wordsofbrokenstrings

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

When you have somebody, it means you have somebody to trust. And you trust them because you know that you could lean on them.

But when you find yourself having no one to lean on, even if you really want to, even if you really need.. yet there was none. You start wondering.. do you ever had them?

Do I really have somebody?

Or am I just really alone?

When I have somebody, it means I have somebody to trust. And I trust you because I know that I could lean on you.

But where are you?

Do I really have you?

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

Hi.

It’s been a long time..

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

To my once 'sleepyhead',

We started as a stranger, but I do hope we will not end as a stranger.

We've become friends then into almost lovers, but it failed.

So, I wanna say this to you...

Thank you for all of the memories we had shared in the past. Thank you for letting me feel what it feels to be loved and cared. Thank you for making me laugh when I'm down. Thank you for trying to understand me. Thank you for all of the gifts you gave to me. Thank you for spending time with me. Thank you for letting me know things about you. Thank you for all of the efforts you have done to me.

They are all appreciated and I'll be forever grateful for you. It means a lot.

-

I was nervous when I met your family for the first time at the chapel. They're so kind.

And for the second time, you finally introduce me to your mother after the baccalaureate mass. She's so kind.

We had a lunch together, the four of us. It's cute. They told us some reminders, and I understand what they're trying to say.

-

We are still young, but they've put a big trust on us. I really appreciate that.

I am really happy when I was with you, and especially when we're talking back then. It feels so great to be in love.

But, those memories are all in the past now.

We had to separate our ways, to grow and learn. We're not together anymore to achieve our dreams, but it's fine. We'll gonna do it with the right ones. :)

Let's move forward. I'll be happy for you, and also for your achievements.

This will be the last time. Be happy, okay?

I am finally letting you go.

Love, your 'once' happy pill

— anonymous for now

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

4 January, 2019

Taking a risk is like taking the path where you can only pass if you hold firm on a hanging loops of rope knowing that you might fall at any time.

And faith, means seeing yourself at the end of the tunnel but the truth is you're still a thousand of footsteps away.

And trust, dear, is taking the steps toward the dark with the possibility that in darkness, you might get harmed but still believing you'll reach the light.

And that is what I feel like, dear..

Hold on.

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

But depression isn't just a thing..

Just a thought of taking your own life away already means you are screaming.

"Can somebody help me please?"

But no one's there to help because you're stuck in the dark.

And only people who's also stuck there are the only ones who has the ability to hear you. They can offer a hand, but you're still stuck there, waiting for someone to remember you, notice you, at least appreciate you, because that simple show casting of charity can help.

But don't you know that you are capable to survive even if you feel like no one's there to save you?

You are almost there darling, survive..

Notice yourself.

Appreciate yourself.

Yes you, you can save yourself.

—Glorie Joy Solano

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

One day, I was curling on my bed carrying all the emotions I'm keeping all by myself.

If I could describe my emotions that day, it was black -- the absence of shade, I was numb.

I was staring at the wall, asking myself if when will I ever regret giving them the light they always want to see? When will I ever stop taking my own shades to satisfy they wants? Now, I'm dim.. yet I still want to squeeze myself to splash them a flavor of the color that was left in me.

And I thought it's improbable to answer my questions but yet my tears spoke, the bruises I tried to cover reopened, the pain I tried to hide, the feelings I caged inside.. they all answered what I always wanna shout but I can't speak it out.

I am tired.

I lost myself trying to fix things I should just left and never handed.

In filling them, I lacked on myself, and I broke.

In time, I will learn to fix my self.. maybe not today but it will come one day. One day when I could finally face my fears, I could roam around where I always want to be -- without you.

Glorie Joy Solano

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

I can't take extreme emotions anymore.. whether it's the rock bottom or heaven, there is something that keeps pulling me to stay still in the terrestrial. And I guess, that "something" pertains to a particular history. And when we say "history", we mean to say, something that happened from the past and must remain from the past that brings forth lessons for the present and future. It is the gravity that pulls, yet love can conquer everything so people still find themselves fall.. but in my case, love just ain't enough.

Glorie Joy Solano

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

“Ayaw ko na.”

