withywindle-valley

[withywindle-valley]

in fucking Tears thinking about how disgusting a baby griffin would look

[withywindle-valley]

[withywindle-valley]

[withywindle-valley]

i break into the hippie shop. i eat all of the crystals. the police show up. i instantly smite them with my newfound spiritual power. i ascend to a higher plane of existence.

[withywindle-valley]

went to an art exhibition and the artist was drawing a self-portrait dressed up as a dog and i wish this was my job so fucking bad

[withywindle-valley]

[withywindle-valley]

[withywindle-valley]

“Do not make me let you down.”

[withywindle-valley]

santa deniers on science-mas eve hearing charles darwin evolving down the chimney

[withywindle-valley]

here's a random word generator--whatever word it gives you is now the thing you are the deity of

[withywindle-valley]

I'm sorry sir but no a "shrimp" did not in fact fry this rice. you're lumping crustaceans together in a very unhelpful and bigoted manner. our chef is a giant freshwater crayfish.

[withywindle-valley]

Nature really went off with sperm whales. A 70-ton predator with teeth the size of a banana but it only eats squishy prey that it doesn’t even chew, it just schlorps them down whole like a vacuum cleaner. Big giant fat head full of goop. Tiniest fins in the world. Strong enough to smash a ship to pieces and smart enough to figure out how to do so but its first line of defense is just to shit everywhere. Possibly the most complex language in the animal kingdom and it creates sounds by blowing air through its internal right nostril (it uses the left one to breathe) into its giant fat head. It’s the loudest animal on the planet and might have the capability to create a beam of sound so loud it can shake your organs apart but they don’t seem to use that to hunt or fight. They’re highly flammable. We used them to make candles.

[withywindle-valley]

it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here

[withywindle-valley]

[withywindle-valley]

What if water didn't have surface tension and whenever you spilled some, the whole floor of your entire apartment was covered in a 2 micrometer deep puddle

[withywindle-valley]

people will say "why cant the eldritch gods just be nice to humans :((" and then kill a bug for existing near them

[withywindle-valley]

what’s happening with santa