woweverythinghurts - Tumblr blog

[woweverythinghurts]

gay people just be living like this

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RUE & JULES

EUPHORIA 1.08

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2020 Primetime Emmy Awards Winner for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series: Zendaya as Rue Bennett in Euphoria

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you left like i was never a reason to stay

transparent // 11.12.2017

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kinda, sorta over you

i know.

it’s been months.

you’ve moved on.

i really think i am, too.

kinda

sorta

in the process of it at least.

is this pain a sign that it’s not over

or is it a sign that i need to let it go?

it’s just that

every time i see a black cadillac

or drive past ur street

or smell a mint njoy pod

or drink a coke

or drive down an old road we used to

or hear one of the 100 country songs we used to scream the lyrics of

it fuckin burns

it stings in my veins

because i miss you.

wondering if it’s time to stop.

because you deserve so much better.

i treated you terribly and i regret it.

every single day i regret it.

i kinda, sorta miss you

i’m kinda, sorta over you

and i’m wondering

if you kinda, sorta miss me too

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[woweverythinghurts]

existentially exhausted pt. 3

do you ever get the feeling you are no ones “favorite person”? all your friends have a better friend. someone they like or would rather hang out with more than you. all your ex lovers left you for someone better. even your own parents chose their spouses, whom despise you and are consistently rude to you, over their own offspring. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i don’t mind. it makes it just a little bit easier to cut everyone off and seclude yourself in the comfort of your dark room with the soft comforter over your head.

hope tells me that someday, someone will have me as their favorite person. but the little dark, masochistic voice in my head tells me no one could ever love me and want to talk to me all the time. i talk a lot and i complain and i talk about my problems entirely too much. one day i’ll tell that voice to shut the fuck up. but for now i will write about how my heart hurts.

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existentially exhausted (2)

depression turns you into an ugly person. self hatred makes it hard for you to let anyone in. i can’t feel anymore. the only emotion i truly experience would have to be anger. my family isn’t happy so why should i be. i have no will to live. the people i thought were my friends don’t help me or even understand. and that’s not their fault because i am unable to be helped. my broken is too far gone and the damage is irreparable. at this point i truly am better of dead. i know and understand that is a selfish statement. however this is no way to live. my mother told me i’m a different person and i need to kill it. how the fuck do i tell her i can’t help myself. that i’m broken inside because of her problems and how she drinks hers away. because everyone around me is so damn broken and i don’t know what to even say or do to help. no one that drinks that much is happy. i can’t keep going or i fear i might get into my car and drive into a tree right now. god i want to. maybe if i drove into another state and died in a manner so that i may not be recognized. they would just think i’m some teen that ran away. gone for good. never hear anything more and live on. i can’t even cry anymore. i won’t amount to anything and you can’t tell me you actually believe there is a point in trying because their isn’t. not a single fucking point. i’m so damn tired of the fake smiles and pretending to be okay. this isn’t normal and i’m not fucking okay. but i won’t burden you with my problems because you have your own. what else am i supposed to do.

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"But at least I got you in my head".

Hayley Kiyoko, "Sleepover"

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existentially exhausted (1)

04/04/20

today i feel helpless

all my hard work, emotionally and mentally, seems worthless. not sure i can do college, not sure i can move out, everything scares me to the point of petrification. i begin to wonder about the fantasies of ending my existence. why would i? why shouldn’t i? what holds me back? that last question always helps me lead those thoughts to rest. doesn’t hurt to wonder? right? the immediate gratification i would feel would be enough. the immediate weight lifted off my shoulders. no more stress about money or dependencies or the future or reliabilities or my mother’s drinking habit. speaking of, i’ve recently been thinking the times i’ve been with my mother sober in the past couple years have to be less than a month. every night she stumbles in my room spitting nonsense. am i okay? what’s wrong with me? how’s my medicine? the stress about her job and her constant need for validation and rage she gets when i don’t pay attention to her. i fear if i left she would roll over and die without my support. i feel like emotionally i have to hold her together and it’s exhausting. everything’s exhausting. my hair my clothes my ascetic my future. did you know i can’t picture myself in the future? always comes up blank. i’m a huge believer in fate and i’m not sure what any of it means. whatever happens, will be. but i just don’t wanna be here anymore. being at my house, or eating a single piece of food makes me want to crawl out of my own fucking skin with rage and humiliation. i can’t do this anymore. shits has to change soon or i believe i may drive myself to my end.

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by  Trevor Anderson

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devil town, cavetown

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Alice in Wonderland Record

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life’s too short to be BITTER! spend your days LOVING and CARING and spreading this! Compliment ppl on their outfits! Message your loved ones to wish them a good night or morning when you wake up! Shout your friends lunch if they don’t have theirs or split yours with them! Love! that’s what life’s about!

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me and my friend went hiking in the woods while listening to hozier and some type of animal came pretty close to us before running away, and it was probably a deer or something but I’d like to believe that was hozier himself