Ayoko.

Ayoko na.

Ayoko nang sumulat.

Hindi na ako masaya, tila ba wala nang bagong ulat.

Paulit-ulit, hindi mamulat, hindi na rin mabasa ang kwadernong nakabuklat.

Nasaan ang aking sulat?

Bakit mo ako tinanggap?

Pagkatapos, ito, ramdam kong hindi ako kabilang sa inyo.

Ayoko nang sumulat.

Ayoko nang pigain ang aking mga sugat.

Hindi na ito nakalulunas ng aking mga pilat.

Masakit na ring pintahan ang aking balat.

Ayoko.

Ayoko na.

Ayoko nang sumulat.

Bakit mo ako tinanggap?

Bakit mo ako hinayaang mag-isang sumadsad?

Bakit tila ang bigat bigat?

Kaillangan..

Kailangan ko yata talaga ang pagsulat.

Hindi!

Ayoko.

Ayoko na.

Ayoko na.

Ayoko nang sumulat.

Ayoko nang sumulat.. nang tungkol sa’yo.

Huli na ‘to.

Huli na ‘to.

Huli na ‘to.

Ayoko nang sumulat nang tungkol sa’yo.

Hindi!

Mali!

Ayoko na.. sa’yo.

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

Ang katas dito sa maliit na butas Ng pagkakamali, Ng pagsisisi, Ng kawalan ng respeto sa sarili, ay tila.. dumarami.

Ang prutas nitong murang puno na hindi gaanong matayog ay maagang nahinog.

Nawalan ng tamis, o nawalan ng panlasa? Nawala ang dating hugis at kutis, o nawalan ng pandama?

Hindi ko mawari puro pasakalye o pasubali Hanggang sa nahulog, bago mabulok, bunga ng pagkakahinog, dala ng malakas na indayog.

At natuyo dulot ng matagal na pagkakahimlay sa mainit na lupa-- ang tangi noong karamay, tulad mo'y uhaw sa tamang pag-aaruga mula sa mga pumiling bumitaw.

Ikaw'y ginalaw, Ikaw'y nagpagalaw, Hinayaang mahawakan niya ang iyong buhay, Ngunit isa lamang pala siyang manlalakbay.. Katulad ng maraming estranghero, naging interesado sa'yo, sa kung anong meron ang katas mo, ngunit wala palang kakayahang sumalo, hinayaan kang lumagapak, kasing baba ng damo.

At ang ulan, nagbigay simpatya sapagkat kanyang nasaksihan ang pag-aagaw buhay na, sanhi upang ikaw'y tulungan, kaya kay haring araw siya'y nanawagan. Pinaunlakan ng masigabong katubigan, ang liwanag ay muling iyo'y nasilayan, malayo ngunit nagawa ka nilang hagkan, tanda ng pagiging tunay na kaibigan, Hindi hahayaan at hindi hinayaang ikaw'y mawala na lang.

Tinitimpla ang tamang lasa ng araw at tubig Lumalago, muling tumutubo bunga ng tamang pagbabalanse ng init at lamig, Namumulaklak nang muli, ngunit hindi tulad ng dati, ngayon'y matayog, maingat, at marunong nang pumili. Ay hindi--- hindi na muling pipili.

Hindi na muling pipili ng hindi marunong manatili.

Tumubo, Lumaki, Namulaklak, Namunga, Nahinog, Nahulog, Walang sumalo, Natuyo, Bumalik sa pagiging buto, Muling tumubo, Naging malago, Muling namulaklak, At hindi na muling sasadlak.

Oo, sa pagkakataong ito, hindi na uulitin ang dati kong proseso dahil hindi na muling mahuhulog sa hindi marunong sumalo.

— Glorie Joy Solano

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

“..sarili ko’y hahanapin ko lang.”

" ..sarili ko'y hahanapin ko lang."

Paulit-ulit ko itong pinag-iisipan,

Ano nga ba'ng gusto mong aking maintindihan?

Bakit tila ikaw'y nahihirapan?

Sinubukan kitang kausapin para ako'y malinawan,

Ngunit ilang beses mo akong tinalikuran.

