goodbye. The journey to your side comes to an end.

Tomorrow, a memory of each break and turn, a lovely reminder of our life together.

Goodbye, King.

Always.

AVM

October 23, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

The Winning Hand

How many lies will it take for the truth to be revealed?

Do you think this is a game?

Of luck or rotten odds, did you think I could not see beyond the façade?

Sweet words, a conniving melody, yet I am convinced.

Illusioned by the idea that your every word may be real.

If stories came from bad endings, then what was the past but an ever-ending tragedy?

To what end, did you leave the people who cared for you?

How many lies will it take for a humble moment of understanding?

If standing on the mountain pointing fingers at everyone, does that make you king?

Or the fool stuck at the top, with no way down.

If you take responsibility for your actions, then what will happen to you who fell to despair and suffering?

How many times will you build yourself trusting in your justice?

You have fallen from each pedestal you put your scars on.

Blaming everyone for their actions but taking none for your inaction.

The idea of fairness died when people thought they deserved an answer.

Because, at the end of the day, we all have the same question, yet we keep on with our lives, hoping that our own conclusion is enough.

With this game of odds, we seem to be playing, who do you think holds the winning hand?

AVM July 18, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

Momentum

Can I turn the wheel of time for just one moment?

The question asked as soon as the blade made contact with my back. I looked forward, make no mistake, I knew exactly who stood behind me.

Did I want to react in time?

Did I want you to stop?

The simple answer is yes.

But no, I believed in you.

I believed you would do the right thing.

But no, because there is a difference between those who crumble and those who push forward. The knife at my back will not stop me. It will give me the pain, to remind me only those who are worthy can watch my back.

You get to see me walk away and stand still in the same place where you decided to betray. And the world will weep for the loss of another friend, of another broken promise, of another chance to make things right.

In front of you was not my back. It was a mirror showing you the monster you are. Without reprieve, it reminded you of everything you are not. The answer was simple you held power in your hands, an advantage to strike on the once defenseless back.

You break me into pieces, thinking you have gained another righteous excuse to defend your cause. But the mirror only shatters as I walk away. Leaving you with each piece of glass to reflect on how broken you have become.

The anger, resentment, and loss have all fallen even upon the steps of love. An everlasting belief that I am worth more. Today, more than ever, a silent goodbye is nothing more than a loud command.

Forward, don’t look back.

Forward, don’t turn the clock.

Forward, don’t forget.

Forward, forward till my feet fail.

Forward, till I reach the highest part of the mountain.

Forward, till I look down on my past and know that I made the correct choice.

Forward, till I hold no regrets.

And in the end, forward is what will keep me alive.

From people like you.

AVM                                                                                                                        August 22, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

My Condition

The days are counted, and all of them have a sign. Up or down, no one ever knows the way. Lost between the wants and all the misgivings. The world can't seem to understand. The heart is constantly changing, yet mine always follows the same beat.

The sound echoes no matter where, whether it's the house where we used to live or the apartment that holds me now. The drops are part of the pattern, whether it's my sweat or tears, whether in blood or salt.

The months have passed, yet no one can decipher this illness. The disease is embedded in every synapse, flowing through my blood. No matter how much the rhythm repeats, no one wants to buy the song. Play it over and over again, and so, here, the only person listening is me, myself, and I.

I'm hoping one day, someone will want to learn, seek and understand. But all that desire is a dream, followed by infinite nightmares. The people try one by one, always leaving at the end.

Another beat is left behind to join my symphony. I am sorry resounds, together with going away. Why don't you lock yourself up? Why don't you sink to the bottom of that well? Don't you see it's better to dive deep when you have no control over yourself?

The days, months, and years turn into a sad composition of dreams turned nightmares, friends turned to strangers, lovers turned into critics, and in the end, no one is left. Life flies by, and the only question that keeps returning is when will it end?

AVM

[writer-at-event-horizon]

A Hundred Times

99 poems I wrote,

99 times I said I loved you,

That I was afraid,

Angry, the resentment,

Always growing exponentially,

The fear was drowning me.

99 poems I wrote,

99 times I asked for forgiveness,

Some kind of understanding.

I begged you to stay,

Always pulling myself apart,

trying to make sense of it all.

99, and now a 100,

I have expressed everything about you and me.

Hoping something would change.

But none of the 100 you have read,

None of the 100 will you read.

AVM

May 30, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

A Fading Wish

Am I a flower, as beautiful yet fading—my time a gift, my petals a story?

Yet, under the sun, I am the brightest.

Even with the cold moon above, I am shining.

