wizardpartier

[wizardpartier]

[wizardpartier]

"Making a better burger is literally so simple, I don't know why McDonald's doesn't do it this way. First we're going to begin by craft dry-aging this A5 wagyu beef with the sho-shu-ryuba technique that I learned at a restaurant you're only allowed to work at if your parents are bluelinked on wikipedia..."

[wizardpartier]

actually bizarre how many people on here struggle to understand the basic concept of "if you take it upon yourself to dig through somebody's private activity/likes to build a profile of their sexual desires which you then publicize to others and use to encourage harassment & social exclusion of that person, you are the sexual aggressor in this scenario"

[wizardpartier]

[wizardpartier]

i don't respect americans and what they refer to as chicken sandwiches because when i was working at my old job as a barista slash sandwich bitch (australian) i had this american tourist come in and order a chicken sandwich so i started MAKING. her. a chicken sandwich. asked her what kind of bread she wanted and she looked at me funny. i said We have sourdough, rye, multigrain, wholemeal, plain white bread. she said I Want A Chicken Sandwich. i, roughly 19 years old at the time and not getting paid enough to deal with rude americans, realised we were at some sort of stalemate, although i didn't really know why. i change tacks for a second and say Okay. Well would you like chicken schnitzel or would you like plain roast chicken. and she says. Are You Listening To Me? I Said I Wanted A Chicken Sandwich. i am smiling at her from behind the counter and gripping a large knife. "i'm trying to make one for you, i promise. i just need to know what kind of bread and what kind of chicken and also what other fillings you want". or at least i say something LIKE that. secretly at this point i'm hoping that she outright yells at me so i can have an excuse to go stand in the walk in freezer for a few minutes. eventually we figure out that her idea of a chicken sandwich and my idea of a chicken sandwich are not the same, and i have to explain to her that we don't have burger buns here and we also don't have fried chicken. she says fine, but she says it in a tone that indicates that she cannot believe this is happening to her and that it is, singularly, my fault. i give her a bunch of options for food we DO sell and she ends up ordering something With Ketchup. i smile at her and i say "oh you mean Tomato Sauce". i was antagonizing her just a little bit at this point. a tiny bit. because she deserved it. she looks me in the face and says, Americanly (smugly) something about my attitude and how she won't be tipping. i gleefully tell her "we don't have tipping here." and then i secretly charged her two extra dollars for being an awful person. and that's my story about americans and chicken sandwiches. okay love you.

[wizardpartier]

"kung pow penis," a phrase commonly used in reblogs to indicate utter disdain for OP, has twelve letters, each of which (traditionally) must be supplied by a different user. the unanimity of disdain indicated by these twelve unrelated users has strong parallels to the requirement of unanimity for a jury—also traditionally of twelve—to arrive at a verdict. in this essay i will

[wizardpartier]

people in the notes of that porn addiction post like "i've had men jerk off to porn when i was right here being sexually available" and beyond the idea that not wanting to have sex is some sort of pathology (bad), like... do you really not understand the difference between sex and masturbation?

sex is a social action, doing it means you are taking the needs, desires, and wellbeing of the person you're fucking into account. it takes a certain amount of mental energy and a certain mood to do that? pulling up xhamster and cranking it is like, using similar body parts, but its a completely different task.

if you're with a guy and you're expecting sex with him to be basically him masturbating with your body, well... that's something that needs to be specified and negotiated ahead of time, not the default assumption for sex.

[wizardpartier]

[wizardpartier]

So at what point did people forget that "transvestigating" refers to "conspiracy theorists measuring celebrities' nose bridges and waist-to-hip ratios with digital calipers to 'prove' that every single person in the public eye is secretly transgender and was 'inverted' by the J- sorry um. by The Global Elites" and not "a trans person finds an internet comic relatable"

[wizardpartier]

[wizardpartier]

you aren’t too old to transition btw

[wizardpartier]

finding enough plastic in human brains to make a spoon is certainly a shocking headline but I just don't have it in me to be shocked anymore. not only can I see the evidence of spoon brain all around me I can literally feel it in myself

[wizardpartier]

me researching french so I can write my harrykim fanfiction accurately

[wizardpartier]

People were saying this meme is griddleanthehark or whatever the ship name is, so I KNEW I had to draw it too (OG under cut)

[wizardpartier]

Yeah sorry I actually can't listen to Billie Eilish or Taylor Swift. Yeah no I have audio processing issues so I can't understand it when white women sing pop music. Their accents are just so hard to understand, you know? I can't handle the sound of vocal frying, either. Hurts my ears. It's actually super ableist that you expect me to listen to them :/

[wizardpartier]

cant have sex with my IOS wife because my dick doesn't fit her portussy so now i have to go to the shitfuck apple store and buy the like 200 dollar strapple

[wizardpartier]

technically you are white in your comics /j :D