wonderelf1204

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everyone loves Predynastic Egyptian Terracotta Bowl with Human Feet. shout-out to a real one

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Series of “I’m Robin and being Robin gives me magic!”

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In the ultimate test of stealth (and a clear misuse of Bruce’s money) the Bat kids decided to see who can sneak up on the most thugs while they’re all wearing light up shoes. Specifically, the ones that light up whenever you take a step.

Oracle is the judge of this competition, and makes sure they all have equal chances to show off their skills.

Dick starts walking on his hands.

I feel like at some point in the night, Red Hood grapples down from above, Landing soft enough the lights don’t set off. His shadow extends down the ally, his frame backlit by the street lights on the road beyond. The muggers can really only see a shadow and like fools they go “get out of here if you don’t want to join him.”

Hood laughs, stomps his foot, and watches the crooks begin to panic as the dim light of the shoes reflects off the blood red of his helmet.

Tim is weirdly light footed, as is Damian. After a bit of practice, the two of them figured out how to walk and balance their weight in a way that won’t set the lights off. Dick and Jason think they’re cheating, but when the brothers test the younger two’s shoes, they’re operating perfectly.

Cass is Cass.

Steph is just there for a fun time.

Duke works in the daylight. Since he wants to participate, Tim rigs a pair of shoes to sing “here comes the sun,” Instead of light up.

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tim drake pulls home alone style pranks on ra's al ghul in his spare time send post

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trying to get used to drawing this goober again

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people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

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Okay. New thought. Hear me out.

Jason with motorcycle.

Jason, motorcycle AND 'white girl' music.

A little like this:

Goon 1: Hurry up guys! We don' want boss waitn' to long!

Goon 5: Uh.. hey lads? What's that music? I ain't never hear California gurls playin' down h're.

Goon 1: ...

The sound of a motorcycles engine becomes louder, as well as the very noticable and very known lyrics of California gurls as well as a distinct voice singing it.

Goon 2: SHIT SHIT DUCK DOWN

All of the goon scramble to duck down and hide.

Goon 5: What? What is it? The goon whispers

As the sound becomes louder and louder, the engine of the motorcycle pauses for a while but soon continues on. The goons all let out a heavy breath, that was a close one.

Goon 6: Oh thank the Lord. I thought he found us for a second..

Jason standing like right behind them whispers into one of the goons ears: California girls-

And that's why if you hear California gurls playing in Gotham, you should run because it's the Red hood.

Now. You must be wondering, if Jason is with the goons.. where is the motorcycle? Well let's just say Tim had a fun time scaring the shit out of people.

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every time Jason is low on cash he pretends to be ready to make up with the family to lure Bruce out to a public restaurant for a 'reconciling meal' and the proceeds to intercept him as Red Hood in public just as he's about to enter the restaurant to pull a gun and demand his wallet. He then runs away with the money and stands Bruce up for lunch anyway. Bruce, just wanting to speak to his son, agrees to meet six times before he clocks the scam. Even then, he still agrees, tiredly, because at least this means Jason will text him every now and then.

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how the fam find out Jason's still alive

Dick, looking through old photo books: aw, it's such a shame Talia didn't tell B about you until recently Dami, I'd have loved to see photos of you as a baby

Damian: ? I can get baby photos if that is required in this family

Dick: what, how? Talia doesn't seem like the baby-book kind of woman, no offense.

Damian: She was not, however after my brother was brought out of the Lazarus pit he was given a few old cameras in an attempt to make his mind focus on something not harmful to himself and settle down. He took a lot of photos of our family during his training.

Dick:

Bruce:

Both, simultaneously: your what now?

-later-

Damian, walking into the room with an old box: Alright so I broke into his current safe house while he was working and took one of the boxes. I believe these should suffice for your 'baby books'

Bruce: hold on you broke into his- your brother lives in Gotham??? there's a trained league assassin working in this city and you didn't tell me? Damian we need to talk about your habit of withholding important infor-

Dick: Bruce.....

Bruce: -mation. what?

Dick: look at the.... photo...

Bruce, leaning over to see a photo of Jason Todd holding baby Damian up at the head of a meeting table like in the lion king, red smear on his forehead, while Ra's Al Ghul stares at them both from his seat looking Tired Of Jason's Shit™:

Damian, peering at the photo: yes, Todd got quite good with the timers on those cameras, he took many a photo holding me like that. I believe it was a special campaign designed to get on grandfather's nerves enough that he'd agree to watch the movie with us.

Bruce:

Dick:

*screaming*

bonus:

Tim: you know some of these photos are actually really good, like the angles and tones you used

Jason: you steal Robin, I steal photography.

