wond3rstrucks

[wond3rstrucks]

loml (loss of my life) — g.w.

paring: george weasley x gn!reader

genre: angst :/

warning(s): no use of y/n! fred dies in this sorry…grief stricken george, canon violence, george with no ear, typical mourning stuff

summary: george lost himself when he lost fred and it cost him to lose you too.

wc: 1190 words :p

you still remember the smell of the wet grass and clouds when he kissed you for the first time after a particularly grueling match in your fifth year. large hands wrapped around your waist while yours grasped onto his wet shoulders from the rain soaking through his quidditch uniform. the sparkle in his eye was more beautiful than anything you had ever seen in your life. the boy you’d had a crush on since you practically met him, your best friend, was now standing here kissing you. everything felt as if it had fell into place in that moment. that walk up to the common room had been the shortest and most joyous walk you both had ever taken in your life. hand in hand, cheeks flushed, you knew it was everything to both of you. you still remember the way he held you close that entire night next to the common room fire, drowning out the cheers of your friends in each other’s presence. in that moment, nothing else mattered except the boy holding you on the red seat placed next to the fireplace. soaking in the new feeling of having each other, you both silently swore to always be together.

you remember spending your second christmas with george at the burrow in his bed that morning, room filled with love and the mixed smell of cinnamon and charcoal. you knew the love you had for each other was something special when molly had told you in secret as you were placing the desserts on the table that george hadn’t been able to stop giggling about you for days before your arrival at the burrow and had tried on twelve different outfits before deciding upon a grey knit sweater with dark red pants ten minutes before you arrived because he was just so nervous to see you. that night, you snuck into his room and told him you never wanted to ever be without him.

both of you sat above the store him and fred had opened together after leaving hogwarts. in the sanctuary of the small apartment upstairs, he prodded with curious questions as he put the bottle of amortentia under your nose to ‘make sure it really worked and was ready for customers’ as he had told you. you were sure he just wanted to know what you smelled; you were sure he just wanted to know that it was him. with the bottle under your nose, all you could smell was wet grass, pastries, and ash. you told him that you didn’t need a love potion to know, you knew from that day on the quidditch pitch in your fifth year. you knew that it was and would always be him.

when lupin carried him into the burrow, your heart dropped. the blood was everywhere. you’re pretty sure you stopped breathing as you watched him, willing him to let out any sort of indication that he would be okay. of course in true twin and jokester fashion, it wasn’t until fred entered the room that you knew he would be okay. that night, you slept on the floor by his side, not caring about anything else in the world than the knowledge that he would be okay. you swore to yourself that you would do anything for him that night.

you didn’t think he could be alone after fred passed. the first night after the battle, neither of you slept. you held him in your arms and he stained your silk top with grief. this became the routine for a week and you held onto him tighter than you had ever had before—with a strength and a mourning you had gathered from the withering and violence of the war. after the sixth night, something had changed from the sadness. you noticed he lost the love in his eyes and he had a chill around him. any time you tried to come close to comfort him, he pushed you away and told you he wanted to be alone. on the ninth day, he yelled at you and told you to leave. it was a stupid idea to leave him alone—you knew it. but you didn’t want to argue, you didn’t want to assume how he wanted to deal with his grief. so, you left. with that, you knew your relationship was shattering before your eyes.

you woke up that day and everything felt different. the light that came in your room seemed a little bit darker than the normal golden hue that would shine through the silver curtains. as soon as you heard a knock on the door, you knew it was george. when he came to you that day to end it, you noticed the way his eyes never met yours. you noticed the way his voice cracked when he first said your name when you opened the door. but he was gone as soon as he was there. all it took was four words, and it was done. you didn’t even know what to say in response. all you could do was feel every single part of you shatter and fall. you thought ‘maybe he just needs some time without me’ and hopefully, he would appear on your doorstep one day.

that day never came and now here he is in diagon alley—with his wife and two kids. it was the hair that caught your eye first. seeing the bright red hair you knew all too well on a little boy you hadn’t seen before. running around the store chasing a little girl with features reminiscent of an old chaser you once knew. you heard their mother call for them before you saw her. it all rushed back as soon as you realized who was present in that store. deep down, you still loved him and that made you hate him. it’s unfair and you knew it. he lost his twin brother that day and in turn, lost himself. but how could you forgive him for robbing you of the future you had planned together? how could you forget him stealing the life that you wanted and now haunts you in this store? your eyes welled up at the thought and you turned your head, meeting his gaze on accident. he didn’t look as how you remembered him. the laughter and joy gone from his face, the sparkle and wonder hidden in his eyes. he was a man unrecognizable—definitely not the boy on the quidditch pitch you once knew, or the man you were convinced was your life’s purpose. you knew you haunted him as much as he haunted you from the way his eyes sank down in sadness upon seeing you. all that could’ve been shared was said in your stare down. it was you who looked away first, you couldn’t handle the sight of this unknown stranger. you walked out the store and walked away from the past you had. you knew that may as well be the last time you should ever see george, but you knew he was not the man you once dearly loved and he would never be again.