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[women-writings]

Warnings: mentions of death, panic attacks, hospitals

Wandaxreader, natashaxdaughter!reader

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I screamed.

I screamed so loud I swear I could feel my vocal cords ripping apart in my throat

My voice turning soar as a Demond crawled from my body through a wretched sound

A scream so loud I could hear my glass heart shatter

A scream field by so many years of pain and loss until I finally snapped

I could fall to the ground and die right now and it wouldn’t matter

There is so much rage I couldn’t dig my nails deep enough into my palm

So much fear I couldn’t clench my teddys and harder

So very much loss and grief I cannot find the feeling of myself in the black hole within my body

I had lost her the last important person in my life

The only person who was there for me that I will always unconditionally love

My mother the woman who raised me and loved me no matter what happen

The woman who cleaned my scars

Kisses my bruises and held my hand

I can’t describe how the loss of her feel all I can do is scream

“KILL ME! KILL ME PLEASE I HAVE NOTHING I CANT FEEL!”

I feel everything and nothing and I would slam my head through a glass mirror and rip my skin off starting at my toes all the way up to my eyes

My heart. I would grab it and dig my nails into it until it exploded and stoped beating a bloody bath being left behind

Before I would feel this again

Oh my god the misery my mom

My greatest love in this lifetime

Gone forever

My knees slam against the ground a loud crack

My ears ringing vision blurring in and out

Oh god if only this could be the end

Please god take me under the earth bury me beneath the grass and dirt and all the flowers that have bloomed beside my mothers grave we didn’t have her body to bury in

If god is real he will have mercy and just kill me

And if god wasn’t merciful even the devil himself I would ask to take me

Anywhere but here kill me end it all oh god please

Not my mother not her anyone but her

My chest tightens and I can’t seem to take a breath in I feel hands on me but there hot and burn like fire

I can’t see all I can feel is escrucciating burning all over me

Lights bluring into starts

I’m not sure if the sounds I’m making are screams, sobs or if I’m being completely silent

But the last thing I feel is smoothing warm go down my face my vision turning red as it all goes black silence engulfing me

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“We need an oxygen mast now!”

Silent ringing and loud beeping is all I can hear

I feel a cloud over my head

My soul lifting from my body as my heart clings on trying to not let my soul leave my body

A voice whispers in my ear

“My love please…. Hang on please”

My mothers voice.

But she’s gone I’m- gone? Arnt I

This is it this is the end

God has had mercy on my soul and ended my misery I can be with my mom

“Baby! Please no it’s not your time please”

My mothers sob is muffled and I feel warm heat spread across my body followed by a cold chill

Oh god I’m so cold

I hear a long beep and feel myself sigh of relief. It's done. I'm gone, it's over this grief, this pain!

“Detka please I love you so much! Please don’t do this open your eyes please!”

I feel a huge wave of air like the strongest wind of a hurricane and my lungs burn as I gasp a breath

My eyes open…

A hospital room is around me three doctors standing beside me looking like they just fought in a war of life and death

I blink a couple times looking around the room a pounding pain in my head when arms wrap around me

They're familiar it’s Wanda.

I sob turning into her chest “she spoke to me mama she talked to me!”

I feel my hair being soothed and Wanda quieting me

“Shh take a breath… rest please” she kisses the side of my head and I feel her lips wobble

I grab her hand as tightly as I can her being the only thing connecting me to my lifeline

I feel my chest rise and fall with my breaths and close my eyes my eyelids being to heavy to hold open sleep engulfing me

Today is not my day…