Paulit-ulit mo akong iniwasan..

Tila ba ako'y iyong pinagtutulakan.

Paulit-ulit mo akong nasasaktan,

Ngunit tila ba’y wala ka nang pakialam.

Masaya ka na raw sa iba?

Pansin ko nga sa litrato, ngunit ayaw kong mangialam.

Siyam na buwan,

Wala tayong naging imikan.

Binati mo ako noong aking kaarawan,

Ngunit pinili kong hindi na muna magparamdam.

" ..sarili ko'y hahanapin ko lang."

Narinig ko na naman ang linyang 'yan.

Heto na naman ako, nagtatanga-tangahan..

Itinutulak palayo ang mga lalaking handa raw akong ipaglaban.

Wala akong pakialam.

Dalangin ko'y inyong maunawaan.

Kayo lang ay aking masasaktan.

Hindi pa ako buo, wala akong maramdaman.

Isang buwan pa lamang ang lumipas..

Malinaw pa sa aking ala-ala.. 

Bumalik ako sa lugar kung saan tayo mas nagkakilala,

Ngunit tadhana tila sa akin'y nangusap pa.

Bakit nga ba kailangang makita ka pa?

Nakasandal sa balikat ng iba.

Mahimbing ang tulog at tila humihilik pa,

Habang ang mga luha ko'y nagpupumiglas na.

Ito ba ang noon mo pa ibinubulong?

Kaya naman hindi tayo sumulong.

Pero hindi naman kasi ganoon kadali iyon.

Nanligaw ka tapos bigla ka na lang uurong?

Gano'n-gano'n na nga lang ba?

Iniwan mo akong mag-isa..

Ni hindi ka nagsabi na aalis ka,

At tila nahanap mo ang sarili sa iba.

Gano'n-gano'n na nga lang ba?

Iniwan mo akong mag-isa..

Kunwari ikaw'y nawawala pa,

Hahanapin kuno ang sarili, may iba na pala.

Ako ay naguguluhan..

Masyadong maingay ang katahimikan.

" ..sarili ko'y hahanapin ko lang."

Mananatili ito sa aking "palaisipan".

(June 2016)

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

It will always be this way.. Wounds will reopen, and heartaches will come back. Tears will fall down again, and I’ll be faking smiles.

I love you, lola.

Please.. hear me out. ♥

(July 22, 2016)

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

Regrets

My soul is looking back exactly today, six years ago..

Joy. Madness. Immaturity.. that suddenly turned to pain, and regrets.

..That suddenly removed the Joy from Glorie.

..That made her who she is right now; broken, incomplete.

Repeatedly breaking her into pieces..

..Made her feel everything, all painful things, at the same time.

Oh, please, let’s go back to that time.

Please, go back.. let’s celebrate your birthday once more.

I promise I’ll be good.

I promise I’ll be a better grand daughter.

I promise not to pick flowers anymore.

I promise I’ll obey all your rules.

I promise. Just please, go back.

If only.. If only we could turn back time and change things,

I would go back exactly today, 6 years ago..

Not to change His will, but to tell her I love her.    which I couldn’t even remember if I ever said it to her even just once.

(April 7, 2016)

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

Ilang taon na ang lumipas pero hindi ka pa rin sumusuko. Ilang beses na kitang tinulak palayo, sinaktan sa paggamit ng mga salitang tagos hanggang buto, pero bakit nand’yan ka pa? Nakatayo at tila mas tumitibay pa? Nasasaktan ako kapag sinasaktan kita. Pakiusap lang sumuko ka na.

(June 16, 2016)

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

I need a pillow to hug. I need a shoulder to cry on. I really need to scream this out, please, understand my situation. Would I choose church over education? it has been tough but I made a decision. Can’t figure out if this is wrong, but with my faith, I am holding on.

(May 22, 2016)

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

“Deep”

I can’t find the best words to explain what I am feeling. Blank space for my words of longing.

(April 7, 2016)

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

Everything is under His control. 😊

[wordsofbrokenstrings]

“If we trust Him, He will help us to notice good, bright, hopeful things in life.” 🙏