woesofawitheringwish - Tumblr blog

[woesofawitheringwish]

Fallin 'n Love

I'm falling. For someone. I don't know. If it is love.

Oh God. There's this new guy, looks all crazy and hot. To everyone except me, that is. Yet I fell feel-as-if-he's-like-me-and-I-like-him. But it's not and I don't.

He's a worm in my brain. Keeps making havoc with the files and projects and what not. And no one calls him for that, cause he managed to corrupt everyone. Sounds like a crime I wanna solve, but I don't wanna bother. Cus I'm tired y'know? Everytime I get close to him or lock eyes with him (which is unintentional and accidental for me, but maybe not him...? ) I feel confused, which only god knows why (Or maybe he does. Shut up.)

Don't know what's gonna happen. Feels like a storm's brewing. But bye for now. I need to brew my tea first.

[woesofawitheringwish]

Pain

Mote often than not, we find people and phones with lectures of optimism, positivity, life, eternity..... What not. But when even the creators face some testing situations, as they too are humans, there's hardly any comfort visible.

At the moment of this creation, I'm in a dark room, at my cousin's house. All my family members and friends are in the lawn, and I'm feeling, how far it is from here, yet so close to heart, but too far from hands.

It pains me, to be in such a dilemma of emotions. When I look at the each of them, I can remember all of their life stories, each of I hv faced, and failed. There's hardly any difference. But I feel like gawping fish, out of water. In the fire. Of hell.

Looks like it really does exist, and not just for me. Cus the moment I name it here, I can hear it from the lawn. They're no bees of a comb, after all. Yesterday night, I was too anxious about this to sleep. It's been a very long time since I hv spoken to any of them. Now I'm isolated. Alone. Lonely. Well, it does feel quite a bit too much. And frankly, it's been quite usual for me.

[woesofawitheringwish]

Restart

The first two Paras are history, if u want to ignore.

Every time I have a project, I try to tell to myself... It's gonna be better, don't heck yourself... Everyone's gonna be good and everything fine..... But the very next thing I know is, that if it were ever possible, then it would be #In your dreams. Well, there was this one project which raised up my mood, so that I could come back here. Legally, I hv a family, a lifestyle, quite some good commitments 'n all that. And according to basic definition of family, they're (these people) are supposed to be supportive, encouraging, etc etc. But I just heard my dad roasting my cousin........ And I was all but fire, even if I couldn't show it then.

Her deeds are of no count to me, but the way my dad judges.... makes her sound like an infinity, but me as a zero. And the worst of all, I don't have much optimism left in me, after these many years. I spent my lockdown away, got therapy, changed myself, oh my god what not. But yet, here I am, in my world of misery, takin' everything in with no outlets. I'm starting to remember my childhood, when all I got was glares (from others) and gashes (from myself). Soon, I feel the storm of my past, people in our memories are gonna repeat themself. Literally, I praying to hell not for it to happen. As I think of all this, I sparked up some these quotes... From here n there n everywhere. Hope it reaches some other people also.... And finds light to my own life too...........

-> Sometimes, we are like glass. Charming but cursed. No matter how transparent we are, people still want to break us.

-> Or we might even be honey. What kind of friends we have, depends on where are. That is, we can get enough bees in the woods, and quite a number of flies in stale dirt.

-> I am, a manipulative mirror. You see what you want, and can hide from anyone but me.

...........so on.

I'd now like to share some of my notes from the last/recent therapy. That I'm an autistic neurodiverse person. And that although I hv good survival techniques and coping mechanisms, I need better and optimistic mindset. So that's for the day. Hope to see next time. Ta ta for now......

[woesofawitheringwish]

[woesofawitheringwish]

Being A Tamed Beast

Intro: Hulla! Long time no see, guys n girls. I know, u must hv thought me dead, and I quite was (no surprises there, my family is quite a task.) But anyways, I did make a not-so-quite-herioc release, but a dramatic escape from the domesticity, to get back to you guys. <3<3<3. I'm not a homeless tramp yet, but after knowing what happened, you might as well think I am....

Story: In these days of desperation, partial, stupid, embarrassing amnesia is quite common for me. May it be the phone which I forget at key stand, or  straps on the footwear which I'd be wearing. Even the difference between empty and filled snack bowls, which I find after very long moments of senseless scrambling. Yet, there are things which I can't forget, until and unless I die. You might say I'm exaggerating, but it's just my mere exasperation.What I mean to say is, the horrors of my lifetime. It's my sister. She's come to stay for a week and god save me from her when she's a r*ddy bl**dy screaming banshee. Don't pity her instead of me, because she doesn't hv any grave nightmares, but she's surely gonna give me some. And every I time I come home, I keep forgetting her age. Not my fault, 'cause she keeps blasting others' frustration  at me through t*ttering tantrums, for god's sake. One would think the world is all about girls day out and flirting websites and fashion. My dear readers, if u hv any such brat around you, I wish you god's peace, 'cause the only thing which I'd like to hear for myself right now, is "Rest in peace". Anyways. Now that *my frustration* is out, I guess I can talk about other things as well. So firstly, thnx to cheese for her review, 'cause I was really starting to think that my network had been flooded in the rains, like my heart or something. You see, my last post had been about my bug of a buddies and after reading it, my colleague asked me if I was thinking of moving along, u know what I said? Nothing. Cause I really ain't got any interest, nor time, or need to sort my thoughts. Not that it's causing any ruckus to anyone, unlike my sister. By the way, I discovered another new reason to continue my blog. It's not just that I need this writing space 'cause of lack of better writing space, but it's I'm expecting a community for myself, I guess. So shout out to all living beings out there, please look at me! (Cute puppy eyes) (Deer in headlights) Bye bye! Hv a nice day! Luv u all, buddies!