wounded-dragon

[wounded-dragon]

suddenly, even swallowing feels like trying to choke down a fucking cactus.

it's funny, you know? like, how just seeing your name pop up on my timeline—just your name, not even a picture—suddenly makes my throat feel like it's stuffed with cotton balls. swallowing? not an option. not when i’m hit with this weird-ass cocktail of feelings.

i mean, how do i even begin to explain it? we were never really together, were we? it was all just pings and pixels, late-night texts and stolen moments behind screens. but damn if it didn't feel real. it felt so real that now, when i see you, it’s like this giant, invisible hand is squeezing my heart just a little too tight. just enough to remind me that i’m still here, still breathing, still missing you.

and god, i hate how much i miss you. i hate that i’ve got this mental replay button that won’t stop flashing all the good shit we had—the stupid memes, the endless convos about literally nothing, and how we made each other laugh like idiots over the dumbest things. it’s like my brain is doing this sick little game of "let's remind them of what they don’t have anymore!"

it’s like when you’re so goddamn thirsty but the only thing left in the fridge is that nasty soda no one drinks, and you’re stuck with this dry-ass throat, craving something that isn’t there anymore. that’s what seeing you feels like—like i’m thirsty for something i can't have. and it fucking sucks.

sometimes i wonder if you remember me, if something random—like a song we used to share or that stupid inside joke we had—hits you out of nowhere and makes your stomach twist the same way mine does. or maybe you’ve moved on, maybe you’re out there living your best life, and i’m just a shadow in your memory—a faint echo of something that almost was but never really got the chance to be.

it’s pathetic, really, but i can’t help it. every time i see you, i think of how we ended things—not with a bang, but with this quiet, awful fizzle. like a sparkler that burns out before you’re ready to let go. and it hurts because, despite everything, a part of me still wonders what could’ve been if we’d just held on a little tighter, a little longer.

but here we are, right? just two people who once meant the world to each other, now reduced to fleeting moments, like passing thoughts in the back of our minds, lingering only for a second before we move on.

fuck, i really need to stop thinking about you. but damn, if that were easy, i wouldn’t be sitting here, typing this shit out like some lovesick idiot. because no matter how hard i try to move on, to forget, there you are—just a scroll away, reminding me of everything we had, and everything we lost.

[wounded-dragon]

i wish i was easier to love

u.k / u.k / yves olade / japanese breakfast / ross gay / u.k / u.k / u.k

[wounded-dragon]

“you’re my best friend, now i’ve got no one to tell i’ve lost my best friend.”

….

[wounded-dragon]

when you thought you were special to someone 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

[wounded-dragon]

“If it is destroying you then it is not love my dear.”

— Unknown

[wounded-dragon]

[wounded-dragon]

[wounded-dragon]

Just because I have sadness in my heart does not make me a sad person. I can carry this pain, and still hold a flame of hope and love to bring light into darkness. I am not a sad person.

[wounded-dragon]

The More Loving One

i. Wikipedia / ii. Unknown / iii. Remember My Name - Mitski / iv. You Cooked for Me - Caitlin Conlon / v. A Loving Feeling - Mitski / vi. starparkdesigns / vii. A Burning Hill - Mitski

[wounded-dragon]

By one act I have ruined everything.

Though I desire very little, what I do desire consumed me like the shadows of my mind.

This living hell if wanting to go away, and yet go nowhere.

To be made of flesh was hells own jest

[wounded-dragon]

It's a fitting punishment for a monster. To want something so much, to hold it in your arms, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will never deserve it.

The dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn't. My guilt will not purify me.

The enormity of my desire disgusts me.

I have survived everything, but I worry that I cannot survive myself.

It's so much safer not to feel. Not to want.

[wounded-dragon]

Loudloudloudloudloudloudloud

Why do I always make the wrong choices? What is wrong with me? I get so close to being happy and I fuck it up every single time. Why do I sabotage myself? What's wrong with me?

[wounded-dragon]

How dearly I want to just crumble and fade away. This exhaustion goes beyond bone deep and yet here I am again.

When do I get to rest? When do I get the energy I put back?

I always knew I would end as I've always been: a failure

[wounded-dragon]

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

[wounded-dragon]

you do not miss them btw. you miss the version of them you created in your head to which they never lived up to

[wounded-dragon]

maybe in another universe i actually live life instead of surviving :)

[wounded-dragon]

You lie to me. I know it.

And I'd still drink the poison spilling from your lips.