Tim:

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silly little headcanon that, as Robin, each of the Batboys were trained to go limp when being lifted from areas of danger, sort of like how kittens go limp when mother cats grab the scruff of their neck. it just makes so it’s easier for Batman to grab the little Robin from a particularly dangerous area.

i imagine that, even after his Robin days, Nightwing still has going limp trained into him. one time, when he and Starfire were in a particularly dangerous battle and cornered by a cliff edge, Starfire grabs hold of him and he just limp. Starfire assumes something has happened to him and panics, but finds that Nightwing is fine. he’s a bit embarrassed, seeing that he still has his Robin training instilled deeply within him somewhere.

but where it gets even funnier is with Jason. as Robin, it’s always a little cute to see Batman grab him by the scruff of his neck and to see the small child go limp and get carried off into safety. but when Batman and Red Hood get into disagreements during the rare missions that they do come together to take down a common threat, seeing a grown, 6’0” man going limp and then realizing he did so is miraculously laughable. Tim doesn’t let him forget about his Robin habits only to get grabbed and go limp as well.

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Dick is kind of a big brother who knows what effect he has on his siblings's friends, and he never misses an opportunity to make himself look even cooler in their eyes. But Jason? Oh, Jason has no idea that people even consider him pretty and interesting.

It pisses his siblings even more.

Jason, on his bike, with the most insane face card: Hey, Replacement, hop on. We have work to do.

Kon, twirling his hair: Is your brother, like... free?

Bernard: Yeah, on Friday

Tim, with his eye twitching: I will kill you.

Jason, absolutely unaware of what is going on: ??? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO

***

Jon, waving enthusiastically at Jason, who passes by kitchen: Jason is so cool!

Damian: ...

Jon: And kind!

Damian: Calling Todd kind is definitely a choice.

Jon: But he read me a bedtime story the last time I was staying here 😕

Damian, frowning: ...

(Damian, later that day: Why did you read bedtime story to Jon and not me.)

***

Jason: Why Tim's and Damian's friends keep fucking glaring at me? Or stumble when I am around? What tf am I doing wrong?

Dick, trying to hide his laughter: Eh, no idea

Bruce, absentmindedly: I, actually, have the same problem when I am around other people

Alfred, amused: No DNA test required, that's for sure

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*in a group chat* Tim: lol im dying send help Dick: oof same Steph: me af Duke: rip, what's up man? Damian: Good. Tim: no like im legit dying Tim: some guy stabbed me in a mcdonald's parking lot Tim: the lol is habit Tim: *sends a blurry picture of himself dabbing in the ambulance*

6 people are typing...

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Spectral Trader

DP x DC Prompt

The Justice League has heard rumors of a Trader that sails the seas on a luxurious boat that trades anything and everything.

The Justice League is at their wits end with an artifact they don't understand. Even JLD couldn't help them with the artifact they found, so, with Batmans help, some League members are aboard the Spectral Star and waiting for Trader.

"Brucie! So good to see you! Tell me, is this a regular visit? Or is the Bat needing aid?"

The sudden voice from behind them all caused all, but Bruce, to instantly get into defensive stances. It wasn't until Bruce had hugged the man that managed to sneak up on them that they lowered their guards.

The League had a great time on the cruise ship. The food was delicious, and there wasn't any bad weather to ruin the experience. They were assured that their identities wouldn't be revealed when they questioned Bruce on why the Trader knew he was Batman, and they all got a slip of paper with an intricate summoning sigil on it.

When the League returns to the Watchtower is when things get a bit out of hand, one of the League members on the trip was still examining the sigil they got from the Trader, and Constantine was nearby and seen the sigil.

"Mate, I don't know where you got that, but that is the personal summoning sigil of the Ghost King of the Infinite Realms"

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baby both arms cradle you now

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Sensitive Jason™

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Filling the Nest

Damian (16) assumes his father is getting empty nest syndrome or something similar with him growing up because Bruce has recently been talking fondly about past years when all of them were much younger. He even heard Bruce tell Alfred that he’s gonna miss having a kid around the house.

Damian figures that it’s only a matter of time before his father is bringing another child into the family, and decides that if he is going to get another sibling it might as well be one that he approves of. He’d hate to end up with another one like Drake after all. 

He’s on the hunt now for the perfect younger sibling. Damian won’t say it, but he’s also excited to no longer be the baby of the family. As well as be the favorite older brother, which he will make sure he is by teaching them everything he knows. This new kid is most likely going to be his successor; his robin one day. Bruce is getting older ultimately, the years of crime fighting were starting to take its toll the older he got, and he promised to discuss the details of passing the mantle of Batman when Damian was 23 years old. 

All of this to say is when Robin is on a solo patrol he finds a de-aged 6yr old Danny Fenton defending an older woman from getting mugged, and despite his small size manages to scare the mugger away. He makes a note of the assailant's appearance for later; right now he has something more important to take care of. 

When the child turns to the woman Damian finally gets a good look at the young boy, and sees that he has both black hair and blue eyes; he’s perfect! “This is my younger brother,” he immediately thinks to himself before jumping down next to the boy and woman. 

It only takes a bit of convincing, but he manages to persuade his new brother Daniel, or Danny as he insisted, to accompany him escorting the older woman home before getting a bite to eat with him at the nearest Batburger. The only thing he needs to figure out now is how he is going to get Daniel back to the manor. 

Meanwhile Danny, who was dropped in this dimension by clockwork a week ago with his last words being to enjoy this new life and vacation away from ghost king duties, is wondering what he should do about this vigilante that doesn’t seem to want to leave him alone.