Every day but not for long, I am reminiscent and envious.

But when my time comes, I am lost, dull, and dying.

My beauty faded with each caress of the wind. I crumble as each dream and wish falls.

Yet I can't stop being hopeful that one day, I will bloom again.

For you, my sun.

For you, my moon.

AVM

April 12, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

I'm sorry

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

These are the only words that come from your mouth. Does your guilt bless me?

How am I supposed to feel after years of living in this paradox called our love?

I bear scars of love, and yours all come from a war I will never know about.

The bridge crumbles under the pressure of the bombs release upon our hearts. Each scream is a powerful explosion rocking our souls.

Can you hear me now? I can't keep screaming out. I am dying inside. How did I get lost in your existence? Now I crumble under the pressure. You left a hole in my life that doesn't seem to close.

If you knew the end, why did you let it go so long?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, my mother said years after the fact, not knowing what to do with my existence, and I know you will say it as well.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Are these the only words that will define the relationships of my life?

So, here I am crying myself underwater because all I can tell myself is I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

AVM

May 4, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

Top

Maybe your right, I should quit now. But, I have been fighting for so long that I don’t know if I could put down the gloves.

Can I let go of my dreams?

To please your pockets,

To please your loneliness,

To please your worries?

In this journey, I learned a few things.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. No good deed goes unpunished.

The world doesn’t stop for anyone.

Even then, I am going to keep going. I will send you a postcard from the top…

Always.

AVM

July 23, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

My Last Siren Song

Was I always a siren?

Why did you hear my call?

All this time, have I led you astray into the eye of the storm, where the illusion was always alive. Did you finally see how lonely it was? For all the promises of love, beauty, and adventure, it seems I left you stranded without a way out. A selfish fish who only wanted someone to never see beyond the façade, to forget the truth within her heart.

And so, I see you from the water’s edge as you strive for a way out. Have you found a way to row away in the little boat called Life? The storm has started to grow, and the waves are tall and terrifying. When you fall into cold water, will it wake you from the nightmare?

This is the time for you to swim while I watch the sea’s wrath swallow you. I know that I am a monster in this ocean full of mysteries. There was no way you would find out. There was no way you could see the truth. Because love is blind, and you are a fool.

The undercurrents push deeper into the abyss. Can you make your way back to the top? Where the pressure is worst, it’s the only way to survive. I see your struggle and only want to sing my siren song. To lure you into the safety of my arms, but pure souls like yours don’t deserve to live in a lie.

I feel my scales taking over, my beauty fading. I see your strength, fighting everything life throws at you. I believe we deserve our place, to find our way home. You into the light, and me back into the darkness of this life.

I had not heard your cries when you were lonely, always burying them under my melodic voice. I had not seen your fears when you were scared, always swimming circles around you, trying to confuse you, and not letting you find your way out.

I have always been mystical and a demon of the seas. You have known my love and hate. The beast inside me won’t ever fade away. I hope our story serves as a guide. If you ever meet another siren, like me, I hope you don’t get lost once more.

The land has always been the place of humans, and the sea is the place of monsters. It’s time you learned the difference.

Goodbye, my love,

I hope we never meet again.

AVM                                                                                                       

April 20, 2023

[writer-at-event-horizon]

Eye of the Storm

If it was love, did you ever have to choose between me or the world? Even knowing I wasn’t the correct choice, did you ever think it was important to think it through? The moments are the voices in the background, every option, where are the opportunities? Looking beyond now, I always knew love was weighed differently, each side measuring its worth. Did we ever look to the other side to see who we were?

The days have passed, and I can’t stop thinking about why? Why didn’t I look beyond? There was an ocean that divided us, and I could no longer swim willingly into the current. I can’t fight against the waves anymore. Even in my contradiction, I can’t say I ever wanted it that way.

They say that when the storm and seas have calmed in the middle of the ocean, there is no movement in the water, only the reflection of the sky. An ever dream, somehow, we never made it. This dream of you and me is an illusion because that beautiful place is dangerous. It’s called the eye of the storm.

But I can’t defend myself because I know what I have done, and the battle for me has ended. Yours has only just begun. You are now surrounded by the currents of life, being pulled under constantly. The difference is that I already know how to survive.

I kept swimming with love and hatred and surpassed even the worst moments. The ocean was once my servant. In every way, it gave and fueled my dreams and love, and one day I left it behind. The sand could not keep it company, and you tied me to the ground somehow, but I still broke free. The swim, the water, they are my home.

And in this world full of storms, I am queen.

AVM                                                                                                               April 20, 2023